Re: got stiffed, noshows and checks bounced! my not so good part of my wedding!!!

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Posted by dm24angel

I'm sorry for the no-shows and with guest problems but the gifts? It's JMO but I don't think anyone has to give me a gift, even a card, the wedding is not about that. I dont think you meant to say ' stiffed' but thats pretty harsh. Again, its just me, but I will not accept gifts from any of our wedding party, they spent enough on showers, dresses, tux's, dresses and bachlor/ette parties to be expected to hand us money afterwards is not what I want.
A polite way of saying 'cash only' would be to say please dont come to my wedding unless you plan to pay. I'm sorry to offend, seems Im the only one to see it this way- but it's not tacky what happened, it's human nature...things happen.
Those people who's checks bounced must feel horrible and embarrassed and know that you are talking about them now. The best way to come out on top is to count your blessings for what you did get.

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i am with you 100%

Re: got stiffed, noshows and checks bounced! my not so good part of my wedding!!!

i shouldnt use the word stiffed but many people on this board have used the word. many people have different opinions on this topic and thats fine. I just think that you should at least give a card when you go to a wedding of someone close to you.

I am more angry at the fact that people responded with dates and didnt bother to tell us beforehand.. they just showed up solo... it was several people..

and Im mad at the noshows- the ones who responded and didnt show up without a call.
that was about 10 people.

we worked hard to pay for our wedding and for people to be inconsiderate and do that is wrong...

other than that it is a choice whether to give a gift or not... i know thats not what the wedding is about. but imo i would never do that so thats why i was surprised thats all. to each is own!

Re: got stiffed, noshows and checks bounced! my not so good part of my wedding!!!

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Posted by kdelace

we worked hard to pay for our wedding and for people to be inconsiderate and do that is wrong...

other than that it is a choice whether to give a gift or not... i know thats not what the wedding is about. but imo i would never do that so thats why i was surprised thats all. to each is own!

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I agree - if you cant afford to give the person anything then at least a nice card saying something sweet inside! thats the LEAST you can do after going to a wedding and eating a $100 plate and dancing and having fun all night..and taking a favor after that!

Re: got stiffed, noshows and checks bounced! my not so good part of my wedding!!!

I would be upset because I expect people to treat me how I would treat them. Although, I do not have a ton of money, I am a very generous person. To show up without even a card, just shows a serious lack of effort and consideration.

Re: got stiffed, noshows and checks bounced! my not so good part of my wedding!!!

Wow, I really must be offbase here, and I wont say anymore after this as Im afraid to create hardfeelings( and often my opinions are crazy ones I admit).........but a $100 plate?? Your guests didnt choose that..you did.... and dancing? They didnt come to dance, they came to celebrate your marriage

My views are mine alone and I dont expect others to agree but If I couldnt afford to give a gift( things happen sometimes) then should I just stay home and not go to the wedding?

In my opinion my money that I spend on my wedding is a loss... its money spent and I do not expect to get any of it back and if someones gives me a money gift , I will truly feel grateful -for its my wedding they are there to celebrate not a money making event. I would be glad that friends/ family wanted to share in my joy and not concerned about whether they bought an overpriced card to express that to me.

I'm truly sorry and I dont mean tooffend at all I swear, I just get upset over this. I feel like these ideas of gifts at a wedding take away from what it really suppossed to be all about.

Also, I do completly agree about the reponding with guests and not showing up. I would ask why people invited didn't show. I know my sister was furious at a family of 5 that were invited to her wedding that rsvp'd yes and didn't show...turns out a month later we found out that their Grandmother had died the day before and they didn't notify her because they didn't want to ruin her day...and my sister felt guilty for months over her anger.

Re: got stiffed, noshows and checks bounced! my not so good part of my wedding!!!

