Re: Baby Talk- Do you think its true

Wow...girl, you are me are in the same boat! minus the loans. There are many things preventing DH and I from getting pregnant but I feel my time will never be here and if I keep waiting it will never happen. Sometimes I say to myself...screw it! but then I come to reality. Its truly a tough situation...DH and I dont have health insurance at the moment and I believe thats problem our #1 reason for not getting pregnant...but there are other factors. I do believe in the saying that you will make it work no matter what...but I dont know if that will apply is you have no health insurance. Having a baby without that can be pretty $$$$....sigh

Re: Baby Talk- Do you think its true

There is never a perfect time...but like everyone has said if you wait for that perfect moment it may never happen. I am due in December and no our life is not perfect. We don't live in our ideal place, we have debt, we have things that are undecided....but that doesn't mean we can't bring a baby into our life and make a great life for them.

We were also nervous that it would take longer or if we waited to long or for that perfect time we would run out of time and then it would never happen. Having a baby can be hard and it doesn't happen with the wiggle of a nose.

Re: Baby Talk- Do you think its true

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Posted by teenigrrl

when we first started trying, we were still in a one bedroom condo, had no idea when and if it would sell, but we figured we would make it work no matter what. now our baby is due in Sept, we have a house but we're renovating it. it will still be under renovation when the baby comes. is it perfect, no, but we will make it work.

DH is now saying we should have waited before starting to try (the work on the house is stressing him out), but we really wouldn't change a thing. we know we are fortunate enough in our situation. we still don't have things like child care worked out, but i know it will all work out.

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yes you have child care worked out, i'll quit my job and watch Stella for you, but only til 4pm b/c then I have to watch Oprah.

sorry, i'm not having a good day so i'm trying to humor myself and dragged you into it.

Re: Baby Talk- Do you think its true

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Posted by Ayne11

I will say to you what someone just said to me recently.

'There will never be the perfect time to have a child, whenever it happens, You'll make it work'

I thought this was pretty good advice.

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ditto, i was recently told 'you will never be ready financially - you just have to do it, you will make it work'

we are going to start trying in 3-6 months

Re: Baby Talk- Do you think its true

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Posted by SparkyandAng

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Posted by teenigrrl

when we first started trying, we were still in a one bedroom condo, had no idea when and if it would sell, but we figured we would make it work no matter what. now our baby is due in Sept, we have a house but we're renovating it. it will still be under renovation when the baby comes. is it perfect, no, but we will make it work.

DH is now saying we should have waited before starting to try (the work on the house is stressing him out), but we really wouldn't change a thing. we know we are fortunate enough in our situation. we still don't have things like child care worked out, but i know it will all work out.

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yes you have child care worked out, i'll quit my job and watch Stella for you, but only til 4pm b/c then I have to watch Oprah.

sorry, i'm not having a good day so i'm trying to humor myself and dragged you into it.

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sorry you're not having a good day. but you can definitely watch Stella, and just make sure she sleeps from4-5 so you can have Oprah

Re: Baby Talk- Do you think its true

I dont think there ever is a right time. I was planning on waiting at least a year after the wedding to get somethings in order and settled before trying. Well just so happened that we got pregnant on our honeymoon. It was a bit shocking at first to not be prepared but honestly it doesnt matter anymore. Things are working themselves out and although money will be tight, we know we can make it work. If you dont have money there are health insurance programs and WIC and other programs to help you out during hard times.

Re: Baby Talk- Do you think its true

I think the perfect time is when your ready. When you are you'll just make it happen. Just like everything else....

Re: Baby Talk- Do you think its true

Michelle - I get the same feeling as you when I think about this. I want to get preggo sooo bad. But, we have an apt, we are likely moving to NH in 6-9 months and I JUST started a new job - I believe you need to be working somewhere 1 yr before going out on maternity if you want to get the family medical leave? Does anyone know? I might start a post on this.

