Re: Do you know how much your bridesmaids were asked to chip in for the shower?

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Exactly~ your not suppose to know anything about it, so don't even worry about it. Personally when I accept to be in someone BP it is a VERY CLOSE friend or FAMILY member and for them I would do anything. So if that meant forgoing some personal expenses to be able to afford it I WOULD! JMHO

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Me too!!! Very well said lullabella!!!!!!!

Don't feel bad, maybe it sucks, but when you accept an invite to a BP there are a lot of expenses and they should be prepared to pay them!

Congrats on what's going to be a lovely shower and a sweet MOH!

Re: Do you know how much your bridesmaids were asked to chip in for the shower?

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I agree. It comes along with the resposibility of being a bridesmaid. They accepted, they should understand that it is going to cost.

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Ouch. I'm going to be in the minority and disagree here. They agreed because they love you and want to share the day with you. Being rich shouldn't be a prerequisite. No matter how important your day is, their finances MUST be considered, and I know that if any of my BMs couldn't afford something, I wouldn't want them to feel under pressure to pay for it.

As I wrote in my letter to my BMs when I sent them a link to a pic of the dresses, I don't want anyone going broke on my account!

Re: Do you know how much your bridesmaids were asked to chip in for the shower?

I have no idea.

Re: Do you know how much your bridesmaids were asked to chip in for the shower?

My shower was split 3 ways, right down the middle. I think it was about $175 pp

Re: Do you know how much your bridesmaids were asked to chip in for the shower?

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Posted by violetfairy

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I agree. It comes along with the resposibility of being a bridesmaid. They accepted, they should understand that it is going to cost.

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Ouch. I'm going to be in the minority and disagree here. They agreed because they love you and want to share the day with you. Being rich shouldn't be a prerequisite. No matter how important your day is, their finances MUST be considered, and I know that if any of my BMs couldn't afford something, I wouldn't want them to feel under pressure to pay for it.

As I wrote in my letter to my BMs when I sent them a link to a pic of the dresses, I don't want anyone going broke on my account!

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i agree with you. i feel so awkward asking people to pay so FH and i are going to take care of most of the expenses ourselves.

Re: Do you know how much your bridesmaids were asked to chip in for the shower?

I never heard of asking your BP for $ assistance... I am planning my sisters and would never ask anoyone from the wedding party for money. If they want to pitch in that's fine, but I just couldn't ask and wouldn't want to. IMO

Re: Do you know how much your bridesmaids were asked to chip in for the shower?

I'm not sure about this. I have been in two wedding parties and although I helped in planning the shower, I was never asked to contribute.

My mom, sister and bridal party gave me a beautiful bridal shower, that I know cost a fortune, and my mom paid for the whole thing and didn't ask my bridal party to contribute although they contributed alot in other non-monetary ways. My mom felt that since she could afford it, it wasn't right to ask my bridal party to pitch in since they were already spending so much on my wedding. I think the real reason is because in my family they just assume that the family should pay for it (not sure if it is an Italian thing or what). That being said, if my mom had asked, I think my bridal party, in fact, I know my bridal party, would have contributed as much as she needed.

Re: Do you know how much your bridesmaids were asked to chip in for the shower?

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Posted by violetfairy

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I agree. It comes along with the resposibility of being a bridesmaid. They accepted, they should understand that it is going to cost.

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Ouch. I'm going to be in the minority and disagree here. They agreed be cause they love you and want to share the day with you. Being rich shouldn't be a prerequisite. No matter how important your day is, their finances MUST be considered, and I know that if any of my BMs couldn't afford something, I wouldn't want them to feel under pressure to pay for it.

As I wrote in my letter to my BMs when I sent them a link to a pic of the dresses, I don't want anyone going broke on my account!

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I do agree that they said yes because they want to be party our big day. Rich isn't a prerequisite. I was practically begged by 1/2 the girls, to be in the bridal party, so they didn't consider their own financial situation when saying yes. And it doesn't help that one of the girls has no work ethic and gets fired every few months. And spends all the money she does make on liquor & drugs. But she is one of mine & FH's good friends. We couldn't leave her out.

If I am not supposed to even know this is going on, how am I supposed to offer to pay their share of the bridal shower, and I am not going to pay part of my own gift.

There is a big difference from me dishing out 30,000 and them dishing out a few hundred. I just can't afford to pay for all of their expenses as well as ours.

I am not stressing over it anymore, considering I am not even supposed to know anything about it! o

Re: Do you know how much your bridesmaids were asked to chip in for the shower?

