I'm a soon to be Newlywed

Hi ladies-

I have been reading the postings here but not participated because we are not married yet (March 17, 2001) but I do have an 'issue' that I thought might belong here. My fiance & I just moved in together this weekend and already it's driving me nuts. Maybe I'm not use to truly sharing my space but it feels like everywhere he puts things bugs me, the way he hung the blinds bothers me, the way he puts the comforter sideways instead of long ways is irritating because he doesn't care if the sheets are showing or the dust ruffle is tucked in between the mattress and the box spring. I guess you get the idea. Please tell me if this is a normal adjustment thing!! Hopefully it is an adjustment period. Sometimes I say nothing, sometimes I get mad in a roundabout way, sometimes I say something and he looks at he like I'm a nut because I care about seemingly small things but he's very sweet about it all. He's a very easygoing guy and I don't want to cramp his style. I'm trying to work through how to not need everything my way but still feel comfortable with it. We get along great 99% of the time and even in the other 1%, we don't really fight. All of a sudden, I am afraid of this feelings of constant irritation. Help! Thanks for listening, I know you all are there already so perhaps can shed some light.

What about you guys?

One more thing

I just re-read your posting.

RE: aesthetics like dust ruffles and stuff like that. That is just an education process.

What's with the shelves?

I just don't get it. Closets are OK, but I HATE everything being so open like that. Esp b/c we are living in a 2 bedroom apartment and dont' really have a 'back area' that guests don't see.

Its a constant battle between us - functionality vs. aesthetics.

What's with the shelves?

How funny this is, My husband is the opposite, he hates shelves. He wants everything put in drawers or closets. He is a neat freak. But also doesn't get the girly things that I decorate the house with (candles, curtains, bed ruffles). If he had it his way everything would be black, he's color blind, so our house must look crazy to him.

I told him when we buy a house, he can have his own room, or the garage to put all his 'junk' in it. I associate his junk with anything that does not look pretty, out in the open.

Hang in there!

Thanks Karen, yes it does help very much. I always get a lot out of what you say. Loving him seems to be the easy part. I have such an urge to try an 'do things myself' so they are 'done right' (haha) and I need to let go of that thinking. I helps to know this is normal and that when you come out the other side of this period, there are a lot of benefits. I want to handle it with the love, patience & respect for him. I hear the way some couples talk to each other and I never want to be like that. His sister in law says 'give it a few years, you'll see why you need to nag' and I don't want to be like that. She just laughed when I said that. That's scary...sort of like telling a mother to be how horrible childbirth is :o) Thanks again

I just re-read your posting.

RE: aesthetics like dust ruffles and stuff like that. That is just an education process.

One more thing

haha - he's been suggesting shelves everywhere :o)
more good stuff to know, you made me feel a lot better

RE: aesthetics like dust ruffles and stuff like that. That is just an education process.

Hang in there!

You're doing the hard part - and based upon my limited experience, are smart in getting that stuff over with so when you get married, the bulk of the 'where are we storing the sauce pans today' will be behind you :o)

Communication is key - as is patience. Remember, adjusting to living with someone's daily habits is REALLY difficult. You will each drive each other nuts....accept it. Also know that you will have to make compromises along the way. We had lots of reality checks - asking 'so how do you think we're doing'....at a time when we're both calm and nothing was an issue. So if there were stuff that was bugging us, we could chat about it in a non threatening atmosphere and be proactive about solving the problems.

I am still going thru this!!

Interesting...thanks for the perspective from the other side. I feel so much better after having posted here (thanks married ladies for letting a still single gal in). You're all helping me confirm that it is an adjustment period, something we all must go through but also an ongoing learning process too. I guess we each have our own idiosyncracies and pet peeves and it's how we deal with it that will make our marriages healthier. I know it's not about 'winning' and that we are a team but it sounds so easy in theory, doesn't it? It's the daily living , the small things that can be so...trying of one's patience. So with the idea of it being a process and handling it with consideration and love (communication, patience, tolerance...) is all the foundation of how we will continue to relate to each other in the future. We already have a really great relationship, I sure want to build on that. Thanks again for all the comments thus far.

Karen

Thanks so much for that weblink, I acually found some things that I liked for the kitchen and bathroom

Hang in there!

Elizabeth

I felt like I was reading a post I wanted to write. We are getting married 2/16/01 and just moved in together last weekend.

correction on web link/thank you

Karen

Thanks so much for that weblink, I acually found some things that I liked for the kitchen and bathroom

I am still going thru this!!

I guess this is one of the many processes we must all adjust too.
My story is that Rob never lived in a house...always an apt. So everything you own- including a Craftsman tool chest- is out in the open.
But the funny thing is that he is much more anal about the little things than I am.

correction on web link

http://www.getorginc.com/home.htm

Its a constant battle between us - functionality vs. aesthetics.