Re: Stressed and Sad...

---

Posted by mdawg

---

Posted by Dr Meg

---

Posted by mdawg

i hope that you girls feel the same way i do... and i dont mean to like 'invade' your post... but reading that these girls have gone through the same things that im going through really helps an incredible amount. it makes me realize that one fight is not going to end the whole relationship, and that rough patches are common and okay every now and then....


i love you girls.

---

I totally agree that you have a realize one fight isn't going to end the relationship. It took me a while, being with FH, to realize I could be myself and he wasn't going to leave me because we disagreed on something (I attribute it to horrible past relationships). But if you let things bottle up inside you to the point where you are yelling and screaming then that might not be good either. Just talk to him and let him know how you are feeling.

---

i completely agree with you. i am soooo self-conscious about what i say because if i were to completely be myself, my exes would freak out on me and scream and yell and verbally abuse me... but with my current boyfriend i can be myself, and we havent broken up yet.

for any girl who is in this situation, this support system we have going is perfect.

---

And, it's always best to be yourself now. Because if you are not, it will come out sooner or later anyway and it could make or break you guys. Plus, if you can be yourself with him now- that's def a beautiful thing!

Re: Stressed and Sad...

we allllll have rough patches like this where we think 'omg, is marriage right for us' 'how are we going to get through this' honestly, i believe if you dont question that at least once during the engagement, you arent communicating enough and arent staying true to yourself... so look at it as a good thing hun!

on another note, if he smokes 2 packs while you're dating, you cant 'expect' that to change.... you can hope that he'll want to change so he can live a longer and more healthy life with you and your future fam, but this isnt something that should be occurring to you just now ya know? my FH did things while we were dating that i didnt really like, and i thank god we had 7 long years to compromise and work on that stuff... use the engagement as a time to get out ALL your feelings and really WORK on the relationship.... its a period where yeah, it should be blissful, but its a true test of the strength of your relationship!

ps: if you havent already done so, use the tactic of look how much $$ you're spending, when we can put it towards _______ and when we have a fam, thats extra money we're going to need... you can also say... sacrifice a pack and ill cut back on _____

Re: Stressed and Sad...

Oh sweetie! I am so sorry you are going through this, but I think in a way you have answered your own question. The smoking bothered you while you were dating but it was never this Huge problem between you and your FH. Now that you are engaged it is bothering you more than ever. I am sure you are feeling like, wow I have to live with this everyday for the rest of my life. But it is really important to remember that you are in love with him and if he loves you and treats you as you deserve and you are happy together then that is all that matters. In time, something will happen to show him that smoking that much is incredibly unhealthy. I pray that he sees your point of view, but I think it is more important at this time to concentrate on the love you have for each other. HTH!

Re: Stressed and Sad...

It's good to know that I'm seriously not the only 1. Me and FH had a huge fight yesterday and I feel like everytime we fight I question things! Ahhhhhhh! I read each and every post from this topic and it made me feel so much more at ease!!

Re: Stressed and Sad...

Girl can I tell you FH and I have been dating for 12 years and I really never argued with him as we do now since we started planning the wedding.
After 12 years I am now questioning myself with him (Oh and by the way we are so not talking right now).
But we’ve been together for such a long time so I know it’s the stress of the wedding…
I say hang on in there and talk to him, letting him know the severity about your, very valid, concerns.

Re: Stressed and Sad...

Sorry to hear you are stressed! FH and I have had our ups and downs also so you are not alone. Like everyone else said before, communication is key and fighting and yelling at each other will not work. Just calmly talk to him about your concerns.

Good luck and remember you always have your LIW girls here for you!!

Re: Stressed and Sad...

---

Posted by shalice

Girl can I tell you FH and I have been dating for 12 years and I really never argued with him as we do now since we started planning the wedding.
After 12 years I am now questioning myself with him (Oh and by the way we are so not talking right now).
But we’ve been together for such a long time so I know it’s the stress of the wedding…
I say hang on in there and talk to him, letting him know the severity about your, very valid, concerns.

---

Wow! 12 years! That's amazing. If you been together than long, you can be married forever!!!!!!!

But, I am like you in a way- FH and I never fought like this before. Now, since we got engaged, it's a weekly thing! It's so frustrating but I am glad it's not just me because I was starting to think there is something wrong with us! I guess I need to figure out something to take my mind off the stress and have a sit down with FH tonight and talk about things calmly.

Re: Stressed and Sad *Update*

Bumped for update on yet ANOTHER FIGHT!

Re: Stressed and Sad *Update*

That *****... especially if you feel like he's your only stress.

I hope your talk tonight goes well and resolves a lot of things!

Re: Stressed and Sad *Update*

---

Posted by flairforfashion

Bumped for update on yet ANOTHER FIGHT!

---

Wow sweetie! I am so sorry! I don't know what to say. If you truly feel he is the only negative in your life, you may need to seriously rethink things. However, I am worried that you are going to make a rash decision if you talk to him today when you are feeling so upset and angry. Maybe you should take tonight to think on things and get together with him tomorrow after work? You may feel different? Can you imagine your life without him? Please let me know if there is anything I can do! We love you!

Re: Stressed and Sad *Update*

i'm sorry hun. I think fighting at this point is normal.... us too! last week we fought EVERYDAY. I was like, 'omg, and I'm marrying him??'

I think when it sets in that it will be forever, both people start to focus on each others faults more than their positives and hence, stupid fights are caused!!

