not a cheapskate/feeding photg

Wow! talk about controversy! Just let me go on the record saying, we all have the right to disagree...but not to call names...including cheapskate! Mark, I think you misinterpreted my post. First of all, I am not having a band. I am having a DJ- so no breaks there- period. Secondly, I DID say that the photog crew can eat- just not a SIT down DINNER. They will have plates made up from the cocktail hour and beverages- none of which I should have to pay extra for. I am not being cheap- they will be tipped- and I am paying over $1300 for my package. To expect to sit down & have a full course meal is a bit presumptious. And no, they will NOT be there 10 or 12 hours. One crew starts at 9 and leaves around 3ish. The other crew starts at 10 and leaves around 5ish. so, 7 hours at the most, having had something to eat and drink- just not Filet Mignon. for the crew to expect to eat, is just a bit too much. I am not a slave driver-I have paid good $$ up front for the services and will give an appropriate tip. My crews are to shoot in photojournalistic style...how do you expect to shoot candids, if they are in the bathroom or busy eating? not gonna happen.

thank you to Vicki, Roseanne, Donna & Glory for sticking up for me. Thanks!

not a cheapskate/feeding photg

Just a note on this controversy... I believe it is appropriate to feed the photographer and other vendors. I don't get a free meal at work and I also don't think it is my obligation to feed vendors at my wedding. It is just a nice thing to do. I come from a family that buys, or more than likely, cooks a hot meal for moving people. I realize the photographer/video guy are there to 'capture the special moments', but to have an expectation that this person should not be able to grab a bite to eat, GO TO THE BATHROOM, or sneeze so that they are available to catch every special moment is unrealistic. This person, first of all, can only be in one place at a time -there may be several special moments happening at a time so he is bound to miss a few as it is.

Whether or not we decide to feed vendors we all put a lot of time, energy, and money into planning this very special event. I think it is a good idea to take a step back every now and then so that we don't get carried away in the details or have unrealistic expectations.

not a cheapskate/feeding photg phyl phyl

well phyl i'm joining you also. i am new to the site and i cannot believe this guy. the nerve for him to come out to speak as a business man wanting a meal. first of all that is his problem not ours. its his job career not ours. we all have jobly problems. i'm an attorney and sometimes from 7-8 in the morning we have no time to eat til 5-6 at night that's 12 hours or so. i'm not saying his job is easy but it's not that hard either. he does sit, stand, move around, drive in his car, and most certainly can eat at any time. yes he can eat at the cocktail hour so can the band any any other vendor. they CAN also go into the kitchen. some caterers reduce the price because they realize that they are getting away with murder. its found money for them and it could bring in thousands of dollars a weekend. what happened to eating at home, at the brides house, after the wedding driving to the hall, while the bride is in the bridal suite going to the bathroom and eating again, and yeas during the cocktail hour. typically he should be stuffed by the time the reception comes! so here here to vicki, donna, phyl, glory. don't feel that you are unfair, this photographer should hang it up, he has expossed himself as a cry baby. i like the example about waiters and waitresses, do they sit down to eat over 4-5 hours? i think not. you should not feel guilty, nor cheap, when he is not you girls, so feel good and tell this guy to get off the site.

Hi! I'm looking for dirt on Brentwood Country Club. Is it awesome or cheesy? Good for an outdoor reception? Any stories? Thanks! Timerie

Tips

I don't think there is anything wrong with feeding you vendors, but I do think there is something wrong when you pay for their services, feed them AND are expected to tip them. Quite frankly, I don't think there should be a "standard" for tipping. If someone does a good job they get a tip, and if they don't then they don't get a tip. We're not talking about a waiter/waitress whose salary comes primarily from the tip. We're talking about vendors who charge thousands upon thousands of dollars. (Why, because we're willing to pay those prices) We've been told we HAVE to tip by being given "tipping guidelines". I'm not saying I wouldn't tip, I'm just saying you shouldn't EXPECT a tip. You should expect to be paid for you services, which you are, and nothing more. If you get a tip, it means you were awesome and if you don't and you wanted one, then you have some polishing to do. As for the prices we pay for vendor meals, that's something to take up with our catering halls. What's the use of complaining if we don't do anything about it?

It's such a balancing act, trying to save money while putting on a fabulous party and not stressing out completely. The last thing we should be stressing over is how much to tip people whose services we haven't seen/used yet. What's wrong with sending the tips a few days after your affair, when you can judge how much you think each vendor deserved? That's how companies give out bonuses, you don't get a bonus the first day of work, you get it after you've been there a while and they can evaluate you performance. Why should this be any different?

not a cheapskate/feeding photg phyl phyl

Good morning!

This is getting way out of hand. I only meant to help out in difficult, sensitive areas where you might not be aware of what goes on behind the scenes. I've simply been attempting to inform, for those of you who are interested. I don't have these problems with my customers, so I never expected such hostile reactions. I participate on this forum because I enjoy taking a break from my busy day and I like to help out from my experiences, which I thought would be appreciated. I'm not doing this to get new business or to antagonize anyone. If you are interested in my opinions and feedback, that's fine. If you're not, that's fine also. But why such hostility?

No one is forced to do anything. I've only made suggestions in areas that I thought you might be interested. We are talking about paid employees in a service oriented business. Not the owners who "charge thousands of dollars" (as if we're stealing from you or being innapropriate in our pricing. Believe me; if any business owner charged the wrong amount, he would be out of business in no time. And there are very few vendors who are making a fortune while maintaining any semblance of family life. Most of us are in this business because we enjoy it; not to make a fortune or to have an easy life!)

not a cheapskate/feeding photg phyl phyl

Mark,

Well said. If you remember a few months back when the same subject was the "hot topic", I caught some negative comments as well for my views on tipping. Don't take it personally, there is a valid reason.

