Re: Would you move to another state even though it might hurt some family members.

I feel like I'm the ultimate in having moved away! I moved to London to be with my DH three days after our wedding. It is HARD...I have a very large, very close extended family (we're 16 people whether we're sitting down to Thanksgiving dinner or to pizza on a Friday night!) and I do feel like I'm missing out. My brother and his wife just had a baby in December and I haven't even met him yet! I miss everyone so very much and some days the only thing that keeps me going is the thought that we'll be moving back in 2 years or so. To make things worse, everyone else lives within a 5 mile radius of one another - my grandmother, my parents, my brother and his family, my aunt and uncle and their kids and my aunt and her husband (she's only 2 years older than I am and is more like a sister). I totally feel like the only one who's not there most of the time. But this really isn't new. I went away to college in Pennsylvania for four years and lived in Manhattan for 6 - I was always the one who wasn't there...it's just even harder to be there now.

But, I keep in touch pretty well. I write to my grandmother every few weeks, I talk to my parents twice a week on the phone, I email my aunt and even my brother has started to call me on a regular basis!

But, in a way I feel like it has allowed me to grow up a bit more. We're getting to travel a lot (we may even take a trip to Egypt this summer) because we're so close to Europe. I'm learning to live in a different country. And it all has become easier now that I'm more settled - ie, I'm full-time at work now, we're saving money, getting used to being married/living with DH.

I guess my advice would be to try it for a bit. Set up a time frame for yourselves...say you'll give it two years (I don't think you can really learn anything about a place in just one year). I think that would give you enough time to feel like you're not moving around too much and that you've given up your apartment and jobs for nothing at all (does that make any sense?) See how you do...and work visits into your budget so that you know you'll get to see your family at certain times. And invite your mother for visits and do normal every day things with her while she's there - like going to the supermarket or something - so she can see that it's not all old people.

That said, I am petrified of having children without my family around. I don't think I could do it, which is why I've said I wouldn't have a baby in London. That sort of worries me because I want to move back within 2 years and DH is much more practical about things, saying we need to see where we are in our careers, etc, etc. He focuses on the logistics a lot. But I'm a little concerned that if we don't make it back for three years, then we'll need to spend some time getting settled in NY with house, apartment whatever before TTCing...I'm so worried we may have problems conceiving and I'm not getting any younger!

I think in order for this all to be successful you and DH need to talk, talk, talk! You need to know exactly what he expects from the experiment of moving down to Florida, where he sees the two of you in 5 years, etc. I you need to tell him how you feel so there are no surprises!

Good luck! Sorry this is so long, it's just that I've thought about it A LOT!!! FM if you have any questions or just need to talk!

Re: Would you move to another state even though it might hurt some family members.

Farrah, Thank you SO MUCH!!!!

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Re: Would you move to another state even though it might hurt some family members.

we are in a similar boat only we are looking at Saratoga Springs NY which is about 3 hours north of here.
Same arguments about getting more house, brand n ew constructions or only couple years old for price of a fixer up down here.
The schools are great, the area is beautiful.
But we are hesitate in moving from our famalies. We are expecting our first and i always dreamed my children would be close as I was with my grandparents, i.e. my parents.
But all the arguments or points brought out are true, you have to do what is right for you. A lot of our parents came here from somewhere else to start anew. But they forged ahead.
Granted once my parents moved here the family followed.
To make matters complicated, my brother is in florida, so its not like we are migrating to one place.
And i know it bothers my parents they dont get to see the grandkids in florida. And now that I am expecting I feel I would be taking them away from my child. Although, my sister is expecting also, one month behind me. Which makes me think they wont miss us b/c they have another grandchild to spoil.
Its hard = but the alternative to stay is not that great especially if you cant get what you want out of live.
We started looking on the island and it s horrible. We went so far as Miller Place and Wading River and still cant afford it. And we both make decent salaries. But times have changes. When my parents were raising us we survived on the equavlent of my salary. And there is no way we can now.
I know I didnt offer much advice, but i agree that maybe you can set goals of staying in florida for 2 years and re-evaluate. That is what we discussed, moving to saratoga and DH can hold his position here for one year. I know its short but at least it gives us security if we end up hating it we can return to his same job.
Good luck in what you decide.

