Re: Catholic Brides: Lying to the Priest/Church

I wouldn't lie to the priest.

My priest didn't even ask, but he also saw us at church for a few weeks before we met with him.

My cousins were in the same predicament and I believe the only thing the priest said to them was he wanted to see them in church every week.

Re: Catholic Brides: Lying to the Priest/Church

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Posted by eogara

..... I'm a firm believer in telling the truth because if you lie, there will always be an elephant in the room with you.....

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Now there is a unique bit of imagery ... that I think I will use on my 9yr old daughter !!!


Thanks!

Re: Catholic Brides: Lying to the Priest/Church

Does your mother still go to that church and give an envelope? my parish is strict, and turn away their own if they have a baby out of wedlock, things like that, I am sure you will be fine, if they ask, I would say, well we don't go to church as often as we should. Then they will just say to go more. You will most likely have to do pre cana though. Mine was so strict they sent me to 6 mos of natural family planning, every other saturday morning. After my envelope experience I always give my envelope incase they ask when I am ready to baptize my kids

Re: Catholic Brides: Lying to the Priest/Church

This thread has been helpful because I have been worried myself. Not so much about our priest finding out that I do not go to church often, but that he would learn just how little I know about the Bible (despite 8 years of CCD)!! I feel like I am going to ask stupid questions when we design our ceremony and pick out readings (like, what is a gospel?)

We are not having a full mass because my FH is not Catholic. He still doesn't understand why I have insisted on a Catholic ceremony. The only way I can explain it is that I wanted a religious service as opposed to a civil one and the Catholic religion is the only religion I know. I may not know all of the saints by name, but I wanted a service that would be familiar and have a sense of tradition for me.

Re: Catholic Brides: Lying to the Priest/Church

The priest did not ask us any questions regarding how often we go to mass.

Re: Catholic Brides: Lying to the Priest/Church

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Posted by Nautical bride

This thread has been helpful because I have been worried myself. Not so much about our priest finding out that I do not go to church often, but that he would learn just how little I know about the Bible (despite 8 years of CCD)!! I feel like I am going to ask stupid questions when we design our ceremony and pick out readings (like, what is a gospel?)

We are not having a full mass because my FH is not Catholic. He still doesn't understand why I have insisted on a Catholic ceremony. The only way I can explain it is that I wanted a religious service as opposed to a civil one and the Catholic religion is the only religion I know. I may not know all of the saints by name, but I wanted a service that would be familiar and have a sense of tradition for me.

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You do not have to worry about knowing the Bible, you get a book from Pre-cana which outlines all of the necessary readings and you choose from there. Good luck!

Re: Catholic Brides: Lying to the Priest/Church

First, I reccommend trying to find out your church rules. Some churches will not marry people if they are not a member of that church. If this is the case and you have enough time, then become a member of the church or just take an L.

I'm getting married in my childhood church, but in the beginning I wan't sure if I was going to because of scheduling. As a result, I called the church in my neighborhood church (we moved from when I was a child, so my childhood church is not my neighborhood church). When I called my neighborhood church, they asked me what is my parish church and why was I couldn't I get married there (they weren't mean or anything). SO I explained the situation, and they was like okay I could get married there if I wanted to.

Do you live in the same area as your church? If not, then I think it should be really easy to explain that you always wanted to get married there and that you were baptized there. Now, if you live in the neighborhood and you do not attend church there regularly, then that might be a problem but hey all you have to do is explain your situation.

They will ask you for a copy of your baptismal and/or confirmation certificate, but since you were baptized at that church it should not be a problem. In addition, they will ask you what is your parish church.

I don't think you should lie to the priest, but I do think you should let him know how badly you wanted to get married there. Are you a practicing Catholic? If not, you will have to sign something saying that you intend to raise your children in the Catholic faith, plus you will have to do Pre-Cana.

Re: Catholic Brides: Lying to the Priest/Church

I'm getting married at a church I was not baptized at. The only thing the priest asked me when I met with him first is why I want to get married there, which I was honest about. So since u were baptized at that church that is a plus for you.
At some point in one of our visits he did ask how much we go to church and we were honest. Just tell him the truth. If he refuses you then I wouldn't even want to get married there. I don't think he will refuse you though.

Re: Catholic Brides: Lying to the Priest/Church

What church do you want to get married in?

Re: Catholic Brides: Lying to the Priest/Church

My fh is lutheran and I was raised catholic although I do not practice. A very close family friend of ours is a priest and we had the same kind of problem. We do not plan on raising our children catholic and those are one of the requirements. You have to sign something that says you will raise your children catholic. I was completely honest with him and said that I can't promise anything and he said 'listen, there are tons of couples that lie just so that they can get married in a catholic church. I marry them, and then never see them again. I know, I see that they lied, but it is up to you...do you really want to start your marriage off in a lie?'.......

To make a long story sort of short we decided to get married in the lutheran church, religion is very important to fh.

Re: Catholic Brides: Lying to the Priest/Church

Honestly, IMHO, this is why FH and I are not getting married in a Church. Some of my extended family members are not comfortable with it but I see so many people who go along with the dictates of their religion when it is convenient for them and then don't when it is not. I've told all of my family members what would they rather have me do? Stand up there and pretend just to make everyone happy (except my FH, me and God) or do what WE truly believe in?

