FMIL Issues

Okay, it started when we told her we were engaged. She started to tell us how we're too young, too broke, too this, too that. From then on, she's been constantly putting things off.
His little sister was supposed to be a flower girl... she waited until the dress couldn't be shipped in time for the wedding to try to order it. Then, she decided she didn't have enough money to pay for the rehearsal dinner, so there's another thing that WE have to pay for. After that, she decided she didn't have the money to even come to the wedding. A few weeks later, she emailed us saying she had the money, but his little sister couldn't come because of school. Now, finally! She and his little sister is coming, but there's another issue.
MY FMIL is best friends with my FI's ex-girlfriend. They both go back and forth to visit every couple of weeks. And, the ex has made my life hell trying to make nice with his mother's side of the family. Now, she wants to invite the ex to the showers and the wedding. How can I get it through this crazy woman's head that the ex is not welcome???????????

Re: FMIL Issues

OMG!! You poor thing! I'd be livid. If I were you I would have FH talk to her. That is appauling!

Re: FMIL Issues

He has talked to her. And, she continually does this stuff. She tries her hardest to intimidate us.

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Your FH has to talk to her. Does your FH even speak to his ex anymore? Is his FMIL trying to break you guys up? What does your FH say about this? Your first prioroty HAS to be your relationship with your FH, and you have to do whatever you have to do to NOT let her ruin what you guys have. She has NO right to invite who SHE wants to YOUR shower! The NERVE!!!

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***?!?! No way!!! Put your foot down.

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Neither of us speak to her anymore. It was a really bad break up. He broke up with her, she didn't let go. We're trying so hard not to let this affect our relationship, but it's difficult.

Re: FMIL Issues

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Posted by mrsbyrd06

Okay, it started when we told her we were engaged. She started to tell us how we're too young, too broke, too this, too that. From then on, she's been constantly putting things off.
His little sister was supposed to be a flower girl... she waited until the dress couldn't be shipped in time for the wedding to try to order it. Then, she decided she didn't have enough money to pay for the rehearsal dinner, so there's another thing that WE have to pay for. After that, she decided she didn't have the money to even come to the wedding. A few weeks later, she emailed us saying she had the money, but his little sister couldn't come because of school. Now, finally! She and his little sister is coming, but there's another issue.
MY FMIL is best friends with my FI's ex-girlfriend. They both go back and forth to visit every couple of weeks. And, the ex has made my life hell trying to make nice with his mother's side of the family. Now, she wants to invite the ex to the showers and the wedding. How can I get it through this crazy woman's head that the ex is not welcome???????????

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Re: FMIL Issues

She is not considerate of your feelings at all!

Re: FMIL Issues

OMG!!!! Honey, there are no words for how horrible I feel for you. Please, if you ever want to vent, feel free! I hope things work out for you! At this point, I wouldn't even WANT her coming to the wedding. That's so messed up that she's still best friends with his ex!!!!

Message edited 3/3/2006 12:35:56 PM.

Re: FMIL Issues

I don't even know how I would react.. I am still trying to absorb everything you just said.. I am mad, I will tell you that.. I don't know what kind of relationship you have with FMIL, and it's always a touchy situation btwn sons and mothers.. I would ask FH to step in and mediate.. Try and stay calm.. I know it's hard.. but we are here for you to vent to us!!

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What does your FH say about this to you? How does he feel about this situation, and does he still talk to his ex?

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WOW! I can't belive you have to deal with this!!! Honestly I would tell her straight out ARE YOU NUTS???? Don't even be bashful about it! Just plain tell her that it is NOT going to happen! You poor thing, I really feel for you. Don't be afraid to speak your mind! Good luck!!!
XOXOXO
Kitty

Re: FMIL Issues

OMG I totally know where you are coming from. My FMIL and her family has been giving us drama since before we were engaged. We are kina in the same boat, but in different ways..

