Jewish Wedding on a Friday Afternoon?

Sorry, but I'm new at this. I recently decided that having a Jewish ceremony is important to me, but already booked my perfect wedding weekend at a country inn in New England. The ceremony/reception HAVE TO be on Saturday afternoon/evening because it's 3 hours away and people are staying over on Sat night. FH (not Jewish) and I met with my family's rabbi(reform, obviously) yesterday and she said she'd be happy to perform a religious ceremony for us either before or after our celebration in Connecticut. I just adore her, and would like her to be the one who marries us 'for real' so here's my question:

Can I ask her to perform the ceremony for us on Friday, the day before our reception?

June 13 is one of the longest days of the year; sunset is at 8:30 PM. So if we did at at the inn at, say, 4:30/5:00... is that something people do? Our plan after meeting with her yesterday was to have our ceremony in her study on the Sunday before, and then start our wedding weekend 5 days later (rehearsal dinner at the inn, reception on Saturday evening, brunch on Sunday). Then my mom suggested: why not move up the ceremony to Friday evening, and make it part of the 'wedding weekend' so more than 7 or 8 people can be there? The 'rehearsal' dinner that night would then be a celebration dinner.

Sorry so long, but I want to know if this is something I should ask the rabbi, or if I'm totally off base and she's going to think I'm totally clueless (not a far stretch... )

Re: Jewish Wedding on a Friday Afternoon?

You should be able to do a Jewish wedding ceremony on a Friday afternoon as long as it is before the sun goes down. My brother did that in an interfaith ceremony. Honoring the Sabbath is a biggie.

Re: Jewish Wedding on a Friday Afternoon?

From what I know, I am pretty sure you can do that as long as the ceremony takes place before sundown. And, if you start the ceremony at 4:30ish you should be fine. Definitely ask your rabbi and get her opinion. I don't think it's an outlandish thing to ask at all. One thing though,if you are expecting more people at the ceremony now, do you have a place to have it?

Re: Jewish Wedding on a Friday Afternoon?

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One thing though,if you are expecting more people at the ceremony now, do you have a place to have it?

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Yes - since she is a reform rabbi, she will perform the ceremony outside, in the garden at the inn.

Thanks so much for your answers - I was just worried that I was going to be asking for something that isn't 'done'... I'm so happy to know that this might really work out!

Re: Jewish Wedding on a Friday Afternoon?

If she is a reform rabbi, cant she perform the wedding on a saturday? i ve been to 2 interfaith weddings during the day on saturday where a reform rabbi officiated. This way you dont have to do 2 ceremonies.

Re: Jewish Wedding on a Friday Afternoon?

Check this out:

http://www.chabad.org/calendar/candleLighting.asp?c=23&tDate=6%2F13%2F2008&weeks=4

It's a calendar that tells you when to light candles for Shabbat. It's not until 8:51pm on 6.13.08, so you should have no trouble Friday afternoon.

Re: Jewish Wedding on a Friday Afternoon?

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Posted by mbg1007

If she is a reform rabbi, cant she perform the wedding on a saturday? i ve been to 2 interfaith weddings during the day on saturday where a reform rabbi officiated. This way you dont have to do 2 ceremonies.

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I think it depends on the Reform Rabbi. My brother's Rabbi wouldn't do it before the sun went down and he would not do it on a Saturday.

As far as inside versus outside, it doesnt matter. In biblical times, all weddings were held outdoors. Today, in many orthodox communities they are still held outdoors, but the reasoning is because there are so many guests (in the multiple hundreds) that it is impossible to accommodate them in an indoor setting. A chuppah is actually the only thing needed to make a Jewish wedding Jewish. It is symbolic of the home of the couple and all four sides must be open so that all are welcome in the marital home.

Good luck!

Re: Jewish Wedding on a Friday Afternoon?

Perhaps you should run the idea by your rabbi - is she an active rabbit at a synagogue? If so, she may have other responsibilities on Friday evenings before Shabbat services, etc, that may preclude her from being able to be at your wedding - or any number of other things that would make it difficult for her to do your wedding at that time.

Really, it's up to her what she can and can't do, so ask her!

Re: Jewish Wedding on a Friday Afternoon?

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Posted by mbg1007

If she is a reform rabbi, cant she perform the wedding on a saturday? i ve been to 2 interfaith weddings during the day on saturday where a reform rabbi officiated. This way you dont have to do 2 ceremonies.

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not every reform clergy person will be that liberal as to perform a lifecycle event on shabbat.
I would not break the sabbath to do so.

what weddingbunny wrote in her post above mine is absolutely correct.
if your rabbi is not a congregational rabbi,she will not have pulpit responsiblities,her time for a fri pre-shabbat wedding may be more flexible if she will agree to do so.
i would not ask a congregational cantor or rabbi to do so on a friday afternoon.

also, it is illegal for a clergy person to perform the religious aspect of the wedding w/out also fulfilling the civil aspect on the same day.