not new!!!! Updated!! Updated again, and finally!

My fh and I are supposed to get married within the last 6 mo of the year. We have been engaged for a little over a year and have been dating for 3. We have a joint wedding account and are paying for the wedding ourselfs (except for $5,000 that my father gave us when we first got engaged) Our wedding is going to cost $29,000 total. As of the first week in december we had saved $22,000 in HIS account (including my fathers 5k) I went to put a deposit in today, and 13k is missing, when I ask fh he tells me that his friend, who is a stock broker, had a great tip for him and he just gave him OUR 13k. he said that was HIS money that he had saved and I should 'shut up'. That we could replace it, and whats the big deal? We have NEVER been in a fight before and he has never done anything like this, what would you do?

UPDATE::

We talked it over and FH said he 'does this all the time' (removes $$ from wedding account, gambles it, in stocks or horses, in AC or vegas, or on line) and as long as it's put back, whats the big deal? He explained that once we get married he will handle all the finaces and I shouldn't wory about it, being that I am not very 'savy' in that area. I told him I am not a child, and I will be his wife, I would like respect that comes with a partnership. He said then he will consult me from now on with any purchase (or gamble) over 10k. I don't know how fair I think this is, but he won't compromise.

NEW UPDATE:
I just wanted to answer all your questions.

FH goes to AC, not so much. But his companys home is in Vegas, so he's there once a month (at least). He says he has his 'winnings' in a seperate account, that he uses just for his winnings. He only 'dips' into the wedding funds when that account is tapped. He admitted that he feels he has a problem. He said he was sorry, for what he did, and how he spoke to me. He said he was embarrased! I understand. I told him I think he nes to go to a GA or something, and he said he'll think about it. I let him read what you all wrote, and he felt ashamed. Thank you for all your help!

Re: not new

i would have a long talk with him. nothing is wrong giving the broker with him. but he should've discussed this with u

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Posted by Happybride2005

i would have a long talk with him. nothing is wrong giving the broker with him. but he should've discussed this with u

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I agree. What will happen to the wedding if the 13k is not replaced?

Re: not new

I'd be upset too. It's your money (collectively) 13K is a huge chunk of change and he shoould have discussed with you before taking it. I think it was also rude for him to tell you to shut up.

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I'm not gonna be pushy but listen. Been there done that. Iknow your shocked at his behavior. Never NEVER Start a joint account with a man before you share his name. I went through a similar situation with my caveman. I just said okay should I marry someone who is like this about money. My grandmother told me once, the best advice I ever got. She said ALL men are empowerd by money. ALWAYS have your own. I suggest you take the money you don't want to see in the toilet. YOU alone save it. THEN bring it to the table when it's time. Please believe me. I went through this.

Re: not new

Is the money totally gone, or is it invested?

If it is invested in something legal you should be able to get the money back (well, most of it).

Re: not new

i would be upset for the simple fact that he made a BIG decision like that without letting you know ..

that is your money also and for the wedding
. he should have spoke to you about this 1st .
when you talk to him the next time just let him know that decision like that needs to be made together .

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Posted by afrodyt2000

I'd be upset too. It's your money (collectively) 13K is a huge chunk of change and he shoould have discussed with you before taking it. I think it was also rude for him to tell you to shut up.

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i agree 110%

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Posted by JCam695

Is the money totally gone, or is it invested?

If it is invested in something legal you should be able to get the money back (well, most of it).

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That's good, but the fact is, he took the money and didn't tell her. He should have said something to her. I'm sure if the situation was in reverse, he would have hit the roof.

Re: not new

I would be pissed. He took your money and gambled it!! He told you to 'shut up' when you questioned him? Thats a pretty big descion to go ahead and make w/o you. I would talk to him about this.

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Soon after FH and I got engaged, we began a joint account. I have the 'luxury' of teaching summer school which basically gives me an extra salary over the summer. A large portion of what is in our joint account is money that I put in. HOWEVER, I would not EVER take that money out to do anything with whether wedding related or not because I put it in. Once it is in a joint account it is OURS.

Aside from which, I would be cautious in regard to this 'tip' and this broker. TIPS can often be regarded as insider trading and are therefore illegal. It isn't just about the money. Its about the law. I hate to be a downer, but you should be aware of all possibilities. 'Friends' can disappear when money is involved.

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Honestly, I would take everything left that I put into the account out and run like the wind in the other direction. If you have been contributing it is not HIS money alone it is your money also - not to mention the fact that it is supposed to be for the wedding, and 13K is a lot to make up.

For him to speak to you like that (the shut up part) is just not right, and IMHO if he had really invested it he would have discussed it first or having not discussed it, would not have gotten so defensive and obnoxious about it, but rather would have been apologetic for not discussing it.

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I would kick his a$$. Seriously, that's not acceptable behaviour and you should be consulted before an action like that is taken.

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Posted by Faith

I would kick his a$$. Seriously, that's not acceptable behaviour and you should be consulted before an action like that is taken.

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Posted by missgwife

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Posted by JCam695

Is the money totally gone, or is it invested?

If it is invested in something legal you should be able to get the money back (well, most of it).

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That's good, but the fact is, he took the money and didn't tell her. He should have said something to her. I'm sure if the situation was in reverse, he would have hit the roof.

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Agreed. I was thinking that (aside from being really pissed off) that I'd want that money back immediately.

I think you should take the rest of the money and put it in your own account.

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Posted by Faith

I would kick his a$$. Seriously, that's not acceptable behaviour and you should be consulted before an action like that is taken.

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i agree. I would flip! NOT acceptable!

Re: not new

Well I would have a huge talk with him before you try to replace that 13K. If he doesn't respect that this is 'both of your money' and he should discuss making such big investments without talking to you. Look I'm not saying that you should cancel the wedding, by no means, BUT make sure this gets resolved first.

Re: not new

Take the rest of the money and put it into your account and if he questions it, tell him that it's clear he cannot be trusted with saving a large amount of money that is to be put for future use.

I would also have a problem with him telling me to shut up. FH and I have said that to each other on occasion in the heat of an argument, but he would never say that when I am questioning him about something he's done wrong.

Think about this....he went and took this money without discussing it with you, pretty much sneakily I might add, because had you not went to make a deposit and check the balance, you might not have known, and who knows how long it would have been before he told you about it.

Now what happens when you both have that same joint account and you deposit all the money from the wedding?? Is he going to tap into that too for large amounts without consulting you? What if you start saving for a house or a car or some other large purchase? The thought will forever be in the back of your mind that you have to constantly check the account balance for fear this will happen again. And that is no foundation to start a marriage on.

I would have a long talk with him about trust, communication, respect and what a partnership is supposed to mean.

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Posted by EmberLynn

Well I would have a huge talk with him before you try to replace that 13K. If he doesn't respect that this is 'both of your money' and he should discuss making such big investments without talking to you. Look I'm not saying that you should cancel the wedding, by no means, BUT make sure this gets resolved first.

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I agree!