This weekend one woman (previously Catholic), who is now a Unitarian, told me she is going to miss shopping with her daughter for a Communion dress (Unitarians don't have an equivalent). It's not about the dress, building or party it's about the sacrament and promise you are making to God. You can't fool him/her.

Re: Catholic Brides: Lying to the Priest/Church

well, we kind of skirted the issue.

When the priest asked, 'how often do you attend mass at St. Cecilia's? Are you registered here?'

He asked both questions together. So, my answer was, 'Oh, well, John didn't know that he had to be registered here because he comes to church with his mom and she is registered here.'

So, we completely avoided the whole 'how often' issue and just moved right along...

Re: Catholic Brides: Lying to the Priest/Church

i wouldn't lie...just remember, if you want to baptize your kids in the future, you will have to have been married in church, so you can tell that to the priest

Re: Catholic Brides: Lying to the Priest/Church

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Posted by melanee

i wouldn't lie...just remember, if you want to baptize your kids in the future, you will have to have been married in church, so you can tell that to the priest

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This is not true. A church will welcome any child to be baptized, regardless if the parents were married in a church or not.

Same for any unwed parents who want their child baptized in church.

We were married in my childhood church even though I am very active in another church. I wanted to get married there since that was where I received all my sacraments, and they had no problem with it.

Re: Catholic Brides: Lying to the Priest/Church

Be carefull. The priest represents God, thats why he marries you. Lieing to a priest is lieing to God. If you dont believe in your faith then I suppose you could shrug that off but if you do than your cornerstone of marraige is in a way based on a lie.
Priests are very understanding. You don't have to lie because they want you to be happy. If you explain to them your situation they will try to accomodate you in most instancs.
Some parishes have rules that are overly strict. They dont allow marraiges that arent parishiners. Those parishes are not the ones you want to lie to because they are the ones that will check.
Just be yourself and if your priest isnt as understanding as you think he should be then humbilize him. Remind him (nicely) that he represents God and that at the moment of non- understanding he is not behaving in a way that you feel reflects Gods intention. (that will get him.)

Re: Catholic Brides: Lying to the Priest/Church

Thank you all for your insight, opinions and for sharing your own experiences. I appreciate all of your help and honesty.

He never called back last night but I am not going to be overbearing since I have a lot of time. If I don't hear from him within a week or so I will call again and keep you all posted!

Thanks again!

Re: Catholic Brides: Lying to the Priest/Church

As you can see from the responses on this post, it all depends on the priest and the parish. I worked for a while in catholic schools and campus ministry and I have heard of priests refusing to marry couples who live together (this happened to a friend of mine- she found another church). Other priests and parishes see marriage as a great way to bring young people back to the church and are more flexible with marrying non-parishoners and people who do not attend regularly and might even live together. If you are not comfortable with what the priest tells you, I would say look for another church.

As far as children being christened if the parents were not married in the church, again I think it depends on the parish. I have heard a couple of stories about this happening, but for the most part, I think most Catholic churches will christen a child if the parent is Catholic and wants to have them baptized- I have family members who were not married in the church and their children were baptized. You really have to check with your parish and see how they handle this stuff.

Not all priests are understanding and want to make you happy, but I think it is best to be honest and if the priest/pastor/whoever is handling the wedding at your parish is a jerk, find someone else- it will take away from your day.

Re: Catholic Brides: Lying to the Priest/Church

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Posted by dpli

As you can see from the responses on this post, it all depends on the priest and the parish. I worked for a while in catholic schools and campus ministry and I have heard of priests refusing to marry couples who live together (this happened to a friend of mine- she found another church). Other priests and parishes see marriage as a great way to bring young people back to the church and are more flexible with marrying non-parishoners and people who do not attend regularly and might even live together. If you are not comfortable with what the priest tells you, I would say look for another church.

As far as children being christened if the parents were not married in the church, again I think it depends on the parish. I have heard a couple of stories about this happening, but for the most part, I think most Catholic churches will christen a child if the parent is Catholic and wants to have them baptized- I have family members who were not married in the church and their children were baptized. You really have to check with your parish and see how they handle this stuff.

Not all priests are understanding and want to make you happy, but I think it is best to be honest and if the priest/pastor/whoever is handling the wedding at your parish is a jerk, find someone else- it will take away from your day.

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Thank you so much!! I am going to see the vibe I get when I speak to him and take it from there!

Re: Catholic Brides: Lying to the Priest/Church

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Posted by Princess047

What church do you want to get married in?

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St Finbar's in Brooklyn

Re: Catholic Brides: Lying to the Priest/Church

I am also a non-practicing catholic and I had the same concerns as yourself. When my Fiance and I went to see the priest I was very surprised that he did not question our faith at all. The only questions he had asked us (seperatley) were compatibility type questions and questions about our realtionship. Never asked us if we went to church. We even live together and we wrote the same address on our contact info. I guess it all depends on the priest but I was very comfortably with mine. When you meet with yours Do Not Lie. If you tell your priest you do not attend church he is not going not marry you. They just want to make sure that you are marring for the right reasons and that you are going into the marriage with the same intentions and plan on having the same things together, ie: children, no children, you believe in monogamy, and you are marring for love.