FMIL & Guest List...

She just aded 13 couples to the list ... that's 26 PEOPLE when I only room for about 5 more!!!!!!!



She said they were all her father's brothers and sisters (and spouses). He has 13 siblings????

FIL's list is already 15 people larger than my family's list ... and my parents are paying. FIL's are paying for the band, which makes me feel like I can't really tell her NO since they are giving us a lot of money ... but it's not more than my parents are giving. There are a few friends I wanted to invite but now I feel like I can't because she has family she wants to invite, but isn't that my right, since I AM THE BRIDE????

My room holds 156. I'm at 150 without her 26 extra people and without the 2-4 people I am still considering inviting. I mean, I know you can invite more than the room holds because 20% should decline ... and FMIL says only 4-10 of the 26 will come ... but what if all of them do come???? She knew it would get me upset too - she said 'don't panic' in the email. I told her to give me a list, we had 'a little room' - I may have even said I had room for like 6-10 people.

FH is going to talk to her about it, thank god. I think some of the people on the list are cousins of his grandfather, and they must COME OFF since I am not even inviting 2nd cousins of mine, people I see a lot, because I do not have the room. If these are FH's grandfather's cousins, what does that make them? 3rd or 4th cousins?

AND ... she has about 2 more addresses to still give me.

Re: FMIL & Guest List...

I did a lot of head-bashing in that post, huh?

Re: FMIL & Guest List...

Yeah you did!! LOL

Well hopefully after FH talks to FMIL it all works out!! Good luck!!

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Oh man, I totally feel your pain with this situation. I've had so many issues with my guestlist that it makes me cry.
I think you have every right to feel irritated.

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i know exactly how you feel!!!!!!!! My mother is doing the same thing! My parents are paying for the wedding so they have already put about 160 people on the list just from their side!!!!!!!!!! It is so frustrating bc our hall only holds 260 comfortably and any more than that and you have to use long tables (which I don't want to do!). My mom keeps saying that a lot of them are not going to come, but honestly....if you give someone an invitation they have the right to say yes, so what if all of them come????
Ill do some head bashing some more for the both of us. My parents even went as far as to say that my fh and i should cut out our friends. i had to remind them of who was getting married!
Definitely have your FH talk to her, there has to be some limit...if you guys are not even inviting some cousins, why should she be inviting 4th cousins??

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Aw Jenn I'm so sorry! That is not fair that she keeps adding people. Like you said it's supposed to be YOUR wedding! I know you don't want to cram too many people in the WGP. Also like you said if you invite them you have to assume they are coming until they rsvp no, you can't guarantee that 20% won't come. Hopefully after FH talks to her it will be all settled!!! Good luck!

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Know how you feel.
Our room comforatbly holds 160 (we can go a little higher) and we have 191 on the list.

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Posted by mariana881

i know exactly how you feel!!!!!!!! My mother is doing the same thing! My parents are paying for the wedding so they have already put about 160 people on the list just from their side!!!!!!!!!! It is so frustrating bc our hall only holds 260 comfortably and any more than that and you have to use long tables (which I don't want to do!). My mom keeps saying that a lot of them are not going to come, but honestly....if you give someone an invitation they have the right to say yes, so what if all of them come????
Ill do some head bashing some more for the both of us. My parents even went as far as to say that my fh and i should cut out our friends. i had to remind them of who was getting married!
Definitely have your FH talk to her, there has to be some limit...if you guys are not even inviting some cousins, why should she be inviting 4th cousins??

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Exactly. I know it's hard for her to cut people out ... but I just don't have the room. FH at first said he didn't want to get involved, but then he said he'd take care of it. I will have to look at the list tomorrow again ... but there is really no one else I can take off, and honestly, I shouldn't have to. Almost everyone being invited is family, so I do not expect many to say no ... which is why I do not want the list going over 160.

Re: FMIL & Guest List...

let me join the head banging.. our guest list just exploded this weekend..

we have people telling us how come they didn't get an invite yet.. umm HELLO.. we haven't sent them yet and no you were not freakin invited until a minute ago until you went and told my mom (who is the sweetest thing on this planet) that they will be attending regardless of an invite or not..