We had a long talk- we are both stressed over money right now (I'm only working part time, trying to find another job but its going slowly and wreaking havoc on our finances) and we are moving in a month yet barely can find time to make the move- I have summer classes and he is dealing with family issues. We reminded ourselves that its not fair to take our own stresses out on the one person that is there for us and make us come out of it.

Good luck- try to stay calm and cool when you have your talk- don't raise voices, blame, or make a rash decision! After you have a mature conversation take a night to sleep on it.

Re: Stressed and Sad *Update*

Wow, I feel for you and can't believe how many of us are going through the same thing. I thought it was just me!!!

Sometimes I wonder if I should cancel, and other times, I can't wait . . . . but all based on my reaction to things my FH HAS ALWAYS DONE but now drive me crazy.

I don't know how to handle it either, so I have little advice to give, I just want you to know I really know how you feel and I'm sorry to hear it . . . . .

Re: Stressed and Sad *Update*

---

Posted by Jsquared279

---

Posted by flairforfashion

Bumped for update on yet ANOTHER FIGHT!

---

Wow sweetie! I am so sorry! I don't know what to say. If you truly feel he is the only negative in your life, you may need to seriously rethink things. However, I am worried that you are going to make a rash decision if you talk to him today when you are feeling so upset and angry. Maybe you should take tonight to think on things and get together with him tomorrow after work? You may feel different? Can you imagine your life without him? Please let me know if there is anything I can do! We love you!

---

I don't think I could live without him. He's just really pissing me off lately and right now, he IS the only stress in my life. I need to talk to him TODAY because if I don't, we will never speak about it. I am the type that if it's not fresh in my mind, I will pretty much forget about it if it's not discussed.

Re: Stressed and Sad *Update*

---

Posted by flairforfashion

---

Posted by Jsquared279

---

Posted by flairforfashion

Bumped for update on yet ANOTHER FIGHT!

---

Wow sweetie! I am so sorry! I don't know what to say. If you truly feel he is the only negative in your life, you may need to seriously rethink things. However, I am worried that you are going to make a rash decision if you talk to him today when you are feeling so upset and angry. Maybe you should take tonight to think on things and get together with him tomorrow after work? You may feel different? Can you imagine your life without him? Please let me know if there is anything I can do! We love you!

---

I don't think I could live without him. He's just really pissing me off lately and right now, he IS the only stress in my life. I need to talk to him TODAY because if I don't, we will never speak about it. I am the type that if it's not fresh in my mind, I will pretty much forget about it if it's not discussed.

---

Good point good point. I am so glad you said you don't think you can imagine your life without him. That is excellent! He just needs to shape up! Good luck tonight sweetie!!!!!!!!

Re: Stressed and Sad *Update*

im sorry i think all relationships go through a rough bumpy road where things get rough, tyr to hang in there! good luck

Re: Stressed and Sad *Update*

Im sorry to hear this
But I have to say I fight with FH alot...smoking is one of our things as well. I hate that he smokes and tell him that he needs to quit....He will not smoke when we live together!!! ( as I write this he calls and needs cigs, I hold them for him so he doesnt smoke too much ) As he just said to me that he is quiting at the end of this month, we'll see when the end comes.
But we also fight about money, I am better with it and he isnt. We dont live together but, I am always thinking a head and for our future, he thinks of today.
As much as I hate when we fight and think I can I do this, I think it is healthy. I had someone who didnt try to fight with me at all and always thought tings would be fine and that got us no where...communiction is the key to a relationship. FH and I just have to tone it down a bit and sometimes space can help....just not see eachother so much can help.
I rambled enough and hope I made sense but, you know e are here to help

Re: Stressed and Sad *Update*

I think that everyone goes through a rough time in their relationship. The FH and I went through ours before the engagement. We would fight about the stupidest things sometimes and most of the time it was because we were scared or stressed. We had a long talk one night and since then, things have been going really well. We understand now what we want from each other. I think that once you talk about things, they will start to get better. Sometimes taking a day to yourself also helps.

Planning a wedding is super stressful. I promised myself that I was never going to be a bridezilla but sometimes it just gets so crazy that you can't help it (esp. if you don't have help)
Keep your head up! Feel better.... Hope all goes well

Re: Stressed and Sad *Update*

to be quite honest...I think its normal. Ive had my moments where I wanted to leave, and so has FH.
Marriage is not easy. It really is an uphill road. I think as years go on, the love becomes unconditional (I mean to an extent provided he doesnt throw beat downs every night or isnt trustworthy)

But seriously, theres not one woman I know that doesnt have her issues with her hubby...I do have a friend though who says her relationship is wonderful and they never fight. Know what I think-I think its a facade....so cheer up, have a glass of vino and hang on the couch watching tv-that always helps me

Re: Stressed and Sad *Update*

Awww...I think we all go through this. FH and I fight over wedding things since we got engaged.
We really never fought before this. Its funny how after we get engaged then we start to see things that were always there but we just didn't care enough to address them. Take a few days to think. Why don't you set a week where neither you or your Fh can talk about the wedding or anything wedding related?

Re: Stressed and Sad *Update*

Michele,

Hang in there, It'll be ok you both are going through a lot right now. It seems that Men get bent out of shape about finances and wedding stuff.

Just have to take it easy and day by day but don't be quick to pull the plug. Relationship and marriage is a sacrifice and you have to do your best to make it work.

hang in there....it;ll get better