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Is this completely wrong of me?

bride2b24 Posted: Apr 24, 2006 11:45 AM+

bride2b24 MEMBER SINCE: 12/05 TOTAL POSTS : 4404 WEDDING DATE: Jul 28, 2007

Posted: Apr 24, 2006 11:45 AM

Re: Is this completely wrong of me?

i dont think its wrong......obviously all of the little things that matter to you dont matter to her so im sure she wouldnt care about hair and makeup either!

CLMon7906 Posted: Apr 24, 2006 02:01 PM+

CLMon7906 MEMBER SINCE: 1/06 TOTAL POSTS : 8596 WEDDING DATE: Jul 09, 2006

Posted: Apr 24, 2006 02:01 PM

Re: Is this completely wrong of me?

Posted by VadersBride2006

Posted by marymoon

I think what you're doing is fine. You're thanking them specficially for their efforts, which she did not put in. Or to just be the better person, pay for it for all the BMs and let them know it's to thank them for all of their help. That way she's the one who will know you're being kind to her even thought she couldn't be bothered.

I agree, maybe you could do a little something extra as a gift for the other 3, but not something as blatanly obvious as 'We're all getting our hair done and you're not'

i agree

mskittynj Posted: Apr 24, 2006 02:16 PM+

mskittynj MEMBER SINCE: 12/05 TOTAL POSTS : 4508 WEDDING DATE: Mar 25, 2007

Posted: Apr 24, 2006 02:16 PM

Re: Is this completely wrong of me?

Posted by eden

I don't see anything wrong with hair and makeup for the 3, but not the one. If that one girl can't be bothered to help out, then she shouldn't get financial help from you.

I have 3 girls and only 1 is helping me much so I'm paying for her hair and makeup, while hte other two will have pay for one or the other. And I'm also buying all their dresses and a gift for all of them.

Sometimes you want to be fair, but being fair to all is NOT being fair to the 3 girls who helped you the most. They are doing al the work so reward them accordingly.

I agree with you!!!! The 4th girl should help because she cares about you and your day! Why should she be rewarded for doing nothing?
XOXOXO
Kitty
Kitty

LBride Posted: Apr 24, 2006 04:04 PM+

LBride MEMBER SINCE: 10/05 TOTAL POSTS : 1520 WEDDING DATE: Dec 15, 2006

Posted: Apr 24, 2006 04:04 PM

Re: Is this completely wrong of me?

Obviously you picked this person to be a BM because they have impacted your life and mean something to you. But it's not like she would know if you paid for the other 3 and not her if that's what you want to do. I am a MOH for my sister and I can't tell you how annoying all the bridal party emails are back and forth, I don't respond to half of them. Doesn't mean I don't love my sister or care about her or her wedding, some people have other things going on other than your wedding.

kam29 Posted: Apr 24, 2006 04:13 PM+

kam29 MEMBER SINCE: 7/05 TOTAL POSTS : 497 WEDDING DATE: Apr 29, 2006

Posted: Apr 24, 2006 04:13 PM

Re: Is this completely wrong of me?

What it comes down to is the 4th may feel slighted and hurt that you are doing something for 3 and not all 4 of the BM's.

Is the extra money really worth hurting the one BM?

If you do something extra special for the other 3, make sure that the 4th doesn't find out.

waterspout4 Posted: Apr 24, 2006 04:33 PM+

waterspout4 MEMBER SINCE: 9/04 TOTAL POSTS : 4792 WEDDING DATE: Apr 01, 2006

Posted: Apr 24, 2006 04:33 PM

Re: Is this completely wrong of me?

Posted by aliwnec10

Posted by VadersBride2006

I love my BM's and most of them i've been friends with for many many years. But i cannot afford to shell out $150 for this ones dress, $60 for this ones hair, or anything else because all those things add up. Now if your parents are paying for the wedding... than okay. It wouldn't be a big deal to pay for this or that to have them in your wedding party. JMO. Did that make sense?

You make sense, but I am assuming that this was written toward me, so I feel the need to respond. I also paid for my own wedding. But in the 18 months of the wedding plans, some of the girls found themselves in different financial situations. One got laid off, another needed repairs to her house and had a child entering college as a single mother. Things change, but I didn't want the bridal party to change.

I wasn't jumping for joy when I needed to shell out a few extra hundred dollars for them to be there, but in the grand scheme of things, what's $250 added to your total bill of thousands? So, I worked a few extra shifts at my second job. To have my BM there was worth a few days of work.

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aliwnec10 Posted: Apr 24, 2006 05:43 PM+

aliwnec10 MEMBER SINCE: 9/05 TOTAL POSTS : 2171 WEDDING DATE: Oct 07, 2006

Posted: Apr 24, 2006 05:43 PM

Re: Is this completely wrong of me?