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Posted by dm24angel

Wow, I really must be offbase here, and I wont say anymore after this as Im afraid to create hardfeelings( and often my opinions are crazy ones I admit).........but a $100 plate?? Your guests didnt choose that..you did.... and dancing? They didnt come to dance, they came to celebrate your marriage

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No hard feelings taken at all, everyone is entitled to their opinion but you know going into a wedding about how much this couple is paying per plate and that most couples now a days do it on their own.. if they came to celebrate the marriage and not the dinner and dancing part, you can rsvp no and just show up for the church since that is the most important part anyway. - JMO

Re: got stiffed, noshows and checks bounced! my not so good part of my wedding!!!

thats very tacky......

people should at least be able to give you a card congradulating you

Re: got stiffed, noshows and checks bounced! my not so good part of my wedding!!!

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Posted by dm24angel

Wow, I really must be offbase here, and I wont say anymore after this as Im afraid to create hardfeelings( and often my opinions are crazy ones I admit).........but a $100 plate?? Your guests didnt choose that..you did.... and dancing? They didnt come to dance, they came to celebrate your marriage

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i dont agree with thinking everyone should pay $100 a plate cause you picked it..

However, if they went out to a restaurant and got a dinner like that it would cost $25 minimum per person... so cant people afford to give $50 a couple same as if they were going out to dinner..

also if you get invited to someones house for dinner dont you bring a dessert or something? so cant you afford a card?

Re: got stiffed, noshows and checks bounced! my not so good part of my wedding!!!

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i dont agree with thinking everyone should pay $100 a plate cause you picked it..

QUOTE]

I didnt mean that they have to give you that much, but they know we are paying something in that neighboorhood for the dinner. I dont think a card is to much to ask for..

Re: got stiffed, noshows and checks bounced! my not so good part of my wedding!!!

Guys, according to my understanding of etiquette, a guest has 1 year to give a couple a gift. Someone may have forgotten the card and gift (I know I did that on one occassion). Also, I went to a wedding recently and my friend ordered the gift from weddingchannel.com and it had not arrived at the time of the wedding. I wouldn't worry too much.

As for the no-shows, I would have no idea of what to do. I am sorry you had that experience.

Re: got stiffed, noshows and checks bounced! my not so good part of my wedding!!!

I really think you have to find some way to mention it to the people who you did not get anything from. Not for the sake of embarassing them - but you never really know if some people's cards did get lost and that is the way to alert them to it. I am sorry that I don't really know a way to suggest how to do it tactfully, but seriously, for all you know, someone's card could have gone missing.

Re: got stiffed, noshows and checks bounced! my not so good part of my wedding!!!

I was 'stiffed' and yes it annoyed me. What annoyed me is the fact the people did not even give me a card (an empty card with well wishes would have been fine).

I also had 2 couples give me less than the per plate thing, but they gave and they came to my wedding, thats what mattered!

ETA: Ladies, do not expect to make back what you paid, it's not happening!!

Re: got stiffed, noshows and checks bounced! my not so good part of my wedding!!!

Honestly, I have to say, I don't necessarily agree with the per plate thing. We all choose where we have our weddings. I've said it before - I would give more to my best friend having her wedding at McDonalds than someone who I didn't have much of a relationship with who was having their wedding at a very expensive place. I also have a lot of OOT guests - so I also have to take into account what they are paying in plane tickets, accomodations, etc - all to honor me and FH

Re: got stiffed, noshows and checks bounced! my not so good part of my wedding!!!

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Posted by jennbaby

I also had 2 couples give me less than the per plate thing, but they gave and they came to my wedding, thats what mattered!

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most of the people comming to my wedding are people i want there, so i wont be looking at what they give, ill just be happy to have them there...

for me i think its the people who i dont want there, who are being invited to be polite that i will be looking at what they give...

Re: got stiffed, noshows and checks bounced! my not so good part of my wedding!!!

I just want to say that as for the ten no shows....

If I were you I would call them each up and say I hope everything's OK i was worried something happened to you when I saw that your place card was still on the table when the wedding was over. Anyway, I have your 'favor/thankyou' and would like to know when can I bring it by and visit a bit.

