Re: Stressed and Sad *Update*

money is the worst thing to fight about. we had a fight about money not too long ago, and i felt so dirty afterwards. better to cut back on spending than fight.

Re: Stressed and Sad *Update*

Thanks again girls. I love you all! I was supposed to see FH last night to talk but we both fell asleep! I passed out at 6PM and woke up at 7:30 this morning. What the hell is wrong with me!!!!!!!! So, he called me this morning to apologize for passing out and I said we need to talk tonight. So, when I get out of work, we are going to talk about everything.

Re: Stressed and Sad *Update*

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Posted by flairforfashion

Thanks again girls. I love you all! I was supposed to see FH last night to talk but we both fell asleep! I passed out at 6PM and woke up at 7:30 this morning. What the hell is wrong with me!!!!!!!! So, he called me this morning to apologize for passing out and I said we need to talk tonight. So, when I get out of work, we are going to talk about everything.

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Good luck tonight...I think it is totally normal to feel the stress on the relationship with planning the wedding... marriage takes good communication. be honest and you will be fine! Sending good thoughts your way!

Re: Stressed and Sad *Update*

we fight a lot more now too but i think that its just the stress cuz we never ONCE had a fight when we werent engaged. We live in FL and are planning in NY...my mom is paying for EVERYTHING and his family isnt doing SQUAT! and they keep complaining that its costing so much blah blah and it makes me mad!! we canceled our original HM to Europe and are going on a cruise and Disney for 2 days instead and that helped a bit since it was a lot less money...so hopefully once things calm down it will be okay


Its just a lot of stress on someone.....just sit down and talk about all the things that are bothering each of you.

Re: Stressed and Sad *Update*

I'm glad you posted this. I am in the same boat you are in. He doesn't have anything major that bothers me like your FH smoking. But little things. Plus we have been working opposite schedules all along. So I guess from not being able to spend quality time together you start feeling dissconnected. So we started fighting more.
We sat down and talked about it, and it's better. Plus I got promoted so I will be working in the city now and we will be on the same schedule so that will help.
Like others have said just stay calm, don't speak loudly when you talk to him because that will put him on the defensive right away. And if he starts getting loud just say can you please not raise your voice that won't get us anywhere.
Keep us posted

Re: Stressed and Sad *Update*

I have to say I am so happy I am a part of this board!! I think I love each and every one of you girls....LOL <3 As sad at it sounds, its really refreshing knowing I'm not the only one going through this....and knowing that all of us are getting married around the same time, we can all share our personal experience (only one of my friends are where I am at this point in my life so most of them don't really understand)

I am going through the same thing (not with the smoking...just little things we never faught about before) and so glad I am not alone - and neither are you!! But you have to sit down and talk to him at some point. Thats what we usually do - on my request .. LOL - and just talk out what is going on. Like for instance, my fh smokes a lot....and I quit! So we had to compromise - absolutely NO smoking in the house anymore (even when I wasn't living there) so he agreed. And sure enough, he doesn't smoke as much as he used to. Also, let him know that when you have kids, its gross to smell like smoke and hold a baby - they will always associate him with that smell!!! And it's also not good for you either - second hand smoke is worst than actually smoking. Maybe he will realize.

It is all going to work out. You both are engaged to each other for a reason. If you didn't love him and want to go through life with him, you wouldn't have said yes, and as for him, he wouldn't have asked. This is just a challenge that you guys are going to have to go through. It will be ok and work out in the long run!!

Re: Stressed and Sad *Update*

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Posted by flairforfashion

Thanks again girls. I love you all! I was supposed to see FH last night to talk but we both fell asleep! I passed out at 6PM and woke up at 7:30 this morning. What the hell is wrong with me!!!!!!!! So, he called me this morning to apologize for passing out and I said we need to talk tonight. So, when I get out of work, we are going to talk about everything.

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This is good...just try and stay calm and no raising voices....LOL that doesnt get you anywhere - just in a bigger fight. It will all work out for you...let us know how it goes!!

Re: We are happy again! No more stressed and sad!

So we talked. For at least a good hour. The best part is that there was NO yelling whatsoever. I think this is the end of the excessive fighting. I am used to the occassional fight which is normal and healthy but what we've had lately was unreal. Everything was put on the table and he understands my concerns and vice versa. He promised me that he will quit smoking before we get married. It was a heartfelt promise and I do believe him. I told him he needs to cut down. He said he has been doing so which I do believe. So, I think we are good now. Thanks guys for all your support! Love you!

Re: Re: We are happy again! No more stressed and sad!

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Posted by flairforfashion

So we talked. For at least a good hour. The best part is that there was NO yelling whatsoever. I think this is the end of the excessive fighting. I am used to the occassional fight which is normal and healthy but what we've had lately was unreal. Everything was put on the table and he understands my concerns and vice versa. He promised me that he will quit smoking before we get married. It was a heartfelt promise and I do believe him. I told him he needs to cut down. He said he has been doing so which I do believe. So, I think we are good now. Thanks guys for all your support! Love you!

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aww, that is GREAT news! I'm so glad you were able to talk everything out... every couple goes through a rough period - and I think that's part of how you know you're marrying the right person - you're able to work through the rough spots!

Re: Re: We are happy again! No more stressed and sad!

so glad to hear you guys were able to talk things through.

Re: Re: We are happy again! No more stressed and sad!

Glad you guys talked it all out

Re: We are happy again! No more stressed and sad!

So glad to hear that things worked out for the best. Sometimes you just need a good talk.

Re: We are happy again! No more stressed and sad!

YAY!!!!! I'm happy you were able to clear things up with your FH!!!!!!!!!!

Re: We are happy again! No more stressed and sad!

I am glad to hear that!!!!!!!!

Re: We are happy again! No more stressed and sad!

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Posted by flairforfashion

So we talked. For at least a good hour. The best part is that there was NO yelling whatsoever. I think this is the end of the excessive fighting. I am used to the occassional fight which is normal and healthy but what we've had lately was unreal. Everything was put on the table and he understands my concerns and vice versa. He promised me that he will quit smoking before we get married. It was a heartfelt promise and I do believe him. I told him he needs to cut down. He said he has been doing so which I do believe. So, I think we are good now. Thanks guys for all your support! Love you!

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That's wonderful!!!!!!!!!! I was just gonna post asking how you are doing. So glad it all worked you! YAY!

Re: We are happy again! No more stressed and sad!

Re: We are happy again! No more stressed and sad!

So glad you worked it out. Not sure how many of you were on here the other night, but the FH and I hit what I also thought was just the limit, I'd had it, as had he (or so he said) but it wasn't US we had had it with,

we had had it with money stress
work stress
family stress

and mainly, we realized, wanting to make things PERFECT for each other now that we're getting married. We discussed and realized, we can't do that, or at least, we can't be more perfect than we were when we realized we should marry . .. . .

When we realized that, our worst moments resulted in our best and most important realizations . . . .. .

I'm so glad you (and we) worked it out!! Now back to planning!!!

Re: We are happy again! No more stressed and sad!

that's wonderful to hear!!! It's going to make you guys a stronger couple and I wish you guys the best of luck! I'm so glad everything worked out for you!

Re: We are happy again! No more stressed and sad!

that's great to hear you worked it out! it will make your relationship that much stronger and special knowing you can pull through the rough spots.

i think there are too many people that just give up and not try and it's sad to me.