How are you doing your Guest List?

I've posted on this before and my own struggles with it, but I was wondering how everyone's coming up with guest lists? Are you and FH doing it yourself? Did you make 3 lists, (one u and FH, one your parnets, on FH's parents) and combine them. How are you doing it? WHo are you inviting? Where do you draw the line? Is it everyone or just people you see on holidays, etc?

ETA: How are you and FH cutting it on each side? Same number? Same closeness as far as family (e.g first cousins only) or same closeness (only people we see at holidays)? Does anyone else have a problem where one family is alrge and one family is small?

Re: How are you doing your Guest List?

We just have my list and his list as we are both over 30, his parents have passed away and my father has passed away. We didn't set a limit except on children. I have my five nieces and nephews in the BP, so of course they are invited and to be fair I said he could invite five children (he has no nieces and nephews). As far as the adult guests, before we booked the hall and guaranteed a minimum, we came up with a basic list and then tried to determine who we thought we come, then went a little lower for the minimum. Of course, you never know who will and won't come. As he gives me addresses, I ask who they are and if it seems unreasonable (like someone he hasn't seen or spoken to or heard from in twenty years) then I convince him not to invite that person. It doesn't really matter to me about being even as we are paying for the wedding ourselves. Basically 'reasonable' is the determining factor.

Re: How are you doing your Guest List?

My immediate family is HUGE and his consists of five people, bu this mom wanted the same amount. We want 150 but are inviting 180. We took 60, gave my parents 70, and his mother 40. We gave his dad 10 but no body really talks to him. When she complained I explained to her that she is the ONLY person that gets to invite 40 people by herself so really she is inviting more than anyone else. FH and I have to spit 60 (30 each) and my mom and dad have to split 70 (35 each). Really she wins. I hate this part.

Re: How are you doing your Guest List?

I have a small family - so we had his mom do a list and my mom do a list and we did our friends.

Re: How are you doing your Guest List?

ours was tough, but only because it is big. my fi has a large immediate family. he has 14 nieces and nephews already. those are the only children invited to the wedding and it is at the parents discretion as to whether they come or not. other than that we stopped at first cousins. some of my first cousins are annoyed because the kids aren't invited, but that would just be too much. he has 5 second cousin's coming, but that is because they are our age and he knows them.

pretty much we got lists from our families and then got our friends.

Re: How are you doing your Guest List?

Both of our extended families are ginormous so we pretty much knew what we were in for. I made up my list of all my family; he made up his and then we just consulted our parents for anyone we may have missed or friends they wanted to add. After that the list was at about 240...we then separated it into an A list (must invite --about 210) and a B list (would like to invite).

Re: How are you doing your Guest List?

Ayyyyy!!!!
My FH has 12 brothers and sisters...one sister in law, 2 parents, one grandma, 12 aunts and uncles plus spouse, 88 cousins and like 12 second cousins. I have 5 aunts and uncles, 10 cousins.
Drawing the line....well, I don't know how fair this is but he is inviting all aunts and uncles and some cousins...the ones he is close to. I am inviting all of them...we all do dinner on Sundays and for all holidays we are always together. I feel bad but they understand. Then we have lots of friends and his parenrs have friends as well. So that's my guest list. I wish I at least had a B List...but that is non existent!

Edited for spelling!

Re: How are you doing your Guest List?

I've posted on this before, but I'm having similar issues, I have a huge family (not quite as huge as some described), and his is small. I'm only invited those close to me, whereas with his family he wants to invite everyone..2nd and 3rd cousins, etc. We're paying for it ourselves, so it has to be small, and we're making our own guest list. My parents don't care. They're basically like 'it's your wedding.' and they understand my attitude about not wanting to invite people I never see or barely know. HIS family on the other hand...well, they're so demanding. His 84 year old grandma was screaming at us for 1) Not inviting Doug's 3rd cousins (If I started on 3rd cousins, I'd have 500 people on my side) and 2) Wanting to invite his first cousin's children (they are only 4 of them and if they come, they're coming from Florida. I'm gonna ivnite one of my cousins with his kids, cause he's coming form chicago..but other than that no kids). Anyway it drives me nuts that his family is not even contributing money, and they're dictating so much! I want a small wedding!

They're still giving me crap for not sending engagement announcements to every tom, **** and harry (2nd and 3rd cousins, neighbors), which is BS. And they're trying to tell me people get offended if they don' get announcements, which is even more BS because most people don't send announcements and it's just something I did because I can't afford to have a party and I have too big a family to call everyone.

So I told her, if you want people to know, call them. If you're so concerned about us getting gifts, throw us a party. If you want every tom **** and harry at a wedding, renew your vows. *sigh*

Re: How are you doing your Guest List?

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Posted by marymoon

I've posted on this before, but I'm having similar issues, I have a huge family (not quite as huge as some described), and his is small. I'm only invited those close to me, whereas with his family he wants to invite everyone..2nd and 3rd cousins, etc. We're paying for it ourselves, so it has to be small, and we're making our own guest list. My parents don't care. They're basically like 'it's your wedding.' and they understand my attitude about not wanting to invite people I never see or barely know. HIS family on the other hand...well, they're so demanding. His 84 year old grandma was screaming at us for 1) Not inviting Doug's 3rd cousins (If I started on 3rd cousins, I'd have 500 people on my side) and 2) Wanting to invite his first cousin's children (they are only 4 of them and if they come, they're coming from Florida. I'm gonna ivnite one of my cousins with his kids, cause he's coming form chicago..but other than that no kids). Anyway it drives me nuts that his family is not even contributing money, and they're dictating so much! I want a small wedding!

They're still giving me crap for not sending engagement announcements to every tom, **** and harry (2nd and 3rd cousins, neighbors), which is BS. And they're trying to tell me people get offended if they don' get announcements, which is even more BS because most people don't send announcements and it's just something I did because I can't afford to have a party and I have too big a family to call everyone.

So I told her, if you want people to know, call them. If you're so concerned about us getting gifts, throw us a party. If you want every tom **** and harry at a wedding, renew your vows. *sigh*

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I hear you!!!!!! You go girl!!!! They want a big guest list...tell them to pay for it!!! It's that simple!!!

Re: How are you doing your Guest List?

We are making a list of family, friends, and coworkers. Once we have that list done we are splitting the remaining number of guests to invite in half. So my parents and his parents will have an equal number of guests they can invite. We will give them a copy of our list so that they can figure out who else they want.

Re: How are you doing your Guest List?

i came up with a preliminary list consisting of all sides...then my mom made one, his mom made one, i went through our phone books, we decided first cousins (there is an exception on my side where i am close to one second cousin and also to 3 of my mom's cousins). the list grows, but it is b/c my mom wants to add more friends. as far as being even, it isn't. it can't be.