Re: bachelor party???

i guess you just have to trust your FH, my FH told me he doesn't want to do any of the stuff and all the GM know that he doesn't, so hopefully it'll be the single best man and GMs getting nasty if they want to.

Re: bachelor party???

OKAY, THIS IS A BIG ISSUE FOR ME AND I ACTUALLY KNOW A LOT ABOUT THIS SUBJECT BECAUSE I STUDIED IT AS PART OF A HUMAN BEHAVIOR PROJECT I DID IN COLLEGE.
I THINK THAT MOST WOMEN DON'T LIKE ADMITTING THAT THOSE TYPES OF PARTIES BOTHER THEM BECAUSE THEY DON'T WANT TO SEEM INSECURE (AND THEY DON'T WANT TO GET TEASED FOR BEING CONTROLLING).
I DON'T THINK IT HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH THAT. INFACT, I DON'T THINK IT HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE WOMAN AT ALL.
I THINK IT IS THE MAN AND MORESO, THE BEHAVIOR ITSELF AND THE ACT ITSELF THAT IS COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE. TO DO BE DOING WHATEVER IT IS THEY DO (AND MORE OFTEN THAN NOT IT IS MORE THAN JUST LOOKING) IS NOT RIGHT.
A LOT OF WOMEN SAY, IF YOU REALLY LOVE YOUR FH AND HE LOVES YOU- YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO WORRY. WELL, IF HE REALLY LOVES YOU HE SHOULDN'T EVEN BE CONSIDERING HAVING THAT TYPE OF PARTY.
THE ONLY REASON THIS 'TRADITION' CAME ABOUT WAS BECAUSE IN THE 16TH CENTURY, WHEN IT WAS FORMED, IT WAS CREATED BECAUSE MARRIAGES WERE ARRANGED AND MEN NEEDED TO GET OUT OF THEIR SYSTEM WHATEVER IT IS THEY NEEDED TO GET OUT BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T CARE ABOUT, LOVE, OR EVEN KNOW THE BRIDE BEFORE THE WEDDING DAY... MOST OF THEM NEVER EVEN MET BEFORE THAT DAY. SO, IN THAT CASE, I CAN UNDERSTAND WHERE THE TRADITION CAME FROM BUT FOR IT TO STILL BE IN USE TODAY IS REALLY JUST PLAIN BARBARIC.
IF YOU ARE PLANNING ON BEING WITH ONE PERSON FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE THEN DO JUST THAT. YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE UPSET. YOU SHOULD SEE WHAT GOES ON AT MOST OF THESE PARTIES, IT IS DEFINITELY BORDERLINE INFIDELITY.
I WOULD SPEAK TO YOUR FH ABOUT IT AND THE PAST, WHEN YOU GOT CHEATED ON, IS IRRELEVANT. THE ACT ITSELF IS WRONG. AND IF THAT DOES NOT MATCH SOME PEOPLE'S OPINION THEN THAT'S OKAY BECAUSE NO ONE CAN TELL YOU THAT HOW YOU FEEL IS WRONG. IF YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE THEN HE SHOULD NOT DO IT. GOOD LUCK TO YOU. NEVER BE AFRAID TO SAY HOW YOU FEEL, IF SOMETHING BUGS YOU, THEN YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO FEEL THAT WAY AND DON'T CARE WHAT ANYONE ELSE SAYS. TAKE CARE!!

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This was something that I made perfectly clear while we were just friends (Before we became boyfriend/girlfriend) I HATE the idea of bachelor parties. I HATE it. Just for clarification purposes, let me just say one more time,'I HATE BACHELOR PARTIES!!!!'
I don't have any past negative experiences w/them, I've never gotten cheated on by my guy that went to a B-Party, but I just think it's pointless for people who don't normally go & get lap dances to go a few nights before their wedding. Why do it? Most guys at B-Parties end up getting sloppy drunk & do things they normally wouldn't do.

My FH & I don't go out separately & look at naked people now. Why would we do it right before the wedding?


That being said....If you & your man are cool w/the idea, then hey, more power to ya! Go for yours! But, if one of the people in the relationship is uncomfortable w/the idea, then the other needs to be respectful.

