Any Jehovah Witnesses out there??

My FH's family are Jehovah witnesses while my family is not. Our religious differences have never been a problem up until now when we are planning the wedding. We both agreed that we would have a nondenominational wedding ceremony due to our religious differences. Now that i am in the process of planning our ceremony i'm really bothered and upset at this. I never knew that JW's were THIS strict about what seems to me...everything! No offense to those that practice this religion but i am having a difficult time understanding. Here i am thinking all along that we would be having a unity candle ceremony and BAM...right when i am about to buy the candles my FH tells me that he thinks that they are not allowed to do this. (FYI: my FH does not practice but his immediate family members are AVID members). He confirms this with his mom and i am told that anything that has 'symbolic religious meaning' they are not allowed to participate in. So no unity candle ceremony for us...
I am at a loss of what our ceremony will consists of. So far it seems our whole ceremony will most likely last at most 10 minutes since we won't be doing anything! I'm really curious as to how a Jehovah witness wedding ceremony is like? Although i am totally against having one i just want to know what they do. It seems like everytime this religion topic comes up now between FH and i we end up arguing or upsetting eachother. That's why i can't ask him or his family about it.
If anyone knows anything please help me! The ceremony is one of the most important part of the wedding and i am so bummed because it seems like ours will be really bad and somewhat superficial. I hope i'm not offending any JW. I just need some help!

Re: Any Jehovah Witnesses out there??

Maybe this site can help...I just googled the info for you and found this.




http://www.beliefnet.com/boards/message_list.asp?boardID=28081&discussionID=522939

Re: Any Jehovah Witnesses out there??

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Posted by glass012

My FH's family are Jehovah witnesses while my family is not. Our religious differences have never been a problem up until now when we are planning the wedding. We both agreed that we would have a nondenominational wedding ceremony due to our religious differences. Now that i am in the process of planning our ceremony i'm really bothered and upset at this. I never knew that JW's were THIS strict about what seems to me...everything! No offense to those that practice this religion but i am having a difficult time understanding. Here i am thinking all along that we would be having a unity candle ceremony and BAM...right when i am about to buy the candles my FH tells me that he thinks that they are not allowed to do this. (FYI: my FH does not practice but his immediate family members are AVID members). He confirms this with his mom and i am told that anything that has 'symbolic religious meaning' they are not allowed to participate in. So no unity candle ceremony for us...
I am at a loss of what our ceremony will consists of. So far it seems our whole ceremony will most likely last at most 10 minutes since we won't be doing anything! I'm really curious as to how a Jehovah witness wedding ceremony is like? Although i am totally against having one i just want to know what they do. It seems like everytime this religion topic comes up now between FH and i we end up arguing or upsetting eachother. That's why i can't ask him or his family about it.
If anyone knows anything please help me! The ceremony is one of the most important part of the wedding and i am so bummed because it seems like ours will be really bad and somewhat superficial. I hope i'm not offending any JW. I just need some help!

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I had a similar situation. DH's mother is a JW and although he was raised that way he did not practice it. I myself am Catholic and most of my family and his are as well. We opted to have a non denominational ceremony and used a reverand who made it BEAUTIFUL. I look at it like this...it is YOUR day..do not let what THEY are change what you want for YOUR day. If they don't want to come..or don't agree with it..that's their problem. I originally wanted to have my ceremony in a church but didn't think it would be fair to have DH convert to Catholicism for one day. While I completely understand it is your FH's family, if he does not practice that religion, then he shouldn't be concerned about what is/isn't allowed. Bottom line..you do what you want. If you would like the Reverends info let me know..and I will be more than happy to send it to you. Our ceremony was beautiful and longer than 10 minutes..

Re: Any Jehovah Witnesses out there??

Do you what you want.. are you paying for the wedding or are they ?
Also religion in families do cause problems perhaps this is something you guys need to really clear the air with ... He needs to stand with you and not his family..

Re: Any Jehovah Witnesses out there??

