Re: QOTD: Now that we know how much things cost, do you feel you have to cover your plate when you are a guest at a wedding?

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Posted by Soon2bMsZ

Well we were always generous with our gifts for weddings in the past IMO
I really don't take where they are getting married into account. Not to be mean but its the bride and grooms choice to pick a hall for $100 p/p or $300 p/p and I can't afford to give one couple $600 just so I know I covered my plate!!!
Also why should the couple who couldn't afford to spend more then $100 or less p/p get the same gift as everyone else????

Not everyone has the same financial situation. Some people have their parents paying for the wedding so it didn't cost them anything. Should I give nothing?

I base it more on my relationship with the couple then the hall. I would never give a cheaper gift b/c it was a less expensive hall so to be fair I can't give a more generous gift b/c its a more expensive hall.


If my good friend got married and had a bbq dinner in her backyard... I would give the same to her as if another close friend got married at Oheka.

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I'm glad to hear you and some other people say this. I couldn't agree more and it troubles me when other people say they base their gifts of how much they think it cost the Bride and Groom. It's a 'gift' and you are a 'guest' since when did people decide that you have to pay to attend someone's wedding. The idea of giving cash instead of a gift troubles me, but I've come to realize that's the way here and I've gotten used to that, but I think I should have to give someone a $600 gift just because they decided to spend a fortune on their wedding. We always try to give the same unless the relationship is different.

Re: QOTD: Now that we know how much things cost, do you feel you have to cover your plate when you are a guest at a wedding?

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Posted by Blu-ize

I usually give a set amount regardless of how much I think the per head was. It doesn't matter if it's at a fancy country club where the plate costs $200 or a place where the per head is $80. It's more about my relationship with the bride and groom and family.

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Totally agree.
I feel that with most weddings I go to, what we give more than likely ends up covering the plate, but I don't base it on that.

Re: QOTD: Now that we know how much things cost, do you feel you have to cover your plate when you are a guest at a wedding?

I give what I can afford and expect that of my guests also. I am not asking for more money based on the place I am having it at. Like one of my friends says 'This is not a fundraiser!'

Re: QOTD: Now that we know how much things cost, do you feel you have to cover your plate when you are a guest at a wedding?

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Posted by KimberlyBride

I give what I can afford and expect that of my guests also. I am not asking for more money based on the place I am having it at. Like one of my friends says 'This is not a fundraiser!'

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ditto that!

Re: QOTD: Now that we know how much things cost, do you feel you have to cover your plate when you are a guest at a wedding?

I always try to give what I can afford, they should not be expecting everyone to cover there plate...

Re: QOTD: Now that we know how much things cost, do you feel you have to cover your plate when you are a guest at a wedding?

absolutely and then some.

Re: QOTD: Now that we know how much things cost, do you feel you have to cover your plate when you are a guest at a wedding?

I'm definitely more conscious of it now, I try and cover my plate definitely but if it's a very high end wedding, I give what I can (agree about the $500 a plate thing - yikes!). I also base it off of what my relationship is with the &

Re: QOTD: Now that we know how much things cost, do you feel you have to cover your plate when you are a guest at a wedding?

Its funny, i had never even heard of someone 'covering the cost of their plate' until i moved to NY from Boston. Now i realize that its much more expected here than other parts of the country. Most people i know from non-NY areas give gifts, not $$.
I agree with the previous posters though in that the gift should be dependent on your relationship with the bride and groom, not on how much the plate is costing. The point of giving a gift in the first place is to give something to your friends or family and should not be based on what they might have given you in the past, or what you would like to get from them - otherwise it cheapens the whole situation.
JMO of course

Re: QOTD: Now that we know how much things cost, do you feel you have to cover your plate when you are a guest at a wedding?

I always tried to. However, sometimes they are just too expensive (like 250 pp) so we just can't. But typically, we cover ourselves.

Re: QOTD: Now that we know how much things cost, do you feel you have to cover your plate when you are a guest at a wedding?

yes - i try and ask around abuot the $$ and even try to give more..

Re: QOTD: Now that we know how much things cost, do you feel you have to cover your plate when you are a guest at a wedding?

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Posted by azoodie

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Posted by divabride

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Posted by Blu-ize

I usually give a set amount regardless of how much I think the per head was. It doesn't matter if it's at a fancy country club where the plate costs $200 or a place where the per head is $80. It's more about my relationship with the bride and groom and family.

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I agree. It depends on my relationship with the bride and groom, not the cost of the plate.

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ditto this!

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me too!!

I find it very disturbing, this 'cover your plate' thing. A) I didn't ask the B&G to spend X amount of money on their wedding, that was up to them to do. B) It's RUDE!!!!!!!!! So if your best friend in the world was getting married at the VFW and some chick that you kinda sorta know was getting married at the Carltun, you would give more to that girl? IMO, that's ludicrous. You're there as a guest and you give a gift. That gift should be the same regardless of where the wedding is - the point of it is to congratulate the couple and help them start out their lives together. This is irrespective of a party and how much they chose to spend on it.

Re: QOTD: Now that we know how much things cost, do you feel you have to cover your plate when you are a guest at a wedding?

Yes. I try to be considerate, and add a little extra as well.

Re: QOTD: Now that we know how much things cost, do you feel you have to cover your plate when you are a guest at a wedding?

I think the 'covering your plate' thing is ridiculous. I am by no means a cheap person. But there is no way that if I were invited to a wedding that cost $300pp, that FH and i could give $600.

At the same token...even weddings out of state that I've been to where i KNOW the price per plate was around $50, does not mean that I give $50. I usually give what i can...around $100 for me, $100 for FH. Sometimes a little more if we can.

We don't expect anyone to give the cost per plate at our wedding. We know people give what they can, and thats all that matters. It isn't about money!