SO - if we move - hopefully i find a job really fast that has good insurance for me, the baby and DH. Or DH gets a job with insurance so I don't need to worry about that. If we have insurance, I will probably start trying at the 3-4 month mark of a new job so that when I go out, I'll have been there a year.

That's the only thing I am concerned with really - making sure we have insurance to cover the birth and the baby. Who will watch a baby concerns me too, but that to me isn't as important as the insurance. I can hire someone or, if DH is the one with the insurance, I can work from home if possible or work part time so that I can be home most of the time. I'm hoping our money situation improves in NH - housing is cheaper and salaries, for what DH and I do at least, are not too much different than here - so my hope is that I can work a few hours a day only, or maybe even not at all - maybe I will watch other people's babies ...

insurance is really what matters to me.

Re: Baby Talk- Do you think its true

It's funny because after responding to this yesterday it really got me thinking. lol. DH & I started talking about it last night and we decided that because our relationship is very strong and we've both matured so much over these past few years, we'd definitely be ready if a surprise baby DID come into our lives. But our current situation would not be ideal (being in Colorado still, whereas we'd rather have children once we're living closer to New York), plus we don't have health insurance right now. So it's just those things - but it was very comforting to know that emotionally we both are ready (not enough to start TRYING, but still at a good place to be good parents). I used to be terrified of a surprise pregnancy coming before that one year mark, but not so much anymore

Come what may

Re: Baby Talk- Do you think its true

i dont know, i think i am too much of a worry wart....if a surprised happened we would have to deal with it but that is also why we are still really careful right now....and trust me, we both have baby fever BAD!!!

i could never live with myself knowing i intentionally got pregnant without being financially stable - and i dont mean rich - i just dont think people should intentionally get pregnant and depend on public assistance....something about that doesnt sit right with me....but thats JMO...

if you can pay your bills, pay for diapers, formula, food, medical, clothes, shelter - then all the power to you.....but if you can't afford those bare minimums i dont think its right to bring life into the world...

Re: Baby Talk- Do you think its true

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Posted by Future Mulligan

i dont know, i think i am too much of a worry wart....if a surprised happened we would have to deal with it but that is also why we are still really careful right now....and trust me, we both have baby fever BAD!!!

i could never live with myself knowing i intentionally got pregnant without being financially stable - and i dont mean rich - i just dont think people should intentionally get pregnant and depend on public assistance....something about that doesnt sit right with me....but thats JMO...

if you can pay your bills, pay for diapers, formula, food, medical, clothes, shelter - then all the power to you.....but if you can't afford those bare minimums i dont think its right to bring life into the world...

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Hmm are you trying to say state health insurance is state assistance? Personally I have health insurance and could put a child on my plan but it doesn't make sense to pay $700 per month when I can use a state plan that will cost me $20.00 per month and be just as good (actually better because there are no copayments).

Thirty percent of my paycheck every week go to taxes and I might as well make use of it!

Re: Baby Talk- Do you think its true

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Posted by kimNanthony

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Posted by Future Mulligan

i dont know, i think i am too much of a worry wart....if a surprised happened we would have to deal with it but that is also why we are still really careful right now....and trust me, we both have baby fever BAD!!!

i could never live with myself knowing i intentionally got pregnant without being financially stable - and i dont mean rich - i just dont think people should intentionally get pregnant and depend on public assistance....something about that doesnt sit right with me....but thats JMO...

if you can pay your bills, pay for diapers, formula, food, medical, clothes, shelter - then all the power to you.....but if you can't afford those bare minimums i dont think its right to bring life into the world...

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Hmm are you trying to say state health insurance is state assistance? Personally I have health insurance and could put a child on my plan but it doesn't make sense to pay $700 per month when I can use a state plan that will cost me $20.00 per month and be just as good (actually better because there are no copayments).

Thirty percent of my paycheck every week go to taxes and I might as well make use of it!

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I mean people who are 'depending' on it. You have a job. You work. You don't 'need' it.

