| Posted By |
Message |
| Pages: 1 [2] |
N.Y.bride
Beyond Obsession
Member since 3/05 7206 total posts
Wedding Date:
7/28/2005 11:30 AM
Wed. Location:
Chateau La Mer A++++++
|
Re: QOTD: Now that we know how much things cost, do you feel you have to cover your plate when you are a guest at a wedding?
absolutely and then some.
|
Posted 7/18/05 1:51 PM 
|
| |
|
MissingTheBGene
We're homeowners!
Member since 6/05 4547 total posts
Wedding Date:
6/2/2006 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
The Woodlands
|
Re: QOTD: Now that we know how much things cost, do you feel you have to cover your plate when you are a guest at a wedding?
I'm definitely more conscious of it now, I try and cover my plate definitely but if it's a very high end wedding, I give what I can (agree about the $500 a plate thing - yikes!). I also base it off of what my relationship is with the  & 
|
|
Posted 7/18/05 1:52 PM
|
| |
|
otherme
Board Fanatic
Member since 3/05 462 total posts
Wedding Date:
10/30/2005 11:00 AM
Wed. Location:
Carlyle on the Green!
|
Re: QOTD: Now that we know how much things cost, do you feel you have to cover your plate when you are a guest at a wedding?
Its funny, i had never even heard of someone 'covering the cost of their plate' until i moved to NY from Boston. Now i realize that its much more expected here than other parts of the country. Most people i know from non-NY areas give gifts, not $$.
I agree with the previous posters though in that the gift should be dependent on your relationship with the bride and groom, not on how much the plate is costing. The point of giving a gift in the first place is to give something to your friends or family and should not be based on what they might have given you in the past, or what you would like to get from them - otherwise it cheapens the whole situation.
JMO of course
|
|
Posted 7/18/05 3:08 PM
|
| |
|
May05Bride
Hawaii is AWESOME!
Member since 10/03 4006 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/29/2005 7:30 PM
Wed. Location:
|
Re: QOTD: Now that we know how much things cost, do you feel you have to cover your plate when you are a guest at a wedding?
I always tried to. However, sometimes they are just too expensive (like 250 pp) so we just can't. But typically, we cover ourselves.
|
|
Posted 7/18/05 3:48 PM
|
| |
|
maryb
Board Fanatic
Member since 2/05 840 total posts
Wedding Date:
8/20/2006 3:30 PM
Wed. Location:
CLM - GREAT!! - A
|
Re: QOTD: Now that we know how much things cost, do you feel you have to cover your plate when you are a guest at a wedding?
yes - i try and ask around abuot the $$ and even try to give more..
|
|
Posted 7/18/05 11:56 PM
|
| |
|
eogara
Newlyweds!!!!
Member since 2/04 6592 total posts
Wedding Date:
4/3/2005 6:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Milleridge Cottage
|
Re: QOTD: Now that we know how much things cost, do you feel you have to cover your plate when you are a guest at a wedding?
Posted by azoodie
Posted by divabride
Posted by Blu-ize
I usually give a set amount regardless of how much I think the per head was. It doesn't matter if it's at a fancy country club where the plate costs $200 or a place where the per head is $80. It's more about my relationship with the bride and groom and family.
I agree. It depends on my relationship with the bride and groom, not the cost of the plate.
ditto this!
me too!!
I find it very disturbing, this 'cover your plate' thing. A) I didn't ask the B&G to spend X amount of money on their wedding, that was up to them to do. B) It's RUDE!!!!!!!!! So if your best friend in the world was getting married at the VFW and some chick that you kinda sorta know was getting married at the Carltun, you would give more to that girl? IMO, that's ludicrous. You're there as a guest and you give a gift. That gift should be the same regardless of where the wedding is - the point of it is to congratulate the couple and help them start out their lives together. This is irrespective of a party and how much they chose to spend on it.
|
|
Posted 7/19/05 9:19 AM
|
| |
|
DAVALJO2
Married life is Fabulous!!!!
