Would you move to another state even though it might hurt some family members.

Mike and I are seriously considering moving to Florida. Mikes whole family lives there. Mom Dad Grandparents Sister BIL Nieces nephew Brother....
My Brother lives there (like 15 minutes from mikes family they al hang out) and has been begging me to move down there for the past 6/7years.
We are having some issues right now financial just the regular just married adjustment.
If we move to Florida we get a free house or a big chunk of a down payment for one. Grandma and Grandpa bought Mikes sister and Brother houses in Florida out right they have no mortgages. Here we are paying 1350 a month in Rent and will never be able to afford a house cause we cant save.

I've talk to my mom about this and she says I need to do what I need to do and if that means going to Florida then I need to go. But she will be really upset. I would hate to start a family and her not be able to see them whenever she wants. This is what happened with my brother and I see what it does to her not being able to see her Grandson all the time. Ive asked her if she would move there and she says no she doesn't like Florida and she cant retire for another 3 years at least. And she might be a snowbird but can't live there year round. My Dad on the other hand LOVES Florida and would go tonight to move. My aunt works for USAIR and is just waiting for them to go under so she can move to Florida.

Im so stuck right now....

Re: Would you move to another state even though it might hurt some family members.

I think you and Mike have to do what's right for you. Long Island is a very different place from when our parents settled here and were able to buy houses and raise families. It is definitely a different case now and we are all the casualties of it!! I know you love Florida, we've talked about - you know I would go in a second if DH would. Maybe if your mom sees that everyone is there, she will eventually change her mind. It seems that there are so many advantages to you going, I think you guys should.
I just wish that DH would go with me now!!
Best of luck!

Re: Would you move to another state even though it might hurt some family members.

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Posted by mrswask

I think you and Mike have to do what's right for you. Long Island is a very different place from when our parents settled here and were able to buy houses and raise families. It is definitely a different case now and we are all the casualties of it!! I know you love Florida, we've talked about - you know I would go in a second if DH would. Maybe if your mom sees that everyone is there, she will eventually change her mind. It seems that there are so many advantages to you going, I think you guys should.
I just wish that DH would go with me now!!
Best of luck!

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Thanks Michal. I think my mom is stuck in old Florida like as in a while ago it was ALL OLD people. And its SO not like that anymore. My SIL lives in a beautiful house with an inground pool and Hot Tub and Honestly I might be a little Jealous of the fact that she has a beautiful house. Then I tell my Best Friend (whos mother and father are thinking of moving to Florida) and she just says you only are moving to Florida cause Mike wants to and really that might have been the case when the Family first moved but it's not anymore. I saw what I could have there. She will understand when she goes to buy a house on her 10.00 and hour salary.

Re: Would you move to another state even though it might hurt some family members.

my family and I are very close...I could NEVER move away from my mother and sisters

Re: Would you move to another state even though it might hurt some family members.

I think you should do what's best for the two of you. You are your own family now, and have to make decisions on what's best for you. Why not try it? If you hate it down there, you can always come back. I also think your mom might come around to moving if all of her kids are down there.

Re: Would you move to another state even though it might hurt some family members.

My mom is my best friend. I have no bros or sisters. It was always just the 2 of us. Then I got a scholarship to lawschool which took DH and I to Indiana. Mom then decided to buy a condo in FL - so now she goes back and forth between LI and FL. We planned on moving to FL right after school got out - but after we eventually decided to stay in IN for at least a few years. We get so much more for our $ here & DH still gets his NY salary. We are buying our first home this summer and are able to get 4 bedrooms for $135,000 in what is considered an 'upscale' area. I am so excited. I miss my mom - but w/ the money we are able to save I am able to visit w/ my mom. Ive see her about 8 times a year (even more when we were wedding planning) and we talk everyday on the phone. Your family will understand if you move. It does not have to be forever. We will probably move to Ft Lauderdale in 5 years, but for now IN is the best choice for us. I am sure your family just wants you to be happy

Re: Would you move to another state even though it might hurt some family members.