They have never treated me very nicely, always comments, remarks.. uncalled for crap. They just did not like the fact that they knew my FH was serious with me and told them I was the one after 4-5 months of exclusive dating. After that, she changed, became distant as well as her whole side of the family. I tried so many times to extend my hand to her and till this day it's still the same crap. This was her repsonse when we told her he proposed. " How did that happen"? it was such a cold response.. anyway there is just too much drama I can't even go into.. if you want FM me if you need to vent. I would seriously have your FH and yourself go over there.. have him talk to his mother and lay down the rules. This is just obsurd that she keeps his ex in her life. It's disrepsectful to you and your FH. The ex CAN NOt come to your wedding! Hell no! Put your foot down in a nice way.. of course.. let your FH deal with her.. it's his problem right now.. your not married yet.. He needs to set her straight. But you should express your feelings about it in a nice way that you would feel very uncomfortable about this and already do. FM me.. we'll talk :)

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OMG...the nerve of your FMIL to wan tto invite FH's ex

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i'd say have FH talk to her but that might not work. (I have FMIL issues -- not the same but equally as aggrivating probably -- and FH does not like to get involved. and the more i thought about it, its like you pulling him one way while your FMIL pulls in the other direction. have you tried talking to FMIL? want to share the rifle i bought to use on mine? =)

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OMG, I don't even know what to say. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I think your FH really needs to talk to her, FIRMLY!!!!! I wish you luck with everything.

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OMG!!! FH needs to talk to his mom. Thats crazy she thinks she can invite her. Its not her wedding, its yours and FH's. She needs to stop her childish games. Put your foot down. I would be furious if FMIL did that to me. His ex has no business being there. Good luck. Keep us posted.

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wow!! sorry to hear this!

but really if there's a problem with FMIL--your FI is the one who needs to handle it. obviously he hasn't been handling it the right way--because most men will just say "Sure I'll talk to her" and then not truly say what should be said, as it is his mother. But your FI needs to tell your FMIL what's up and that his ex is 100% NOT WELCOME! He needs to step up and do the right thing....because if he doesn't, this will become a problem that will only BEGIN with your wedding.

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OMG, I feel so bad for you!! Seriously, like you don't have enough to stress about you have to deal with this too?? And another thing, what ex would even want to go to the shower or wedding???? I mean she has to know she's not welcome - it's like her and your FMIL have a plan to ruin your day. Don't let them!!!

Re: FMIL Issues

A few thoughts...

1. As the other girls stated your FH needs to talk to his mother. Even though he has been doing this the message is not clear enough. His mother is causing a lot of drama and it is completely innappropriate - I feel sad for you guys.

2. It does not seem like she is dependable (or stable). So I would anticipate paying/doing everything yourself. Once you let go of the thought that she may come through you will strip her of the financial power which she uses to manipulate you with.

3. I know this might sound weird, and she is family, but this is your event and if she is not going to respect what you both want then maybe she needs to be given an ultimatum. I don't know if this is the best route and your FH would have to be behind you 100% but the message needs to be clear: You are getting married to her son, you will be joining families, whatever issues she has about age and the other girl needs to be put aside. You will be her new family and it would be the best if she embraced that idea rather than fight it. At the end of the day it is healthier for everyone.

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hire a police officer off duty to guard your events and have the ex escorted away. lol....

that's just about as WRONG as it gets. tell her off....if she's petty, she'll probably blow off your wedding, but it looks like she's tried that as much as possible already. good luck....i don't really know what else to say other than, get ex's # and tell her that you do not want her to come even if she is friends with FH's mom. she's not YOUR friend and obviously not FH's either.

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H3LL not she should NOT be invited to the shower.. she is not your friend!

That is terrible!

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! no right whatsoever!

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That is disgusting. If worse comes to worse you will have to tell the ex she is not welcome.

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Oh My God, I am so sorry that is definetly some wedding drama. Can FI help at all????