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pleasehelpme
Wedding Newbie
Member since 9/08 3 total posts
Wedding Date:
1/1/2008
Wed. Location:
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please help
I am a regular poster. I am an 08 bride. I have realized I do not want to be married. I am not sure I love my husband . I do not know what to do. I am afraid to leave and afraid to stay. not for my safety but because I could lose it all and realize I still want it.
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Posted 9/1/08 7:14 PM 
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Aug07OFCbride
: )
Member since 2/07 8211 total posts
Wedding Date:
8/12/2007 4:00 PM
Wed. Location:
The Old Field Club
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Re: please help
not sure how to respond to that. sorry to hear youre feeling torn. clearly sounds like you should NOT go forward if you don't want to be married and you're not sure you're in love. fear of regret is not a reason to get married!!
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Posted 9/1/08 7:26 PM
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HamptonsBride
keeping up with the 20yr olds
Member since 2/06 6527 total posts
Wedding Date:
6/8/2007 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
The Inn Spot on the Bay, Hampton Bays
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Re: please help
i think you need to sit down and think of the reasons you don't want to be married anymore...and what you may miss if you do end it...and see where your issues lie...and try and talk to someone for counseling...i would go alone and see what insight they can offer...sorry you are going thru this!
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Posted 9/1/08 7:43 PM
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PreshusSmurf
Beyond Obsession
Member since 5/06 7723 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/10/2007 7:30 PM
Wed. Location:
North Ritz Club
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Re: please help
are you already married?
or still a bride to be?
i agree with the previous posters, fear is not a reason to get married and also not a reason to stay married.
if you have not lived together before, could you be going through some adjustments in your relationship?
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Posted 9/1/08 7:48 PM
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PegaLega
Lets Get This!!!!!
Member since 6/05 29822 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/25/2007 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Chateau Briand
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Re: please help
Posted by PreshusSmurf
are you already married?
or still a bride to be?
i agree with the previous posters, fear is not a reason to get married and also not a reason to stay married.
if you have not lived together before, could you be going through some adjustments in your relationship?
ITA on all counts.
There is a lot of adjustment and it takes alot to get used to.
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Posted 9/1/08 7:50 PM
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Aug07OFCbride
: )
Member since 2/07 8211 total posts
Wedding Date:
8/12/2007 4:00 PM
Wed. Location:
The Old Field Club
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Re: please help
Posted by PreshusSmurf
are you already married?
or still a bride to be?
good qus! i totally assumed she wasn't married yet.
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Posted 9/1/08 8:17 PM
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sugarkube4
2 Crazy Peas in a Pod
Member since 2/06 10352 total posts
Wedding Date:
4/29/2007 4:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Westbury Manor
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Re: please help
What about counselling?? It definitely helps!!! hugs for you!!!
Message edited 9/1/2008 8:41:55 PM.
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Posted 9/1/08 8:41 PM
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Songstress
My faith has been restored
Member since 5/07 9399 total posts
Wedding Date:
2/2/2008 12:00 AM
Wed. Location:
Jericho Terrace
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Re: please help
If youre having doubts now, maybe you should postpone. Dont decide to go through with the wedding because youve spent the money already. Not a good enough reason. Postpone it and take the steps into either trying to fix your relationship or deciding whether its worth saving. Good luck and so sorry youre going through this.
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Posted 9/1/08 8:43 PM
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PreshusSmurf
Beyond Obsession
Member since 5/06 7723 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/10/2007 7:30 PM
Wed. Location:
North Ritz Club
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Re: please help
Posted by Aug07OFCbride
Posted by PreshusSmurf
are you already married?
or still a bride to be?
good qus! i totally assumed she wasn't married yet.
i would have assumed the same, except she mentioned "husband" and not "fiancee" ....
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Posted 9/1/08 8:47 PM
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Songstress
My faith has been restored
Member since 5/07 9399 total posts
Wedding Date:
2/2/2008 12:00 AM
Wed. Location:
Jericho Terrace
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Re: please help
Shoot I think she's already married. This is tough. Come out of hiding girl! We need more info to help you.
