Church Dilemma

My fiance and I grew up in Suffolk and we would like to get married in his church. He has been a member there since he was baptized but has since gone out of state to college and now lives in Nassau.

He called the church to arrange a meeting with the priest to discuss getting married there. The priest informed my fiance that because he does not live in Suffolk and attend mass regularly there, other individuals who live in Suffolk and go to the chruch regularly would be given preference. In the end, because we want to get married on a Sat in June, 2002, the priest said that we would not be able to get married there.

My fiance and I are finishing graduate school and plan to move to Suffolk once we get married. We are very disappointed that we can't get married in this church. Does anyone have similar expereinces or have any advice on what, if anything, we can do?? Any and all comments would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Church Dilemma

I CAN'T BELIEVE THE PRIEST DID THAT TO THE BOTH OF YOU. I HAVE BEEN A MEMBER OF MY CHURCH SINCE BIRTH AND I HAVEN'T BEEN TO CHURCH IN A LONG TIME, HOW DOES THE PRIEST KNOW THAT HE DOES NOT ATTEND CHURCH REGULARLY? IF HE IS STILL A MEMBER OF HIS CHURCH THEN HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO GET MARRIED AT HIS CHURCH GOOD LUCK...

He called the church to arrange a meeting with the priest to discuss getting married there. The priest informed my fiance that because he does not live in Suffolk and attend mass regularly there, other individuals who live in Suffolk and go to the chruch regularly would be given preference. In the end, because we want to get married on a Sat in June, 2002, the priest said that we would not be able to get married there.

My fiance and I are finishing graduate school and plan to move to Suffolk once we get married. We are very disappointed that we can't get married in this church. Does anyone have similar expereinces or have any advice on what, if anything, we can do?? Any and all comments would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Church Dilemma

I had a similure problem with the baptism of my daughter. That was 7 yrs ago in a small catholic parish in suffolk county. I was told that if I was not a registered member of the church that I couldnt have her baptised in the parish. I had to have my mother call the rectory and tell the church that I lived at her home and that I was contributing at sunday mass collections on a regular basis. (pathetic, me having mom lie to the church for me). I ended up going into the rectory and regestering and then they allowed the baptism. I am not sure this helps.

Judy

Judy

Church Dilemma

Hmmm... Do your fiance's parents still go to that church or "officially" belong to that parish? We had a similar situation, but priest (a really, really nice guy) told us that all parishioners AND THEIR CHILDREN were entitled to be married in that church. Sounds to me like your priest is just being a bit inflexible...

Judy

Judy

Church Dilemma

Makes me wonder if its not the same church!

I am finding things not getting less stressful, but more! Even with all the details pretty much taken care of I still have major family issues.

Church Dilemma

I do find it absolutely ridiculous that we have to bargain with the church to get married, but consider this:

Church Dilemma

Yes Jackie: I had the same experience. It is true that if you are not living in the parish area then the parishoners who do get preference. Don't take the chance. If you book there and a parishoner wants it, they get it and you get bumped. I had a problem in the beginning when I wanted to get married in my new neighborhood church. I had to spend weekends with the church in order to get married there. When they heard the block I lived on, I was already a parishoner and didn't have too. I decided not to get married there and am getting married out east in a church near my hall. How did I get that option? My fiance's priest from out out east moved there and is letting us borrow the church because I am on a friday. Good luck. Pick a church in your area. Do your parents live out here in Suffolk?

Kate and others...

Church Dilemma

Jackie. I too had the same experience. I currently live in NYC and wanted to marry in a church in LI near where I grew up. It was not my old parish. I was told the same as you. Non-parishoners can only book the church six months or less prior to the wedding date. Since we are planning to move that way after our wedding, I became a parishoner and attend when I can. We are getting married there. Once you are a parishoner (i.e. contributing financially to the church) it is no problem. I did this a year or so before our wedding so I don't think you'd have any difficulty with 2001 if you decide to do it.

Yes, this whole subject is annoying + confusing. If tips are "included" than why not simply add it on to the total price and give them a raise? The answer is, if they gave out those quotes when you were shopping arouind, than they would be giving a higher quote + you wouldn't hire them.

Yes, it makes sense to tip before hand, except if you don't tip enough or not at all) they might not do such a great job. If they are expecting a tip after they work, than naturally they will do a great job because they want you to notice + give them as much as they think they deserve.

Church Dilemma

Thank you everyone for your advise. The problem is the church is not only five minutes from where my fiance's family lives and less than ten minutes from where my family lives, it is also less than ten minutes from the reception hall.

I am going to call my fiance's aunt, who does attend the church fairly regularly, and she what she suggests. I don't want to have to worry that a month or so before my wedding, we will lose the church because a "current member" wanted the same date.

As far as times, we didn't even get that far with the priest. All we got was that since we were not living nearby, others come first. I will try the church where I was baptized, had my communion and confirmed but it is also out in Suffolk, do you think I'll ahve the same problem?

Church Dilemma

jackie- i am very sorry that you have been encountering problems in reserving your finacee's church for you wedding! You talked with the Pastor or Monsignior correct? Just wondering if there isnt another priest at that church who might be more understanding. You could try talking to a priest in your current parish that you attend and see what he thinks. Maybe he can give a call to the church you want to be married in and "pull some strings" so to speak or maybe he can give you some additional suggestions. Good Luck!

Thanks.

Church Dilemma

WHY would you still want to get married in that church?! A place that does not want you guys? Go somewhere else, where you will be welcomed with open arms.

jackie- i am very sorry that you have been encountering problems in reserving your finacee's church for you wedding! You talked with the Pastor or Monsignior correct? Just wondering if there isnt another priest at that church who might be more understanding. You could try talking to a priest in your current parish that you attend and see what he thinks. Maybe he can give a call to the church you want to be married in and "pull some strings" so to speak or maybe he can give you some additional suggestions. Good Luck!

Thanks.

Church Dilemma

Just explain that you are planning a wedding in your hometown and would like to get married in the church in which you received your other sacraments. They should be pretty receptive to that.

jackie- i am very sorry that you have been encountering problems in reserving your finacee's church for you wedding! You talked with the Pastor or Monsignior correct? Just wondering if there isnt another priest at that church who might be more understanding. You could try talking to a priest in your current parish that you attend and see what he thinks. Maybe he can give a call to the church you want to be married in and "pull some strings" so to speak or maybe he can give you some additional suggestions. Good Luck!

Thanks.

Church Dilemma

Just my experience... I did sense some hesitation from my Moms church, were I was no longer an 'official member'. They did agree to list me as a household member of my parents (even though had not lived there 4 yrs), thus allowing me to marry in their church. I think they looked into my parents contribution history first, to make sure they are regular churchgoers who contribute ($$). I ended up not choosing them to marry me since they were all booked for the time frame we had in mind. I decided against trying to get another Catholic Church to marry me. Being I am not a current member of any church, and honestly dont plan to be in the near future, I didnt feel comfortable trying to convince a church to marry me.

I ended up finding an 'American Catholic' priest that would perform our ceremony at any location. In the end, it is like the justice of the peace (recognized by law, not by church). His religion is a more liberal version of the catholic religion, although he was originally ordained a catholic. I am happy that I can have my ceremony and reception at one location & that the ceremony will be similar to a catholic ceremony, since that is my tradition.

Thanks.

Church Dilemma

I just wanted to thank everyone again for thier comments and advice. Colleen, I liked the general approach you suggested. I think I will try that with my church. I'll keep you updated on how it goes. Thank you again.

If you want to email me I will give you the price quotes we received.

Good luck with your planning. Let me know if you decide to book there.