Honoring deceased Mother - Tacky?

My mother passed away a few years ago and I want to honor her at our wedding. My first idea was to have her sister light a candle at the ceremony, but I don't want her crying and making me upset.

My father is dating someone and she will be coming to the wedding. I was thinking of putting a flower on the chair next to my Dad, but his girlfriend will be sitting next to him on the other side. Is this tacky? What else could I do? I'm not having programs, there is no special song she liked and there are no readings at the ceremony.

There are so many etiquette rules, I hate it. I'm just doing what I want, even though I hear it from my family members. Since my fiance and I are paying for the entire thing, they have no say. That's my opinion.

Honoring deceased Mother - Tacky?

Brenda,

I think you are being very considerate by thinking of how the honoring of your mother may affect others. I also think the candle idea is a good one because it's short and will not create a sad moment at your reception.

This is not an easy decision to make because you don't want to hurt anyone. Most likely your aunt will be sad based on the circumstances alone whether she lights a candle or not. My suggestion is whatever you decide to do, do it early in your day.

Honoring deceased Mother - Tacky?

Hi Brenda. What about making a donation to a charity in your mothers honor and putting little cards at each place setting saying that you have made a donation in memory of your mother. I am doing this at my wedding for my grandmother and my fiances dad. I think putting a flower on an empty chair might be depressing A donation is a great idea. I have gone to a wedding where the bride and groom made a donation to the American Cancer Society (the brides grandmother passed away from breast cancer) At the place settings was a rose with a note attached stating that a donation has been made etc. I have to say as a guest it made me feel really good. Let me know what you think. Take care and Good Luck!!

I think you are being very considerate by thinking of how the honoring of your mother may affect others. I also think the candle idea is a good one because it's short and will not create a sad moment at your reception.

This is not an easy decision to make because you don't want to hurt anyone. Most likely your aunt will be sad based on the circumstances alone whether she lights a candle or not. My suggestion is whatever you decide to do, do it early in your day.

Honoring deceased Mother - Tacky?

Brenda, my mom died too and I've been struggling with this as well. I'm having a Catholic Mass and have worked into the Ceremony language a blessing for the friends and family of "Bride & Groom" who have passed.....

In addition to my mom, his brother died a few years back....so it addresses the concern w/o making anyone feel uncomfortable.

As a side note - and this was my dad's idea - our father/daughter dance will be to the song my parents danced to on their wedding day. The only people who will know is us - but that's all that really matters anyway.....

Honoring deceased Mother - Tacky?

My husband and I agreed that bringing up his deceased father at our ceremony would be way too emotional for us. We knew he was there. A very little silent thing we did spoke volumes to our guests. This was to place a picture of Jay and his dad in tuxedos(when Jay was about 4--very precious)on a table with our engagement pictures next to a lit candle. As soon as our guests arrived(to our reception) we watched many of them pick up the picture and smile. To us it wasn't something that needed to be announced or written. It was already in the air :)

As a side note - and this was my dad's idea - our father/daughter dance will be to the song my parents danced to on their wedding day. The only people who will know is us - but that's all that really matters anyway.....

Honoring deceased Mother - Tacky?

I know it is not the same, but my grandfather passed away when I was 2 months old. I feel so spiritually connected to him that I want him honored at my wedding. I just know he would be so happy and proud.

I decided that I am going to carry a picture of my grandfather in my bouquet. He will be with me throughout the entire ceremony.

Just something to think about.

Honoring deceased Mother - Tacky?

Brenda - My father passed away a few years ago. We honored him at the wedding by having the rabbi say a few words to the effect that he was with us on our special day. I forget the exact words but it was appropriate and didn't make anyone cry. You may want to discuss this with your officant who may have suggestions.

By the way it's nice to hear that you did care, if you were going to spend at least $1000 on something you did'nt care about that would be pretty foolish.