Re: QOTD: Now that we know how much things cost, do you feel you have to cover your plate when you are a guest at a wedding?

ok, here's a twist ... we have a wedding to go to 2 weeks before ours. it's my dad's girlfriends daughter (he's actually giving her away) but they are having it at a campsite and having ajustice of the peace marry them. My dad's g-fri told me what they are paying (it's soooo incredibly cheap i can't even begin to tell you, but i will say under a thousand!!!!!) so what do we do there? I planned on giving $175-$200 but then I'd be paying almost half of what it is costing them!!!

Re: QOTD: Now that we know how much things cost, do you feel you have to cover your plate when you are a guest at a wedding?

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Posted by jersee3380

ok, here's a twist ... we have a wedding to go to 2 weeks before ours. it's my dad's girlfriends daughter (he's actually giving her away) but they are having it at a campsite and having ajustice of the peace marry them. My dad's g-fri told me what they are paying (it's soooo incredibly cheap i can't even begin to tell you, but i will say under a thousand!!!!!) so what do we do there? I planned on giving $175-$200 but then I'd be paying almost half of what it is costing them!!!

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Honestly - I think its a GIFT for the newlyweds to start their new life together. I really don't even think you should take into account what they are spending or what the wedding is costing them. You give them what you can afford and feel comfortable giving

Re: QOTD: Now that we know how much things cost, do you feel you have to cover your plate when you are a guest at a wedding?

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Posted by jersee3380

ok, here's a twist ... we have a wedding to go to 2 weeks before ours. it's my dad's girlfriends daughter (he's actually giving her away) but they are having it at a campsite and having ajustice of the peace marry them. My dad's g-fri told me what they are paying (it's soooo incredibly cheap i can't even begin to tell you, but i will say under a thousand!!!!!) so what do we do there? I planned on giving $175-$200 but then I'd be paying almost half of what it is costing them!!!

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You should give a gift that you're comfortable with, regardless of what the wedding itself cost. The point is to give a 'gift' to the couple, not payback the cost of the wedding

Re: QOTD: Now that we know how much things cost, do you feel you have to cover your plate when you are a guest at a wedding?

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Posted by Soon2bMsZ

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Posted by jersee3380

ok, here's a twist ... we have a wedding to go to 2 weeks before ours. it's my dad's girlfriends daughter (he's actually giving her away) but they are having it at a campsite and having ajustice of the peace marry them. My dad's g-fri told me what they are paying (it's soooo incredibly cheap i can't even begin to tell you, but i will say under a thousand!!!!!) so what do we do there? I planned on giving $175-$200 but then I'd be paying almost half of what it is costing them!!!

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Honestly - I think its a GIFT for the newlyweds to start their new life together. I really don't even think you should take into account what they are spending or what the wedding is costing them. You give them what you can afford and feel comfortable giving

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you're absolutely right ... i've been soo obsessed w/ what everything is costing and worried about whether we'll 'break even' that i totally forgot it's about them starting a new life together. everyone needs a jump start ... thanks for reminding me!!!

Re: QOTD: Now that we know how much things cost, do you feel you have to cover your plate when you are a guest at a wedding?

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Posted by jersee3380

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Posted by Soon2bMsZ

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Posted by jersee3380

ok, here's a twist ... we have a wedding to go to 2 weeks before ours. it's my dad's girlfriends daughter (he's actually giving her away) but they are having it at a campsite and having ajustice of the peace marry them. My dad's g-fri told me what they are paying (it's soooo incredibly cheap i can't even begin to tell you, but i will say under a thousand!!!!!) so what do we do there? I planned on giving $175-$200 but then I'd be paying almost half of what it is costing them!!!

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Honestly - I think its a GIFT for the newlyweds to start their new life together. I really don't even think you should take into account what they are spending or what the wedding is costing them. You give them what you can afford and feel comfortable giving

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you're absolutely right ... i've been soo obsessed w/ what everything is costing and worried about whether we'll 'break even' that i totally forgot it's about them starting a new life together. everyone needs a jump start ... thanks for reminding me!!!

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Anytime

Re: QOTD: Now that we know how much things cost, do you feel you have to cover your plate when you are a guest at a wedding?

For God's sake, we are attending weddings not nightclubs with cover charges.

Give what you can and what you feel comfortable giving. If someone picks a hall for $300pp++ or has a backyard BBQ for $5 pp++, it should not change the gift.

Our wedding gifts are based on how close we are with the couple and what we can afford at the time.

I have given as little as $50 and as much as $400 (cash and a place setting) and neither wedding was for a family member nor was either wedding even in NY.

Having a wedding is not a money making opportunity and I doubt more than 10% of couples even 'break even'. That is why no couple (or family if applicable) should go into the idea of planning a wedding (at least not in NYC or LI) thinking they will make the money back. I'm sure that is rare unless parents or family members give the couple very generous gifts - assuming the parents and family didn't pay for the wedding to begin with.

ETA - No, I do not feel that I 'have to' cover my plate nor do I expect our guests to feel they 'have to' cover their plate. Of course it would be wonderful if everyone covered their plate but, hopefully, that is not why they are invited to weddings.

I have to admit, I have received at least one invite (last minute after my mom was invited weeks earlier) where I felt I was only invited because the bride figured I'd give them a hefty check. I declined the invitation and did not send a gift at all.

Re: QOTD: Now that we know how much things cost, do you feel you have to cover your plate when you are a guest at a wedding?

We always cover our plates.

Just what frustrates us is the fact that we both have very cheap family members, they expect to come to the party, eat and drink everything insight and give a check for $25.00 to cover them and a guest. So anybody on here says they wouldnt be upset if somebody did that is being alittle unrealistic. Yes i agree a gift is a gift, but if you are having financial problems either come alone or dont come at all.