Re: What the hell?? Long.

BY THE WAY.. They have both been engaged a year before I have and no wedding plans are in the making for them.. They live together but thats about it. I dont think they are getting married anytime soon.

Re: What the hell?? Long.

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Posted by SIBride06

BY THE WAY.. They have both been engaged a year before I have and no wedding plans are in the making for them.. They live together but thats about it. I dont think they are getting married anytime soon.

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hmm...now it's sounding more like she is under his thumb, which is sad. I am sorry but if that's the case, again, you are better off. but your friend needs to grow some back bone...this does not sound very healthy.

good luck.

Re: What the hell?? Long.

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Posted by cindyandkevin

I really don't think she meant anything personal by that. It's not so much that she has to 'ask permission' from her life partner to 'allow' her to be in your BP, I think it's more that this may be a financial strain for her/them and she wants to make sure she can swing this before committing to you.

Remember, in PA they don't make the kind of $$ we do here in NY; it's a big undertaking to get together the moolah for the inflated prices here when you're not used to it. Take it as a compliment that she's seriously thinking about it and not just jumping into a rushed 'yes', bc so many girls do that and then end up not really wanting to be apart of it and it ends up stressing the bride out at an even worse time.

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Thanks Cindy... You have a good point.

Re: What the hell?? Long.

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Posted by SIBride06

She denyed her cousins request to for her to be a BM in her wedding because her Fh couldnt stomach the site of her walking down the asile with another man. (These were the exact words out of her mouth.. I couldnt make this stuff up!!) If its a money thing, I would understand.. and she knows I would understand. Theres more to this story.. I know it.

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Sounds like the start of a plot for a Lifetime movie! Seriously, if those are her exact words, it sounds like her FI definitely has some control issues! I wouldn't take it personally if I were you - it sounds like she's got something going on...

Re: What the hell?? Long.

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Posted by SexyEsq

This is JMO, but I think that you should consider yourself very lucky that she is taking the time to think about it and discuss with her SO. After reading all the horror stories on LIW about brides asking girls to step down, I think if your friend does say yes, you will not be one of those brides.

This is not to say I don't understand how you feel about your friendship having started long before this person came into her life (and possibly continuing after that person leaves), and wondering why she has to ask, but look at it this way . . . once you are married, how many things will you want to discuss with your hubby before making a decision? The fact that she is showing her partner this kind of consideration, to me, shows that she is committed to her relationship, the way you are committed to yours, and will not feel good about short-changing either you or her SO.

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i also agree with this - unfotunately friendships no matter how close will no longer supersede your husband - so i think she is jsut treating her SO with that respect.

Re: What the hell?? Long.

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Posted by mccarm

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Posted by SIBride06

She denyed her cousins request to for her to be a BM in her wedding because her Fh couldnt stomach the site of her walking down the asile with another man. (These were the exact words out of her mouth.. I couldnt make this stuff up!!) If its a money thing, I would understand.. and she knows I would understand. Theres more to this story.. I know it.

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Sounds like the start of a plot for a Lifetime movie! Seriously, if those are her exact words, it sounds like her FI definitely has some control issues! I wouldn't take it personally if I were you - it sounds like she's got something going on...

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Sounds like it...

Re: What the hell?? Long.

Such an interesting email she sent. If I called my fiance my life partner he'd ask when we became a gay couple.

But to my point..... one of my bridesmaids said she was honored I asked, but wanted to check with her fiance first. There were many issues there. He had lost his job and was embarrassed to let anyone know. They are paying for a wedding too. She let me know within a few weeks that she would and I was very happy.

Once you agree to share your life with someone I believe that many financial decisions should be discussed. And I think we all know that being a BM is not just an honor, but a financial decision.

Re: What the hell?? Long.

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Posted by JessicaM.

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Posted by SexyEsq

This is JMO, but I think that you should consider yourself very lucky that she is taking the time to think about it and discuss with her SO. After reading all the horror stories on LIW about brides asking girls to step down, I think if your friend does say yes, you will not be one of those brides.

This is not to say I don't understand how you feel about your friendship having started long before this person came into her life (and possibly continuing after that person leaves), and wondering why she has to ask, but look at it this way . . . once you are married, how many things will you want to discuss with your hubby before making a decision? The fact that she is showing her partner this kind of consideration, to me, shows that she is committed to her relationship, the way you are committed to yours, and will not feel good about short-changing either you or her SO.

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I agree too Janie. especially if she is getting married, money is definitely an issue that needs to be discussed before she can commit to spending it. that is the one thing I can think of that would give me pause and make me want to discuss it with my fh first...your talking about at least $1,000 here, and I would WANT to talk to him about it....after all her wedding is just as important to her as yours is to you.

it is to her credit that she is not just jumping and saying yes to only possibly disappoint you in the end.

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Edited: Sorry, I didn't read through the whole thread before responding. I didn't realize it was control issue, not money. That stinks!

Re: What the hell?? Long.

Yeah, now that you explained the story about her not being a BM in her cousin's wedding, it sounds like her FH has control issues and she feels like she has to check in with him for everything. She might be in a cycle that she can't break, which is sad.