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Posted 9/1/08 8:59 PM
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staceylacey
Winter weddings!!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 4/06 1581 total posts
Wedding Date:
12/8/2006 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Oheka Castle...AMAZING
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Re: please help
I think when you take the marriage vow then you owe it to yourself and your spouse to exhaust all options. Therapy and all that. After you have done that and its still not working is when the seperation or divorce can happen. Thats just MO though. I dont think you should give up so soon, unless something unforgivable happened?????
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Posted 9/1/08 9:05 PM
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Aug07OFCbride
: )
Member since 2/07 8211 total posts
Wedding Date:
8/12/2007 4:00 PM
Wed. Location:
The Old Field Club
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Re: please help
shows i read that way too quickly. given that it appears youre already married, i agree with PPs about counseling being a good idea. im sure there is much more of a back story to this, but whatever it is, im sure counseling is worth a try.
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Posted 9/1/08 9:20 PM
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sophisticat13
Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Member since 11/07 1886 total posts
Wedding Date:
7/20/2008 11:00 AM
Wed. Location:
Land's End
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Re: please help
Posted by pleasehelpme
I am a regular poster. I am an 08 bride. I have realized I do not want to be married. I am not sure I love my husband . I do not know what to do. I am afraid to leave and afraid to stay. not for my safety but because I could lose it all and realize I still want it.
So sorry you are going through this.
I think you should try to define all the reasons why you feel this way. Did you live with your husband before you married? Are you disappointed for some reason-maybe marriage or your husband are not living up to what you thought it/he expected it to be??? I didn't live with my DH before we married this summer and we are definitely going through an adjustment period. Sometimes it's rough!! Also I don't know when you got married but for a little while you might be "coming down" from planning the most exciting day of your life...kind of like post-partum wedding planning.
Whatever you do, please don't do anything before you seek counseling to try to at least understand why you are feeling this way and what your options are....you need support right now.
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Posted 9/1/08 9:25 PM
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gemmifer
Enjoying 1yr :) & change...
Member since 1/08 4367 total posts
Wedding Date:
9/13/2007 4:30 PM
Wed. Location:
Jedediah Hawkins Inn&Morgan's Penthouse NYC 11/30
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Re: please help
Posted by sugarkube4
What about counselling?? It definitely helps!!! hugs for you!!!
ITA - I think you should seek some counsling. It might help. Without your DH and as well as on your own.
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Posted 9/1/08 9:40 PM
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pleasehelpme
Wedding Newbie
Member since 9/08 3 total posts
Wedding Date:
1/1/2008
Wed. Location:
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Re: please help
thank you. We are married. I dont hate him and I am not in any danger. I do realize that what I felt before the wedding wasnt cold feet which I let people convince me it was. He is not the type of man I want to be married to . Family is a unit not about one person but everyone and he is about him. Im trying to make sense of my own feelings and I cant seem to . He will not do counseling. But I am going to try
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Posted 9/2/08 8:34 AM
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nifheim
Loving life!
Member since 9/06 7634 total posts
Wedding Date:
3/16/2008 4:30 PM
Wed. Location:
CLM
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Re: please help
honestly its a adjustment - being married. There are days we all struggle not everything is about "us" and still about "you". If you are having issues since he hasn't cut the cord from his family yet then you should talk to him about it and wait it out a bit. It is WAY too soon to divorce yet, you need to let this relationship ride it out a bit more.
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Posted 9/2/08 8:54 AM
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Aug07OFCbride
: )
Member since 2/07 8211 total posts
Wedding Date:
8/12/2007 4:00 PM
Wed. Location:
The Old Field Club
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Re: please help
Posted by pleasehelpme
thank you. We are married. I dont hate him and I am not in any danger. I do realize that what I felt before the wedding wasnt cold feet which I let people convince me it was. He is not the type of man I want to be married to . Family is a unit not about one person but everyone and he is about him. Im trying to make sense of my own feelings and I cant seem to . He will not do counseling. But I am going to try
he wont do counseling, even if he knows it could mean the end of your marriage?
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Posted 9/2/08 12:39 PM
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Snick n Nick
Lovin my Husby :) bzz bzz....
