Re: FMIL WANTS TO BRING A MARRIED MAN as a GUEST TO OUR WEDDING

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Posted by melissaandsean

I don't think she is making any sort of mockery OUT OF YOUR MARRIAGE! He's the adulterer. She's having an affair with a married man. These things have NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU and your wedding.

Yes - she should be big enough to just go alone. I agree. Yes - she should have thought about this a bit differently. But ya know what - she didn't and you can't change that. You can sit here and let it ruin the last few weeks of your engagement. Or you could sit here and vent about it, and then let it go and move on! This woman is not just 'any' woman...she's the mother of your future husband and no matter what - there's NO getting away from that.

You and your FH love each other and repect one another and NO MATTER WHO IS WATCHING YOUR CEREMONY - they have NO EFFECT whatsoever on the vows YOU say to one another. Or on the 'sanctity' of marriage.

That's like saying if there is anyone on your guest list who has an open marriage (and believe me, there could very well be people there who DO!) can't watch your ceremony because their beliefs are different then yours? So if you have a catholic ceremony, would the presence of non-catholics take away from your wedding? All your guests are not perfect and they all have different beliefs and opinions that might not be inline with yours and FH's - but that doesn't make your wedding any different. Your wedding is just that - YOUR WEDDING!

I'm truly sorry you are so upset about this. But you do have a choice. You can choose to let this bother you or you can say ya know what - this is about FH and I and we aren't going to LET ANYONE ruin our special time! Hang in there!

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I couldn't agree more. Very well stated.

Re: FMIL WANTS TO BRING A MARRIED MAN as a GUEST TO OUR WEDDING

I would tell her that I dont think that it would be a good idea, and you dont feel comfortable with it

Re: FMIL WANTS TO BRING A MARRIED MAN as a GUEST TO OUR WEDDING

You know something, you girls are all being really big about this. I feel so bad for this girl. Her FMIL is completely inappropriate. I don't agree that its none of her business who FMIL brings as her date. Its her wedding. You think people aren't going to talk? Of course they are! The whole thing is objectionable to her and so completely selfish of her FMIL.

But Princess- I do agree with these girls that you probably aren't going to change this woman's mind or her behavior. Look at how much she cares about other people's feelings: she's a freekin' homewrecker! That's just wrong.

Whoever said that you shouldn't let this spoil your wedding was right. Whoever said that you should just forget about it is right too. I hear you loud and clear- I think we all do. I'd want to vomit if my FMIL did that, and I'd probably do everything in my power to try and stop it, but the fact of the matter is that it most likely isn't going to change anything. Let your FH handle it- if he can't change your FMIL's mind, well then, you know that the lady's a selfish pig.

(you should still get the photographer or someone with a camera to grab some shots. they might come in handy someday.)
hang in there!

Re: FMIL WANTS TO BRING A MARRIED MAN as a GUEST TO OUR WEDDING

TOTALLY inappropriate. - But completely your FH's responsibility to talk to her about it - or you FSIL - One of her own children needs to tell her how wrong she is. -
I'm usually the one to say 'You can't call her the home-wrecker, SHE is not the one who is married .......HE is ' BUT, in this case, your FMIL wants to take this man to her SON's Wedding as her date. - That is putting everyone in an uncomfortable situation.
What she does in her private life is her business, yes - But who she decides to flaunt around the ENTIRE family at her son's wedding is a different story -

Re: FMIL WANTS TO BRING A MARRIED MAN as a GUEST TO OUR WEDDING

I dunno, I think she's a homewrecker. She knows darn well he's married. That's just wrong! He'll do it with someone else of course, and that's not going to stop him- I dunno, I wouldnt' be able to sleep at night. 'Sides, I'm selfish, I'd want something that was MINE!

Re: FMIL WANTS TO BRING A MARRIED MAN as a GUEST TO OUR WEDDING

the more I think about this situation, the more I think I would have to insist that FH talks to her.

She is the mother of the groom. so chances are she and her 'date' will be sitting near you at the reception. everytime you see them at the table or dancing you're going to think about it.

UGH! this freaks me out!

