Mom issue, please tell me if I am wrong

OK just had a fight with my mom on the phone. I was talking to her about wedding programs and I mentioned that we are going to include that we were dedicating the ceremony to my grandfather who just passed away two months ago. She got all quiet and was like, 'Well aren't you including other people who have died?' and I was literally confused like, 'Who?' and she goes, 'You had four grandparents' and i was like, yeah but he JUST DIED two months ago and really wanted to come to the wedding, so that makes it a little more recent and I'd like to honor him. So i made the mistake of saying, 'Do you want FH and I to include EVERYONE then, he had four grandparents as well, so am I now going to have 4 pgs of those people that we are holding the ceremony in memory of? ', and she was like 'THOSE PEOPLE?!?!?'. Of course I would put in memory of my recently deceased grandfather, etc. as well as all those we have lost, etc. but I think she's being ridiculous. She was acting like I said, F your parents (whom I also loved dearly but they died 15 and 20 yrs ago), but this is something that I have wanted to do since he died a whole 8 wks ago...am I wrong?

AAHHH such fun planning a wedding!!!!!!!!!!!!

Re: Mom issue, please tell me if I am wrong

You can do something special for your Grandfather who recently passed and then mabye something else saying in loving memory and include immediate family so no one is left out.

Re: Mom issue, please tell me if I am wrong

can you just write,

Flowers have been placed on the altar
in loving memory of our granparents.


at the end of the program? That covers everyone, and you don't have to name names.

Re: Mom issue, please tell me if I am wrong

I have to agree with you on this one...I mean he did just pass away like 2mths ago...but you can always come up with another way to remember everyone else who has passed away..

Re: Mom issue, please tell me if I am wrong

Im putting it in dedication of my Grandfather who just died in August unless God forbid someone else dies from here til next yr. I'll have his picture with a little dedication and then maybe just on the bottom list other people we have lost, just not to offend anyone.

Re: Mom issue, please tell me if I am wrong

Thanks so much for the quick responses, I am just so upset about this b/c I had no idea this would be a problem.. it's not that I loved him any more or less than my other grandparents, its just..he came to my engagement party, was the only one to meet FH, plus I mean its been less than 8 weeks!! All he talked about was the wedding! I'm sorry my mom's upset but I think I am sticking to my guns here. I am going to put a pic of him with FH and I, with some kind of dedication, then put underneath something like, 'We also wish to remember all those we've lost who could not be here today but are here in spirit', something like that.

Re: Mom issue, please tell me if I am wrong

I do not think you are wrong at all. That being said I can also understand how she may be feeling because the loss of her parents no matter how long ago it still hurts her to not have them there.

If I were you I wouldn't back down on what YOU want to do but you could also include something like:

In loving memory of Grandpa Jim and all those loved ones who are smiling down on us from heaven.

HTH

Re: Mom issue, please tell me if I am wrong

You are not wrong! She's just being defensive because it's her parents. Do what you feel is right!
XOXOXO
Kitty

Re: Mom issue, please tell me if I am wrong

I think you're doing the right thing. I think parents can get very touchy when it comes to their deceased parents. My grandfather passed away two years ago, and my mom asked me not to 'have too many slow love songs at the wedding because it will upset your grandmother.' Sorry, mom, not happening. I mean, I loved my grandfather very much and I wish he could be included, but I'm not going to severely cut dancing because of it.

Sorry for the tangent! You're doing the right thing!

Re: Mom issue, please tell me if I am wrong

Perhaps you can include all of your passed grandparents in your program, with a poem, and do something else, in addition, for your grandfather. Perhaps a prayer, or a candle, or something?

Re: Mom issue, please tell me if I am wrong

I understand where your mom is coming from....but agree with you .....that it would basically get out of control if you had to include everyone in your family line who wasn't able to make it to the wedding....I would let it blow over with your mom and maybe revisit it a little later!! Good luck!!

Re: Mom issue, please tell me if I am wrong

You are not being unreasonable at all. I think it is very sweet that you are dedicating to your recently deceased grandfather.

Re: Mom issue, please tell me if I am wrong

i agree. ur moms being a lil reasonable probably because shes still sentimental and emotional over it, both of you are correct in their own ways, but try to incorporate your grandfather in a diferent way...good luck and happy planning

Re: Mom issue, please tell me if I am wrong

I agree with you on this one many people passed away but FH and I decided to only mention the name of his best friend thats passed away 11/05 as he would be a GM if he were alive. The list can get really long if you go into naming everyone that passed.

Re: Mom issue, please tell me if I am wrong

I dont think you are wrong, its a recent event and I completely agree with you.

Re: Mom issue, please tell me if I am wrong

Thanks so much for all the support, girls!! I feel so much better now!

Re: Mom issue, please tell me if I am wrong

I agree with the girls above ... I think your Mom is just being overly sensitive because its her parents.

I like the suggestion about doing something in memory of all your Grandparents, I think that's a good compromise.

I feel your pain, my Mom and I have butted heads on so many things ... and we still have 8 months to go!

Re: Mom issue, please tell me if I am wrong

I understand how you feel, these are the times when you want to choke your parents, my mom always does stuff like that to me

Re: Mom issue, please tell me if I am wrong

Here is my opinion, you are not wrong BUT your mother is right. No matter how long ago her parents died they are a huge part of her life and she feels they should be a huge part of yours. I would tred very lightly with this one. Sorry to say but 'those people' was a very harsh way of wording it to your mom. Those ppl were her mom and dad.

Re: Mom issue, please tell me if I am wrong

I do understand how she feels. One thing, though, I didnt say 'those people' the way she interpreted it. I didnt say, 'Do you really want me to include THOSE PEOPLE' or anything like that, I meant it like, 'what about FH's grandparents and all of mine, you want me to include all those people?'. I am going to speak to her about this again when both of us have had some time to cool down.
Thanks for your input!!