If a male coworker asks you to lunch....

I work with all men and sometimes I go out to lunch with them. Not often at all, maybe once every 3 months.

Ok well one of them got laid off and called me and asked me to lunch and I went not thinking anything of it. He is married with kids and I didnt think anyhing of it but when I told DH he was like WHAT?! Ok DH did not make a big deal of it, hes just not like that but he did seem very shocked. The guy totally caught me off guard though. It was a normal lunch - nothing crazy....almost like a goodbye maybe because he just got let go and when you get laid off here, you have to leave the same day. Hmmmm am I looking into this too much. I am just scared that DH may be upset and is not saying anything.

Re: If a male coworker asks you to lunch....

I think it's totally ok. Once people are let go, they usually want to 'network' with people to get ideas of what their next steps should be. Also, since you're in the same industry, he may want some advice or contacts!
Also, when people are fresh out of work, they make it their full time job to network with friends and former co-workers.
I think it's totally fine!

Re: If a male coworker asks you to lunch....

hmm, I don't know. I would think it's a little strange going by myself to lunch with a male coworker but I've never had and still do not have any guy friends so maybe that's why I find it strange? I'd really only go if it was a group thing but like I said I've never been so close to a male coworker to even be in the situation to be invited to lunch with him so maybe I'm not the best person to answer this.

Re: If a male coworker asks you to lunch....

I think it's totally fine. I have had platonic male coworkers over the years and I have gone to lunch with all of them.

Some of them even used to call me here or there, DH was cool with it bc he had met them and they were always nice to him. There was ONE who was actually rude to DH and DH felt he was like kinda 'flirty' with me (which he was flirty but so gross it was like a joke ) anyway DH did NOT want me hanging out with him and that I totally understood.

Re: If a male coworker asks you to lunch....

I also think it's totally fine...I work w/ all guys also, in a male dominated field, and we do all socialize alot together. Just the other week I guy that was transfered to another site, called me up and was like come meet me for breakfast at this restaurant. He picked me up and I went...he's also married w/ kids and we just played catchup. Guys need friends too

Re: If a male coworker asks you to lunch....

I am on the other side of this so maybe that perspective will help.

Dh goes to lunch often with a mixed group of people from his job- and once everyone couldnt go and just he and this girl went. I wasn't too happy. I know that he wouldnt do anything, I just dont like the appearance of it- this is purely my opinion and I might get beat up for it- I just dont think that you put yourself in questionable situations when you are either in a serious relationship or married.

this may be just us and might just be how i feel, but thought it might be helpful to know.

Re: If a male coworker asks you to lunch....

my agency is 90% female.... i dont know what i would do if a male co-worker asked just ME to lunch

Re: If a male coworker asks you to lunch....

Im not sure Jenn. I mean, if its to network, i think thats ok. But , do you feel like its anything more than that? Maybe other people can come with you guys?

Re: If a male coworker asks you to lunch....

It depends on your relationship with him. I mean if the guy wasnt your friend and you werent comfortable with him you obviously would have said no. But on the other hand I woulnt want my DH going to lunch with some random woman coworker. I trust him entirely but it would still erk me.

Re: If a male coworker asks you to lunch....

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Posted by futuremrsfab

I am on the other side of this so maybe that perspective will help.

Dh goes to lunch often with a mixed group of people from his job- and once everyone couldnt go and just he and this girl went. I wasn't too happy. I know that he wouldnt do anything, I just dont like the appearance of it- this is purely my opinion and I might get beat up for it- I just dont think that you put yourself in questionable situations when you are either in a serious relationship or married.

this may be just us and might just be how i feel, but thought it might be helpful to know.

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i'm with ya on this

Re: If a male coworker asks you to lunch....

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Posted by Browneyesncute

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Posted by futuremrsfab

I am on the other side of this so maybe that perspective will help.

Dh goes to lunch often with a mixed group of people from his job- and once everyone couldnt go and just he and this girl went. I wasn't too happy. I know that he wouldnt do anything, I just dont like the appearance of it- this is purely my opinion and I might get beat up for it- I just dont think that you put yourself in questionable situations when you are either in a serious relationship or married.

this may be just us and might just be how i feel, but thought it might be helpful to know.

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i'm with ya on this

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Hmmm..I can see this point of view and I might feel wierd if I didnt know the girl and it was JUST the two of them.....I kind of cant picture it bc DH never really has had girls that are friends ... he is really a BOY like he never had a girl that was a friend even call him or ANYTHING so I dont know how Id feel

Re: If a male coworker asks you to lunch....

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Posted by futuremrsfab

I am on the other side of this so maybe that perspective will help.

Dh goes to lunch often with a mixed group of people from his job- and once everyone couldnt go and just he and this girl went. I wasn't too happy. I know that he wouldnt do anything, I just dont like the appearance of it- this is purely my opinion and I might get beat up for it- I just dont think that you put yourself in questionable situations when you are either in a serious relationship or married.

this may be just us and might just be how i feel, but thought it might be helpful to know.

