Re: kids at wedding drama continues- PLEASE TAKE MY POLL!! PRETTY PLEASE!~

Initially, the only kids we were having at the reception were neices and nephews. (they ranged from 3 to 18 yrs old)

One of the groomsmen lives in Boston w/his wife and 2 girls. He asked DH if his wife could bring the girls to the reception (no family at home to babysit), although he perfectly understood if we said no. They'd just stay at the hotel. To DH's credit he asked me about it before answering. I said I couldn't live w/myself if I knew they were sitting in a hotel room 3 miles away.

Granted, the hall had a small side room, where the smaller kids could wander and play, and an adult was ALWAYS present. Actually, I think the kids had a better time out there than inside the main dining room.

I did have major concerns about this before the weding, but everything turned out great. The kids were well behaved and everyone had a fun time.

I have been to some weddings where the kids just ran all over the place and the parents did nothing!!! They were just concerned about themselves having a good time. I think everything starts with the parents. They're responsible for their own kids, and they should have the courtesy to respect the bride and groom and keep some control over their children.

Good luck,
Donna
10/5/03

Re: kids at wedding drama continues- PLEASE TAKE MY POLL!! PRETTY PLEASE!~

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Posted by tinkerwdw

OK, Well, I thought that FH and I put the 'kids at the wedding issue' behind us. We had decided that, even though many people are coming from out of town, that we would have no kids at the wedding except the children in the wedding party (five). Well, FH has two men in his party that have small children. One has already decided he is keeping his kids at home, the other one sincerely asked my FH if he could bring his six year old. This is one of his longest and best friends, but he told him no since we had made the 'wedding party' only decision.


Well, last night we attended a wedding where the kids were rolling around on the floor, running around in PJS!!!! Bright pink with footies! And all the kids were chasing each other like it was a day care. It made me second guess having any kids at all, but then my future brother-in-law says' I have been talking to a lot of people (why he is talking about our wedding to other people urked me in the first place) about your wedding, and they can't believe that you are not allowing people in the wedding party to bring their kids... if that was me, I wouldn't leave my kid with a stranger (we are arrainging for a babysitter if people need it.)


Well, that left a bad taste in my mouth, and had me worrying about this whole issue once more! Am I a bad person for not inviting the kids of the people in the wedding party? Or is kids IN the wedding party just invited ok?

Please let me know what you think:
SORRY SOO LONG... HERE IS THE POLL.......

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We're not letting the people in the wedding party bring their kids either and it's really none of that person's business! How rude! You have your reasons and that's all that matters. Stick to your guns and don';t worry about what the others say. It's your wedding, your day and you're the one paying for it also. I don't mean to sound testy - I went through that whole thing already and learned the hard way. Good luck!!

Re: kids at wedding drama continues- PLEASE TAKE MY POLL!! PRETTY PLEASE!~

Here is my question, we didn't have kids in the wedding party because I didn't feel it was right. I didn't want kids at my weddings so how can I say, well if you are in the wedding party then it's ok if you are a kid and there so I opted for no kids in the wedding party PERIOD. Now on the kids at the wedding issue I lost. We had 11 at our wedding. The youngest was 7 they were all DH's nieces and nephews and my 1 first cousin that is still little. Do I regret only in one respect (the little one was my shadow ALL night so she is in every picture) the rest of them nope they were wonderful! But how do you reconcile having kids in the wedding party when you don't want kids in your wedding?? I am just curious.

Re: kids at wedding drama continues- PLEASE TAKE MY POLL!! PRETTY PLEASE!~

I had no children at all - not in the wedding party either and let me tell you it started a world of hell for me - Stick to your guns - its your day not theirs....

Re: kids at wedding drama continues- PLEASE TAKE MY POLL!! PRETTY PLEASE!~

I wanted no children under the age of 8 at my wedding. My husband fought me tooth and nail to have his nieces and nephews invited. They ranged from the ages of 5 weeks to 3 years of age!! I was stupid I lost!! Well needles to say none of the parents watched them. Several times during dinner they were running all over the place! My husband had to say something numerous times. The thing that really got me angry is my sister-in-law that insisted on bringing the 5 week old baby took over my bridal room! Everytime I went in there to use the bathroom or re-touch my make up she was giving me dirty looks. Like I was interupting her!! I was so pissed!
Needles to say now my husband regrets inviting them.

Re: kids at wedding drama continues- PLEASE TAKE MY POLL!! PRETTY PLEASE!~

I think you should stick to your guns. This is your day and it is an adult event that is very expensive. The youngest kids we are having are 11 years old and they are my FH's niece and nephew. Two of his brothers have young children and they are not invited, but they don't want to bring their kids this is a night away from the kids. If people don't like it that is their problem and they should find a sitter and the fact that you are getting one for them is very thoughtful!

Re: kids at wedding drama continues- PLEASE TAKE MY POLL!! PRETTY PLEASE!~

I always knew that I did not want kids at my wedding. I just feel that it is a formal event and I didn't want children running around. I only had my 2 nieces (3 and 7) who were flower girls. Other than that it was cut off at 1st cousins 16 and up.

For the most part - parents were happy to have a day to themselves. I did have a huge fight about it with one of my relatives - I explained I can not make exceptions and even offered to pay for their sitter. In the end, they respected my wishes and had a great time (and no, they did not let me pay for their sitter.)

The most important thing to remember: THIS IS YOUR DAY and you have to do what you want. If having kids there makes you happy - invite them....if not then the answer is no and don't make exceptions (that's not fair).

Good luck!

