Re: Living together & paying bills! HELP! How do you have your accounts set up?

We have separate accounts... along with one joint account that has our wedding money stashed there.

We split the bills up... she pays a couple of bills... i pay the rest. I pay about 80% of all the household bills since I make significantly more than she does.

Our paychecks get deposited into our own accounts.

Re: Living together & paying bills! HELP! How do you have your accounts set up?

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Posted by MCDO15

as i said, i dont understand...i'm not bashing them. imo, i think some things related...as long as everybody is happy...go for yours.
different doesn't mean bad....just trying to understand and see different point of views

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You may not be bashing, but I think it's inappropriate for you to question someone's marital commitment because they have different money-management habits than you and your wife.

Budgeting skills and identity are not linked. Keeping separate accounts is not to deny a spouse's existence! It's a simple delegation of power and a way of keep the scales equal for some people.

And again, many couples have wildly different spending/saving habits. Combining everything simply will not work for them. Just as having separate anything simply does not work for you. But to more or less prescribe marital discord based on something that is not a signifier of that is somewhat narrow-minded.

I think people should be a little more mindful of how they react to other people's situations.

Re: Living together & paying bills! HELP! How do you have your accounts set up?

ETA. stupid double post!

Re: Living together & paying bills! HELP! How do you have your accounts set up?

You may not be bashing, but I think it's inappropriate for you to question someone's marital commitment because they have different money-management habits than you and your wife.

Budgeting skills and identity are not linked. Keeping separate accounts is not to deny a spouse's existence! It's a simple delegation of power and a way of keep the scales equal for some people.

And again, many couples have wildly different spending/saving habits. Combining everything simply will not work for them. Just as having separate anything simply does not work for you. But to more or less prescribe marital discord based on something that is not a signifier of that is somewhat narrow-minded.

I think people should be a little more mindful of how they react to other people's situations.

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This is why I hate LIW because ppl pick and choose what they want to read and trying to judge a person... I would do a recap of my views but it really inst worth it. I voice my opinion while trying to learn something in this thread. I really don’t understand..is it bad for me to ask? ppl judge characters and they don’t even know half the story...this is why questions are asked.

People will always be different in this world. People will love stuff and people will ALWAYS hate something. But if someone wants to learn something more, don’t question who I am and what I know.

i am done

Re: Living together & paying bills! HELP! How do you have your accounts set up?

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Posted by MonkeyLuv

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Posted by MCDO15

as i said, i dont understand...i'm not bashing them. imo, i think some things related...as long as everybody is happy...go for yours.
different doesn't mean bad....just trying to understand and see different point of views

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You may not be bashing, but I think it's inappropriate for you to question someone's marital commitment because they have different money-management habits than you and your wife.

Budgeting skills and identity are not linked. Keeping separate accounts is not to deny a spouse's existence! It's a simple delegation of power and a way of keep the scales equal for some people.

And again, many couples have wildly different spending/saving habits. Combining everything simply will not work for them. Just as having separate anything simply does not work for you. But to more or less prescribe marital discord based on something that is not a signifier of that is somewhat narrow-minded.

I think people should be a little more mindful of how they react to other people's situations.

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I agree Liz, and as always so well put. If anyone does not understand why couples would have separate accounts, or the success rates of couples who have separate accounts, do a search of financial advisor recommendation for marriages and you will see the many, many professionals who do recommend this way. But, it is a personal one, but I think saying sharing accounts means a marriage is doomed to fail is an extremely closed-minded statement.

Re: Living together & paying bills! HELP! How do you have your accounts set up?

I'll be the first to admit that our system is a little strange - We each have a separate checking account. His paycheck goes into his, from which he pays all of our bills, rent, etc. My paycheck goes into mine and it's basically our savings. I use mine for my personal expenses - travel card, gym, lunch, etc. - but try not to spend too much and save all of the rest.

Re: Living together & paying bills! HELP! How do you have your accounts set up?

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Posted by MCDO15

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Posted by Monkeyluv

You may not be bashing, but I think it's inappropriate for you to question someone's marital commitment because they have different money-management habits than you and your wife.