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No I am totally on your side. You should never put yourself in that situation. Never ever ever. But its just so platonic and DH goes out with female coworkers..but I know most of them and its a working relationship and none of them are even cute! LOL

Re: If a male coworker asks you to lunch....

I have many male friends (co-workers and not), both straight and gay, and DH doesn't have a problem with me having lunch or dinner with them. So, I don't see this as a big deal at all!

Your former co-worker probably just wanted to network and keep in touch. Like someone else said, you are both in the same industry and he wants to keep you as a contact. Who knows - you might hear of a job opening, think of him, and pass on an excellent lead. You could be the reason why he lands his next job.

If this guy was up to some funny business, he would have tried it at your lunch or way before now. Getting laid off wouldn't be the catalyst.

Re: If a male coworker asks you to lunch....

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Posted by kirstenjk

I have many male friends (co-workers and not), both straight and gay, and DH doesn't have a problem with me having lunch or dinner with them. So, I don't see this as a big deal at all!

Your former co-worker probably just wanted to network and keep in touch. Like someone else said, you are both in the same industry and he wants to keep you as a contact. Who knows - you might hear of a job opening, think of him, and pass on an excellent lead. You could be the reason why he lands his next job.

If this guy was up to some funny business, he would have tried it at your lunch or way before now. Getting laid off wouldn't be the catalyst.

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Totally agree. In the business that I'm in, we're always networking whether it's male or female. I go out to lunch with contacts that are male and DH goes out with female friends in the biz.

Especially in this economy, people are more likely to be hired based on referral rather than just cold calling or randomly sending a resume.

I think his intentions are not malicious at all. He has a family etc. to consider and the #1 thing career counselors advise you to do after you get let go is to 'network with all your friends, family and former co-workers.'

Maybe to feel better, invite along someone else @ the office to come with you? It would make it less awkward.

Re: If a male coworker asks you to lunch....

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Posted by NapaValleyGirl

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Posted by kirstenjk

I have many male friends (co-workers and not), both straight and gay, and DH doesn't have a problem with me having lunch or dinner with them. So, I don't see this as a big deal at all!

Your former co-worker probably just wanted to network and keep in touch. Like someone else said, you are both in the same industry and he wants to keep you as a contact. Who knows - you might hear of a job opening, think of him, and pass on an excellent lead. You could be the reason why he lands his next job.

If this guy was up to some funny business, he would have tried it at your lunch or way before now. Getting laid off wouldn't be the catalyst.

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Totally agree. In the business that I'm in, we're always networking whether it's male or female. I go out to lunch with contacts that are male and DH goes out with female friends in the biz.

Especially in this economy, people are more likely to be hired based on referral rather than just cold calling or randomly sending a resume.

I think his intentions are not malicious at all. He has a family etc. to consider and the #1 thing career counselors advise you to do after you get let go is to 'network with all your friends, family and former co-workers.'

Maybe to feel better, invite along someone else @ the office to come with you? It would make it less awkward.

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Ok thanks! I needed some outside opinions about this to make sure I wasnt crazy or overanalyzing. I feel better and think it is was totally a normal thing. Plus like I said - DH goes to lunch with coworkers and that is normal!

Re: If a male coworker asks you to lunch....

I dunno... I know some of DH's female coworkers, so if he said 'I had lunch with Jamie' I wouldn't even think twice about it... but if it was a random girl I didn't know, I'd feel a little odd, so I imagine if the situation were reveresed, he would as well.

Re: If a male coworker asks you to lunch....

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Posted by Mimacat

I dunno... I know some of DH's female coworkers, so if he said 'I had lunch with Jamie' I wouldn't even think twice about it... but if it was a random girl I didn't know, I'd feel a little odd, so I imagine if the situation were reveresed, he would as well.

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yes I agree if it were someone random Id be pissed too. But i worked with this guy for 2 yrs and have had lunch with him a few times and always told DH. I think I am over it but I was just curious how others felt.

Re: If a male coworker asks you to lunch....

I wouldn't even blink an eye over it. I don't find it strange at all. If it were all the time and only the two of you, all the time, I could see how it might look.
I have male friends at work, and we call each other (to talk about work) and when I drove to work, I'd ride with him here and there.

Re: If a male coworker asks you to lunch....

I don't find going to lunch with male co-workers former or current strange at all. I've always gone out to lunch and sometimes one-on-one with male co-workers....I think if you sense a more than co-worker vibe you try to curtail it and never go alone, but if it's just lunch with a co-worker it's just lunch with a co-worker.

I think it's just the nature of the world we work in.

Re: If a male coworker asks you to lunch....

assuming that the coworker knows you are married and has not acted inappropriately towards you in the past, i see nothing wrong with it.