My parents bought a condo in Florida (West Palm Beach) But you see the thing about their Condo is that it is in Century Village wich my mom calls Cemetery Village cause they bought it from some neighbors here who were to old and couldn't travel. They got it fully furnished REALLY cheap. They saw it as a good investment and planned to Rent it. I think my mom sees all the older people there and thinks Florida=Old. I tried to explain to her that if she sold her house here she could buy a house there for half the price and if they rented the West Palm Beach Condo that would be some income.


Like my SIL ares is all younger people with Young Kids. She is Boynton Beach. And her house was what a house here would cost but its really nice and she is surronded by Lawyers and DR. LOL ...

Re: Would you move to another state even though it might hurt some family members.

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Posted by MegLehner

My mom is my best friend. I have no bros or sisters. It was always just the 2 of us. Then I got a scholarship to lawschool which took DH and I to Indiana. Mom then decided to buy a condo in FL - so now she goes back and forth between LI and FL. We planned on moving to FL right after school got out - but after we eventually decided to stay in IN for at least a few years. We get so much more for our $ here & DH still gets his NY salary. We are buying our first home this summer and are able to get 4 bedrooms for $135,000 in what is considered an 'upscale' area. I am so excited. I miss my mom - but w/ the money we are able to save I am able to visit w/ my mom. Ive see her about 8 times a year (even more when we were wedding planning) and we talk everyday on the phone. Your family will understand if you move. It does not have to be forever. We will probably move to Ft Lauderdale in 5 years, but for now IN is the best choice for us. I am sure your family just wants you to be happy

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See thats what I like to hear.

Re: Would you move to another state even though it might hurt some family members.

I am really close to my family, but now I have a new family(DH and I) and we have to do what is best for us. we will wind up in florida

Re: Would you move to another state even though it might hurt some family members.

Well we had to move. I had no choice because it was Dh's career. So in no way did I want to move away from my family but at the same time I wanted to have my own.

We now live in Navarre Beach, Florida on the Gulf Coast. We still have seasons it just doesn't snow and the Gulf of Mexico is 6 miles from my door.

Living here I am able to stay home and raise our son (when he arrives in May) without any problems, we have an amazing new construction home on an acre that is over 2,000+ square feet and our little family is thriving down here. Hurricane wise Ivan messed up our town very bad but it just helped prove how awesome our neighbors are and also that is why we purchased an ICF home (you might want to look into a concrete home with brick if you head this way and are building.. we had no damage) so we were very lucky and got what we paid for. We are so happy down here we're 25, pregnant, have a low mortgage in a house with tons of equity, no school loans and in a good way family is just far enough away that it is a good thing sometimes for our marriage, IRA's and all of this on Dh's small salary.

My family retired out of LI just prior to our closing so my parents are in NC which is a 11 hour drive or 2 hour flight (flights go 3x's a day if I need) and Dh's family is still in PA and never visits but they are just that way but also we see them every few months by either driving 20 hours or flying 4 + hours (3 flights daily every day as well)

I don't know how I would feel about someone buying us our home though, gosh it would be nice but just make sure they won't hound you about them owning or paying for your home..

Plus the best thing is going to Disney is now like going to Adventureland especially during Florida resident months!

Re: Would you move to another state even though it might hurt some family members.

I think you and Mike need to do what's best for you, and it sounds like FL is really what you want.

As for me and Brad, both of our immediate families are in NY. We both love the city and probably will never move away. As it is, it's hard for me b/c my parents, sister, brother-in-law and nephews are on Staten Island and I moved to Queens. Sometimes I think it would be easier if we lived further away from everyone b/c then they wouldnt' expect us to be able to see them so often. However, we're both really close to our families and would hate to be far from them....

ETA: One thing to keep in mind is that Florida's education system is not good, or so everyone I speak to tells me. And this is coming from people who deal with the NYC dept of ed!!