Re: bachelor party???

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Posted by ellebelle1

LOL, I've got all the analogies. Put it this way, this topic bothered me long before I got engaged.

Before I met FH, he went to a Montral bachelor party. They saw private lesbian shows, full nudity, the groom got lap dances. And, one guy even hired a prositiute who went to their room. My FH did nothing, but one guy who had been with someone for 7 years got a BJ. Um, let's not even put ourselves in that situation... Thankfully, the next two parties, my FH did not attend. He's afraid of flying (and me ). The next two were in New Orleans (pre-disaster), and cancoon during Spring Break (these are 30-year old married men).

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great - FH is going to Montreal for his bachelor party!!!

Re: bachelor party???

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Posted by EmberLynn

Look I can tell you right now, the stripper isn't interested in any FH, shes just wants the $$$$.

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Yup. i couldn't agree more. i suppose i understand why women get a little insecure at the idea of a strip club and such for a bachelor party...but it really doesn't bother me in the least. i hope FH has a GREAT time at his BP....because i'll be rocking out at mine. LOL

If your FH is gonna cheat on you...he's gonna cheat on you. Him NOT going to a strip club bachelor party is not gonna magically stop him from falling from grace. Whether it be with a stripper (which just doesn't happen as much as we think--they want $$ not a BF)...or with a co-worker or some strange girl they meet out with the boys...men (& women) will cheat at anytime. You have to learn to trust them. I trust my FH 100%.

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STB- Well said!!!!
As I am a counseling students, this is what I say to myself and anyone else that feels 'guilty' and 'untrusting' for not wanting their FH to have a bachelor party..
'My self-worth is more valuable that a bachelor party' Woman have to remember that they are worthy of being treated with respect. If they feel uncomfortable about something, do not supress it. We are worth more than this.

Re: bachelor party???

FH went to a bachelor party for a friend last year and I thought I would be able to be the 'cool' girlfriend but the whole thing ended up making me really unhappy and rather pissed off that this behavior is condoned. Anyway, before he left that night he promised me that he would not get any lap dances and he didn't, which made me very happy.

I have been to strip clubs with some of my male friends and I have seen how those girls are, its gross...

Anyway, FH doesn't like the idea of male strippers for me, so he and i are rather even on the subject matter, thankfully.

We decided on a joint bachelor/bachelorette party and are planning a weekend up state to the Finger Lakes for wine tours. :) :)

Re: bachelor party???

Both FH and myself do not like strippers. Luckily for me, he wants to drink beer and play video games for his bachelor party.
I do not see the necessity for men or WOMEN to go strippers because they are getting married. IMO its a stupid tradition and is really quite disgusting. You are about to commit to another person yet are going to go see naked people acting seductively. I don't understand the appeal.

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Honestly, it's all about trust...if you trust the person your with than there is no reason why you should have to worry.

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That just seems silly, I trust my FH, but just because I know nothing will really happen does not mean the idea of some scantly dressed person throwing herself at him for money is a pleasant thought.

Re: bachelor party???

I am not a fan of the stripper's (I mean who is), but I do think that you have to trust your FH! It was said before but I will say it again because I say this all the time to people, if he is going to cheat on you, he is going to do it not matter where he is (BP, club/bar, work, etc.). My FH is going to a BP this weekend they are renting out a room in a club and my FH told me this when they planned it and also told me not to say a word to the other girls because no one is telling their girlfriends or FW. I am not happy about it because I know their will be strippers there, but I trust him, and I respect the fact that he feels he can tell me!!! I would hate to be the other girls that do not know what is going on. My FH and I have a very honest relationship! I don't like strippers, but if I bothered him about it (going to BP or when he has his own), then he will just do it anyway but not tell me. It is a thing that the guys do and you have to trust your FH - that is the bottom line. He loves you and is going to marry you! Trust him and his love for you!!!

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Once again, as someone said previously, it's not about trust, it's about the act being inappropriate in itself.

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I think strip clubs are totally inappropriate and unneccessary - and my FH will have NOTHING to do with them. That's his choice. He thinks they're disgusting and dirty.

