awkward situation

so 2morrow nite is my BP and we are going out to dinner. i picked out a restaurant in the city, that i like, that isnt crazy expensive, but it isnt too cheap. i like to dine, so dinner is kind of the highlite of the nite.

i was talking to one of my friends today and she is broke, so she asked me if it was ok that she got a seperate check. i didnt know what to say. she is worried b/c one of my friends is notorius for ordering a lot to drink and eat and then we all have to split the check. she (the one that orders everything) doesnt think twice about ordering expensive stuff b/c she makes a lot of money.

i am not sure if my friends are paying for my dinner, so i am bringing money just in case. i dont want to be expecting anything. but i kind of dread when the check comes.

the friend that is broke isnt really friends with the others, as i know her from a place i used to work at. so i just think it will be an awkward situation and now the broke friend is already saying she may just skip dinner and go out for drinks after.

Re: awkward situation

How would you feel if she skips dinner and comes out for drinks afterward?

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That's a tough one but I think you should tell everyone that they should pay for their part of the bill instead of splitting it because not everyone is plans on drinking. That way you're not singling her out as someone that doesn't have a lot of money.

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i would like her to be there at dinner, and i know she might skip it b/c she doesnt want the bill to get out of hand. but i wont be upset if she didnt go, b/c i understand.

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it sounds like to me that she can't really afford to go to dinner. and she is going because she does not want to dissapoint you..to be honest with you, i would just tell her that you understand that she can't afford it and to just meet you for drinks....why dread the bill the whole night? I think it will also save her from being embarressed infront of your other guests..

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Posted by seta

it sounds like to me that she can't really afford to go to dinner. and she is going because she does not want to dissapoint you..to be honest with you, i would just tell her that you understand that she can't afford it and to just meet you for drinks....why dread the bill the whole night? I think it will also save her from being embarressed infront of your other guests..

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Agreed.

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Posted by seta

it sounds like to me that she can't really afford to go to dinner. and she is going because she does not want to dissapoint you..to be honest with you, i would just tell her that you understand that she can't afford it and to just meet you for drinks....why dread the bill the whole night? I think it will also save her from being embarressed infront of your other guests..

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yeah i know what you are saying. i can kind of understand how she feels b/c i have gone out with the girl that orders all the food and drinks and we all split the bill, even if i eat like half the amount.

i dont care if she does do a separate check, i just do not know how i would word it, or what kind of situation would arise if she did ask for her own check.

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Posted by Brassgirl9

That's a tough one but I think you should tell everyone that they should pay for their part of the bill instead of splitting it because not everyone is plans on drinking. That way you're not singling her out as someone that doesn't have a lot of money.

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I agree! That way your friend who is worried about the $$ can order what she can afford, and she could be there for you as well!

Re: awkward situation

I don't know how your friends are, but if they would be understanding, maybe let them know the situation - unless the friend without $$$ would be really uncomfortable with that. We've had situations like this where we just say 'Oh, this one isn't drinking,' or 'this one only got a salad' so they don't get stuck with paying double what their meal costs. I don't think she should have to miss the dinner.

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o girl i know exactly how you are feeling on this....it has happened to me plenty of times......like you i have friends that dont mind spending money on dinner and those who cant afford it....and when we go out for my bday it feels awkward!!! but it shouldnt bc its for you....i would just let her know that its ok if she just meets you guys out later....or maybe she can let the waitress know that she needs a seperate bill (although some restaurants wont do that) i think its only fair that everyone splits it......good luck!

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Agreed that she is going to be nice. maybe you could do something seperate with her earlier in the day.

Re: awkward situation

I remember there was a Friends episode about this exact same situation. IMO it is rude for those with more money ordering a bunch of stuff to not consider other people's situations. But how to handle it? Not sure. If I were the one w/o a lot of money, knowing what might happen, I'd opt to do something separately with you.

Re: awkward situation

First, you are all adults- she should handle the situation on her own, and not put you in the awkward situation of mediating. You are the bride, not the banker.

If she can't afford dinner, she shouldnt go. I would suggest you disappear to the bathroom when the check comes and take the night off from dealing with petty nonsense.

Have fun!

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Posted by kmkelly

I remember there was a Friends episode about this exact same situation. IMO it is rude for those with more money ordering a bunch of stuff to not consider other people's situations. But how to handle it? Not sure. If I were the one w/o a lot of money, knowing what might happen, I'd opt to do something separately with you.

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i have been thinking of this episode all day!

i was telling the situation to another one of my friends and she was like 'didnt she save up for this???'. i was kind of amazed that she said that, i mean she is my friend, not in the bridal party and i dont expect her to save up for my BP, i know she has bills to pay.

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Posted by EGreene79

I don't know how your friends are, but if they would be understanding, maybe let them know the situation - unless the friend without $$$ would be really uncomfortable with that. We've had situations like this where we just say 'Oh, this one isn't drinking,' or 'this one only got a salad' so they don't get stuck with paying double what their meal costs. I don't think she should have to miss the dinner.

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this is a good idea as well.

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If this were me, and it very well may be, I would make it a point to ask the waitress for seperate checks ahead of time, or ask everyone to get seperate checks. It is your BP and you wouldn't want anyone to feel uncomfortable. I would feel like it were m y job to keep everyone happy.

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I would call the restaurant and see if they can set me up with a fixed menu price as well as an open bar price. That way everyone knows what to expect when the bill comes. Where are you going to dinner?

Re: awkward situation

blue ribbon in the city.

blue ribbon

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I would call them and see if they do a set menu for parties. All sushi places do Omakaze which is a set price for a sushi tasting. See if they have something that would include open bar. You may also want to try Sushi Samba to see if they do a party menu. If you do this, just make sure you add tax and tip to the price. SOmehow people always forget about tax and tip.

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I think you should tell everyone that they should pay for their part of the bill instead of splitting it because not everyone is plans on drinking.

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I agree!!! It is a little time consuming and a PIA, but it is not fair for your friend who is broke to pick up the tab for your friend who gets carried away! Also, hopefully noone will feel uncomfortable and everyone will know what their limit is.

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JUST TELL HER TO MEET FOR DRINKS .. SO THIS WAY EVERYONE IS HAPPY ... IT ALWAYS WORKS OUT BETTER THAT WAY !