Re: Need Your Opinions...Re: Bridal Shower

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Posted by ChristineAE

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Posted by ali120206

I was in a sorority in college and there a number of showers that people were invited to and not invited to the wedding.

I think it's ok since they know the situation.

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Just the answer I was looking for.

These girls aren't even 21 years old yet - they're not into the whole 'wedding etiquette' deal and just want to be a part of something, and wouldn't take offense.

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Christine, this is one of those questions that really can only be answered by your gut instinct. Would you do this to one of your mom's friends, or someone you don't know as well, NO, but you can judge the girls 'temperature' for lack of a better word.

IMO, you only need to follow rules of etiquette with those you know are STICKLERS for it (at least that's what I am doing)

Re: Need Your Opinions...Re: Bridal Shower

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Posted by stephanief

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Posted by smm2675

i say no, and here is why - its proper ettitque to only invite guests to the shower that are also invited to the wedding.

plus, if they know about your shower thye may chip in on a gift for you and either send it to your house or to the shower with another sister.

its a tricky situation, but in the end i would not invite them.

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I'm sorry but I agree with this.

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I don't think you should invite them... sorry - jmho. i guess i feel like it obligates them to get you a gift. And - they shouldn't have to spend what someone getting an invite would, but they might feel like their gift has to be on part with other guests. attending the church is perfect. it allows them to be a part of it, but doesn't obligate them to spend $...

Re: Need Your Opinions...Re: Bridal Shower

I think you should do whatever you think is right for you and your sorority sisters.

I wasn't in a sorority, but in my big group of friends a few of us got or are getting married this year. My one friend didn't invite me to the wedding - and I was a little surprised. I understand that she probably had to cut corners somewhere, so it's not a big deal.

But....if I were invited to her bridal shower.... I would have been very insulted. Not sure if that is what you want to hear, but that's how I personally would feel.

I know that often brides give 'lists' to their mom's for their bridal shower. But I did not. My mother invited who she wanted - and left off a lot of female guests that she wasn't close to because she didn't want to look like she was just asking for another gift for me. I am glad I didn't have to give her a list because it freed me from any worry or concern.

ETA: I know that you see it as 'better than nothing' - but to me, I would feel like 'i'm good enough for the shower, but not for the wedding'...Sorry!

Re: Need Your Opinions...Re: Bridal Shower

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Posted by malbert

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Posted by stephanief

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Posted by smm2675

i say no, and here is why - its proper ettitque to only invite guests to the shower that are also invited to the wedding.

plus, if they know about your shower thye may chip in on a gift for you and either send it to your house or to the shower with another sister.

its a tricky situation, but in the end i would not invite them.

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I'm sorry but I agree with this.

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I don't think you should invite them... sorry - jmho. i guess i feel like it obligates them to get you a gift. And - they shouldn't have to spend what someone getting an invite would, but they might feel like their gift has to be on part with other guests. attending the church is perfect. it allows them to be a part of it, but doesn't obligate them to spend $...

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I really do agree with you.

Re: Need Your Opinions...Re: Bridal Shower

May I also add - how many times are there showers at work for people? I know I always go and bring a gift and don't expect to be invited to anyone's wedding.

I know it's different, but if these girls get the situation then I say go for it Chris.

Re: Need Your Opinions...Re: Bridal Shower

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Posted by smm2675

i say no, and here is why - its proper ettitque to only invite guests to the shower that are also invited to the wedding.

plus, if they know about your shower thye may chip in on a gift for you and either send it to your house or to the shower with another sister.

its a tricky situation, but in the end i would not invite them.

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I agree.

Re: Need Your Opinions...Re: Bridal Shower

Well, normally I would say no

However, you obviously have a special relationship with these girls. How about your mom calling them each personally, and saying, I know Christine is unable to have all the sorority sisters to the wedding, and is thrilled that you will attend the ceremony at the church. SO I thought it would be so wonderful if you would be able to come to her shower, I know it would mean the world to her...blah blah blah. Just take the extra mile to make the girls feel special, and also truely understand the situation.

Good Luck!

Re: Need Your Opinions...Re: Bridal Shower

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Posted by M&LSept1606

I voted no. But, if you don't care about ettiquette...then do it. I would feel funny going to a bridal shower if I knew I wasn't invited to the wedding. JMO

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i have to agree with this.....i would be insulted by it - even if i understood...

i also voted no.

Re: Need Your Opinions...Re: Bridal Shower

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Posted by mtdr1106

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Posted by M&LSept1606

I voted no. But, if you don't care about ettiquette...then do it. I would feel funny going to a bridal shower if I knew I wasn't invited to the wedding. JMO

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i have to agree with this.....i would be insulted by it - even if i understood...

i also voted no.

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would you really be insulted if your friend came to you and said, Tricia, you know I can't invite you to the wedding for x reason, BUT I am so excited that you want to celebrate our marriage at the church. I just want you to know that you are welcome to come and party at my shower if you wish, since I'd love to have you there in some way.

I can see you maybe being a little disappointed...but wouldn't you also understand that it was coming from a good place?

Re: Need Your Opinions...Re: Bridal Shower (UPDATE)

Updated!

Re: Need Your Opinions...Re: Bridal Shower (UPDATE)

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Posted by JessicaM.

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Posted by mtdr1106

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Posted by M&LSept1606

I voted no. But, if you don't care about ettiquette...then do it. I would feel funny going to a bridal shower if I knew I wasn't invited to the wedding. JMO

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i have to agree with this.....i would be insulted by it - even if i understood...

i also voted no.

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would you really be insulted if your friend came to you and said, Tricia, you know I can't invite you to the wedding for x reason, BUT I am so excited that you want to celebrate our marriage at the church. I just want you to know that you are welcome to come and party at my shower if you wish, since I'd love to have you there in some way.

I can see you maybe being a little disappointed...but wouldn't you also understand that it was coming from a good place?

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to visit @ the church is one thing...i would not be insulted.

but to invite me to a party and have me bring a gift and all that...and then not invite me to your wedding....yes i definitely would be...JMO....i am not a sensitive person or anything....i just think if i am not on your wedding list - why am i on your shower list?

i would be fine with just seeing you @ church and taking some pictures....JMO

Re: Need Your Opinions...Re: Bridal Shower (UPDATE)

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Posted by mtdr1106

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Posted by JessicaM.

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Posted by mtdr1106

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Posted by M&LSept1606

I voted no. But, if you don't care about ettiquette...then do it. I would feel funny going to a bridal shower if I knew I wasn't invited to the wedding. JMO

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i have to agree with this.....i would be insulted by it - even if i understood...

i also voted no.

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would you really be insulted if your friend came to you and said, Tricia, you know I can't invite you to the wedding for x reason, BUT I am so excited that you want to celebrate our marriage at the church. I just want you to know that you are welcome to come and party at my shower if you wish, since I'd love to have you there in some way.

I can see you maybe being a little disappointed...but wouldn't you also understand that it was coming from a good place?

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to visit @ the church is one thing...i would not be insulted.

but to invite me to a party and have me bring a gift and all that...and then not invite me to your wedding....yes i definitely would be...JMO....i am not a sensitive person or anything....i just think if i am not on your wedding list - why am i on your shower list?

i would be fine with just seeing you @ church and taking some pictures....JMO

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thanks. I see what you are saying. I know you are not typically 'sensitive' which is why I asked you. it does make sense.

Re: Need Your Opinions...Re: Bridal Shower (UPDATE)

glad you made your decision. i guess it wasn't that hard after all. you know these girls best.