His idea of a BP is a poker night with friends, while watching football on a big screen tv. I'm glad he can still have fun with his boys while still being in the safety of his home.

Re: bachelor party???

not to turn the tables or anything, but i think your fi should suck this one up and skip the strippers/strip club.

you've been hurt before in this kind of situation. fi should respect the fact that you have been hurt in the past by this and recognize that no matter how much you trust him it's bound to cause you some anxiety. imho, he should NOT have anything to do with strip clubs or strippers for his bachelor. it's just going to cause anger & resentment on your part. i mean, face it, this goes deeper than him seeing naked women. this has to do with the fact that his is blatantly disregarding your feelings AND asking you to ignore them.

had you not been hurt before, my opinion would be different. i would tell you that if you trusted him to suck up the insecurity - goodness knows the majority of us feel some kind of 'yuck' when it comes to our boy being around naked women. however, since your insecurity is grounded in past experience, i don't think you should suck it up. i think fi needs to be a grown-up and realize that your feelings on this one take precedence. he can go out with the boyz and have a good time without naked or partially naked women.

good luck!

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Posted by LUCKinlove

I know how you feel. Bachelor parties bring out the insecurities in all of us. I had a discussion with my FH and he agreed not to have strippers. So now, he is going skidiving instead...I don't know which one was worse!

Talk to him about it.

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OMG SKYDIVING???....I'd rather have the strippers!

Re: bachelor party???

I don't like the whole stripped/wild night thing myself BUT I would hesitate to make it a big issue because a friend of mine did that and it made her future husband really question the relationship because he felt that she didn't trust him. He is going to be with you for the rest of his life - he wants you, no one else. Just keep trying to remember - your FI is not your past boyfriend. He loves you and will not do anything to ruin what you two have.

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My last relationship really screwed me up. But Darren is Marrying me, and rest assured I know he'll be good. Besides he's sooo shy anyway. He doesn't want trashy strippers, and the guys aren't like that. They decided on a dinner and a movie night. And thats what I'm doing as well. Dinner and a pajama party for me and my girls

Re: bachelor party???

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Posted by I-can't-wait!!!!!!

I am not a fan of the stripper's (I mean who is), but I do think that you have to trust your FH! It was said before but I will say it again because I say this all the time to people, if he is going to cheat on you, he is going to do it not matter where he is (BP, club/bar, work, etc.). My FH is going to a BP this weekend they are renting out a room in a club and my FH told me this when they planned it and also told me not to say a word to the other girls because no one is telling their girlfriends or FW. I am not happy about it because I know their will be strippers there, but I trust him, and I respect the fact that he feels he can tell me!!! I would hate to be the other girls that do not know what is going on. My FH and I have a very honest relationship! I don't like strippers, but if I bothered him about it (going to BP or when he has his own), then he will just do it anyway but not tell me. It is a thing that the guys do and you have to trust your FH - that is the bottom line. He loves you and is going to marry you! Trust him and his love for you!!!

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I agree- if he tells you what he is doing that says a lot about the relationship. I would rather know the truth than be lied to about it.

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I have to 100% agree with metmymatch's post!!! Your FH is supposed to be on your side, and you should be on his side. That's what makes a marriage successful. I think he should understand WHY you don't want him to go. Put it like this.....Before you came along, if he had past girlfriends & they all got hurt/killed in a car accident on a snowy night, & you go & say to him, 'I know it's snowing out, but I'm going out for a drive anyway & you have to trust that I'm going to be careful.' What would his reaction be? He wouldn't want you to go most likely. He'd be afraid that something would happen to you.

I hate to use such a morbid example, but it was the only thing I could think of right now. Sorry you're going through this. Chin up, girlie.. you know we're here for you!

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even though we are all marrying them soon.. men can be dumb and simple minded.... (walk in the idea of a girl parading around them naked).. they think this is great....

I'd say humor him... this time.. if it bothers you let him know and I'm sure he won't go again.....

BTW.. in most places you can't get near the girls.. and a lap dance.. if you touch them your out..... most guys will tell you they are uncomfortable when they get one anyway.......

He loves you....