Re: kids at wedding drama continues- PLEASE TAKE MY POLL!! PRETTY PLEASE!~

Stick to your guns-it is your wedding and you should do what you want!! The only kids we are having are those in the Bridal Party and that is it!!! (actually it is a lot in the BP-there are 6 ranging from 4-13)

Re: kids at wedding drama continues- PLEASE TAKE MY POLL!! PRETTY PLEASE!~

All i am having is my first cousins because my aunt and uncle are comming from virgina and has no family left anywere to leave them but its okay so its them 2 and my other 2 cuz but there like from 7-9 and know right from wrong . they were at my engagment party and they are well behaved so its fine. but no other chrildren will be invited.

Re: kids at wedding drama continues- PLEASE TAKE MY POLL!! PRETTY PLEASE!~

Who you invite to your function is your choice and noone else's business or concern. I witnessed first hand an all out brawl between cousins at a family function years back when a guest list was in question. 'Why wasnt so-in-so's kid invited....blah blah blah.' It was UGLY. Personally, I would have asked this relative to leave. Would you believe this same person who started this argument actually had the cajones to show up the next day for the sunday brunch for the family? Anything for a free meal.

Re: kids at wedding drama continues- PLEASE TAKE MY POLL!! PRETTY PLEASE!~

I'm not having children, period. My sister in law is upset, but, ironically, she didn't have children at HER wedding. She wants everyone to 'ooh' and 'aah' over how cute her kids are. That's all well and good, but it's MY wedding and it's not about her kids. Plus, if I have them, I have to have everyone's kids. And that's just not happening.

Re: kids at wedding drama continues- PLEASE TAKE MY POLL!! PRETTY PLEASE!~

First of all I had to deal with this same issue myself, especially since I have a four year old. My FH and I decided very early on that there would be no children except for the bridal party members, then out of the kindness of their hearts after they found out that we were not going to get discounts for children opted to leave their children at home. My FH specifically didn't want kids b/c his sister has 5 children with the youngest 2 and 3 and they are both contant criers. But even she understood...my mother is a different issue since one of my cousins has a daughter my daughter's age and she isn't invited, my mother can't seem to wrap her brain around the fact that if you invite one you must invite all, and like you said I know that FH and I don't want a daycare for our reception!!

Re: kids at wedding drama continues- PLEASE TAKE MY POLL!! PRETTY PLEASE!~

I have to say its very nice to see people thinking with reason. I love children and plan to have a few of my own. But as a teacher, there are times in my life where I just don't want to hear them. These times are: Saturdays, Sundays, school holidays, and any weekday after 3. Its an entirely different issue when the children are your own. Dealing with other people's children? You have to be EXTREMELY careful.

Re: kids at wedding drama continues- PLEASE TAKE MY POLL!! PRETTY PLEASE!~

Re: kids at wedding drama continues- PLEASE TAKE MY POLL!! PRETTY PLEASE!~

At the time I was married I had 6 nieces and nephews and none of them were in my wedding or attended the reception. They only attended the Church. My DH had young cousins that were not invited. We had a cutoff of 18. If people complained I didn't hear it and if people were offended than they just didn't come. No skin off my back.


It is you and your FH's day...don't let others guilt trip you into doing something you don't want. My nieces didn't care that they didn't go to the reception, they loved watching the video and were happy they had a sleepover with friends. Good Luck I know alot of people put pressure on you but remember that is there issue...not yours!!

Re: kids at wedding drama continues- PLEASE TAKE MY POLL!! PRETTY PLEASE!~

I come from a family full of kids and have 5 myself so I (JMO)would feel uncomfortable not having all the little rugrats around but I dont mind being invited to weddings that dont invite children, it's never made me not want to go!

Re: kids at wedding drama continues- PLEASE TAKE MY POLL!! PRETTY PLEASE!~

I dont think u are being mean...me personally i am only inviting my neices and nephews, FH's cousins, and a few of my cousins kids or friends kids (just the ones im close with) shouldnt be more than 15 kids. i have no idea if their parents are gonna bring them, but honestly i love kids and i think i will have a blast. im not comfy being the center of attention and i would love for them to have it on them lol plus i love dancing with little kids...cause its silly and im so uncomfortable dancing with everyone watching. To me its an all around plus to have kids at my wedding. I honestly was smiling when I read the part about kids in their pjs lol too cute!

Re: kids at wedding drama continues- PLEASE TAKE MY POLL!! PRETTY PLEASE!~

We're having no kids at all, not even in the bridal party.

IMO, weddings are formal affairs and not a place for children to run around and play. I remember plenty of times growing up and staying home while my parents went to a wedding. The first wedding I actually attended was when my first friend got married 2 years after we all graduated from college.

I'm really surprised that parents even want to bring their kids. Most parents I know like to have a night out for adult time, and a wedding is a perfect 'excuse' for that.

Re: kids at wedding drama continues- PLEASE TAKE MY POLL!! PRETTY PLEASE!~

I just wanted to thank everyone again for all their advice and responses. I am glad to hear that everyone has their own opionion, but doesn't think I am being totally rude.

I personally LOVE kids. I have 22 darlings for eight hours a day, five days a week! (I teach first grade). I just knew, being that we have limited space at our hall and that I have many children in my family, that whatever decision we made had to be a cut and dry decision. Although I feel bad for some traveling out of town (if they come), inviting their children would just open another door with having me invite another 10-15 local cousins' children. We just figured that only bridal party kids was the way to go!
And to answer a question posted, I did want children I am close to at the wedding, which is why they are in the bridal party and invited. All are godchildren or first cousins.

Thanks again!!! Happy Planning!