Re: Would you give a gift according to the type of wedding??? POLL

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Posted by coxmandi

Having lived in VA for 8+ years you realize that the things you 'believe' are 'correct' at a wedding are just not done in other parts of the country.

But, I too did not want hip hop or rap played at my reception. I come from a religious family who would be offended at the lyrics in a lot of those songs. I asked my DJ to use his discretion if a song wasn't on our play list or to ask me or my DH.

Having an open bar is NOT a standard thing in most places. Weddings are not supposed to be a drunk fest, wine tasting or drinking event. Weddings are celebrations of the newlywed couple, and if they and their family don't want to serve a full open bar, don't fault them for that. Just realize, when OOT guests come to NY weddings they are blown away by the ridiculous amount of money spent on a 1 day affair.

Rant over. I just get tired of people critizing non NY style weddings (especially because there a lot of brides here who aren't going all out either).

To answer the original question, I give a gift based on my relationship to the couple. I could care less if it was a backyard BBQ or a Black Tie Sat night Oheaka wedding.

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Dag I could not have said that better myself. I myself won't be playing hip hop at my wedding either because of the same reasons as you. I wont 'have an open bar either or any liquor at all. Anyhooo I give according ot how close I am to the person getting married not based on the style of wedding the person has. I do keep in mind if I am not tht close to them to make sure I at least cover my plate plus a little extra.

Re: Would you give a gift according to the type of wedding??? POLL

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Posted by kara10152006

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Posted by dleeny

...I've heard about weddings in other parts of the country and most people give wrapped gifts costing $100 or less per couple.
it's all relative.

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I went t a wedding in Nevada last year where the couple received a $40 starbucks gift card, I don't think that's right in any state! (even if they just gave them $40 cash it would have been better... )

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NOW THAT IS DOWN RIGHT WRONG!! i DON'T CARE WHERE YOU ARE.

Re: Would you give a gift according to the type of wedding??? POLL

i would say it definetly depends on the situation and your relationship with the person. I had a very close friend who didn't have a whole lot of money to splurge on her wedding...so she had in a regular hall (like a knights of columbus), decorated herself, hired friends & family for catering, no liquor, etc...... she & her husband had made it as nice as they could with what they could afford...now if I hadn't had a close relationship with her, I probably would've given a lot less than what I did... but because I've grown up with her & knew her situation, I WANTED to give her a nice gift. I think the basic rule to a wedding is to atleast cover your plate.... and then based on ur relationship with the person u can go from there.

Re: Would you give a gift according to the type of wedding??? POLL

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Posted by babybug631

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Posted by coxmandi

Having lived in VA for 8+ years you realize that the things you 'believe' are 'correct' at a wedding are just not done in other parts of the country.

But, I too did not want hip hop or rap played at my reception. I come from a religious family who would be offended at the lyrics in a lot of those songs. I asked my DJ to use his discretion if a song wasn't on our play list or to ask me or my DH.

Having an open bar is NOT a standard thing in most places. Weddings are not supposed to be a drunk fest, wine tasting or drinking event. Weddings are celebrations of the newlywed couple, and if they and their family don't want to serve a full open bar, don't fault them for that. Just realize, when OOT guests come to NY weddings they are blown away by the ridiculous amount of money spent on a 1 day affair.

Rant over. I just get tired of people critizing non NY style weddings (especially because there a lot of brides here who aren't going all out either).

To answer the original question, I give a gift based on my relationship to the couple. I could care less if it was a backyard BBQ or a Black Tie Sat night Oheaka wedding.

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It's not that they didn't want an open bar. They didn't want to pay for it. I've been to weddings in SC and TX. I know how it is. However, when half your guests are driving 5-6 hours and spending the weekend to be at your wedding, and they are all from NY, you should spring for the open bar. If all the guests were from MD, maybe noone would have known any better.

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If I lived in an area where (unlike NY) an open bar wasn't expected, I wouldn't want to pay for it either. Actually, I don't want to pay for it, I just don't feel I have much of a choice. It's pretty darn expensive. I absolutely can't fault them for not wanting to pay for it - we all know quite well how much money a wedding can cost, and many of us cost quite a few corners to keep within budget. In some areas, one of those corners is the bar.

I have to agree with coxmandi's comment. I think some of the things New Yorkers expect at weddings are a little ridiculous and unfair, and are definitely not the norm in other parts of the country - and I don't think people should have to go into debt just to fulfill the expectations of their guests.