Posted by waterspout4

Posted by aliwnec10

Posted by VadersBride2006

I love my BM's and most of them i've been friends with for many many years. But i cannot afford to shell out $150 for this ones dress, $60 for this ones hair, or anything else because all those things add up. Now if your parents are paying for the wedding... than okay. It wouldn't be a big deal to pay for this or that to have them in your wedding party. JMO. Did that make sense?

You make sense, but I am assuming that this was written toward me, so I feel the need to respond. I also paid for my own wedding. But in the 18 months of the wedding plans, some of the girls found themselves in different financial situations. One got laid off, another needed repairs to her house and had a child entering college as a single mother. Things change, but I didn't want the bridal party to change.

I wasn't jumping for joy when I needed to shell out a few extra hundred dollars for them to be there, but in the grand scheme of things, what's $250 added to your total bill of thousands? So, I worked a few extra shifts at my second job. To have my BM there was worth a few days of work.

I realize that it's not a large amount of money. But my FH and i are also building a house at the moment, so literally... EVERY PENNY COUNTS right now. But that's my circumstances right now and everyone is different. But you're right. It's not too much money and normally it would be no problem. But there are some people that are not in a position to shell out $250. I'm just saying... that's all.

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rlgirl Posted: Apr 24, 2006 05:51 PM+

rlgirl MEMBER SINCE: 4/06 TOTAL POSTS : 149 WEDDING DATE: Jul 01, 2006

Posted: Apr 24, 2006 05:51 PM

Re: Is this completely wrong of me?
i think what you have decided to do is fine. i dont think it would be fair to the other 3 girls if you rewarded the 4th when she hasnt done anything.

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waterspout4 Posted: Apr 24, 2006 06:18 PM+

waterspout4 MEMBER SINCE: 9/04 TOTAL POSTS : 4792 WEDDING DATE: Apr 01, 2006

Posted: Apr 24, 2006 06:18 PM

Re: Is this completely wrong of me?

Posted by aliwnec10

Posted by waterspout4

Posted by aliwnec10

Posted by VadersBride2006

I love my BM's and most of them i've been friends with for many many years. But i cannot afford to shell out $150 for this ones dress, $60 for this ones hair, or anything else because all those things add up. Now if your parents are paying for the wedding... than okay. It wouldn't be a big deal to pay for this or that to have them in your wedding party. JMO. Did that make sense?

You make sense, but I am assuming that this was written toward me, so I feel the need to respond. I also paid for my own wedding. But in the 18 months of the wedding plans, some of the girls found themselves in different financial situations. One got laid off, another needed repairs to her house and had a child entering college as a single mother. Things change, but I didn't want the bridal party to change.

I wasn't jumping for joy when I needed to shell out a few extra hundred dollars for them to be there, but in the grand scheme of things, what's $250 added to your total bill of thousands? So, I worked a few extra shifts at my second job. To have my BM there was worth a few days of work.

I realize that it's not a large amount of money. But my FH and i are also building a house at the moment, so literally... EVERY PENNY COUNTS right now. But that's my circumstances right now and everyone is different. But you're right. It's not too much money and normally it would be no problem. But there are some people that are not in a position to shell out $250. I'm just saying... that's all.

I completely understand. I just hope that people can understand why I did what I did.

Let's all just

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aliwnec10 Posted: Apr 24, 2006 06:29 PM+

aliwnec10 MEMBER SINCE: 9/05 TOTAL POSTS : 2171 WEDDING DATE: Oct 07, 2006

Posted: Apr 24, 2006 06:29 PM

Re: Is this completely wrong of me?

Posted by waterspout4

Posted by aliwnec10

Posted by waterspout4

Posted by aliwnec10

Posted by VadersBride2006

I love my BM's and most of them i've been friends with for many many years. But i cannot afford to shell out $150 for this ones dress, $60 for this ones hair, or anything else because all those things add up. Now if your parents are paying for the wedding... than okay. It wouldn't be a big deal to pay for this or that to have them in your wedding party. JMO. Did that make sense?

You make sense, but I am assuming that this was written toward me, so I feel the need to respond. I also paid for my own wedding. But in the 18 months of the wedding plans, some of the girls found themselves in different financial situations. One got laid off, another needed repairs to her house and had a child entering college as a single mother. Things change, but I didn't want the bridal party to change.

I wasn't jumping for joy when I needed to shell out a few extra hundred dollars for them to be there, but in the grand scheme of things, what's $250 added to your total bill of thousands? So, I worked a few extra shifts at my second job. To have my BM there was worth a few days of work.

I realize that it's not a large amount of money. But my FH and i are also building a house at the moment, so literally... EVERY PENNY COUNTS right now. But that's my circumstances right now and everyone is different. But you're right. It's not too much money and normally it would be no problem. But there are some people that are not in a position to shell out $250. I'm just saying... that's all.

I completely understand. I just hope that people can understand why I did what I did.

Let's all just

I understand completely. I was just trying to say that everyone has different circumstances.

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