Re: Would you move to another state even though it might hurt some family members.

IMO - if someone offered my a free house I would be gone in a New York second. But in saying that I moved to a different country when I was 18 so I know how it feels to leave everyone behind and I feel it would be easy for me to do it again. I see my family once a year if I am lucky. I want to move out of state now because I feel LI is very expensive and we could have a much better life somewhere else but DH is having a hard time coming to terms with leaving his friends behind. We are discussing moving to VA. I would take the chance move to FL. If I didn't like it after a few years then sell the house and move back. This way you would have the equity on the home in FL to put a nice down payment on a house here.

Re: Would you move to another state even though it might hurt some family members.

You have to do what's best for you. My MIL is absolutely MISERABLE over our upcoming move, but we have to go. We can't afford to live here anymore. It's not like we're going that far - we'll be closer than we were when we were in college, for goodness' sake!

(They're totally blaming me for the move, because my parents live in Baltimore. Yeah, I called Chase, told them to merge with Bank One and transfer their son to Delaware so that he'd be further from them; and get this: The Company Listened to Me!)

Anyway, I really truly believe that if you have a good enough relationship with these people, they could be 5 miles away or 500 and it wouldn't matter.

Re: Would you move to another state even though it might hurt some family members.

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Posted by PrincessRose

Anyway, I really truly believe that if you have a good enough relationship with these people, they could be 5 miles away or 500 and it wouldn't matter.

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Amen

Im 1700 miles from the best man in the whole world. My most closest confidant and dear of all friends. He is my hero, my idol and a man i think could walk on water if he wanted to. He's my father. Then there's this other guy who can make me laugh or scream but always has my heart. My brother. Both MILES and MILES away.

Miles don't count. It's really the relationship that does. We are still extra close and we barely talk to each other. We used to all live in the same town and barely saw each other but stayed very close. It's not how much time we spend together or how much we talk it's what we say and do when we do talk or see each other that counts.

I love my father and brother more than anything on this earth (including Jim, heh) but I married my man. My father always knew I would need to have my own life and that may not always be in the same town as Dad.

He encouraged us to leave the nest as it were, but to always remember Home is him.

I cant suggest what you should do. But know that family is always family no matter how far.

Re: Would you move to another state even though it might hurt some family members.

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Posted by TwoBugs

It is absolutely possible to remain close to your family even though you are no longer physically close to them...I've lived in a different state from my family for over 10 years, and I still consider my mom to be my best friend.

It will be very hard at first, but your family will understand that you're doing what's best for you and your DH.

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I so aggree with this!
My DH and I just moved ( about 3 weeks ago) to Florida and for right now we talk to our parents and brothers at least 4 times a week. This is more than we ever talked to them when we were in NY. Maybe in some weird way it may actually bring us emotionally closer to our family?!?!
Anyway, everyone in our family understands we had to do what was best for us and our future. We are only a plane ride away and technology is a wonderful thing.
The best of luck to you in whatever you decide.

Re: Would you move to another state even though it might hurt some family members.

We picked up and moved to Florida. We are currently living in Winter Park, Fl (right outside Orlando) the great thing about Florida....People LOVE LOVE LOVE to come visit you in Dec/Jan/Feb..yeah you don't get to see your family as often but you will still get to see them (Jetblue has great prices, like right now they are doing a $55 each way sale...110 bucks is a steal!) Other times of the year we talk onthe phone, email and IM. Honestly it is not as hard as people think it is.

Re: Would you move to another state even though it might hurt some family members.

Thanks everyone so much. I really feel better about moving.

Re: Would you move to another state even though it might hurt some family members.

I moved to CA to be with Al when he was at grad school at Stanford. This was pre-wedding, pre-engagement...

My parents were not thrilled but supported the decision. So I guess my answer is, I would and I did.

I loved San Francisco, but I missed my family. It was hard being away from my sisters. We spent a fortune in flights back and forth (especially during the wedding planning).

I was there for almost 5 years and I was itching to get back to NY. Now we've been back a year, just bought a house and it feels right.

You need to do whats right for you at this point in your life.