I don't understand people who don't work, don't have income and don't have health insurance, live off welfare, food stamps and then they pop out babies intentionally and then depend on state/govt to house and feed them and their children - that irks me....I understand for some people times are tough, people lose jobs, sh!t happens and there is nothing wrong with needing/getting help at some point - but if you are already in that situation I don't think you should be bringing life into the world that you can't support on your own.

What also bothers me is people who do have jobs/income and 'work' the system. I have heard that when people from these agencies come to their house they dress like slobs, they dress their kids in ratty clothes, they hide their expensive belongings and make it appear that they have absolutely nothing. I have actually heard of people doing these things. I don't know....crazy....maybe they really do need help and its that hard to get? I don't know....I just can't imagine doing those things if I didn't have to and I will do my best to never be in that situation...

I don't know, I think its good that there are programs for people. DH and I could have a family and one day we could lose our jobs, be broke and need help. But when people abuse it, it just irks me.

My parents didnt have a lot of money when I was growing up - they still don't But they had enough to keep me fed, dressed, healthy and sheltered on their own.

Basically, I don't think people should plan on having children if they can't afford to support themselves - I think its common sense really - but other people don't see it like that...

Re: Baby Talk- Do you think its true

Yeah, I've heard this before. Especially from my parents. They were pregnant with my brother right after the wedding living in queens. My mom quit her job to take care of my bro. He said it was tough going from two incomes for two people and then having only one income for three... and 10 months later my other bro was born! MY dad said yes times were hard and I believe neither were 'expected' but you make it work and get through it.

For us we are truly beginning to feel ready. We didn't want to have a baby until we had our dream home and I don't think that's realistic. It could take awhile to save money and then awhile to get pregnant. I also wanted to get my bachelor's degree and now I'm leaning towards putting that on hold because my life goals are changing.

Re: Baby Talk- Do you think its true

I believe there is a line. We made sure we had a nest egg....to fall back on...just in case my dh lost his job. We didnt want to have a baby and be stressed out about anything. I wanted a baby right away...and we waited until we were at least financially secure, which made us feel comfortable. Thank GOD...because my morning sickness which was really..24/7 was so bad I had to quit my job and I havent gone back. Anything can happen, I would say just be a little prepared.

Re: Baby Talk- Do you think its true

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Posted by Future Mulligan

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Posted by kimNanthony

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Posted by Future Mulligan

i dont know, i think i am too much of a worry wart....if a surprised happened we would have to deal with it but that is also why we are still really careful right now....and trust me, we both have baby fever BAD!!!

i could never live with myself knowing i intentionally got pregnant without being financially stable - and i dont mean rich - i just dont think people should intentionally get pregnant and depend on public assistance....something about that doesnt sit right with me....but thats JMO...

if you can pay your bills, pay for diapers, formula, food, medical, clothes, shelter - then all the power to you.....but if you can't afford those bare minimums i dont think its right to bring life into the world...

---

Hmm are you trying to say state health insurance is state assistance? Personally I have health insurance and could put a child on my plan but it doesn't make sense to pay $700 per month when I can use a state plan that will cost me $20.00 per month and be just as good (actually better because there are no copayments).

Thirty percent of my paycheck every week go to taxes and I might as well make use of it!

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I mean people who are 'depending' on it. You have a job. You work. You don't 'need' it.

I don't understand people who don't work, don't have income and don't have health insurance, live off welfare, food stamps and then they pop out babies intentionally and then depend on state/govt to house and feed them and their children - that irks me....I understand for some people times are tough, people lose jobs, sh!t happens and there is nothing wrong with needing/getting help at some point - but if you are already in that situation I don't think you should be bringing life into the world that you can't support on your own.

What also bothers me is people who do have jobs/income and 'work' the system. I have heard that when people from these agencies come to their house they dress like slobs, they dress their kids in ratty clothes, they hide their expensive belongings and make it appear that they have absolutely nothing. I have actually heard of people doing these things. I don't know....crazy....maybe they really do need help and its that hard to get? I don't know....I just can't imagine doing those things if I didn't have to and I will do my best to never be in that situation...