If they say you dont have to say well its already paid and i want you to have it ... maybe when you drop it off they'll give you a gift ...but dont depend on it its really a heads up to them that you planed for them to be there and they pulled a no show

Some people just have no class

Re: got stiffed, noshows and checks bounced! my not so good part of my wedding!!!

i have gone to 3 weddings with fh hubby seice we have been together and we saddly gave one couple only 50 dollars!! fh got laid off and i am out on comp. plus trying to save for our own wedding! the other 2 we gave only 100 dollars but they understood because we exsplained to them what was going on! sometimes there are problems that arise(trust me it is happing to one of my bm now) that money can be a hardship! they all understood and was just thankful we where there!
as for the checks bouncing... i know if my check had bouced that i gave someone i would be ever so greatful embarised(sp) but greatful that they told me! it might realy send someone down... so before you try to redeposit i would call the people and let them know!
my wedding is next weekend and i have to say when i first started to read this it made me nervous but now i relize they are comming for us not for money!
as for the no shows .. if i get any then i get it .. i think everywedding i have ever gone to there where at least a few and as many as 10.. it's to be exspected! jmo

Re: got stiffed, noshows and checks bounced! my not so good part of my wedding!!!

Honestly, I don't care what people give me as far a money goes. I'm not in this for the money, that's for damn sure! I want people to be there to watch us get married and celebrate with us.

The thing that sends me over the edge is the no-shows. In rare cases things happen that are totally understandable, but a no-call no-show is absolutley unacceptable! This is not a backyard barbeque people!
I don't know how you NW girls handle this situation so gracefully

Re: got stiffed, noshows and checks bounced! my not so good part of my wedding!!!

It is not the fault of our guests that wedding expenses have gotten so out of control. Perhaps if we all 'just say no' ... the cost will deflate a little bit and this whole thing will return to what it's supposed to be ... a celebration of two people getting married. Until then, our choices are our consequences. Be thankful that the day went well.

Re: got stiffed, noshows and checks bounced! my not so good part of my wedding!!!

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Posted by 2bewedin04

It is not the fault of our guests that wedding expenses have gotten so out of control. Perhaps if we all 'just say no' ... the cost will deflate a little bit and this whole thing will return to what it's supposed to be ... a celebration of two people getting married. Until then, our choices are our consequences. Be thankful that the day went well.

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well said, my sentiments exactly!

Re: got stiffed, noshows and checks bounced! my not so good part of my wedding!!!

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Posted by janet

i have gone to 3 weddings with fh hubby seice we have been together and we saddly gave one couple only 50 dollars!! fh got laid off and i am out on comp. plus trying to save for our own wedding! the other 2 we gave only 100 dollars but they understood because we exsplained to them what was going on! sometimes there are problems that arise(trust me it is happing to one of my bm now) that money can be a hardship! they all understood and was just thankful we where there!

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That is sick! (this is NOT directed AT janet) but I find it VERY sad that people NEED to justify WHY they gave what they gave to someone. This is our special day and honestly you should be inviting people because they mean something to you to have them there and not inviting them for what you can get from them. MOST NOT ALL will give you something that they think is important - which MIGHT only be a card if they are up on hard times - to me the fact that they thought enough to do this is generous to me. Maybe they didn't come with a card because they SENT a gift with a card that has not arrived to your house yet.

This is a place for people to vent - so I'm sorry Keldace that you went thru this -

As for the people who didn't show - I would say that is rude - I would hope now that you are home they could call you and explain why - maybe they had a car accident, family death etc that they didn't want to bring you down on your happy day. Maybe the people didn't bring a date because it was flu season and their dates were too sick to attend and they didn't know if they could just bring another person or didn't think it was proper to just bring another random person.

As far as the bounced checks or the 'non givers' the ones who bounced checks WILL KNOW that they did when they get their statements - I would not say anything IF they want you to have the money when they realize their check bounced I would think they would be contacting you. As far as the 'stiffers' maybe they did give you a check and it was 'stolen' I would leave it be - send them a thank you for attending - IF they gave you a check they will 1) notice it was NOT deposited and ask or 2) will say something when you don't mention it in your thank you. Otherwise I don't think you want to say something.