Re: Help!!! FMIL Issue/Question (a little long)

MomNeedsTissues and LIMom - thank you guys for responding to this, it's good to have mothers' opinions. I do involve her in everything, including somethings I didn't even involve my own mother in. While I understand that it's the groom's day too, the groom has nothing to do with my dress, no?

My other issue is my mom's feelings. Maybe this is wrong but I'm a lot more concerned about my own mom than FH's. And as LIMom mentioned, the bride's mom would probably be put off if the groom's mom were included in the dress shopping. It is a really special experience and one I've been looking forward to with my mom for a long time.

MomNeedsTissues - I've seen the posts about your FDIL and she sounds awful. Please know that I am NOTHING like that with my FILs.

Re: Help!!! FMIL Issue/Question (a little long)

My mom and FI's mom are deceased and I really didn't want anyone with me but either my sister or my oldest friend. My SIL wanted to come, but I just wanted to be alone with my sis, in case it got emotional. So I got a dress, but still haven't really said anything about it. When it comes up, I will probably just say we just happened to be out shopping and decided to look (which is sort of what happened.) I agree with some of the other posts, though, that it might be nice to onclude her in other things.

Re: Help!!! FMIL Issue/Question (a little long)

I am very close with my fmil and wouldn't have any problem with her coming along dress shopping with myself, mother, sister....but that is just because I feel very close to her. I definitely understand you feeling as if it is something you would rather do with your own mother and sister...etc My fmil is very easy to get along with...not at all controlling...if i felt like she would be pushy in any way, or adding any stress during this wonderful moment in my life, I def wouldn't bring her! This is something that you have waited for all your life...do what makes you happy!!!

Re: Help!!! FMIL Issue/Question (a little long)

Here are my suggestions:

1. E-mail her back, say that you haven't made any specific plans to look for your dress yet, you'll keep her posted. Then after you shop with your mom and find your dress tell her you were out shopping with your mom, decided to stop in some shops and found your dress. Offer to show her pictures and invite her to one of your fittings.

2. Like someone posted above, tell her that the dress is going to be a surprise but you'll bend your rule and invite her to a fitting so she can see you in the dress. (Under the stipulation that she doesn't tell your FH about it of course!)

Good luck, I know everything will turn out just fine.

Re: Help!!! FMIL Issue/Question (a little long)

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Posted by eogara

My other issue is my mom's feelings. Maybe this is wrong but I'm a lot more concerned about my own mom than FH's.

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I don't think that is wrong at all...I feel the same way. If for some reason my mom wanted to do this without fmil, I would totally understand. I am very close with my mom, and she is my mom....so of course her feelings come first for me. Have you spoken with your mom about this yet?

Re: Help!!! FMIL Issue/Question (a little long)

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Posted by julz33

Just tell her that the dress is going to be a suprise for everyone and she is going to have to wait until thew wedding to see it. Then invite her to go loking for something else with you so her feelings aren't hurt and she is still kinda involved.

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This is exactly what I plan on doing. It is going to be a surprise for everyone except my mom and my MOH. I think it is very nice that she offered and is that happy for you! That is a nice feeling.

Re: Help!!! FMIL Issue/Question (a little long)

I think after your dress is picked out you should go back w/FMIL and show her. I think she deserves special treatment as well. I can't see how this would upset your Mom in any way and it will make his Mom feel good.

Re: Help!!! FMIL Issue/Question (a little long)

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Posted by Ang&Rich

In this instance I would say it's okay to send a reply back via e-mail since that's how she addressed you.

A suggestion:
Tell her that you want to keep the dress a surprise to everyone and that has been your intention from the start however she's been so great and supportive so you've decided to bend your own rules a little and would be honored if she would come to the fittings. Let her know that her opinions on sizing and fit would be very much appreciated at that time.

Good luck!

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I literally copied and pasted your suggestion into the email and formatted it as though I were speaking to her. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!

Re: Help!!! FMIL Issue/Question (a little long)

I was just about to quote that and say I agree! It really is best.

Another suggestion, after you picked out your dress, you can bring your FMIL to see it if you want to.

For me, I just went shopping with my mom at first but went back to the store with FMIL. Although I am in a different situation. My FMIL lives in another country and wasn't here when I started shopping.

Re: Help!!! FMIL Issue/Question (a little long)

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Posted by KarenB

I think after your dress is picked out you should go back w/FMIL and show her. I think she deserves special treatment as well. I can't see how this would upset your Mom in any way and it will make his Mom feel good.

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this is what I did......

Re: Help!!! FMIL Issue/Question (a little long)

I just don't understand why she and your Mom can't go with you? I mean- she doesn't have a daughter, you're marrying her only child- maybe you should cut her some slack and involve her a little bit?

Re: Help!!! FMIL Issue/Question (a little long)

I picked my dress out woth my mom, her friedna dn one of my firends. After I knew which one I wanted I took FMIL. Just go and find it and let her know after the fact.

Re: Help!!! FMIL Issue/Question (a little long)

I think this is a personal issue.

I actually did bring my mom and FMIL and did NOT bring my MOH/sister. This was something that my mother requested (to invite FMIL). FH has a sister, but she might not get married. I am very close with FMIL and my mother thought it would be nice if the two of them came along.

I think it depends on your relationship with FMIL and how your own mother would feel about it. Once you figure that out, then you can think about what you want. If you do not want her to go, tell her that you don't know when you are going, or even tell her the truth, that you were just planning on going with your mom. I think it might be better to tell her the truth rather than her find out that you lied about it later. She knows that you're going to wind up buying your dress sooner or later. I'm sure she is just very excited that her son is marrying a wonderful woman and is happy about the whole event. My FMIL is very into things and she went dress shoppping for herself while we were looking for my gown, but I realized she was just very excited about it.

If it's not a big deal to you and your mom, I think you should have her go, she would feel honored and it might save some tension down the road... JMO.

Good luck!

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Re: Help!!! FMIL Issue/Question (a little long)

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Posted by suven

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Posted by Sassyz75

I just don't understand why she and your Mom can't go with you? I mean- she doesn't have a daughter, you're marrying her only child- maybe you should cut her some slack and involve her a little bit?

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I am in a similar situation. To me, it was just that I want to keep my dress private. I don't think my FMIL needed to be given any 'slack'.

If anything, I think that FMILs should be giving the brides some slack when we want to pick out a dress with our mothers.

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Thank you for writing this, it's just what I was thinking!

And yes, I think that once it's picked out I'm going to bring her back to see it on. Thank you guys!!

Re: Help!!! FMIL Issue/Question (a little long)

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Posted by eogara

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Posted by suven

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Posted by Sassyz75

I just don't understand why she and your Mom can't go with you? I mean- she doesn't have a daughter, you're marrying her only child- maybe you should cut her some slack and involve her a little bit?

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I am in a similar situation. To me, it was just that I want to keep my dress private. I don't think my FMIL needed to be given any 'slack'.

If anything, I think that FMILs should be giving the brides some slack when we want to pick out a dress with our mothers.

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Thank you for writing this, it's just what I was thinking!

And yes, I think that once it's picked out I'm going to bring her back to see it on. Thank you
guys!!

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I'm sorry I don't agree. A lot of girls would kill to have a nice relationship with their FMIL- and here is one trying to do something nice and it's getting her no where... yes- it's a personal decision, but I think it's nice to extend the olive brand to the FMIL considering she is now part of your family, your FH's mother, and a big part of your life moving forward.

I think it's the right thing to do... if my FMIL had asked to be included I would gladly invite her (although that doesn't necessarily mean she would have any imput in to my purchasing decision)...