Re: this was said to me...what do you think?

FH & I are having all nieces and nephews at our wedding whether they are in the wedding or not. I'd feel bad telling some that they could not come becasue they were not in the wedding. But we are drawing line and siblings kids are the only kids invited.

Re: this was said to me...what do you think?

I totally hear where you are comming from... I would just make sure to personally speak to everyone that does have kids so that way they won't get offended. I am only letting family bring kids... not all my freinds and co-workers. I made sure to speak to all of them so inform them that then they didn't have to worry about their children taht night... and they could enjoy our wedding. They all understood. Talking clears things up TONS. Best of luck..

Re: this was said to me...what do you think?

---

Posted by WishfulRinne

So today I mentioned to someone that FH's sister wasnt too happy about my no kids at the wedding rule (she has 3 sons from ages 13-3)
Then I was told...isnt your sisters son going to be at the wedding?
I say...well yes,he is the ring bearer
I was told...how can you let your sister's son come to the wedding and not your FH's sister's son?
I say...because my sisters son is in the wedding party. Only children in the wedding party will be in the wedding.
Then I received a 'look' and silence.

This really bothered me. And now I feel bad. FH is perfectly fine with the rule. I have way too many children in my family and I want it to be an adult affair. I thought I was doing the right thing by only having the children from the wedding party there.

What do you think?

---

honestly if your FH is ok then FSIL needs to get over it cause it;s not her wedding. Just make sure FH has your back..

I was unfortunately in the same position and lost terribly and will now have about 7 kids from FH's side of the family and my one nephew who is in the bridal party.

Don't make an exceptions or it will snowball into an complete disaster! Trust me!!

Good luck!

Re: this was said to me...what do you think?

I understand and can agree with the no children rule, but this is your FH's nephew (will be your nephew too after the wedding) and, in my opinion, he should be at the wedding. It really would be unfair if your niece/nephew is there and his isn't. You don't have to include all others that are extended family or friends but this is the immediate family. Again JMO but he should be there.

Re: this was said to me...what do you think?

we have the same rule and only child who will be at wedding is FG who is FH cousins daughter.

She will walk in with Bridal party but then FH cousin is having her in-laws come and pick her up.

Dont feel bad, it makes perfect sense. Parents with children cannot enjoy the event as they have to keep an eye on the kids and those addl playtes add up esp when there are many in the family.

Re: this was said to me...what do you think?

i think the way you have it is fine, fh's sister had that rule and all the guests were perfectly ok with it...at least it didn't get back to me if they weren't and i was planning the shebang with her and her mom lol

Re: this was said to me...what do you think?

We're having an 'Adults Only' reception and the only children invited are the children in the bridal party. However, my FG's brother who is 6 will be invited. Also, FH's goddaughter who is 8 yrs old and she's not in the bridal party. Only bc FH is her godfather, her cousins will not be invited. If FH doesnt have nieces or nephews yet.

Re: this was said to me...what do you think?

---

Posted by Nitania13

I'm sorry to be contrary to everyone else's opinions, but I kinda agree with who said it to you (although her method may have been wrong). It is contradictory to have one set of kids at the wedding and not allow others. You either have a no kids rule, or you don't? It would really make some guests (and worse yet, close family members) feel slighted to have your sister's son be allowed, but not your FH's sister's son. I understand money being tight, but what could he cost? Another $35 for a kids meal? I just feel like there are things you cut, and things you don't. If you genuinely can't afford to have kids there, then your sister's son shouldn't be there either. JMO, but I kinda agree it's a double standard!

My cousin is going through the same thing for her wedding, and her nieces are flower girls, but they aren't going to the reception afterward b/c of the no kids rule. They hired a sitter afterward. Sorry I can't be more agreeable.

---

I do kinda agree with this tho...its one or the other...only kids in the bridal party except the really little one?

Tell her what I told my cousin--'get a babysitter!'

You would think that these people would like a night out to themselves anyway!

Re: this was said to me...what do you think?

I had an issue with this as well. i will leave it at that.

Re: this was said to me...what do you think?

I really appreciate everyone thoughts. Really.
It is quite unfortunate that I do not have all $$ to pay for all the extra children. And yes it might only be a certian amount extra but when you times that amount by 10 or more then the amount become a prob.
If I had the $$ then I would prob invite all neices, nephews, cousins children etc. BUT FH and I are paying for this on our own. No help from no one. Just me and him.

