'and guest' drama (long)-- advice please

I know this whole 'and guest' issue is something of a powder keg, but I need some advice...

A little background... So, FH and I didn't want a huge wedding. Despite these wishes the guest list has swelled to 240. We are getting married outside at Lands End and have been told that the ceremony area only holds 220, which I don't think will be a problem after the typical 20% say no, but the point is we don't have a whole lot of wriggle room.

To keep things from getting further out of control, we decided to limit the 'and guest' invites to people who had spouses, significant others, known boyfriends/girlfriends. We researched the first and last names of each guest and wrote them explicitly on the envelope.

I work in a department with 15 people, 11 of whom are married. The other four are not dating anyone right now. I invited the singles alone.

On Monday, one of them comes up and asks me if he can bring his sister to my wedding. I explained to him that we already invited more people than the ceremony space can hold. He said, 'Don't worry I'm going to give you a big present.' I told him it's not about money; it's about space. He kept pushing and pushing, so I said if he wants to ask me again after theRSVP date, I can see what we can do, but as of now, I have to say no.

Today, he comes in with the RSVP card and asks me how he should fill it out. I thought it was a dead issue, so I gave some fresh reply like 'if you want to come, check yes, if not, check no.'

He said, well 'what is this M thing?' So I explained that since he's a boy he would write in 'r.' and then his name, and then in front of a bunch of people, he says, 'where do I put the 'and gues'' I was furious. Granted, I shouldn't have left any window of hope for him on Monday, but it was a terribly awkward situation in the first place. And now it was even worse b/c he put me on the spot in front of people. If i shot him down, I'd look nasty. If I let him have his way, it would look bad in front of the other singles. Luckily my boss called and I was saved by the bell. When I got back to my desk he had left the card (filled out with his name and guest) on my desk with a note saying that he hopes it's okay that he didn't mail it.

I don't really know what to do. Even if I wanted to be gracious and cave in to his wishes, it would be really rude to my other coworkers. After all, he's going to introduce his siter. She's not going to pretend to be his girlfriend. The other three coworkers, who immediately RSVP'd 'yes' solo would have every right to be offended that I let him bring some random person without giving them the courtesy of selecting a date.

We knew that we might have to make some exceptions for people who are traveling from out of town or who wouldn't know anyone else at the wedding, but if we did no one would be the wiser and there wouldn't be hurt feelings. In this case, however, the other people would definitely know and I'm sure there would be hurt feelings. Any advice on how to proceed?

Re: 'and guest' drama (long)-- advice please

How incredibly rude...or stupid!

I think what you initially said was great - it is not about money or anything, it is about space. That was EXTREMELY generous of you to even say you will let him know after the RSVP date.

I think he pushed the issue in front of a lot of people to pressure you. I would go up to him w/ the card in hand and say - 'I recall you asked me about a date, but if you remember, my hall cannot hold more than 220 people, and I am really sorry, but I don't have the room for one more person.' Or remind him you will let him know after the RSVP date again.

How could someone POSSIBLY argue about SPACE??? It is not that you just don't want him to bring a guest - you CANT LET HIM!

Good luck! HTH!

Re: 'and guest' drama (long)-- advice please

He has a lot of balls that one! I don't think you left a lot of room for him, he just found it and is being very inconsiderate. Unfortunately, you will have to explain to him again that he's welcome alone, but you cannot have him bring a guest. Simple as that. He really shouldn't question you further. Sheesh, why do people think it's OK to be obnoxious? I would never dream of doing something like that..even before I was engaged.

I'm sorry you are going through this...but you are right, be firm and say NO to the sister.

Re: 'and guest' drama (long)-- advice please

You have to stand your ground and explain to him that your hall cannot hold the extra people and you simply cannot allow him to bring his sister. It was so rude of him to bring this up in front of your coworkers! He should know better than to put you in an awkward spot like that!

Re: 'and guest' drama (long)-- advice please

Stand up to this guy. He is rude and/or clueless. He will know other people at the wedding if you invited people from work. If he says he doesn't want to come alone, then tell him that you'll miss seeing him there.

Re: 'and guest' drama (long)-- advice please

Wow I can't believe how rude he is being. It is one thing to even ask but to keep pushing you and pressure in front of people is just obnoxious!

I think your answers were great! You were straight forward and polite. I think now you just need to tell him again that he can not bring a guest because there is not enough room and it really isn't fair for him to bring one when your other coworkers can't. Tell him if he insists on bring a guest then maybe he shouldn't come.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

Re: 'and guest' drama (long)-- advice please

OMG!!!!!!!!!! that is SO RUDE!!!!! why on earth would he want to bring his sister to your wedding? I'm sorry, that is just weird! I would confront him and tell him flat out...'sorry, you can come alone or not at all' period!

YOUR DAY, YOUR WAY!

Re: 'and guest' drama (long)-- advice please

Thank you so much guys-- you made me feel much better. He does know a lot of people who will be there, so I am not going to feel bad. I will talk to him. Thanks for validating my feelings!

Re: 'and guest' drama (long)-- advice please

I find it amazing how adults cannot pick up on simple social cues. You said you had no room, he should have understood and backed down.

Re: 'and guest' drama (long)-- advice please

I would just follow up by saying, 'Hi, I got your RSVP on my desk. Don't worry that you couldn't mail it. And, I'll let you know whether or not you can bring your guest after I receive the rest of my RSVPs'

Then, if you need to say 'no', you can remind him about when you talked to him about receiving the RSVP on your desk and that you had said from the beginning that you would let him know about the guest.

Don't even use the word 'sister'...just say 'guest'

Re: 'and guest' drama (long)-- advice please

i would not cave on the issue ..only because you are not doing and guest for your other single co-workers

Re: 'and guest' drama (long)-- advice please

Why would he want to bring his sister.. That's weird. Tell him she wasn't invited. Maybe if you tell someone you are close with at work about it she will approach him and explain. FH did this to someone once and I was mortified... Until I realized that he is from the south were ettique says 'you invite EVERYONE with a guest' It never occured to him that he wasn't invited with a guest. HE had to be acquanted with 'northern wedding's and the prices and the big deal they are'

Re: 'and guest' drama (long)-- advice please

Is he trying to 'hook up ' his sister with someone you work with???

Re: 'and guest' drama (long)-- advice please

I would tell him he can't bring her and say be sure to point out how unfair it would be to your other co-workers that they could not bring guests. Guilt works two ways....

Re: 'and guest' drama (long)-- advice please

This is YOUR wedding my dear. YOURS. You hold all the cards and have all the say. Stand your ground (nicely, but firmly) and tell him that you thought it was already clear that you were tight for space and cannot allow him to bring a guest. This guy sounds totally clueless. I know you don't want to offend him, but if he gets offended, so be it.

Re: 'and guest' drama (long)-- advice please

Even though I believe that all singles should be invited with a guest, I still think that this guy was very rude. I really think that singles should be invited with a guest, but if they are not, then they should decide whether to just accept the invite or reject it. JMO.

Re: 'and guest' drama (long)-- advice please

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Posted by dleeny

OMG!!!!!!!!!! that is SO RUDE!!!!! why on earth would he want to bring his sister to your wedding? I'm sorry, that is just weird! I would confront him and tell him flat out...'sorry, you can come alone or not at all' period!

YOUR DAY, YOUR WAY!

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i totally agree!!!!!!