Member since 10/04 1296 total posts
Wedding Date:
10/21/2005 4:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Huntington Town House MY WORST CHOICE EVER!!!
|
Re: QOTD: Now that we know how much things cost, do you feel you have to cover your plate when you are a guest at a wedding?
Yes. I try to be considerate, and add a little extra as well.
|
|
Posted 7/19/05 11:26 AM
|
| |
|
Johnny&Maur
Baby Boy due 9/5/06!!!
Member since 8/04 1165 total posts
Wedding Date:
9/23/2005 7:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Fox Hollow
|
Re: QOTD: Now that we know how much things cost, do you feel you have to cover your plate when you are a guest at a wedding?
I think the "covering your plate" thing is ridiculous. I am by no means a cheap person. But there is no way that if I were invited to a wedding that cost $300pp, that FH and i could give $600.
At the same token...even weddings out of state that I've been to where i KNOW the price per plate was around $50, does not mean that I give $50. I usually give what i can...around $100 for me, $100 for FH. Sometimes a little more if we can.
We don't expect anyone to give the cost per plate at our wedding. We know people give what they can, and thats all that matters. It isn't about money!
|
|
Posted 7/19/05 11:53 AM
|
| |
|
jersee3380
I am Mrs. B !!!!!!!!
Member since 3/05 1139 total posts
Wedding Date:
8/28/2005 2:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Rock Hill Country Club
|
Re: QOTD: Now that we know how much things cost, do you feel you have to cover your plate when you are a guest at a wedding?
ok, here's a twist ... we have a wedding to go to 2 weeks before ours. it's my dad's girlfriends daughter (he's actually giving her away) but they are having it at a campsite and having ajustice of the peace marry them. My dad's g-fri told me what they are paying (it's soooo incredibly cheap i can't even begin to tell you, but i will say under a thousand!!!!!) so what do we do there? I planned on giving $175-$200 but then I'd be paying almost half of what it is costing them!!!
|
|
Posted 7/19/05 12:21 PM
|
| |
|
AJsMommy122
Happily Ever After!
Member since 12/03 10711 total posts
Wedding Date:
2/20/2005 12:00 AM
Wed. Location:
SandCastle
|
Re: QOTD: Now that we know how much things cost, do you feel you have to cover your plate when you are a guest at a wedding?
Posted by jersee3380
ok, here's a twist ... we have a wedding to go to 2 weeks before ours. it's my dad's girlfriends daughter (he's actually giving her away) but they are having it at a campsite and having ajustice of the peace marry them. My dad's g-fri told me what they are paying (it's soooo incredibly cheap i can't even begin to tell you, but i will say under a thousand!!!!!) so what do we do there? I planned on giving $175-$200 but then I'd be paying almost half of what it is costing them!!!
Honestly - I think its a GIFT for the newlyweds to start their new life together. I really don't even think you should take into account what they are spending or what the wedding is costing them. You give them what you can afford and feel comfortable giving
|
|
Posted 7/19/05 12:23 PM
|
| |
|
otherme
Board Fanatic
Member since 3/05 462 total posts
Wedding Date:
10/30/2005 11:00 AM
Wed. Location:
Carlyle on the Green!
|
Re: QOTD: Now that we know how much things cost, do you feel you have to cover your plate when you are a guest at a wedding?
Posted by jersee3380
ok, here's a twist ... we have a wedding to go to 2 weeks before ours. it's my dad's girlfriends daughter (he's actually giving her away) but they are having it at a campsite and having ajustice of the peace marry them. My dad's g-fri told me what they are paying (it's soooo incredibly cheap i can't even begin to tell you, but i will say under a thousand!!!!!) so what do we do there? I planned on giving $175-$200 but then I'd be paying almost half of what it is costing them!!!
You should give a gift that you're comfortable with, regardless of what the wedding itself cost. The point is to give a 'gift' to the couple, not payback the cost of the wedding
|
|
Posted 7/19/05 12:24 PM
|
| |
|
jersee3380
I am Mrs. B !!!!!!!!