I don't know, I think its good that there are programs for people. DH and I could have a family and one day we could lose our jobs, be broke and need help. But when people abuse it, it just irks me.

My parents didnt have a lot of money when I was growing up - they still don't But they had enough to keep me fed, dressed, healthy and sheltered on their own.

Basically, I don't think people should plan on having children if they can't afford to support themselves - I think its common sense really - but other people don't see it like that...

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I agree and disagree with some of the things you say here. Having a child is a responsibility, yes - financially, emotionally, mentally and physically - and I hope that most people who have children understand that and intend to take care of that responsibility. However, having a child also shouldn't be simply a money decision - and there are circumstances that occur in which a woman may become pregant, with good intentions or NO intentions (and I'm not just talking about not being careful, there are other things that happen - the Bc didn't work, operations that were supposed to protect someone from getting pregnant 'didn't take' and then there are rapes, be it date rape, I didn't hear you say no, etc .... not always violent / forceful) -- and what can you do if you don't have the money and do not believe in abortion?? Adoption maybe but some people don't 'believe' in that either - giving up their OWN child - must be difficult.

And insurance, let me tell you, is too friggin expensive. It's been the biggest problem I've had since getting laid off and it's still an issue now that I have a job. My new co. only has employee or family - there's no employee plus one. So for now, DH will not have insurance. He hasn't had it since he was 21. He has medical things he needs to get taken care of and cannot because we cannot afford it, and we make a decent living. I've not had insurance since January and of course had all sorts of infections and problems, which I've had to pay for out of my own pocket becase cobra was $500 for just me. It's really sad that in this country, people who are middle income citizens cannot afford insurance. So, if I had a baby - I'd either have to pay almost $600 a month for insurance or go on the state insurance for he/she. I think I know what I would do. We pay a lot of taxes in this country, a lot of money for health care and sometimes I think we don't get enough for it. I know that other countries have a lot less - but I just don't understand why it has to be this way in such a wealthy country.

I don't see insurance ever NOT being an issue for us - it's so damn expensive and DH's field doesn't really offer it (auto body) -- so it might always be up to me to have a job that offers it. I really wish there was an AFFORDABLE plan for people who consider themselves middle-income ... but I don't see it happening any time soon.

Re: Baby Talk- Do you think its true

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Posted by TrueLoveIn2008

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Posted by Future Mulligan

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Posted by kimNanthony

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Posted by Future Mulligan

i dont know, i think i am too much of a worry wart....if a surprised happened we would have to deal with it but that is also why we are still really careful right now....and trust me, we both have baby fever BAD!!!

i could never live with myself knowing i intentionally got pregnant without being financially stable - and i dont mean rich - i just dont think people should intentionally get pregnant and depend on public assistance....something about that doesnt sit right with me....but thats JMO...

if you can pay your bills, pay for diapers, formula, food, medical, clothes, shelter - then all the power to you.....but if you can't afford those bare minimums i dont think its right to bring life into the world...

---

Hmm are you trying to say state health insurance is state assistance? Personally I have health insurance and could put a child on my plan but it doesn't make sense to pay $700 per month when I can use a state plan that will cost me $20.00 per month and be just as good (actually better because there are no copayments).

Thirty percent of my paycheck every week go to taxes and I might as well make use of it!

---

I mean people who are 'depending' on it. You have a job. You work. You don't 'need' it.

I don't understand people who don't work, don't have income and don't have health insurance, live off welfare, food stamps and then they pop out babies intentionally and then depend on state/govt to house and feed them and their children - that irks me....I understand for some people times are tough, people lose jobs, sh!t happens and there is nothing wrong with needing/getting help at some point - but if you are already in that situation I don't think you should be bringing life into the world that you can't support on your own.

What also bothers me is people who do have jobs/income and 'work' the system. I have heard that when people from these agencies come to their house they dress like slobs, they dress their kids in ratty clothes, they hide their expensive belongings and make it appear that they have absolutely nothing. I have actually heard of people doing these things. I don't know....crazy....maybe they really do need help and its that hard to get? I don't know....I just can't imagine doing those things if I didn't have to and I will do my best to never be in that situation...

