when to do dishes...a newlywed dilemma

Opinions please...

when to do dishes...a newlywed dilemma

my family is the opposite. I was brought up that you do the dishes after finishing the meal. My mother even cleans up between each course. His mother does not clean until everyone is gone.
It drives my husband crazy that we start cleaning when everyone is trying to relax after eating.
I dont think you can change what your mother in law does (god knows I have tried to change mine)

when to do dishes...a newlywed dilemma

I was also brought up that you do the dishes right after eating. And my sister is like your MIL, she will be washing your dish as you are finishing the last bite of food that was on it ! Where I am the type that would like to relax and chat. I still cant see getting the dishes done AFTER everyone leaves, especially at my moms house (No dishwasher) the kitchen would be impossible to get into with everyones dishes and pots and pans all over the place. We havent had any major dinners at our house yet, (still furnishing!) but at my mothers, the trend has been that all the ladies fight over who washes the dishes (I really never put up a big fight, i hate washing dishes, lol) but of course i would be the one drying and putting away, while one washes the stove, table, puts things in tupperware, etc. Of course my sis, my mom and I have gotten to the point of grabbing them and making them sit, but they get right up and help out. Everyone thats over when we do this is SIL, BIL, and close friends so sometimes that 'rude' barrier is out the window. (or maybe its just my family !)
At my brothers MIL's house, we usually throw everything into the dishwasher and it runs while we have dessert i think. On the days that its no major occasion she uses paper/plastic plates, paper,etc and she has much less to wash at the end. But she is the type that doesnt want anyone to be cleaning at HER house.

I guess theres no right and wrong. Just dont have family feuds over it :) Come to an agreement w your hubby about 'from now on' so that neither of you is upset when you have guests. Make the point that the kitchen would be a mess if you left everything around, and theres nothing worse than washing dishes with dried up sauce on them :)

when to do dishes...a newlywed dilemma

Thank you ladies for your replies. I know it's not a big deal...quite a trivial point that we all share! I'm glad I'm not the only one 'suffering' :-)

when to do dishes...a newlywed dilemma

I guess I'm just lazy, but it wouldn't bother me if my MIL started doing the dishes. Maybe if she sees you not jumping in with her she will start to back down. To me, it's just one less thing to do!!!! Maybe she feels she has to do it since you cooked, etc. Let her do what she wants in the kitchen as long as she doesn't interfere with your marriage or life decisions. For me, I'm more worried about that happening then anything else!
You can email me if you want.. fnrldrectr@aol