I'm not Jehovah, but it sounds like you're not really having a nondenominational wedding from what you're saying. It seems like you're giving up all of your religious customs, but you're still following his family's and that's not fair. You may not be doing the same stuff that they do at a ceremony, but you're still following their rules and not yours. IMO u should talk to your FH and say that you're the one doing all the compromising and that you don't think it's really fair because it's becomming more jehovah than non-denom. Do it nicely and sweetly, but still be firm. You should also talk about what's going to happen when you guys have kids. They may have a problem with birthdays and holidays, and you want to come to some sort of resolution so there won't be any confusion. JMO Good luck!!!

Re: Any Jehovah Witnesses out there??

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Posted by FutureMrsBeck

I'm not Jehovah, but it sounds like you're not really having a nondenominational wedding from what you're saying. It seems like you're giving up all of your religious customs, but you're still following his family's and that's not fair. You may not be doing the same stuff that they do at a ceremony, but you're still following their rules and not yours. IMO u should talk to your FH and say that you're the one doing all the compromising and that you don't think it's really fair because it's becomming more jehovah than non-denom. Do it nicely and sweetly, but still be firm. You should also talk about what's going to happen when you guys have kids. They may have a problem with birthdays and holidays, and you want to come to some sort of resolution so there won't be any confusion. JMO Good luck!!!

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I was thinking the same thing. It seems like you are pushing your beliefs aside and changing your ceremony to meet their specifications.

Honestly, you should do what you want. If FH isnt practicing, then i see no reason for you not to be able to follow your beliefs (it is you and FH who are getting married, not you and FH's family), if you are practicing in your religiojn. JMO, hope you come to some common gorund at least! best of luck

Re: Any Jehovah Witnesses out there??

Many of my husband's family members are Jehovah's Witnesses. He is not but his dad (best man) is an Elder. We opted to not have a church wedding (my maternal grandma was NOT pleased) but that is the only thing that we really changed.

FIL did not say a word about the unity candle which was set up right in front of him. We had a baptist minister perform the ceremony (FH's cousin) and there was no issue at all. The biggest thing for us was the church. After all JW family members realized that I would give in and not use a church they all were fine.

By the way, they can compromise too. Jehovah's Witnesses CAN go to church. They can make that choice and it's no longer a 'rule' for them.

Re: Any Jehovah Witnesses out there??

I may be wrong, but I am pretty sure that unity candles are NOT religious. Although they are commonly used in wedding ceremonies, they are not religious.

If not a unity candle, maybe a sand ceremony? Same concept...

Re: Any Jehovah Witnesses out there??

The Unity Candle is NOT a religious ritual at a wedding...its traditional but does not belong to any religion.

Re: Any Jehovah Witnesses out there??

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Posted by beautyq115

The Unity Candle is NOT a religious ritual at a wedding...its traditional but does not belong to any religion.

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That's what i thought also. I thought it was just a symbolism of two people being joined as one. BUT...i was told by my future in-laws that lighting a candle has a religious meaning to it so they are not allowed to do it!
I'm pretty sure it's not a Korean thing but in ALL the weddings i've attended the mothers usually walk down the aisle first and light a candle in which later on FH and i will use that candle fire to light our unity candle. My MIL said that she is NOT allowed to do this. They are not allowed to light any candles! Although my FH does not practice the religion he basically grew up with it so he does follow some of their 'thinkings/beliefs'. He made it clear that if we did incorporate any 'Christian stuff' aka 'non-JW beliefs' his family would not attend. WTH???!!! This is what pissed me off the most. Sigh...
The saddest part of all is that my parents (especially my dad) is clueless about all of this. I don't know how to break the news. My mom knew from day 1 but my dad...that's another story...
I think my mom thinks that she will be having the candle ceremony. How do i break the news without everyone having negative feelings?
Yeah...like some of you said....i AM sacrificing alot of MY beliefs to please FH's family. A big part of it has to do with the fact that, thankfully, my family is not the most religious family. We haven't attended church in a long time. Also, compared to the strict lifestyle and beliefs that JW follow i guess it is alot easier for me to 'bend' and sacrifice. Although it has a BIG, BIG emotional consequence!
**SORRY SO LONG~! I just need to really vent and get some advice**

Re: Any Jehovah Witnesses out there??