As to the music - if my DJ started playing Kanye West, I'd run him out of the building. It's a matter of personal musical tastes. You like hip hop, and that's fine. Many others don't, and in the end, it really is the bride's choice what music she has playing at her wedding.

As to the gift question - I give the gift based on my relationship with the person. End of story.

Re: Would you give a gift according to the type of wedding??? POLL

I think when you go to weddings in other regions it is important to figure out what there customs and traditions are. If you go to a less extravagant wedding in another part of the country and give the bride and groom 200-300 they may not feel comfortable and put them in an awkward (sp) position. TMO

But i usually give my gift based on the relationship with the person

Re: Would you give a gift according to the type of wedding??? POLL

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Posted by ksl268

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Posted by Mrs_C_in_'07

We always give what we can afford. If someone decides to pay $500/pp, that's the bride and groom's business, and we're not about to pay $1000 to cover our plates. Same as if we go out of state. Mostly, we tend to give anywhere from $200-$250 as a couple and adjust accordingly depending on if it's a close friend or family. JMO.

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I do this also.....

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Ditto.

Re: Would you give a gift according to the type of wedding??? POLL

I would try to think how much the plate cost, double it if i came with a guest and add maybe 50-100, depending how close i was to the bride and groom

Re: Would you give a gift according to the type of wedding??? POLL

I have been to weddings in different parts of the country and it's not always as extravagant as weddings in NY. An open bar is a 'luxary' in some states or regarded as such.

I give according to what I can afford and my relationship to the couple. It does not matter where they live. But like a previous post mentioned, it also depends if you have other expenses like airplane tickets, tux rental, hotel, etc...

Just to put it in prospective, what some weddings cost here in NY is about the price of a house in a different state.

Re: Would you give a gift according to the type of wedding??? POLL

i always when i go to weddings....give atleast 200 which used to be a nice gift...now w. the cost of a wedding it really is just avg! id never give less than what that person gave me...id do the same or more....in this case id go w. the same!
Why i say this...is bc i live in NC now..and honestly everyone said ohhh weddings there are less....well guess what totally not true when i found a spot here that i wanted..they gave me a price that was 75$ for winter?! and that didnt include cake and CH no joke was 3 items! so ive learned that even if the place that someone else picks its like less...prices can be more than think!

Re: Would you give a gift according to the type of wedding??? POLL

I think that expecting an open bar is ridiculous...and to base your gift on it??? Are we supposed to sit there with the checkbook and keep a tally at table #15:

beginning check amount: $200
open bar=$25
flounder instead of salmon= -$10
no hip-hop= -$20
didn't like cake flavor= -$20
buffet dinner????= -$30
favor...bubbles = $5...at least they gave me something

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TOTAL OF $150 paid to the happy couple.




I think your aunt was a bit out of line to think that personally. Yes, in the south, it's LESS common for an open bar or even a sit down dinner...and it doesn't even matter who is having the wedding...our dear friend in NC was the mayor's son and his wedding was buffet, tea, water and juice unless you paid for the beer or wine. Nothing was spared for this affair, but even so, it wouldn't begin to compare to a NY wedding. And yes, most people brought a GIFT not a card with a check.

The only thing anyone should expect at a wedding is to see a newly married couple enjoying their special day!

That said, FH and I argue over what is appropriate (I grew up in NC) to give. We have come to compromise [for most weddings] with a 'discounted' check that still 'covers our plates' and a small gift either from their registry OR something I've seen that I feel a new wife will enjoy (once i gave this great shadow box frame that came with a memory card to write what is so special about what is inside, the bride LOVED it...their HM was also an ecology project to save turtles as well, so she put things from their efforts in it.).....something personal and sweet that says 'We actually thought about you and what you might want.'

Re: Would you give a gift according to the type of wedding??? POLL

I give the same no matter what type of wedding, but adjust it for my relationship with the person.

So funny, 2 years ago FI and I went to his friends wedding in Michigan and gave $200- well, they were so appreciative and surprised that we gave that amount, hehe.

Re: Would you give a gift according to the type of wedding??? POLL

I definately think the ettiquette changes. In NY we do weddings a lot different than in other parts of the country. I went to a wedding in Indiana and a different friend from there told me definately NOT to give money. She said you always buy an actual gift. The wedding was much more low key, buffet style, and NO alcohol.

Re: Would you give a gift according to the type of wedding??? POLL

I like to try to cover plate, try to be as generous as possible.