I am lucky that FH supports and agrees with me. He actually wanted it and suggested it. The children in the wedding party may not even come to the RH. They are both 2. Therefore, if they did come, I would not have to pay for them. ( By the way my RB is my sisters son, but my FG is my cousins daughter so I am not playing favs, it is just the way it worked out)

Situations like these really bother me because I want to make everyone happy. Then I say to myself...this is MY ONE DAY. I need to make myself happy.

Thank you so much for your thoughts. You all are great!

Re: this was said to me...what do you think?

i had the EXACT situtation, only doing kids in the BP as in the wedding, i had complaints LEFT AND RIGHT from Fhs famil, everyone and their mother complained and said they werent coming, and guess what? i didnt give in and said ok if you complain ad cant find a babysitter (when i know they can) then dont come! and they eventaully said ok were coming lololol
its YOUR day, i am to the point that i said screw anyone that doesnt want to come and thats it , im burning bridges yes BUT i do not want to have the wedding i NEVER WANTED, to make other people happy. me and FH are putting $$ into this wedding and WE do not want kids, and everytime someone askes this questions i go into the whole thing lol because i got sooo pissed when it happened, but im not giving in so other people can be happy and i can be miserable seeing a whole bunch of kids running around my wedding dance floor, which is somehting i never ever wanted

Re: this was said to me...what do you think?

---

Posted by meli722

i had the EXACT situtation, only doing kids in the BP as in the wedding, i had complaints LEFT AND RIGHT from Fhs famil, everyone and their mother complained and said they werent coming, and guess what? i didnt give in and said ok if you complain ad cant find a babysitter (when i know they can) then dont come! and they eventaully said ok were coming lololol
its YOUR day, i am to the point that i said screw anyone that doesnt want to come and thats it , im burning bridges yes BUT i do not want to have the wedding i NEVER WANTED, to make other people happy. me and FH are putting $$ into this wedding and WE do not want kids, and everytime someone askes this questions i go into the whole thing lol because i got sooo pissed when it happened, but im not giving in so other people can be happy and i can be miserable seeing a whole bunch of kids running around my wedding dance floor, which is somehting i never ever wanted

---

You def feel my pain! Thanks for your thoughts!

Re: this was said to me...what do you think?

If you included all of your sibling's children and all of your Fh sibling's children would it only end up being those extra three kids? If it is it might just be easier to invite them. If this is going to cause you to invite more then a table of kids then you could just keep it to the flower girl and end it there. As a child some of my best memories are from my aunts' and uncles' weddings so I would want the kids who are close to me to have them too. This doesnt mean you don't have to set limits, we do not have any nieces of nephews but I do have some younger FIRST COUSINS (the youngest two are in the wedding) plus another 4 or 5 who are under 18, we are setting the limit there no cousin's or friend's children.

Re: this was said to me...what do you think?

I am only having my first cousins.. I have some 3 ages 13-17. Then I have second cousins that are 21 and up. They are not invited. My FH neices and nephews are getting the kiddie plates that are half the price of the adult plates. Are they really going to eat fish or an overpriced piece of meat? no. They will eat fries and regular chicken. If it is a big deal then look into the price for a kid. it might save the headache.

Re: this was said to me...what do you think?

That is what I am doing. THe only children invited to my wedding are our nieces and nephew and the children in the wedding party(which are our nieces and nephews). That it.
I am a huge family and I know a lot of people are going to be mad @ me. Another rule I have are only cousins invited, no second cousins.

Re: this was said to me...what do you think?

DO NOT BEND ON THIS RULE!!! You have to stick to your guns, FH's niece is the flower girl, however both sisters will have more kids by the wedding and they aren't invited as I don't want 2 5 month old kids at the wedding, FH is fine with it and if anyone else has a problem it's on them. Do what you planned, if you don't want tons of kids running around at your wedding that's your choice and you have to make sure you're tough in your decision, don't give in to one if you do it'll snowball and you'll end up miserable!!

Re: this was said to me...what do you think?

I agree with you...I don't think that people who aren't in the process of planning a wedding understand sometimes

Re: this was said to me...what do you think?

I canned having bridal party children all together because of this problem.

Re: this was said to me...what do you think?

the youngest child will be my FG, 3y/o...and then the cut off is 16 yrs old...those are the only 'children' that will be at my wedding. yes, we cant afford the extra heads at the RH & i dont want lil kids running around...

i come from a large family so it's common practice to not invite the kids to the weddings...the first wedding i went to was when i was 20yrs old...

so i say do whats best for you and ur FH