Member since 3/05 1139 total posts
Wedding Date:
8/28/2005 2:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Rock Hill Country Club
|
Re: QOTD: Now that we know how much things cost, do you feel you have to cover your plate when you are a guest at a wedding?
Posted by Soon2bMsZ
Posted by jersee3380
ok, here's a twist ... we have a wedding to go to 2 weeks before ours. it's my dad's girlfriends daughter (he's actually giving her away) but they are having it at a campsite and having ajustice of the peace marry them. My dad's g-fri told me what they are paying (it's soooo incredibly cheap i can't even begin to tell you, but i will say under a thousand!!!!!) so what do we do there? I planned on giving $175-$200 but then I'd be paying almost half of what it is costing them!!!
Honestly - I think its a GIFT for the newlyweds to start their new life together. I really don't even think you should take into account what they are spending or what the wedding is costing them. You give them what you can afford and feel comfortable giving
you're absolutely right ... i've been soo obsessed w/ what everything is costing and worried about whether we'll 'break even' that i totally forgot it's about them starting a new life together. everyone needs a jump start ... thanks for reminding me!!!
|
|
Posted 7/19/05 12:32 PM
|
| |
|
AJsMommy122
Happily Ever After!
Member since 12/03 10711 total posts
Wedding Date:
2/20/2005 12:00 AM
Wed. Location:
SandCastle
|
Re: QOTD: Now that we know how much things cost, do you feel you have to cover your plate when you are a guest at a wedding?
Posted by jersee3380
Posted by Soon2bMsZ
Posted by jersee3380
ok, here's a twist ... we have a wedding to go to 2 weeks before ours. it's my dad's girlfriends daughter (he's actually giving her away) but they are having it at a campsite and having ajustice of the peace marry them. My dad's g-fri told me what they are paying (it's soooo incredibly cheap i can't even begin to tell you, but i will say under a thousand!!!!!) so what do we do there? I planned on giving $175-$200 but then I'd be paying almost half of what it is costing them!!!
Honestly - I think its a GIFT for the newlyweds to start their new life together. I really don't even think you should take into account what they are spending or what the wedding is costing them. You give them what you can afford and feel comfortable giving
you're absolutely right ... i've been soo obsessed w/ what everything is costing and worried about whether we'll 'break even' that i totally forgot it's about them starting a new life together. everyone needs a jump start ... thanks for reminding me!!!
Anytime 
|
|
Posted 7/19/05 12:42 PM
|
| |
|
akaMrsT
Formally Mrs. T -aka no longer
Member since 7/04 4000 total posts
Wedding Date:
3/30/2006 6:00 PM
Wed. Location:
|
Re: QOTD: Now that we know how much things cost, do you feel you have to cover your plate when you are a guest at a wedding?
For God's sake, we are attending weddings not nightclubs with cover charges.
Give what you can and what you feel comfortable giving. If someone picks a hall for $300pp++ or has a backyard BBQ for $5 pp++, it should not change the gift.
Our wedding gifts are based on how close we are with the couple and what we can afford at the time.
I have given as little as $50 and as much as $400 (cash and a place setting) and neither wedding was for a family member nor was either wedding even in NY.
Having a wedding is not a money making opportunity and I doubt more than 10% of couples even "break even". That is why no couple (or family if applicable) should go into the idea of planning a wedding (at least not in NYC or LI) thinking they will make the money back. I'm sure that is rare unless parents or family members give the couple very generous gifts - assuming the parents and family didn't pay for the wedding to begin with.
ETA - No, I do not feel that I "have to" cover my plate nor do I expect our guests to feel they "have to" cover their plate. Of course it would be wonderful if everyone covered their plate but, hopefully, that is not why they are invited to weddings.
I have to admit, I have received at least one invite (last minute after my mom was invited weeks earlier) where I felt I was only invited because the bride figured I'd give them a hefty check. I declined the invitation and did not send a gift at all.
