Re: Would you be mad? (Bridal Party Related)

I don't think its an ettiquette question...

You dont need to know ettiquette to want to give a gift or SOMETHING when your brother is getting married - its a happy occassion and someone should want to give something...

Re: Would you be mad? (Bridal Party Related)

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Posted by AlliCatB

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Posted by Future Mrs.

I am ashamed to admit this.....but LET IT GO. She is soooo young....she has no experience, and you must let it go.
I cannot eve ntell you how many tabboo pheaux pas I made when I was that age....I just didn't know any better, and nobody pointed it out to me. your MIL should have told/mentored her through it.....no she shouldn't know better.....
Let it go......you have a whole lifetime of happy events that she will buy you gifts for.

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I agree with this. It stinks and is annoying but you can't be upset with her. She's probably never even been to a wedding before.

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She was just to a wedding back in March. I hope she didn't go empty handed
I was gonna have DH say something like someone above said.. Oh I didn't see your card in the pile..
but if he doesn't want to I will just let it go.
To me at 21 you just know better. You're an adult.

Re: Would you be mad? (Bridal Party Related)

She is just rude. Even my 16year old sister at least gives a card. And since she doesn't work or drive, if she has no money or ride for a card she makes one on the computer. So if a 16yo can do it then a 21yo most certainly can.

Re: Would you be mad? (Bridal Party Related)

Well thats certainly weird, Ill say that. But If you guys do have a good relationship and she does make good money, I dont get why she didnt give you any gift. I doubt someone lacks the common sense on that one. Shes still kind of young yet though...did she go in on a gift w/ the rest of her family? Was she included on their card? To be honest though, I wouldn't say anything. To me, its just not worth it w/ family. Seems like there has to be some reason behind it.

ETA: I have family members who constantly call ppl and haggle 'Didn't see your card?' or 'I didn't get a thank you yet for...'
...I always think thats too is annoying. Id let it go! Shes 21, yes thats an adult but I have to be honest, when I was younger, I think I always went in on gifts w/ my family, didnt do it myself.

JMO

Re: Would you be mad? (Bridal Party Related)

thats pretty awful, my FSIL did not even give me an engagment gift or card and shes 27 and is a pharmacist married to a buisness man

when her child was born 3 months ago, my family gave a good sum of money, and i bought 300$ worth of items of her gift registry.

either shes really cheap or just plain tacky, shes nice to me but just the POOR ettiquete gets to me.

now my bridal shower is coming up [the dates not a surprise] and lets see if she shows up empty handed. ....it will almost be EMBARASSING for me that i have ONE FSIL and she couldnt even get me something small, god knows other ppl will talk about her, i hope she shows some maturity this time around

and yea its not about the gift at all, i know what you mean, its the THOUGHT, a card, a bouquet of flowers, SOMETHING would have meant a lot...

sorry

Re: Would you be mad? (Bridal Party Related)

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Posted by Future Mrs.

I am ashamed to admit this.....but LET IT GO. She is soooo young....she has no experience, and you must let it go.
I cannot eve ntell you how many tabboo pheaux pas I made when I was that age....I just didn't know any better, and nobody pointed it out to me. your MIL should have told/mentored her through it.....no she shouldn't know better.....
Let it go......you have a whole lifetime of happy events that she will buy you gifts for.

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I completely disagree with this statement. At 21 years old you KNOW you're suppose to at least give a card. She's 21, not 15. 21 isnt a kid anymore -- she works full time, etc. She's a big girl and should know better. Age is no excuse and I would be very upset if I were you. You have every right to feel the way you do.

All my girls in my BP are between the ages of 21 and 22, and they ALL not only have given gifts at everything, but also helped plan the shower and bachelorette party. And they're full time students. If they know better (and only one of them has ever been in a wedding before) then your SIL should know better too.

Re: Would you be mad? (Bridal Party Related)

That's really pathetic of her not to get you ANYTHING... it would be one thing if she were really struggling financially (but at least then get a card for you sister in law!) but anyway, someone who's 21 (an adult not a child) and working at a good job should have more common sense than that!

Re: Would you be mad? (Bridal Party Related)

I'd be annoyed. Come on how can u come epty handed to every party?! Wasthe envelope box at the wedding not a big enough hint?? What is wrong with her? That's really tacky.

Re: Would you be mad? (Bridal Party Related)

FYI, it's perfectly acceptable etiquette to buy a gift up to a year after a wedding. I'm not big on the whole engagement gift thing at all - in fact, when I was 21, a friend of mine got married and I had no idea there was such a thing. As for the shower - meh....let it slide.

Re: Would you be mad? (Bridal Party Related)

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Posted by DrWho

FYI, it's perfectly acceptable etiquette to buy a gift up to a year after a wedding. I'm not big on the whole engagement gift thing at all - in fact, when I was 21, a friend of mine got married and I had no idea there was such a thing. As for the shower - meh....let it slide.

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That's a new one.. up to a year? Just give me a card.

Re: Would you be mad? (Bridal Party Related)

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Posted by AeroJenn

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Posted by Future Mrs.