I am sorry you are going through this...

May I suggest you do the unity candle ceremony but don't have the mom's light the candles. I know that is taking something away from your mom. Many times the bride and groom light there own candle and then light the big candle from there. I believe there is a thread that has an article saying the unity candle is a secular tradition. Print it out and show it to them.

Good Luck

Re: Any Jehovah Witnesses out there??

you can make a great ceremony regardless.
here are some non-offensive suggestions that i considered. That I think don't have any faith based origins.

Have a reading or 2 from a poet.
Do a blending of sand, where you each take a scoop and pour it in another jar.
Write your own vows and make them long.
Exchange traditional and your own vows both.
Have your officiant do some filler.
Have your parents stand and give you well wishes, or write a tatement for the officiant to read from them.
Have a moment of silence.
Have a memorial something.
Or special mention to any dead relatives.


Plus I think 15 minutes is all people really want to sit and pay attention. So don't worry its too short. It will be fine

Re: Any Jehovah Witnesses out there??

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Posted by winterwhite

you can make a great ceremony regardless.
here are some non-offensive suggestions that i considered. That I think don't have any faith based origins.

Have a reading or 2 from a poet.
Do a blending of sand, where you each take a scoop and pour it in another jar.
Write your own vows and make them long.
Exchange traditional and your own vows both.
Have your officiant do some filler.
Have your parents stand and give you well wishes, or write a tatement for the officiant to read from them.
Have a moment of silence.
Have a memorial something.
Or special mention to any dead relatives.


Plus I think 15 minutes is all people really want to sit and pay attention. So don't worry its too short. It will be fine

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Thank you for the ideas! I'm trying to incorporate other things into the ceremony that will not offend anyone.
You're right about the 15 minutes! People get restless and i can't imagine standing longer than i have to! I guess this all works out huh??
Need to keep my hopes high and open my mind!
THank you everyone~!!!!

Re: Any Jehovah Witnesses out there??

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Posted by akaMrsT

Many of my husband's family members are Jehovah's Witnesses. He is not but his dad (best man) is an Elder. We opted to not have a church wedding (my maternal grandma was NOT pleased) but that is the only thing that we really changed.

FIL did not say a word about the unity candle which was set up right in front of him. We had a baptist minister perform the ceremony (FH's cousin) and there was no issue at all. The biggest thing for us was the church. After all JW family members realized that I would give in and not use a church they all were fine.

By the way, they can compromise too. Jehovah's Witnesses CAN go to church. They can make that choice and it's no longer a 'rule' for them.

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I agree!!!! This gets me so angry...you have no idea!! We can go to their ceremony's in their 'Hall' but they can't go to another one if it's in a church or 'wedding hall'...come on. I find them to be very judgemental..and it really annoys me. Sorry I just needed to vent that. My DH's mother didn't say a word..when we had a reading done...so I don't see why this girls FH's family would be bothered. It's their day. At the end of the day what matters is their happiness..and it seems like the family is being selfish.

Re: Any Jehovah Witnesses out there??

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Posted by glass012

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Posted by beautyq115

The Unity Candle is NOT a religious ritual at a wedding...its traditional but does not belong to any religion.

---

That's what i thought also. I thought it was just a symbolism of two people being joined as one. BUT...i was told by my future in-laws that lighting a candle has a religious meaning to it so they are not allowed to do it!
I'm pretty sure it's not a Korean thing but in ALL the weddings i've attended the mothers usually walk down the aisle first and light a candle in which later on FH and i will use that candle fire to light our unity candle. My MIL said that she is NOT allowed to do this. They are not allowed to light any candles! Although my FH does not practice the religion he basically grew up with it so he does follow some of their 'thinkings/beliefs'. He made it clear that if we did incorporate any 'Christian stuff' aka 'non-JW beliefs' his family would not attend. WTH???!!! This is what pissed me off the most. Sigh...
The saddest part of all is that my parents (especially my dad) is clueless about all of this. I don't know how to break the news. My mom knew from day 1 but my dad...that's another story...
I think my mom thinks that she will be having the candle ceremony. How do i break the news without everyone having negative feelings?
Yeah...like some of you said....i AM sacrificing alot of MY beliefs to please FH's family. A big part of it has to do with the fact that, thankfully, my family is not the most religious family. We haven't attended church in a long time. Also, compared to the strict lifestyle and beliefs that JW follow i guess it is alot easier for me to 'bend' and sacrifice. Although it has a BIG, BIG emotional consequence!
**SORRY SO LONG~! I just need to really vent and get some advice**

