would you go to an OOT wedding the weekend before your wedding?

Ugh. FH's friend got engaged like a month ago and was supposedly getting married in July. He's now changed the date and is getting married the weekend before us! (We're getting married August 11)

We originally weren't even inviting him to our wedding, but once he announced his engagement and said we were invited, we kind of feel obligated to invite him and the other 3 guys in that group of acquaitances...

We're pretty sure they won't be able to make it, since they'll probably be on their honeymoon.

Here's the thing - they announced this wedding last month and told everyone a July date, and I just checked their web site and it's now the week before ours. Now, I don't care when they get married (doesn't bother me at all), but I really don't think we can drive all the way to Syracuse (which involves taking Friday off from work since it's 5 hours away and the wedding is at 10am Saturday morning) the week before our wedding.

I'm not crazy for thinking we can't go, am I? I just feel like there will be so much to do that weekend PLUS, we are taking 3 weeks off for our wedding and honeymoon. We can't take yet another day off of work for this.

Am I wrong? Should we consider going?

Re: would you go to an OOT wedding the weekend before your wedding?

FH's friend is getting married the week before us, out of state and we are not going. She's not a long time friend, we only know her from college. I would really love to go, but a week before our wedding? Come on.......

Your wedding was planned for so long, I think it's ok if you don't go. If they really are true friends they wouldn't have planned their wedding a week before yours anyway.

Re: would you go to an OOT wedding the weekend before your wedding?

Before I declare you crazy or not, I have a few questions-

1) How tight is FH with this person? You mentioned they weren't invited before the new announced engagment.

2) Are either of you enough evening people to head there after work on Friday? Since it's a random August weekend, the Friday traffic might not be so terrible.

One of my biggest quirks is not to miss ANYTHING, even things that put me beyond exhaustion. I even think it may be doable to go. But I know you've got a ton of stuff going on. I'd say it's not crazy not to go, but try to gauge how close fh is with this person, b/c (as you know) people can act funny around weddings, and there's a chance it could hurt that friendship.

hth

--the stealth groom
(no pizza and no whiskey make stealth groom something something)

Re: would you go to an OOT wedding the weekend before your wedding?

if it means a lot to your fh then you have to go, I wouldnt go because you have so much to do, table settings, finalizing your vendors, finalizing your fitting, etc. getting ready for your out of town guests, there is just tooo much to do.

but if FH wants to go you have to go, just plan accordingly and have him help you with stuff, bc you are doing him this favor.

good luck, and dont worry your wedding will be nicer!!!

Re: would you go to an OOT wedding the weekend before your wedding?

From what you wrote in your original post, I get the impression that these are not CLOSE friends - you felt obligated to invite them and I understand.

I would 100% NOT go and not feel bad about it either. 10am on a Saturday in Syracuse? Have to take off a day from work to make it up there? Um no.

If they ask why you can't go, say we're completely out of days at work because we already put in for 3 weeks for our wedding. So sorry, have a great time!

Re: would you go to an OOT wedding the weekend before your wedding?

Based on what you described, there's no way I would go.

Re: would you go to an OOT wedding the weekend before your wedding?

nope i wouldnt go..

too many things going on.. the week before your wedding you dont want to be travelig around .. you'll have the rehearsal dinner and any last minute things.. not worth the stress IMO...

Re: would you go to an OOT wedding the weekend before your wedding?

I wouldn't go, and they probably won't be at your wedding anyway if they are honeymooning.

Re: would you go to an OOT wedding the weekend before your wedding?

do you mean 2 weeks before your wedding? you're on the 11th, and unless they're getting married on a monday, a july wedding is about 14 days before

I dunno.... it's boarderline. I wouldn't put myself out too much right before the wedding, you could have tons of surprise issues you have to deal with (such as early arrival OOT'ers, or a vendor flaking out), and would end up having a meltdown if you are then obliged to go away.....

I agree with stealthgroom.... if they're amazingly close to you, go.... For me, if they aren't, I'd forget it. I'm sure they'll understand.

Re: would you go to an OOT wedding the weekend before your wedding?

No, they originally announced a July wedding date and we just noticed through their wedding web site that the date is now August 4, which is the Sat before our wedding.

FH is NOT at all pushing to go. This is NOT a close friend. I have never even met him - it's someone who was in the same circle friends as FH in college, but not someone FH is at all close with. FH only sees him maybe 1x per year when his other friends arrange a group get together.

I think we'd be crazy to go. I personally want to enjoy our last weekend being engaged by doing something special, not to mention FH's family will likely be up that whole week -- so they'd be coming on the weekend.

If these were close friends, we'd figure out a way to go... but I've never even met the guy!

We were debating even going when the wedding was in July.

Of course, now that we know we're invited, we are going to invite him + the other 'acquaintances' we never see and I've never met... b/c we feel it would be really rude not to. The more the merrier!

Re: would you go to an OOT wedding the weekend before your wedding?

I was on the other end of this sitiuation. I got engagd after a friend of mine. We picked our date for a variety of reasons. 1. My husband is a teacher. 2. Atlantica only does Friday or Sunday weddings in the summer and that's where we wanted to get married. Friday or Sunday in the Hamptons during the summer is a nightmare. Monday night is cheaper- and it was a holiday weekend.