As you know, in any type of business there is good and bad. Unfortunately in the world of weddings (which I love) there seems to be more and more scamming and bad business going on. Just read what the ladies are writing about their own experiences. I believe that many of them have reached a level of frustration and don't know who or what to believe anymore, perfectly understandable.

Thank you Rob & Mark

Although I am clearly in the minority, I DO appreciate your comments. I value the free flowing nature of ideas and the beautiful part of it is, if I don't agree - I don't have to do it!

It is a shame that you 2 are being bullied for participating simply because people don't agree with you.

My wedding is Saturday and I won't be posting anymore (except to let you all know how it went!). But for the time that I've been here - I thank you both.

mark- sorry to offend

I should remember that if I ask for opinions, that they can be different from my own. I should take what everyone has said and make up my own mind. Sorry if this caused any heat in your direction.

It is a shame that you 2 are being bullied for participating simply because people don't agree with you.

My wedding is Saturday and I won't be posting anymore (except to let you all know how it went!). But for the time that I've been here - I thank you both.

not a cheapskate/feeding photg phyl phyl

Mark, In your defense, I think your postings have added a good perspective to the board. I personally am interested in what vendors have to say...I asked my catering manger what tip standards are (among other things), not that I will give whatever he or you or anyone else says -but its nice to have different opinions of what the 'standard practice' is. You have made good points in other areas about feeling comfortable with the vendors we select, and dont seem to be trying to sell yourself or anyone else in particular...basically, you have offered an unbiased point of view from your experience.

Im not sure why this topic has gotten so out of hand, obviously people always have strong feelings where money is concerned, but I think everyones general message is to do what you feel comfortable with. The thread likely started because someone ASKED what other people were doing so they would have an idea how to proceed (Ive posted questions myself). Someone (Karen?) recently posted a motion to end the discussion - I think its a good idea in the sense that there is no reason to judge or criticize other peoples points of view on the topic....so now we know, some people feel it is appropriate to feed&tip the vendors, some people dont think it is necessary….and to varying degrees! Personally, as Ive posted before, I will feed my vendors. Not because you or anyone else said it was the right thing to do -but because I feel it is the right thing to do. As far as the line of discussion moving toward the '..we are paying enough already, our per plate is very high'…we make the decision on how much to spend in total and that should include what we feel is the level of tip we would like to give. Would you go to a restaurant with $100 in your pocket and order $100 worth of food and say 'Oh well, their prices were so high, I guess I cant leave a tip'. (Whether or not people agree with the practice of tipping in the service industry is a whole other discussion!!!)

Thank you Rob & Mark

Thank you, Karen.

I heard this morning on the radio that the prediction for Saturday is 58 and sunny! Enjoy your day and best of everything to you in your new life!

Rob

Thank you Rob & Mark

GREAT NEWS on this cloudy day. : )

Thanks for the good wishes!!!!

Hope this helps.

Reply to Mark

Mark, I certainly didn't mean to offend you, or anyone else with my comment about charging thousands of dollars for a service, It's just what my experience has been so far. I know that most photo packages start at $2000. I think that qualifies as thousands. And I am not trying to be wise, I'm trying to clarify. I think, and this is my opinion, that people should spend what they can. No more, no less.

That out of the way, I do have a question: In my posting I mentioned sending tips to vendors after the event. Is there anything wrong with that? I don't want to have to write cheques the day of my wedding and since I won't know who's good and whose great I wouldn't want to under tip someone. What do you think? Other vendor's opinions are greatly appreciated.

Reply to Mark

Karen, Of course that's fine! I have many people who take care of it when they see the proofs. Either because they want to see the results first, or they were too busy on the wedding day, or they ran out of cash. Whatever the reason, whatever you do is fine. Everyone always understands.

And if there is not enough, then a simple thank you is sufficient!

Mark

Reply to Mark

Thanks, Mark. I was wondering the same thing.

Thanks for all the positive feedback on the PJCC, so far everyone I talked to has good things to say. Just hope the weather holds out to take advantage of the view and fireworks!

I had to cancel my plans and was very upset. I came here to tell everyone and you all were great. Until I had real problems and actually came to the boards to tell others the names of the establishments that were un professional. Now I am far from a dumby, and have been through a wedding and a marrage in my past, so I have done all this already. When my caterer tryed to keep 3x the legal amount that they were entitled to keep I was basically told that I was the one who was wrong! I know the laws, I read the contracts, yet I was Bashed! Same thing with the florist, who I never got more then an estimate from, nobody signed anything, yet now she wants money from me when nothing was ever in writing other then exactly just that....an estimate!

Reply to Mark

They just like to feel appreciated for working hard + putting that little (or a lot!) extra. Money is always most appreciated (we're talking about human beings!) but a hug + a thank you works just as well if money is tight. This does not have to be such a big issue. When asked, answers + suggestions are given.

Be well, Mark

best of luck Jamelle

Reply to Mark

Thanks.

I'm new to this whole wedding planning thing and I am beginning to feel extremely overwhelmed. I am trying to be very organized about this and I figured that if I did one aspect at a time it would go smoothly. This doesn't seem to be the case, especially now that I went to a bridal center and left almost in tears. The guy there was really friendly, and it seems too helpful, because I almost drowned in the different PACKAGES he offered for EVERYTHING.(The word package gives me nightmares now)