Problem, Need different opinions

Parents are recently divorced. Father thinks he doesnt have to be a dad anymore not that he ever was.

Ok last time we spoke we had a blowout. I have or had no desire to invite him to wedding

Mom thinks I am wrong, and that the sperm donor is still my dad. She says to send an invite.

Your thoughts are?

Re: Problem, Need different opinions

A few thoughts/questions...

Do you hope to ever reconcile? If so, this may make that more difficult.

Is your mom's opinion given to you as an FYI, or is she set that it ought to be done?

Are you worried that he'll make a scene at the wedding, or just think he isn't worthy of an invite but that he'd behave?

Re: Problem, Need different opinions

I would send an invite. You may want him back in your life later on (when you have children...) and it will be difficult if you do not send him an invite.

Just my opinion though...I'm a peace maker.

Re: Problem, Need different opinions

Its YOUR wedding....if you really think of him as a sperm donor then don't invite him...your happiness is most important that day.

If he's the type of person to cause a scene and misbehave, don't invite him.

I could list 102 reasons not to invite him but only 1 to invite him...do you want him there?

Re: Problem, Need different opinions

It is great that your mom is of the opinion that he should come. I know alot of women who would feel just the opposite.

Honestly I think you should at least send an invite.

Re: Problem, Need different opinions

Thats a tough one, but I probably would invite him as a guest because he is your father and you never know if you'll reconcile years from now. I would absolutely though not let him do any of the 'fatherly' things like walk you down the aisle or father/daughter dance. Good luck!!!

x

...

Re: Problem, Need different opinions

JMO, many people have suggested that eventually you might want to reconcile and therefore, should invite him so things will be easier....but from my own very dysfunctional experiences, I say he should be the one suffering the guilt over not being invited, if you choose not to invite him, rather than you worrying about that now.

I know that sounds harsh but thats the world I come from!

Re: Problem, Need different opinions

If there is any possibitlity that you would regret not inviting him, even if it is 10 or 20 years from now, you might want to consider it because if you don't, you can't ever take that back. As long as he is not going to ruin the day or make a huge scene and you sit him far away from you and your husband, you could probably almost completely avoid him.

Re: Problem, Need different opinions

because of my experience, my decision would NOT to send the invite. But you need to decide whether or not you would regret not sending it. Like others said, it may cause a problem in the future should you want to reconcile - it really depends on the person. My parents are divorced too and my father was never there for me either. He doesn't deserve the honor of being present at my wedding. My mother who raised me deserves to be the ONLY parent there because she IS The only parent in my eyes. She is my mother AND father.

GOOD LUCK TO YOU WITH THIS TOUGH DECISION

Re: Problem, Need different opinions

This may sound petty. But I dont want to invite him because I dont think he would come and I cant be let down again.
Thanks ladies

erox I hear you

Re: Problem, Need different opinions

Wow, very sad. I dont get men. Bride I feel the same way, but I always get this consious thing.

I hate it, I feel bad for him sometimes

Re: Problem, Need different opinions

This is a very tough situation, who knows what the 'right' and the 'wrong' way to go about it is. I'm sorry to hear that you are going through it. I would send the invitation to him, if he chooses to decline so be it. I would hate to hear you say later that you regretted not sending one. Your wedding will go on with or without him. If he declines that is the bed he has to lay in, not you. Ultimately you need to do what is best for you and hopefully without regret.

Re: Problem, Need different opinions

I am sorry you have to make this decision, just make sure you won't regret it later on in your life.

Re: Problem, Need different opinions

I'm kind of going through the same thing. My dad and I had a great relationship up until a year ago, and now it couldnt' get any worse. Other than Xmas, I haven't spoken to him in over a year. My parents are going through a horrible divorce which makes things worse.

Although I am so angry and upset at the same time, I have decided I am going to send him an invitation and call him. I know deep down inside if I didn't send a invitation I would feel horrible, whether it be now or years down the road. I think you should send an invitation anyway, unless you really feel that him being there is going to ruin your day (which I hope it won't). Good luck!

Re: Problem, Need different opinions

I'd invite him. Be the better person

Re: Problem, Need different opinions

This has to be very tough for you. IMO, I think it's best to take the high road, and invite him. He doesn't have to be a big part of your day, but you will never get married again, and you wouldn't want to ever regret not inviting him. If you invite him, and he refuses, well you've lost nothing, and you know where you stand with him.

Weddings can bring out some good things in people (as well as all the craziness too). You never know, when given the chance your dad may surprise you.

Re: Problem, Need different opinions

Ladies, thank you for your kind words. To the brides who are also faced with this difficult decision, best of luck and a

Re: Problem, Need different opinions

I have been estranged from my Father for over 8 & a half years. He will not be involved in my wedding at all. I should also say that my choice came after having him reject me at many other important times in my life & long before my wedding came to be I realized he was not worth including anymore. I can't tell you what to do but just put a lot of thought into it. If you invite him & he declines you will probably hurt a lot more than you realize, but if you don't invite him, you will cross a bridge that there is no going back on.

Re: Problem, Need different opinions

Hes still your dad.
I think you will regret him not being there even if its 10 years from now when your kids ask you why there grandfather is not in your wedding album.