I am ashamed to admit this.....but LET IT GO. She is soooo young....she has no experience, and you must let it go.
I cannot eve ntell you how many tabboo pheaux pas I made when I was that age....I just didn't know any better, and nobody pointed it out to me. your MIL should have told/mentored her through it.....no she shouldn't know better.....
Let it go......you have a whole lifetime of happy events that she will buy you gifts for.

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I completely disagree with this statement. At 21 years old you KNOW you're suppose to at least give a card. She's 21, not 15. 21 isnt a kid anymore -- she works full time, etc. She's a big girl and should know better. Age is no excuse and I would be very upset if I were you. You have every right to feel the way you do.

All my girls in my BP are between the ages of 21 and 22, and they ALL not only have given gifts at everything, but also helped plan the shower and bachelorette party. And they're full time students. If they know better (and only one of them has ever been in a wedding before) then your SIL should know better too.

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Thank you, that's my point. Maybe I'm comparing myself to when I was 21. I mean I'm 23 and married. She has a good job, her own apartment. DH parents are divorced. She doesn't live with mommy or daddy... and she doesn't pay rent bc her apartment is in her grandpa's house.
It's just annoying when she shows up to my shower empty handed but wearing her Chanel sunglasses and Burberry scarf!

The thought of a card is enough.

Re: Would you be mad? (Bridal Party Related)

I would be...........though she lack of common sense could be it. My brother and SIL are married, have 2 kids, everyones in the bridal party, and i never got a gift. I don't even care about a physical present, just acknowledge you're happy for me.

Re: Would you be mad? (Bridal Party Related)

Maybe her presence was enough

No but that is wrong and pretty annoying. Like I know my FSIL is young she just turned 19 but she has gotten us a gift for our engagement and I am sure she is going to get us a gift for our shower. Now I have a feeling that my FMIL is footing the bill but at least she got something and showed she cared. But I had a friend who got married last year and he invited an old friend and actually his ex girlfriend(Which the old friend and ex are brother and sister) yes and I know weird to invite an ex but it was years ago and they BOTH showed up empty handed after my friend GAVE MONEY to their family for a donation for their father who was sick with cancer. Pure white trash in my mind. Can you believe 4 people (including a guest for each) show up with NOTHING not even a card, and the ex's husband makes alot of money - EL CHEAPPPOOOOOO

Re: Would you be mad? (Bridal Party Related)

I would be pretty annoyed. Has your DH sd anything? I dont know what you could say ... esp since your close with her.

Re: Would you be mad? (Bridal Party Related)

That's tough. We had a suprising number of people give nothing. Not even a card. Some were close family (best man) and others were aquaintances. I haven't worked up the nerve to say anything though and I doubt I will......I just wouldn't know where to begin.

Re: Would you be mad? (Bridal Party Related)

I understand how you feel. Personally, I think it is a maturity thing. My brother did not give us a gift or card for our engagement. I think its because if my mom doesnt tell him to do something he wont do it

Re: Would you be mad? (Bridal Party Related)

I think you should have DH speak to her. She should know better and if she doesn't then you need to fill her in! She's your sister now so teach her the proper etiquette.

Re: Would you be mad? (Bridal Party Related)

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Posted by Aug07OFCbride

Shes still kind of young yet though...did she go in on a gift w/ the rest of her family? Was she included on their card? To be honest though, I wouldn't say anything. To me, its just not worth it w/ family. Seems like there has to be some reason behind it.

ETA: I have family members who constantly call ppl and haggle 'Didn't see your card?' or 'I didn't get a thank you yet for...'
...I always think thats too is annoying. Id let it go! Shes 21, yes thats an adult but I have to be honest, when I was younger, I think I always went in on gifts w/ my family, didnt do it myself.

JMO

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I agree. I did not have a real job until September. When I was 22, I went to my cousins' wedding and my gift was included with my parents. They did include all of our names in the card. Of course I was never close to my cousin and to be honest knew very little about weddings (it was the first wedding I had been to since I was 10)

Re: Would you be mad? (Bridal Party Related)

I agree with the poster who mentioned that it would have been helpful if your MIL had been on top of her for this. I don't know her relationship with her parents or family, so it's hard to judge. I was young (22) when my brother got married, and I lived out of state. I paid $320 for a bridesmaid dress, plus shoes, hair, etc., and also paid a plane ticket from Atlanta to NY. I was making $1600 a month (8 years ago), and felt awful, because I could in no way afford to write a check. I bought wine glasses from Pier One, and wrapped them and brought them with me. I was embarrassed to give a gift, and not money, but it was all I could afford, and I wanted to acknowledge them. A few months later, I visited them, and saw the glasses in their china cabinet!! I can't tell you how happy that made me. They clearly didn't care about the monetary amount, and like what I picked out! It's all about the thought....

Re: Would you be mad? (Bridal Party Related)

Wow. I would be a bit annoyed. My parents taught me well and at a very young age. I was getting invited to weddings when I was 21 and I knew that I was responsible. I was working and getting paid (not lots of $$$ but liveable for me). So, I knew what I had to do and I thank my parents for that. There are some parents that do not teach proper equitette. I have had to deal with this at times and close my mouth. But, our children will definetly understand and will use proper equitette.

~dancer and chef~