Budgeting skills and identity are not linked. Keeping separate accounts is not to deny a spouse's existence! It's a simple delegation of power and a way of keep the scales equal for some people.

And again, many couples have wildly different spending/saving habits. Combining everything simply will not work for them. Just as having separate anything simply does not work for you. But to more or less prescribe marital discord based on something that is not a signifier of that is somewhat narrow-minded.

I think people should be a little more mindful of how they react to other people's situations.

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This is why I hate LIW because ppl pick and choose what they want to read and trying to judge a person... I would do a recap of my views but it really inst worth it. I voice my opinion while trying to learn something in this thread. I really don’t understand..is it bad for me to ask? ppl judge characters and they don’t even know half the story...this is why questions are asked.

People will always be different in this world. People will love stuff and people will ALWAYS hate something. But if someone wants to learn something more, don’t question who I am and what I know.

i am done

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No one is questioning who you are or what you know. I was just pointing out that you were questioning people's views on marital commitment in relation to money. As evidenced by the many different replies, a lot of people don't see the two as closely linked.

I also think that many of the replies answered your question about how couples make separate accounts work.

I'm sorry if I offended you by disagreeing, I was just stating my opinion.

Re: Living together & paying bills! HELP! How do you have your accounts set up?

i agree with liz, just b/c you don't do it a certain way, no one else should. the question posted was how do you handle finances, not how should everyone handle finances.

Re: Living together & paying bills! HELP! How do you have your accounts set up?

We share everything. Same checking and savings. No individual accounts. It's what has worked best for us. We have very smilar spending habits so we don't have the problem of one of us spending and the other being frugal.

Re: Living together & paying bills! HELP! How do you have your accounts set up?

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Posted by july06bride

right now we live in a condo together
i have my checking and savings
he has his
we have one joint savings-
i give him money for bills- its not a lot
and he pays everything for the house
i pay my own car and credit card and school loan


BUT- now we are moving into our home in 2 weeks (YAY)
we will have our own savings /checking
JOINT checking and savings
the joint will have our paychecks
we will pay all bills with both checks
then we will split the 'extra' money- put some in joint savings
some in our own savings/joint

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This is what we do too.

Re: Living together & paying bills! HELP! How do you have your accounts set up?

1 Joint account for bills/1 Joint account for savings...and we each have our own savings to do with what we wish.

Works for us and we don't care what the other spends his/her $$ on...

I am a firm believer in always having a little $$ put aside for yourself 'just in case.'

Re: Living together & paying bills! HELP! How do you have your accounts set up?

There are many options. I've laid out two below.

1. 1 Joint, 2 private

In the join account you put in an agreed amount -- this might be just enough to cover the bills or it might be most of your checks.

In each private account you have 'your' money.

This works well for some relationships esp. if both people are fairly established -- they each have their own money and ways of spending. It prevent arguments about spending $100 on shoes vs. $100 on video games.

In this arrangement you each pay you 'private' bills and then either or you pay the shared bills. One person can pay all the shared bills, or you can share that responsibility.

2. 1 Joint account
Some people do this as well. I think this can work well for people who have similar spending habits, and who make similar amounts.

However you set up your money be sure everyone is happy. It took us a while to find a plan that worked for us. Though I know marriages are a 50/50 thing - money is a tough thing to deal with. A happy marriage does not mean a pooling of all money. (It might for some people -- but you don't have to do it that way). I think having money under your own name is a good idea. Not because you might divorce (thought that plays a part ), but because it allows you some ability to spend without someone else looking at it. You can't really buy a surprise gift this way.

My closest friend does not split the money evenly. (She makes more than he does.) There are books out there that lay out all the options.

Also have a discussion about how you will decided on larger items - like vactions, cars, and houses.

Do you plan on having a joint savings that you contributed to?

Re: Living together & paying bills! HELP! How do you have your accounts set up?

We have our individual accounts and our joint account. Before the wedding the joint was our savings for a house and to pay off the wedding. Now it becomes our house account where atleast 75% of each of our paychecks will go. The rest into our own accounts. DH loves tools and doing things with his car, this way he can do what he wants when he has enough saved and it doesn't effect the house account.