Re: FMIL WANTS TO BRING A MARRIED MAN as a GUEST TO OUR WEDDING

Re: FMIL WANTS TO BRING A MARRIED MAN as a GUEST TO OUR WEDDING

Personally I think it is a little immature and disgusting for her to even CONSIDER asking you-and she should be ashamed!!! I am embarrassed for her.
I would have FH tell her that you two are not comfortable with him as her date, and that this is your 'MARRIAGE' and the reception is to celbrate your 'MARRIAGE' and it doesnt feel right that a MARRIED man who is obviously working around his WIFE is going to celelbrate something he obviously doesnt truly believe in. If it causes drama-maybe she just doesnt get it and only cares about how she is going to look to her ex. Im sorry but that in and of itself is silly and kind of childish

JMHO-I would tell her he CANNOT come...period end of the story as the last chance

Re: FMIL WANTS TO BRING A MARRIED MAN as a GUEST TO OUR WEDDING

I am so sorry that you are dealing with issues like this right before your wedding. I feel for you because my fmil has been dating a married man for like 3 years and I think she's a PIG!!

Re: FMIL WANTS TO BRING A MARRIED MAN as a GUEST TO OUR WEDDING

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Posted by melissaandsean

I don't think she is making any sort of mockery OUT OF YOUR MARRIAGE! He's the adulterer. She's having an affair with a married man. These things have NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU and your wedding.

Yes - she should be big enough to just go alone. I agree. Yes - she should have thought about this a bit differently. But ya know what - she didn't and you can't change that. You can sit here and let it ruin the last few weeks of your engagement. Or you could sit here and vent about it, and then let it go and move on! This woman is not just 'any' woman...she's the mother of your future husband and no matter what - there's NO getting away from that.

You and your FH love each other and repect one another and NO MATTER WHO IS WATCHING YOUR CEREMONY - they have NO EFFECT whatsoever on the vows YOU say to one another. Or on the 'sanctity' of marriage.

That's like saying if there is anyone on your guest list who has an open marriage (and believe me, there could very well be people there who DO!) can't watch your ceremony because their beliefs are different then yours? So if you have a catholic ceremony, would the presence of non-catholics take away from your wedding? All your guests are not perfect and they all have different beliefs and opinions that might not be inline with yours and FH's - but that doesn't make your wedding any different. Your wedding is just that - YOUR WEDDING!

I'm truly sorry you are so upset about this. But you do have a choice. You can choose to let this bother you or you can say ya know what - this is about FH and I and we aren't going to LET ANYONE ruin our special time! Hang in there!

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I agree with this but would be sooo tempted to do that blackmail thing suggested by that other poster!

I also agree that for the most part your FH should deal with this. As long as she won't walk in with the BP and you at the entrance (and FFIL doesn't either) then you may have to suck it up.

My other idea is to write a letter politely stating that this makes you uncomfortable and you wish that she'd bring someone else, however you are leaving it up to her and won't speak of it if she decides to go through with it. This way, you say something but you both won't be there for tempers to flair. Write it out, wait to clam down, proof read it and maybe edit it again. Even add that if he must attend that he take his ring off out of respect of the sanctity of marriage.

I understand brides saying 'it's your day', and it is, but it's also just another day. There is a lifetime of relationships ahead-this may not be worth creating a huge thing over...def ask if you'll regret not acting!

I'm sorry that this is happening either way. Good luck!!

Re: FMIL WANTS TO BRING A MARRIED MAN as a GUEST TO OUR WEDDING

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Posted by mclane

You know something, you girls are all being really big about this. I feel so bad for this girl.

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I do too! It's a bad situation all around and I wouldn't want to be in this position ever. It's sad.

Re: FMIL WANTS TO BRING A MARRIED MAN as a GUEST TO OUR WEDDING

Ouch

Re: FMIL WANTS TO BRING A MARRIED MAN as a GUEST TO OUR WEDDING

That's horrible! But u can't really tell her that she can't bring him. Its her life and she's an adult. You just have to deal with it.

Re: FMIL WANTS TO BRING A MARRIED MAN as a GUEST TO OUR WEDDING

Re: FMIL WANTS TO BRING A MARRIED MAN as a GUEST TO OUR WEDDING

Thanks for all of your support ladies.
You really are all wonderful.

Re: FMIL WANTS TO BRING A MARRIED MAN as a GUEST TO OUR WEDDING

You have to talk to her. it is your wedding and you should have the final say in this. What does your fh think of all this?

Re: FMIL WANTS TO BRING A MARRIED MAN as a GUEST TO OUR WEDDING

Although I feel it's morally wrong for her to be involved with a married man, I don't believe you can dictate who she brings. Would you do that to another guest at your wedding that you invited 'and guest'.

I'm not saying that I wouldn't be upset, but the big picture is that she deserves to have someone there to escort her and if that's who she picks so be it. Can't have her ex there with someone and her with nobody.

FH should let her know just how uncomfortable you both are with the situation as well as the others in your family and let her make the right decision. She may change her mind about it if put to her in a compassionate way.