Member since 10/07 4791 total posts
Wedding Date:
6/7/2008 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Hamlet Willow Creek
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Re: please help
Posted by pleasehelpme
thank you. We are married. I dont hate him and I am not in any danger. I do realize that what I felt before the wedding wasnt cold feet which I let people convince me it was. He is not the type of man I want to be married to . Family is a unit not about one person but everyone and he is about him. Im trying to make sense of my own feelings and I cant seem to . He will not do counseling. But I am going to try
First of all, sorry to hear all this. I am happy to hear that you are going to try counseling on your own--hopefully it will help you get your mind around your feelings and figure out how to address them with your husband. Good luck to you
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Posted 9/2/08 12:43 PM
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Cpt2007
Back to life, back to reality
Member since 1/07 4962 total posts
Wedding Date:
12/8/2007 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Danford's on the Sound
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Re: please help
Is he against counseling b/c he doesn't think there is a problem? What kinds of issues are coming up where you don't feel like you are being consulted? Major things like children and home buying or minor like where you are going to spend the holidays?
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Posted 9/2/08 12:47 PM
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bluegreen08
OBAMA/BIDEN '08!
Member since 4/07 8029 total posts
Wedding Date:
8/17/2008 11:30 AM
Wed. Location:
North Ritz Club
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Re: please help
Posted by pleasehelpme
thank you. We are married. I dont hate him and I am not in any danger. I do realize that what I felt before the wedding wasnt cold feet which I let people convince me it was. He is not the type of man I want to be married to . Family is a unit not about one person but everyone and he is about him. Im trying to make sense of my own feelings and I cant seem to . He will not do counseling. But I am going to try
Counseling, even for just you, is probably a good first step. Why is he against it?
Good luck
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Posted 9/2/08 1:32 PM
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What
baby fish mouth
Member since 5/08 1313 total posts
Wedding Date:
9/14/2007 12:00 AM
Wed. Location:
just
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Re: please help
Posted by pleasehelpme
thank you. We are married. I dont hate him and I am not in any danger. I do realize that what I felt before the wedding wasnt cold feet which I let people convince me it was. He is not the type of man I want to be married to . Family is a unit not about one person but everyone and he is about him. Im trying to make sense of my own feelings and I cant seem to . He will not do counseling. But I am going to try
you need to try... IMO...You haven't given yourself enough time to call it quits.
go to therapy for YOU... and then you will figure out whether or not you made a mistake.
but don't give up so quickly.
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Posted 9/2/08 1:35 PM
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GinaZ
Wedding Mania!!
Member since 12/06 9485 total posts
Wedding Date:
3/28/2008 7:30 PM
Wed. Location:
The Fox Hollow-WGP
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Re: please help
Posted by pleasehelpme
thank you. We are married. I dont hate him and I am not in any danger. I do realize that what I felt before the wedding wasnt cold feet which I let people convince me it was. He is not the type of man I want to be married to . Family is a unit not about one person but everyone and he is about him. Im trying to make sense of my own feelings and I cant seem to . He will not do counseling. But I am going to try
sorry your going through this. Def try counseling. But as other girls have said before, in order for a marriage to work, both people have to equally work at it.
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Posted 9/2/08 1:41 PM
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TM2008
jeremiah was NOT a bullfrog
Member since 3/07 3655 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/10/2008 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Brentwood Country Club A++++++++++++++
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Re: please help
BUMPING this thread.....
..... i am curious to see if you are still out there mystery bride & how everything is going!!!
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Posted 9/9/08 10:22 AM
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gemmifer
Enjoying 1yr :) & change...
Member since 1/08 4367 total posts
Wedding Date:
9/13/2007 4:30 PM
Wed. Location:
Jedediah Hawkins Inn&Morgan's Penthouse NYC 11/30
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Re: please help
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Posted 9/9/08 11:00 AM
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What
baby fish mouth
Member since 5/08 1313 total posts
Wedding Date:
9/14/2007 12:00 AM
Wed. Location:
just
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Re: please help
Posted by TM2008
BUMPING this thread.....
..... i am curious to see if you are still out there mystery bride & how everything is going!!!
give her some time... this is a big decision which I'm sure, takes more than a week.
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Posted 9/9/08 11:03 AM
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