Message edited 7/19/2005 1:39:34 PM.
|
|
Posted 7/19/05 1:33 PM
|
| |
|
Ty
Wedding Newbie
Member since 2/05 39 total posts
Wedding Date:
2/25/2006 2:30 PM
Wed. Location:
East Wind - Esate
|
Re: QOTD: Now that we know how much things cost, do you feel you have to cover your plate when you are a guest at a wedding?
We always cover our plates.
Just what frustrates us is the fact that we both have very cheap family members, they expect to come to the party, eat and drink everything insight and give a check for $25.00 to cover them and a guest. So anybody on here says they wouldnt be upset if somebody did that is being alittle unrealistic. Yes i agree a gift is a gift, but if you are having financial problems either come alone or dont come at all.
|
|
Posted 7/19/05 5:06 PM
|
| |
|
eogara
Newlyweds!!!!
Member since 2/04 6592 total posts
Wedding Date:
4/3/2005 6:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Milleridge Cottage
|
Re: QOTD: Now that we know how much things cost, do you feel you have to cover your plate when you are a guest at a wedding?
Posted by Ty
Yes i agree a gift is a gift, but if you are having financial problems either come alone or dont come at all.
This is one of the most disgusting comments I have seen on here in a long while.
|
|
Posted 7/19/05 5:10 PM
|
| |
|
Ty
Wedding Newbie
Member since 2/05 39 total posts
Wedding Date:
2/25/2006 2:30 PM
Wed. Location:
East Wind - Esate
|
Re: QOTD: Now that we know how much things cost, do you feel you have to cover your plate when you are a guest at a wedding?
Not trying to be rude, But every family has bad eggs that we must invite to make the parents happy
In our case its not right to take advantage of the situation.
|
|
Posted 7/19/05 5:16 PM
|
| |
|
otherme
Board Fanatic
Member since 3/05 462 total posts
Wedding Date:
10/30/2005 11:00 AM
Wed. Location:
Carlyle on the Green!
|
Re: QOTD: Now that we know how much things cost, do you feel you have to cover your plate when you are a guest at a wedding?
Posted by Ty
We always cover our plates.
Just what frustrates us is the fact that we both have very cheap family members, they expect to come to the party, eat and drink everything insight and give a check for $25.00 to cover them and a guest. So anybody on here says they wouldnt be upset if somebody did that is being alittle unrealistic. Yes i agree a gift is a gift, but if you are having financial problems either come alone or dont come at all.
A GIFT IS A GIFT... or as another poster said - its not a cover charge. If you're only inviting people to get $$$ from them, then you shouldn't be inviting them at all! The gift should have NOTHING to do how much they eat or who they bring. You're going to be disappointed if your expectations are to make money. Why do people forget that a gift is just that - a gift!! it has no strings attached.
The people you invite are not taking advantage of anything - because you were the ones who invited them! And if they're people you 'have' to invite (because we know we all have those) then so be it but don't begrudge them for giving not covering the cost of the meal.
Message edited 7/19/2005 5:20:04 PM.
|
|
Posted 7/19/05 5:17 PM
|
| |
|
Ty
Wedding Newbie
Member since 2/05 39 total posts
Wedding Date:
2/25/2006 2:30 PM
Wed. Location:
East Wind - Esate
|
Re: QOTD: Now that we know how much things cost, do you feel you have to cover your plate when you are a guest at a wedding?
Sorry everybody disagrees - my opnion,
But I find it odd how everybody is inviting everybody they want to invite, and nobody they dont want to invite (out of respect of your parents there are people I dont even know and never met, but I must invite them.) Not referring to my friends who I could care less about the friends are the ones I appreciate for being and just celebrating and having a great time.
I also know If i couldn't afford to give a respectful gift I wouldnt show up, But thats me!!!!!!!!!!!
|
|
Posted 7/19/05 5:24 PM
|
| |
|
MissusJones
I's Married Now!!!