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Posted by AR31

let me join the head banging.. our guest list just exploded this weekend..

we have people telling us how come they didn't get an invite yet.. umm HELLO.. we haven't sent them yet and no you were not freakin invited until a minute ago until you went and told my mom (who is the sweetest thing on this planet) that they will be attending regardless of an invite or not..

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Ouch!!!!! Pushy guests!!

Re: FMIL & Guest List...

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Posted by JulyBride728

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Posted by AR31

let me join the head banging.. our guest list just exploded this weekend..

we have people telling us how come they didn't get an invite yet.. umm HELLO.. we haven't sent them yet and no you were not freakin invited until a minute ago until you went and told my mom (who is the sweetest thing on this planet) that they will be attending regardless of an invite or not..

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Ouch!!!!! Pushy guests!!

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UMMM, what???? Attending even if they are not invited??? WOW. Set up security. Don't have a placecard for them if you really don't want them there!!!!!

Re: FMIL & Guest List...

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Posted by JBoothIn2008

FH at first said he didn't want to get involved, but then he said he'd take care of it. I will have to look at the list tomorrow again ... but there is really no one else I can take off, and honestly, I shouldn't have to. Almost everyone being invited is family, so I do not expect many to say no ... which is why I do not want the list going over 160.

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Keep FH involved! They're his parents. You shouldn't have to take this on alone. Good luck.

Re: FMIL & Guest List...

I am in a similar situation. FMIL has wayyyy more than my mom does, and WE are paying for it. Yes, she will 'give some money??!?!?!' (the amount is still a mystery) but that is not the point. So FH has to drastically cut his own list, to accommodate hers.

Re: FMIL & Guest List...

I so feel your pain because I'm in the same situation. My FMIL wants to invite like 6 couples who I and FH don't know to our wedding just because they were invited to these couples childrens wedding. AND they aren't even paying for the wedding!!! I'll bang my head along with you lol

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And trust me...people who you never thought would come..surprise you!!

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people suuuuuuuuuuuuuck! Sorry, had to get that out!

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I think you will be okay. Definitely think you'll be okay with your max!

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sorry to hear that. my problem was trying to get my FH mom to even give me a list. i had to go to his sister to get a list of people she invited and that's what i left it at. i'm not asking her for more people to invite.

Re: FMIL & Guest List...

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Posted by Mici n KC

I think you will be okay. Definitely think you'll be okay with your max!

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I know ... I was thinking about this and I think it will all work out. But, for now ... I feel conflicted because they are inviting more people than my parents, even without these 13 couples she wants to add. Because my parents are paying, I feel that they should have the bigger list. THEN I think .. well, if their family is bigger ... that's just the way it is, right? Am I going to make my mom find more people because she is paying? No, of course not. But I feel like when my mom sees that their list is bigger, she might get upset. I don't know.

And I know FMIL is going to tell me, don't worry, most won't come. But I can't go on that, you know? What if they do??

And even though the room holds 156, my mom is prepared to pay for 150. Now if we have 156, I can pay for 6 people, no problem. I could pay for more, too. But I don't want to get her worried about that. PLUS we have a 6 person band and a photog we have to figure in (we pay for 2/3, so the 7 people is really like 4.6 people ... ).



I wish I had a crystal ball so I could see who is coming and who is not, and then this would not be an issue.

Re: FMIL & Guest List...

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Posted by JBoothIn2008

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Posted by JulyBride728

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Posted by AR31

let me join the head banging.. our guest list just exploded this weekend..

we have people telling us how come they didn't get an invite yet.. umm HELLO.. we haven't sent them yet and no you were not freakin invited until a minute ago until you went and told my mom (who is the sweetest thing on this planet) that they will be attending regardless of an invite or not..

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Ouch!!!!! Pushy guests!!

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UMMM, what???? Attending even if they are not invited??? WOW. Set up security. Don't have a placecard for them if you really don't want them there!!!!!

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seriously FH and I were considering that b/c we know people who get drunk and start yelling at the bartender when he stops pouring them drinks..

people are gossip mongers.. they want to see what people are wearing, what type of food was served so they can go back and yack all day.. but whatever..

and of course there are those who swear we should invite their children.. it never ends..!