My brother's wedding.

My brother just announced his engagement a week ago! Congratulations. What's the problem? He wants to have his wedding one month before mine. (I've been engaged for a year now, and still have 1 1/2 left - money issues). He's a doctor and thinks that this might be the only time he can take off to have his wedding (she's also a doctor, they live in North Carolina and are planning the wedding on LI). What are his chances this late in the game of getting a hall in 2001 at all? Is it something I really need to worry about? Is there anything left?

What are your opinions? Am I being selfish (yes!!), or am I within reason to be upset?

Jamelle

My brother's wedding.

I booked my wedding for April 2000 in Oct. 1999 so it's doable....

Jamelle

My brother's wedding.

There is a pretty good chance of getting a hall. At least I didn't have a problem and I was looking with less than one year. I got something in January for a September wedding.

As for you being selfish- NO WAY!!! I'd be peeved if my sister planned her wedding so close to mine. Especially when you've been enganged and have had the date set for a while. Have you tried talking to your brother? What does your family think?

My brother's wedding.

We all know that it is a tough situation, for him and his fiance. My parents told him that he has to have at least a two month gap between his and my wedding in order for no hurt feelings. I personally would prefer for it to be after, so that I can feel "special" as opposed to feeling "second". My parents didn't understand it when my brother got engaged, why I felt upset, but now they understand!! My brother is 4.5 years older than me and while we are close, I will leave it to my parents to talk to him in order to keep the peace. I just feel jipped.

I'm on a pretty tight budget- can anyone refer a DJ? I don't really know what DJ's go for- so any $$ info would be helpful.

As for you being selfish- NO WAY!!! I'd be peeved if my sister planned her wedding so close to mine. Especially when you've been enganged and have had the date set for a while. Have you tried talking to your brother? What does your family think?

My brother's wedding.

Jennifer, I can not say that I understand what you are feeling, I do not think that anyone can unless they are in your shoes. I do not think that it matters who gets married first, but there should be I would say at least 3 months between the two, and yes they have plenty of time to plan a wedding, I did mine in 9 months. Both you and your brother are adults and should talk it out and come up with a plan that works for both of you. My suggestion is to leave your parents out of it. Do not put them in a situation to choose who is right between you and your brother, otherwise BOTH weddings will be ruiened, by family turmoil and hurt feelings. The same thing happened to my SIL her and my brother got engaged in Nov. and her Sister in Dec. her sister got married in March and her wedding was in November. they were both lovely and there were no hard feelings. talk to your brother, and explain how you feel. Ask him is it at all possible to get married within the year, and then this way it is still 6 months before your wedding. theirs will be over, and then you will still have your time to shine ON YOUR OWN. I suggest that your let your brother get married first because you have already planned yours, and indicated that you did so far in advance for $$ purposes. It is unfair to ask your brother to wait until after your wedding to plan his wedding, he has a life to live also and it is not fair to ask them to put their marriage on hold to appease your want to shine in the spotlight all alone. With that said, if he gets married before you, then you still have your time to SHINE BY YOURSELF, if he gets married after you then you have to share your spotlight, and then there will always be talk of his wedding coming up. For example, while you are doing all of your planning and showers and the wedding people will be saying see you again in ___ months for John's (your brothers) wedding. You will have to share the planning stages together. Let him do his and finish, learn from his mistakes and plan the best wedding ever. Be unique and keep your wedding ideas to yourself, so that the first time your family friends sees them is at your wedding. Good luck I know that it is not an easy situation but make the best of it, and keep peace, family is too important to let a wedding date disrupt things. Jamelle

As for you being selfish- NO WAY!!! I'd be peeved if my sister planned her wedding so close to mine. Especially when you've been enganged and have had the date set for a while. Have you tried talking to your brother? What does your family think?

My brother's wedding.

Jennifer, Wow this is freaky! My fiance and I are getting married June 2001. His cousin just announced his engagement yesterday and they are planning a May 2001 wedding, one month before ours! Problem is, we live in NC and are getting married in LI and a lot of our family and friends here already have to save $$$ to make the trip up. Problem is everyone is complaining already that it's going to be such a financial burden to attend two weddings in two months, especially since they're long distance trips. And on top of everything, my future SIL is getting engaged next week, and I know she wants a spring/summer wedding. We can't win! Feel free to email me if you want to vent, b/c I know I need too. LOL :)

As for you being selfish- NO WAY!!! I'd be peeved if my sister planned her wedding so close to mine. Especially when you've been enganged and have had the date set for a while. Have you tried talking to your brother? What does your family think?

My brother's wedding.

I agree, Jamelle. This does not have to take away from your big day. I think a 3 month window is good - obviously more would be better. Remember, its not only alot to ask from your family and friends (ie: showers & wedding gifts) but also of your family. That's a lot of activity and obligations for all of you in a short period of time......and I also agree that you 2 should talk it out and leave your parents out of it.

You can learn from their planning stages - & hopefully be better for it! Remember that saying - saving the best for last??? Its about the glass being half full v. half empty. Make this work for you - not against you.

Good luck! : )

My brother's wedding.