Member since 10/04 1062 total posts
Wedding Date:
8/14/2005 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Stewar Manor Country Club
|
Re: QOTD: Now that we know how much things cost, do you feel you have to cover your plate when you are a guest at a wedding?
Posted by Soon2bMsZ
Well we were always generous with our gifts for weddings in the past IMO
I really don't take where they are getting married into account. Not to be mean but its the bride and grooms choice to pick a hall for $100 p/p or $300 p/p and I can't afford to give one couple $600 just so I know I covered my plate!!!
Also why should the couple who couldn't afford to spend more then $100 or less p/p get the same gift as everyone else????
Not everyone has the same financial situation. Some people have their parents paying for the wedding so it didn't cost them anything. Should I give nothing?
I base it more on my relationship with the couple then the hall. I would never give a cheaper gift b/c it was a less expensive hall so to be fair I can't give a more generous gift b/c its a more expensive hall.
If my good friend got married and had a bbq dinner in her backyard... I would give the same to her as if another close friend got married at Oheka.
PREACH!! SURVEY SAYS: "GOOD ANSWER!!"
|
|
Posted 7/19/05 10:50 PM
|
| |
|
tonia1001
soon to be mommy!
Member since 4/04 1162 total posts
Wedding Date:
10/1/2005 12:00 AM
Wed. Location:
Villa Lombardi's
|
Re: QOTD: Now that we know how much things cost, do you feel you have to cover your plate when you are a guest at a wedding?
Posted by tray831
Yes.......I have and I do. 
ditto!!!!
|
|
Posted 7/19/05 11:02 PM
|
| |
|
italia6973
Give me courage for the fight!
Member since 10/04 1148 total posts
Wedding Date:
10/22/2005 2:30 PM
Wed. Location:
Villa Lombardi's
|
Re: QOTD: Now that we know how much things cost, do you feel you have to cover your plate when you are a guest at a wedding?
I always try to cover my plate. If someone close to me I usually give a little more.
|
|
Posted 7/20/05 12:50 AM
|
| |
|
Bunnymonkey
Feels like home to me...
Member since 6/04 4861 total posts
Wedding Date:
6/11/2005 5:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Raphael Vineyards
|
Re: QOTD: Now that we know how much things cost, do you feel you have to cover your plate when you are a guest at a wedding?
Posted by Ty
We always cover our plates.
Just what frustrates us is the fact that we both have very cheap family members, they expect to come to the party, eat and drink everything insight and give a check for $25.00 to cover them and a guest. So anybody on here says they wouldnt be upset if somebody did that is being alittle unrealistic. Yes i agree a gift is a gift, but if you are having financial problems either come alone or dont come at all.
Who are you to tell anyone how they would react if they was given a less than "satisfactory" check from a guest?
I didn't think of any of my gifts as a "cover." And if someone, like my aunt who is sick and very poor, didn't come to my wedding because she is having financial problems, then the entire REASON for coming together and celebrating LOVE is lost.
Your comment is disturbing, and very revealing as to how you see life.
Good Luck to you and your husband.
|
|
Posted 7/20/05 6:00 PM
|
| |
|
DMcK
I love my husband & puppies!
Member since 4/04 5037 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/13/2005 7:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Westbury Manor
|
Re: QOTD: Now that we know how much things cost, do you feel you have to cover your plate when you are a guest at a wedding?
I always have and always will cover my plate, I think it is the least you can do!
|
|
Posted 7/20/05 8:57 PM
|
| |
|
designerbride
Board Fanatic
Member since 7/04 717 total posts
Wedding Date:
10/8/2005 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
The Foxhollow
|
Re: QOTD: Now that we know how much things cost, do you feel you have to cover your plate when you are a guest at a wedding?
Posted by DMcK
I always have and always will cover my plate, I think it is the least you can do!
Same here!
|
|
Posted 7/21/05 1:06 AM
|
| |
|
| Pages: 1 [2] |