I don't know, I think its good that there are programs for people. DH and I could have a family and one day we could lose our jobs, be broke and need help. But when people abuse it, it just irks me.

My parents didnt have a lot of money when I was growing up - they still don't But they had enough to keep me fed, dressed, healthy and sheltered on their own.

Basically, I don't think people should plan on having children if they can't afford to support themselves - I think its common sense really - but other people don't see it like that...

---

I agree and disagree with some of the things you say here. Having a child is a responsibility, yes - financially, emotionally, mentally and physically - and I hope that most people who have children understand that and intend to take care of that responsibility. However, having a child also shouldn't be simply a money decision - and there are circumstances that occur in which a woman may become pregant, with good intentions or NO intentions (and I'm not just talking about not being careful, there are other things that happen - the Bc didn't work, operations that were supposed to protect someone from getting pregnant 'didn't take' and then there are rapes, be it date rape, I didn't hear you say no, etc .... not always violent / forceful) -- and what can you do if you don't have the money and do not believe in abortion?? Adoption maybe but some people don't 'believe' in that either - giving up their OWN child - must be difficult.

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I never ever said it is just a money situation. I said a few times that I don't think you need to be rich or make a lot of money to have kids. I know my parents didn't have a lot and they did okay....do I think my sister and I would have had better lives if they were a little more comfortable? Well, maybe.... there would have been less stress between my parents and trust me that rubs off on your kids - and I wouldn't have felt guilty for wanting a pair of Nike sneakers like all the other kids had or for wanting xyz toy for my birthday knowing they couldn't afford it - at 8. But anyway, I am going off on a tanget now....

I was talking about when children are INTENTIONAL - there are people who can't even support themselves who get pregnant on PURPOSE - those are the people I am talking about and I think one of the most important things about becoming a parent is being able to take care of yourself first. If you can't take care of yourself how can you take care of someone else? But for whatever reasons people do it anyway - at least I know that I won't be like that....basically I don't think everyone should get to be a parent just because they know how to fcuk There are people out there who would make wonderful parents but can't have children and then there are sick people like octo mom out there

Re: Baby Talk- Do you think its true

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Posted by Future Mulligan

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Posted by TrueLoveIn2008

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Posted by Future Mulligan

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Posted by kimNanthony

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Posted by Future Mulligan

i dont know, i think i am too much of a worry wart....if a surprised happened we would have to deal with it but that is also why we are still really careful right now....and trust me, we both have baby fever BAD!!!

i could never live with myself knowing i intentionally got pregnant without being financially stable - and i dont mean rich - i just dont think people should intentionally get pregnant and depend on public assistance....something about that doesnt sit right with me....but thats JMO...

if you can pay your bills, pay for diapers, formula, food, medical, clothes, shelter - then all the power to you.....but if you can't afford those bare minimums i dont think its right to bring life into the world...

---

Hmm are you trying to say state health insurance is state assistance? Personally I have health insurance and could put a child on my plan but it doesn't make sense to pay $700 per month when I can use a state plan that will cost me $20.00 per month and be just as good (actually better because there are no copayments).

Thirty percent of my paycheck every week go to taxes and I might as well make use of it!

---

I mean people who are 'depending' on it. You have a job. You work. You don't 'need' it.

I don't understand people who don't work, don't have income and don't have health insurance, live off welfare, food stamps and then they pop out babies intentionally and then depend on state/govt to house and feed them and their children - that irks me....I understand for some people times are tough, people lose jobs, sh!t happens and there is nothing wrong with needing/getting help at some point - but if you are already in that situation I don't think you should be bringing life into the world that you can't support on your own.