My friend was getting married 1 week after us, but we would be on our honeymoon. I wasn't cutting it short- Hawaii in 1 week seems silly. My friend was totally not understanding- she hasn't talked to me since and never sent a wedding present. She also planned her bachelorette party for the weekend of my wedding to be spiteful- but no one went because they were at my wedding.

I still think I did the right thing because I really wanted to get married at my fantasy place and go on a honeymoon. I just don't think that she is good friend.

But keep in mind that if you skip out on anothers wedding they may hold it against you forever.

Re: would you go to an OOT wedding the weekend before your wedding?

I wouldn't go. You're going to have so much going on that you're going to want to get done the last weekend before your wedding. Trust me, you're NOT going to want to be OOT when there are going to be so many other things on your mind. You won't enjoy the trip and you'll make such a happy time 1,000% more stressful. Save yourself the headache and decline the invitation, esp since you don't think they'll be able to make it to yours. Then you're even anyway.

Re: would you go to an OOT wedding the weekend before your wedding?

Okay, to make things clear.

1. I shouldn't have used the word 'friend' - It's more like 'acquaintance.' I've NEVER met the guy. FH hasn't seen him in a year and only sees him when there is some sort of college reuinion-type gathering. We were - in a word - shocked when we found out we were being invited.

2. I'm NOT, not at all, upset about their chosen wedding date. Really, doesn't matter to me at all.

3. My FH did not even want to invite this person to our wedding in the first place b/c they aren't close and don't know each other that well.

4. We will not be upset if they cannot come to our wedding.

5. I doubt this guy would hold it against us if we couldn't go... and if he did, well, we didn't know him that well in the first place!

6. My FH didn't want to go to his wedding even when it was in July.

Bottom line - We only get to do this one ourselves, so I see no reason to go out of our way for someone we don't even know that well (and heck, I don't know at all) the week before our wedding, when we should be getting our favors together, finishing our seating charts, and spending time with FH's family who would like to come in early from out of town. Why should we also have to cut our honeymoon / time off for OUR wedding short to go out of town to a wedding for people I've never even met and FH doesn't know that well...

I'm a good sport... but I think this is unnecessary.

Re: would you go to an OOT wedding the weekend before your wedding?

Baed on everything you have said, you really dont need to go and knowing what i was going through one week before my wedding I couldn't imagine going away at that time.

Re: would you go to an OOT wedding the weekend before your wedding?

Yup, no need to go based on what you said. Relax the week before your wedding- if you can!! Who needs travel on top of that?

Re: would you go to an OOT wedding the weekend before your wedding?

I wouldn't go either. They should understand

Re: would you go to an OOT wedding the weekend before your wedding?

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Posted by Kara and Todd

Okay, to make things clear.

1. I shouldn't have used the word 'friend' - It's more like 'acquaintance.' I've NEVER met the guy. FH hasn't seen him in a year and only sees him when there is some sort of college reuinion-type gathering. We were - in a word - shocked when we found out we were being invited.

2. I'm NOT, not at all, upset about their chosen wedding date. Really, doesn't matter to me at all.

3. My FH did not even want to invite this person to our wedding in the first place b/c they aren't close and don't know each other that well.

4. We will not be upset if they cannot come to our wedding.

5. I doubt this guy would hold it against us if we couldn't go... and if he did, well, we didn't know him that well in the first place!

6. My FH didn't want to go to his wedding even when it was in July.

Bottom line - We only get to do this one ourselves, so I see no reason to go out of our way for someone we don't even know that well (and heck, I don't know at all) the week before our wedding, when we should be getting our favors together, finishing our seating charts, and spending time with FH's family who would like to come in early from out of town. Why should we also have to cut our honeymoon / time off for OUR wedding short to go out of town to a wedding for people I've never even met and FH doesn't know that well...

I'm a good sport... but I think this is unnecessary.

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Indeed. I hereby pronounce you 'not crazy'. I love a party as much as anyone, but if you're not close to these folks, sounds like a stretch to get there. Don't go, and don't sweat it.

Re: would you go to an OOT wedding the weekend before your wedding?

I just feel guilty skipping someone's wedding, I guess, even if it's someone I don't know and FH doens't care for.

I think we're also both annoyed that we now have to invite 12 extra people to our wedding (at least 6 guys + guests).

We were trying to cut down on strangers at the wedding as best we could, though we know it's inevitable... and we wanted only those closest to us there.

UUUUGHHHHHHHHH! I knew this stress-free wedding planning was going to go down hill at some point.

Re: would you go to an OOT wedding the weekend before your wedding?

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Indeed. I hereby pronounce you 'not crazy'. I love a party as much as anyone, but if you're not close to these folks, sounds like a stretch to get there. Don't go, and don't sweat it.

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If stealthgroom says it, it must be true!!

I'm soooooooo saving this to pull out when everyone calls me crazy.

Re: would you go to an OOT wedding the weekend before your wedding?

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Posted by Kara and Todd

I just feel guilty skipping someone's wedding, I guess, even if it's someone I don't know and FH doens't care for.

I think we're also both annoyed that we now have to invite 12 extra people to our wedding (at least 6 guys + guests).

We were trying to cut down on strangers at the wedding as best we could, though we know it's inevitable... and we wanted only those closest to us there.

UUUUGHHHHHHHHH! I knew this stress-free wedding planning was going to go down hill at some point.

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As my dad would say, may this be the worst of your troubles. It's totally okay to skip. And as for the strangers, why do you have to invite the whole posse?