I think that when a shower is planned, if the BP is supposed to contribute, then the planning of the shower should be discussed w/ entire the BP and everyone should agree on an amount they are willing to spend. So, all people who are spending money should be consulted by whomever the planner happens to be.

Re: Do you know how much your bridesmaids were asked to chip in for the shower?

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There is a big difference from me dishing out 30,000 and them dishing out a few hundred.

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That's where we differ. I don't think of a 'few hundred' as no big deal, and what I spend on my wedding is my choice... I don't think it's right to expect other people to rack up big expenses on my behalf.

Shower: My mom will probably throw it and is not expecting anyone to chip in. I told her to keep it inexpensive, maybe at her house just with heroes and stuff.

Don't mean to pick on you. It just bothers me when people equate loyalty and money... like if the BMs don't spend enough, they're not really your friends.

Re: Do you know how much your bridesmaids were asked to chip in for the shower?

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Posted by violetfairy

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There is a big difference from me dishing out 30,000 and them dishing out a few hundred.

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That's where we differ. I don't think of a 'few hundred' as no big deal, and what I spend on my wedding is my choice... I don't think it's right to expect other people to rack up big expenses on my behalf.

Shower: My mom will probably throw it and is not expecting anyone to chip in. I told her to keep it inexpensive, maybe at her house just with heroes and stuff.

Don't mean to pick on you. It just bothers me when people equate loyalty and money... like if the BMs don't spend enough, they're not really your friends.

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again agree with you 100%

Re: Do you know how much your bridesmaids were asked to chip in for the shower?

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Posted by violetfairy

Don't mean to pick on you. It just bothers me when people equate loyalty and money... like if the BMs don't spend enough, they're not really your friends.

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I am not equating loyalty and money. I don't want you to get me wrong. I know that it is my choice to spend as much as I want on my own wedding. But I shouldn't be responsible for paying for all of their expenses as well. She had a choice. She could have said no, I am sorry I don't think I can afford it. And I have helped her out already by paying the down payment on the dress for her.

It just bothers me that drugs and alcohol come before anything to my friend.
(the one complaining about the money) So it is basically equating loyalty & drugs.l

Re: Do you know how much your bridesmaids were asked to chip in for the shower?

I'm not sure. But i did hear that one of the bridesmaids is complaining abour every possible place and price mentioned. She keeps telling my MOH 'tHat is not in my budget' for every single place. I feel bad for the other girls because now they will have to lay out a lot more money. i just feel like if times were so hard for her, then she shouldn't have excepted. But now I hear my MOH is going to front the cost for her and told her to give what she can.. So I feel so bad and almost wish I wasn't even having a shower.
Meanwhile all the other girls are so cooperative. You wouldn't mind but she practically insited that she be in the wedding party!!!

Re: Do you know how much your bridesmaids were asked to chip in for the shower?

I had always heard that a mother was not supposed to pay for a shower. I understood that it is to be hosted by MOH and bridesmaids.

I guess that doesn't always seem to be the case.

My MOH is paying for mine, but my other girls are chipping in minimally to defer some of her costs...

Re: Do you know how much your bridesmaids were asked to chip in for the shower?

I've chipped in for some of my friend's showers and bachelorette parties, at least $150 each time.

I'm sure I complained at thoses time to my family, but I also feel that that's what life's about. Everyone has to pay for things sometimes, and well, eventually, it's your wedding, and you hope they do the same in return.

Re: Do you know how much your bridesmaids were asked to chip in for the shower?

I was the MOH for my sisters wedding, my mom and I covered the whole event along with my younger sister she was another MOH, I don't htink it is very fair that they are expected to buy a gift a dress do their hair/nails, etc and pay for the shower as well.

Re: Do you know how much your bridesmaids were asked to chip in for the shower?

The funny thing is that they probably complain about this stuff, then go out and buy themselves a $900 bag.....

Re: Do you know how much your bridesmaids were asked to chip in for the shower?

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Posted by Ronnie&Theresa

My mother pays for it no?
I Never heard of BP paying for shower.
Just helping out mom and moh with any extras if they want if not then you give bigger gift

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i agree with you
My mom and future mother in law will pay too... i would never expect my bridal partyu to pay for that... are you crazy?

Re: Do you know how much your bridesmaids were asked to chip in for the shower?

snowboardgirl i hear you

Re: Do you know how much your bridesmaids were asked to chip in for the shower?

Not for nothing but i don't expect my BP to pay for my shower or anything... i asked them to be in my BP because they are my closest friends not to pay$$$$