Re: Would you move to another state even though it might hurt some family members.

Kristin you have to do what is right for your new family now, you and Mike. I know it would be hard. But you can't live your life doing what is right for everyone else because then you will be stuck.

Personally I don't think I could go, I don't handle change well but if I had a ton of family around me I think I would. If you both can get jobs and have a house paid for I would say go for it!

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It is absolutely possible to remain close to your family even though you are no longer physically close to them...I've lived in a different state from my family for over 10 years, and I still consider my mom to be my best friend.

It will be very hard at first, but your family will understand that you're doing what's best for you and your DH.

Re: Would you move to another state even though it might hurt some family members.

This is the tough part. You need to worry about 'Your' family now. I would do what is best for you and your husband. 6 years ago I almost killed my mom by moving to CA. I am the happiest I have ever been. I know its tough but at least you have family there to support you and FL is not that far from NY by plane.

Re: Would you move to another state even though it might hurt some family members.

Thanks Everyone. As far as the house goes The money was taking out of the will money. So when they pass we will not get anything. If we don't get a house then we will get the money when they pass.

The Florida school System STINKS. My SIL did LOTS and LOTS of research before she moved. She also worked for the NYC school System. She has 4 kids and was worried about moving someplace that had bad schools. She Has 13 year old Identical Twins Who have speach problems (they think this is because they were born 2 months early).She also works for the district now in Florida.

Re: Would you move to another state even though it might hurt some family members.

To answer your question, YES we did just that over the summer and my parents were a little hurt...I guess they figured we'd settle down in Queens. But we had to do what we felt was right for us and they are slowly but surely getting over it.

Re: Would you move to another state even though it might hurt some family members.

I would gladly move if DH would. We are fortunate to have a house here with no mortgage payments, but the taxes and utlities alone are over $15,000 a year. I know we could move south and pay less per month on a mortgage and taxes than we do here.
I was actually just talking about this with a friend of mine. In June she moved down to Kentucky to be with her boyfriend under the agreement that she would spend two years down there and then they would move up to NY. Now that they're engaged, she's starting to think about staying there. It's not that she wants to be away from her friends and family in NY, it's just that she realizes they could have so much more down there. They could buy a big house and she could easily afford to work part time, or not at all, when she has kids. There's no way she would be able to do that in NY.
I really think you should move if that's what you want to do. I completely understand that you don't want to hurt your mom, but you can't live your life to please her. Now that you're married, Mike is your family and the two of you will have a family of your own. You need to do what's best for you and your future children. Your mom will understand that, even if she doesn't like it.

Re: Would you move to another state even though it might hurt some family members.

I felt the SAME way when we said we wanted to move to GA...I felt guilty for leaving my family and was so worried they would be mad at me or make me feel even guiltier....

they all said they understood why we wanted to leave NY...to start anew where we didn't have to struggle! It made me feel so much better about moving. It is so true..you have to do what is right for you and only you and your DH. No one else can tell you how to live your life. You have your own little family now that will grow someday....

Leaving NY is the best decision we have made as a married couple...and we are surviving on DH working FT and my working PT which there is NO way we could have survived ini NY with 2 FT salaries. This is what works for us. We might not have a ton of extra $$ but we have each other, our dog, our own place to live, and the simple pleasures in life make us smile and you can't buy that at any price.

Good Luck in whatever you decide

Re: Would you move to another state even though it might hurt some family members.

Thank you so much Everyone for your honest Answers. I just was talking with my cousin and she said I need to do what is right for me. She understands what I could have there (since she too is living in an apt.)

This is one of the house I saw on Realtor.com Its beautiful And yes expensive for Florida its the same or a little more then a house here in NY. This one features an inground pool


399,900

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Re: Would you move to another state even though it might hurt some family members.

I love new york, but it is so hard to afford anything here. I would gladly leave the state, but DH would never go for it.