Re: What the hell?? Long.

No, I don't think it's the money either, I think it's the control thing like Anthony said. And I also think that you might just get a 'NO' from her with a million apologies following it.
To keep peace with her man, she might just tell you no.


that relationship will never last, if it is indeed a control issue.

Re: Bridesmaid issue. UPDATED-she FINALLY got back to me...

Updated on 1st page.

Re: Bridesmaid issue. UPDATED-she FINALLY got back to me...

honestly, i am scared for you friend.

i think her fiancee has MAJOR issues (if what she is saying is true) im not kidding. that sounds like a very scary relationship

the fact that he has that much control over her??? i am scared for her. what the F kind of guy is this?????

Re: Bridesmaid issue. UPDATED-she FINALLY got back to me...

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Posted by SIBride06

No she's straight...lol I have no idea why she called him that. as for asking him before making her decision, I think that's total BS!! I have been friends with this girl long before her fioncee ever came into the picture. I know her very well, and I know for sure that the only reason why she would say no is not because she lives in PA, but because her FH would say 'NO'. I think its horrible.

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It sounds like the the biggest reason why she is uncomfortable is because she would be paired up with a guy that was not her man-and he has an issue with this-obviously this has been an issue with her before because she mentions another wedding.

I am sorry-there is nothing more lame then someone who stops existing on their own when they are with someone-sorry JMO but I am tainted having been dropped by my close friend after he started seeing someone.

I am also very sorry that you will not have her in your BP. I am sure you are hurt.

Re: Bridesmaid issue. UPDATED-she FINALLY got back to me...

Yes.. Im hurt a little... But what really hurts is that she is so blind as to the life she is leading for this guy. He has taken her away from her family & friends.. moved her out to Pennsylvania and now has taken control of her entire life. THATS what hurts. Her not being in my BP?? At this point.. I can care less. I know that the girls who WILL be there by my side on that day is there because they want to be there, and they truly love me. If she was a real friend, nothing (including her 'life partner' ) would break our friendship apart. Im sorry, I know you girls are going to think Im wrong, but Im Not inviting her to my wedding. I want no part of her at all.

Bridezilla moment.

Re: Bridesmaid issue. UPDATED-she FINALLY got back to me...

Maybe someone can help me here. Id like to know since when did walking down and back up an aisle with a groomsman become a ticket for infidelity?

I tried to put myself in your friend's shoes in this case. FH would have ZERO input unless and ONLY unless we were under financial restraints. It can be costly to be in a BP (shower planning, dresses and accessories as well as bachelorette parties etc...)
I would only confer with FH on accepting an invitation to participate on money alone as now FH and I have financial (in addition to emotional) obligations to each other. What I spend (or don't spend)impacts us BOTH.

HOWEVER, if my FH ever told me or implied that he was uncomfortable with the prospect of me being linked by the arm to someone for a total of maybe 5 minutes tops (it doesnt take THAT long to get down and back up an aisle) then gosh darn it, Id have to cancel the square dancing lessons I signed us up for.

GOOD LORD, this is one insecure man and I agree with some of the above posters - it is frightening for her.

Re: Bridesmaid issue. UPDATED-she FINALLY got back to me...

It is very scary what people consider to be love. I understand concern about where you are or who you are with on a safety level, I understand wanting to spend time with the person you love ( after all that si why you are with them) but I do not understand how someone can justify dropping everything because of the person that they love-is that really love? Again I am biased because it just happened to me but how is that a healthy relationship???

and SI girl-I do not blame you at all. Why would you want to see your friend in a situation like that-

Re: Bridesmaid issue. UPDATED-she FINALLY got back to me...

I know your hurt but you have to think of her situation to maybe her partner will be mad , jealouse etc., and trust me if he is you will be having a lot of trouble with her in the B-party. Maybe you wouldn't be with someone like this or you would put your foot down, but people are all different. I have a friend that is kind of controlled by her boyfriend and I was debating if I would put her in. I know that if he said you can't do something she would just not show. Honestly you are better off with her not being in the BP. Some people like to be controlled and I am sure she is fine with her lifestyle.

I know it's disappointing but I bet it's for the best in some ways.

Re: Bridesmaid issue. UPDATED-she FINALLY got back to me...

Janie,

All I can offer are . Your friend is in a scary place right now.

Re: Bridesmaid issue. UPDATED-she FINALLY got back to me...

I am so sorry that she cannot be in your BP. However, I do think that this girl are filled with issues try to look at it like she at least letting you know before hand she cannot participate. Instead of being mad with her just wish her all the best and try to keep her in your prayers so she will be able to pull through whatever she is going through. She needs a lot help and support obviously based on her situation with her FH.

Re: Bridesmaid issue. UPDATED-she FINALLY got back to me...

W T F, her fiance would be mad about her partnering up with someone the whole night? He needs to grow up, it's not like she's gonna be giving the guy lap dances or something. Her fiance sounds like a rean winer....sorry JMO. I feel bad that you are going through this