I don't think you should put your parents in the middle, but their advise is usually helpful- especially since they know both of you better than just about anyone... One month doesn't seem like enough time for the reasons that have already been mentioned (ie, financial burden on relatives who will have to attend two weddings, etc). You and your brother are obviously old enough to have an adult conversation. So give it a try. If you talk with your brother I'm sure things can get worked out. (:-]

Good luck! : )

My brother's wedding.

We are in a similar situation-- we have known for over 6 months that we were planning on getting married in the spring of 2001 My cousin got engaged first and chose may 2001 Friend got engaged next June 2001 we got engaged and came up with april 2001 now have two more friends planning may 2001 and aug 2001-- My cousin got upset that we are getting married so close to them-- but you know what I was not waiting another year to get married because of that-- so as far as your brother goes-- talk to him but understand his side as well-- you said this might be the only time he can take off-- doesnt that play into the picture Your day will still be your day-- it is not about who is first or second As far as the money goes--if you know that you have 3 weddings next year does it matter if they are all within one month or 6 months-- you know about them -as will your guests you are still going to spend the same amount of money-- I agree with what a few have said-- you should talk to your brother and work it out-- laura

Thanks!

Jamelle

My brother's wedding.

Jennifer- I am in a very similar situation. My brother and his fiance got engaged several weeks after I did and we both wanted a fall wedding. We compromised and planned our weddings 2 months apart. He is getting married in September and I am getting married in November. He lives out of state so that helps but there were no hard feelings and we are very excited for both days. Each of your weddings will be special but try and plan different themes or something to distinguish one from another...Good luck!

Thanks!

Jamelle

My brother's wedding.

i would be upset too. i am the baby in the family and i got engaged dec of 98 my sister was so happy for me. i felt bad for her because i know she was waiting to get a ring from her boyfriend anyway we just got married this past dec and my sister got engaged 3 weeks after the wedding. when i asked my future brother in law why did he wait- he said to me cathy i felt that 1999 was your year and i didn't want me getting engaged to your sister to ruin that so i figured that i would wait till after your wedding and the year 2000 is our year. when he told me that i started to cry i said you are the most unselfish person that i ever met and i thought it was so nice of him. although i wouldn't have been mad if they got engaged doing 1999...

I'm hiring a quartet to visit Paul late morning on our wedding day ...they're going to sing "Going to the Chapel" and give him a special note from me. : )

Sure, its a little corny but its very much my style. : ) When I was a property manager, I'd go caroling with the quartet for the Holidays and everyone loved it!

My brother's wedding.

Thanks for sharing that. I appreciate everyone's advice. Looking at it the way everyone is describing makes sense, but I guess since I was the first in my family to be engaged, I wanted to be the first married. Kinda disappointing, but maybe it'll turn out ok in the end.

Judy, I am sure that the head piece is fine...at this stage in the game the one thing that I have learned is not to take what people say too seriously...you know what they say about opinions...they are like a_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _, everyone has one! for example. the bra that I picked for my dress, one week the lady at the bridal salon said that the cup was too big. I spent a whole week agonizing over it and thinking about taking it back to have more alterations done to it (I got it at Mary's they do custom work) and then the next week she told me how well the bra fit!! Same thing with the slip, my Mom told me that the one slip was too poofy, I went along with her, and took the smaller one even though I wanted the poofy one, and then the next week I put on the poofy one for the fitting and she did not even notice until I told her. Go with your head piece, he has not seen the finished product yet, and don't show him anything else! you will just upset yourself, if his comments are not what you want to hear. When is your date again? Good luck with your dress!!

Jamelle

My brother's wedding.

JENNIFER I DONT THINK YOU ARE BEING SELFISH----MY SISTER CATHY WROTE IN, SHE SAID HOW SHE GOT ENGAGED FIRST AND HOW MY FIANCE WAITED HE WOULDNT EVEN GIVE ME THE RING UNTIL HER WEDDING WAS OVER, I WASNT TO HAPPY ABOUT THAT BUT I UNDERSTOOD. IT WAS HARD WE HAD JUST BOUGHT A HOUSE AND HIS 2 YOUNG SONS WERE LIVING W/US. I WANTED TO HURRY UP GET MARRIED AND BE A HAPPY FAMILY, LOOKING BACK I AM GLAD I WAITED SHE HAD HER TIME AND COME SEPT I WILL HAVE MINE, YOU BRO IS THE SELFISH ONE HE HAS 2.5 YRS AND THE BEST HE CAN DO IS A MONTH BEFORE YOU ===GIVE ME A BREAK ===TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL THIS IS YOUR TIME

...the handicapped bathroom looks horrible. The tile is nasty, the faucet looks like it hasn't been cleaned, there are 2 ratty old waste baskets & a roll of handtowels ontop of the dispenser b/c its broken (and has been for several months now). Its very out of character for the facility - which is beautiful and very well kept......

When I first booked the room, I expressed my concerns to Tiffany. My FMIL will be using that bathroom all night (the reason why we booked it is b/c she is on oxygen and she needs everything on one level b/c she can't climb stairs). Told her it needed to be cleaned & prepped...she said she'd put a flower arrangement in the room.