What also bothers me is people who do have jobs/income and 'work' the system. I have heard that when people from these agencies come to their house they dress like slobs, they dress their kids in ratty clothes, they hide their expensive belongings and make it appear that they have absolutely nothing. I have actually heard of people doing these things. I don't know....crazy....maybe they really do need help and its that hard to get? I don't know....I just can't imagine doing those things if I didn't have to and I will do my best to never be in that situation...

I don't know, I think its good that there are programs for people. DH and I could have a family and one day we could lose our jobs, be broke and need help. But when people abuse it, it just irks me.

My parents didnt have a lot of money when I was growing up - they still don't But they had enough to keep me fed, dressed, healthy and sheltered on their own.

Basically, I don't think people should plan on having children if they can't afford to support themselves - I think its common sense really - but other people don't see it like that...

---

I agree and disagree with some of the things you say here. Having a child is a responsibility, yes - financially, emotionally, mentally and physically - and I hope that most people who have children understand that and intend to take care of that responsibility. However, having a child also shouldn't be simply a money decision - and there are circumstances that occur in which a woman may become pregant, with good intentions or NO intentions (and I'm not just talking about not being careful, there are other things that happen - the Bc didn't work, operations that were supposed to protect someone from getting pregnant 'didn't take' and then there are rapes, be it date rape, I didn't hear you say no, etc .... not always violent / forceful) -- and what can you do if you don't have the money and do not believe in abortion?? Adoption maybe but some people don't 'believe' in that either - giving up their OWN child - must be difficult.

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I never ever said it is just a money situation. I said a few times that I don't think you need to be rich or make a lot of money to have kids. I know my parents didn't have a lot and they did okay....do I think my sister and I would have had better lives if they were a little more comfortable? Well, maybe.... there would have been less stress between my parents and trust me that rubs off on your kids - and I wouldn't have felt guilty for wanting a pair of Nike sneakers like all the other kids had or for wanting xyz toy for my birthday knowing they couldn't afford it - at 8. But anyway, I am going off on a tanget now....

I was talking about when children are INTENTIONAL - there are people who can't even support themselves who get pregnant on PURPOSE - those are the people I am talking about and I think one of the most important things about becoming a parent is being able to take care of yourself first. If you can't take care of yourself how can you take care of someone else? But for whatever reasons people do it anyway - at least I know that I won't be like that....basically I don't think everyone should get to be a parent just because they know how to fcuk There are people out there who would make wonderful parents but can't have children and then there are sick people like octo mom out there

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I didn't say you DID say it was just a money situation. I was simply stating my feelings on the issue. And re people who can't support themselves and get pregnant -- sometimes it's NOT intentional. You never know. That was my point - no one can assume that. It may appear that way, but we have no idea what is going on in people's lives.

Re: Baby Talk- Do you think its true

I think this is off topic..Kim is an adult (I believe she is an attorney ) who has a good jo as does her husband.

The debate on people having kids that are on welfare and state aid is another topic althogether IMO

Re: Baby Talk- Do you think its true

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Posted by lizzie217



The debate on people having kids that are on welfare and state aid is another topic althogether IMO

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Yeah tell me about it.

Re: Baby Talk- Do you think its true

This is an interesting topic and I think it makes for a good discussion amongst us NWs.

In the OLD DAYS you would get married, get a house, have a baby, wife stay home, etc. But things arent like that anymore, esp here in NY. Nowadays both parents have to work, houses are expensive, and thing are just different. I dont think that you need to have a house before you have kids and this is JMO. My parents did not own their first house or have a nest egg until I was 8 years old (and after all 3 kids were born). It was a struggle for them to get the house and get by but they did it and my mom stayed at home and I think I had a great life. So as for not owning a house, I dont think it is a big deal.

As for insurance, yes I agree that is a big deal. My cousin had a baby a few years ago that had major heart issues and had 3 open heart surgeries. Can you imagine not having insurance or good insurance to cover that? I wouldnt wish it on anyone because it was emotionally draining as well but just think about the insurance factor, that is very important.

Again like others said, it is expensive to have a baby so I would think about that. Are there things you can give up to be able to pay for daily and monthly baby expenses?