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In my opinion..if you sacrifice your beliefs, then they should do the same. This doesn't sound good. What's going to happen in the future when you have kids? Will they tell you not to celebrate christmas too? I'm sorry..this just got me really upset.

Re: Any Jehovah Witnesses out there??

After reading the entire thread to this point, I can offer you the following:

My very first thought is that it is your wedding and the only people making decisions about the contents of the ceremony are you and your FH. That's it. Any and all input from others should go in one ear and out the other.

However, since that is much easier said than done (unless you're 'old', paying for everything yourself, and have been living away from home for quite some time), here are some practical suggestions.

Rather than your mother losing out b/c his mother won't light a candle, have your mother light both.
In the alternative you can do a sand ceremony.

If the sand ceremony doesn't appeal to you b/c your mom can't participate consider adding the rose ceremony (as seen at TWOTY) wherein you recognize each mother for raising you by giving them a rose.

You can also acknowledge your mother in a program, or by a special reading.

As for how to tell your mother that you're not doing the unity candle, you can either tell her the entire truth as it is, or tell her you have decided to do something else but that it is a surprise (aka the rose ceremony).

Re: Any Jehovah Witnesses out there??

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Posted by glass012

My FH's family are Jehovah witnesses while my family is not. Our religious differences have never been a problem up until now when we are planning the wedding. We both agreed that we would have a nondenominational wedding ceremony due to our religious differences. Now that i am in the process of planning our ceremony i'm really bothered and upset at this. I never knew that JW's were THIS strict about what seems to me...everything! No offense to those that practice this religion but i am having a difficult time understanding. Here i am thinking all along that we would be having a unity candle ceremony and BAM...right when i am about to buy the candles my FH tells me that he thinks that they are not allowed to do this. (FYI: my FH does not practice but his immediate family members are AVID members). He confirms this with his mom and i am told that anything that has 'symbolic religious meaning' they are not allowed to participate in. So no unity candle ceremony for us...
I am at a loss of what our ceremony will consists of. So far it seems our whole ceremony will most likely last at most 10 minutes since we won't be doing anything! I'm really curious as to how a Jehovah witness wedding ceremony is like? Although i am totally against having one i just want to know what they do. It seems like everytime this religion topic comes up now between FH and i we end up arguing or upsetting eachother. That's why i can't ask him or his family about it.
If anyone knows anything please help me! The ceremony is one of the most important part of the wedding and i am so bummed because it seems like ours will be really bad and somewhat superficial. I hope i'm not offending any JW. I just need some help!

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I can completely understand as I was raised a JW and my FH is Catholic. To answer your question, JW's typically have an hour long ceremony which is usually like a sermon that is given by an elder in the congregation. Then the couple exchanges their vows, kiss, and are pronounced husband and wife. There aren't any unity candles or any other forms of symbolism as JW's are strongly against any form of symbolism. That may be why they don't want to get involved in the unity candle thing. I hope this helps to understand the difference a little bit. My FH and I are getting married at the catering hall as well and we are having my uncle (an ordained minister of a non-denominational churh) do the ceremony. We are exchanging our own vows to minimize my uncle's part and the whole ceremony should last appox. 30 min. which I'm cool with as I've always hated long ceremonies (personal preference). If you have any questions about religious differences and how to handle decisions like these please feel free to FM me as I can completely relate!!!!!

Re: Any Jehovah Witnesses out there??

You have FM