Need BM advice... (a bit long)

I probably jumped the gun in asking this particular person to be in my wedding party, but seeing as how we were close, it just seemed right (at the time).

Short of the long... She and I use to be BEST friends, did EVERYTHING together all the time, talked a million times a day. Even though she lived in the city, I'd go in every Tuesday and spend the night and we'd tear up NYC together. The best of times.

She got a new job teaching and pretty much fell off the face of the earth. I called, she never returned my messages. I mean this went on for a good almost 6 months. Then she resurfaced, wrote me an apology card. She really didn't have an explaination for why she disappeared, which I found weird. But whatever, I missed her as my friend, so things kind of got better.

Granted, they did and we started talking more and more throughout the summer, even though I BARELY ever saw her. I Just felt no effort on her part what-so ever.

So then I get engaged and I asked her to be one of my BM.

Once again I'm in the SAME situation I was last year... no time for me or our friendship and it'll take her a week to return my phone calls. There's ALWAYS an excuse, 'I'm soooo busy, sorry'. BLAH BLAH BLAH. EVERYONE has time for friends. She obviously has it for everyone else, but me.

Needless to say, I'm regretting asking her. If she has no time for our friendship, then how is she going to have time to be my BM. I just don't feel like I want to be friends with someone who treats me like she does.

Do I say something to her (AGAIN) or what? Do I demote her? It's so confusing. I'm tired of all the excuses.

Re: Need BM advice... (a bit long)

try talking to her and if at that point you still feel uneasy explain the situation to her. Confrontation is the worst but at least you give her an out if she does not want to be involved.

Re: Need BM advice... (a bit long)

This is such a delicate situation. I would talk to her and express your concern about her lack of time. She may step down willingly. If you continue to feel like she has no time for you and you want to end the friendship, then do it! You have to be happy... it's your wedding day! Good luck!

Re: Need BM advice... (a bit long)

Did you ever talk to her about all this? Is she coming to your engagement party?

Re: Need BM advice... (a bit long)

I would definitely talk to her about your concerns. She may not even realize there is a problem if she is so wrapped up in her own life. I would think she wants to be your BM if she accepted, but you could ask her if it is too much for her since she is so busy. That way she could step down on her own without you having to demote her. You might be surprised and find that when you talk to her she really does want to be part of your BP.

Re: Need BM advice... (a bit long)

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Posted by aliwnec10

Did you ever talk to her about all this? Is she coming to your engagement party?

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I have spoken to her in the past about how I'm unhappy with her lack of time and her excuses. But nothing seems to make it any better. I just feel like I'm wasting my time telling her how I feel. It gets better for the moment, but then a week or two down the road it goes right back.

Yes, she was invited to the engagement party. I'm kind of using it as a major test. If she doesn't come, I'm done with it all. She said she would 'Definitely be there. Wouldn't miss it for the world...'

We'll see.