My parents have always done this and it works wonderfully. My dad buys his odd and end tools or gifts for my mom and my mom says its the only way she has been able to help us kids out financially.

It's nice to have that little bit of financial freedom without worrying that your taking out of the mortgage payment or something. JMO.

Re: Living together & paying bills! HELP! How do you have your accounts set up?

We have separate accounts. We basically split the household bills, but neither of us count the pennies

We will eventually create a joint savings and joint checking account, but for now, I like to have some money separate for my own use.

Re: Living together & paying bills! HELP! How do you have your accounts set up?

When we lived together but werent married we had our own accounts and split the bills evenly. When we get married (soon ) We will have joint accounts. Its all a matter of perspective and everyone has their own opinions but I just really believed that if we could join our lives together we should join our bank accounts.

Re: Living together & paying bills! HELP! How do you have your accounts set up?

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Posted by m&m2005

We have our individual accounts and our joint account. Before the wedding the joint was our savings for a house and to pay off the wedding. Now it becomes our house account where atleast 75% of each of our paychecks will go. The rest into our own accounts. DH loves tools and doing things with his car, this way he can do what he wants when he has enough saved and it doesn't effect the house account.

My parents have always done this and it works wonderfully. My dad buys his odd and end tools or gifts for my mom and my mom says its the only way she has been able to help us kids out financially.

It's nice to have that little bit of financial freedom without worrying that your taking out of the mortgage payment or something. JMO.

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I AGREE WITH THIS 100%

Re: Living together & paying bills! HELP! How do you have your accounts set up?

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Posted by MCDO15

You may not be bashing, but I think it's inappropriate for you to question someone's marital commitment because they have different money-management habits than you and your wife.

Budgeting skills and identity are not linked. Keeping separate accounts is not to deny a spouse's existence! It's a simple delegation of power and a way of keep the scales equal for some people.

And again, many couples have wildly different spending/saving habits. Combining everything simply will not work for them. Just as having separate anything simply does not work for you. But to more or less prescribe marital discord based on something that is not a signifier of that is somewhat narrow-minded.

I think people should be a little more mindful of how they react to other people's situations.

---

This is why I hate LIW because ppl pick and choose what they want to read and trying to judge a person... I would do a recap of my views but it really inst worth it. I voice my opinion while trying to learn something in this thread. I really don’t understand..is it bad for me to ask? ppl judge characters and they don’t even know half the story...this is why questions are asked.

People will always be different in this world. People will love stuff and people will ALWAYS hate something. But if someone wants to learn something more, don’t question who I am and what I know.

i am done

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No one is judging- but also no ones marriage is doomed because we dont do it your way. and you 'hate LIW ppl' hmmmm OK!!!?!??!

Re: Living together & paying bills! HELP! How do you have your accounts set up?

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Posted by MCDO15

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Posted by heidla
For us maintaining our own accounts is part of maintaining our own identities.

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Then what does marriage mean? if something were to happen, are you gonna say you dont know him? personally, everything that happens to her, happens to me. if she is poor, i'm poor, etc....


i'm not bashing anybodies methods... just relateing it to marriage worries me because it seems like the other person needs to get there half to be able to go on vacation.

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I am sure that you are just trying to understand, but the way that you phrased the above response to my post is a little harsh. I am not really sure how the fact that my DH and I are individuals with our own seperate identity translates to my not being there for him if something happens. I simply stated that we enjoy having our own accounts to rely on as well as our joint one. We lived seperately for 30 years before getting married. I love him more then life itself, but I do not base my total existence on my marriage. Maybe you see it as odd, but it works for us.

Re: Living together & paying bills! HELP! How do you have your accounts set up?

fh and I live together in an apt.
He pays the rent and all his credit cards
I pay for gas/electric, phone, DSL, cable, food shopping and anything for the apt also I'm paying for the wedding.
I have checking/savings
and as of now he has none

Re: Living together & paying bills! HELP! How do you have your accounts set up?

We have 2 seperate checking accounts and we split the bills and rent. We pay our own credit card bills, car payment, insurance.