Re: FMIL WANTS TO BRING A MARRIED MAN as a GUEST TO OUR WEDDING

Look I think what she is doing isn't nesscary right, BUT it really none of our businesses what she is doing with that married man. I hate to say it but its true. We also don't the cirumstances of his marriage. I've met older couples who remain married for religious reason, their children, money etc.. but they do each have private lovers respectfully not flanting it to the other. Granted this may not be something looked up upon, but it might be whats best for their family. Who are we all to judge. Talk to your FH and descide what you shoujld do. But I would leave it alone.

Re: FMIL WANTS TO BRING A MARRIED MAN as a GUEST TO OUR WEDDING

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Posted by EmberLynn

Look I think what she is doing isn't nesscary right, BUT it really none of our businesses what she is doing with that married man. I hate to say it but its true. We also don't the cirumstances of his marriage. I've met older couples who remain married for religious reason, their children, money etc.. but they do each have private lovers respectfully not flanting it to the other. Granted this may not be something looked up upon, but it might be whats best for their family. Who are we all to judge. Talk to your FH and descide what you shoujld do. But I would leave it alone.

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I BEG TO DIFFER.
IF YOU TAKE A MARRIED MAN OUT IN PUBLIC WITH YOU AND FLAUNT IT LIKE THAT AT MY WEDDING, IT MOST CERTAINLY BECOMES MY BUSINESS!

Re: FMIL WANTS TO BRING A MARRIED MAN as a GUEST TO OUR WEDDING

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Posted by melissaandsean

I think this is honestly your FH's decision to make. How does he feel about it? He needs to talk to his mother about this, and if I were you, I'd just step back and let them hash it out.

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spoke to him again just now. he's disgusted but afraid to cause drama cuz she's going to go crazy if we tell her not to bring him...

ya know, she shouldn't put us in this position in the first place. i don't even want to look at her at my wedding if she brings him.

Re: FMIL WANTS TO BRING A MARRIED MAN as a GUEST TO OUR WEDDING

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Posted by 12-3Princess

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Posted by melissaandsean

I think this is honestly your FH's decision to make. How does he feel about it? He needs to talk to his mother about this, and if I were you, I'd just step back and let them hash it out.

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spoke to him again just now. he's disgusted but afraid to cause drama cuz she's going to go crazy if we tell her not to bring him...

ya know, she shouldn't put us in this position in the first place. i don't even want to look at her at my wedding if she brings him.

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How about hiring her a hot escort???
Hmph... She is NOT going to go alone if FFIL is bringing a date. And she will totally resent being alone if FFIL's girlfriend is attractive... i feel like the divorce is fairly recent. You just can't say anything. I mean if FH and FSIL can't convince her that it is not right, you won't be able to. Also no matter how Peeved you are, don't tell your family... trust me, once your family starts looking down on his family... it is a really slippery slope and you just can't repair their impressions. You know? Why am i posting?? I am also not a FW

Re: FMIL WANTS TO BRING A MARRIED MAN as a GUEST TO OUR WEDDING

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Posted by 12-3Princess

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Posted by EmberLynn

Look I think what she is doing isn't nesscary right, BUT it really none of our businesses what she is doing with that married man. I hate to say it but its true. We also don't the cirumstances of his marriage. I've met older couples who remain married for religious reason, their children, money etc.. but they do each have private lovers respectfully not flanting it to the other. Granted this may not be something looked up upon, but it might be whats best for their family. Who are we all to judge. Talk to your FH and descide what you shoujld do. But I would leave it alone.

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I BEG TO DIFFER.
IF YOU TAKE A MARRIED MAN OUT IN PUBLIC WITH YOU AND FLAUNT IT LIKE THAT AT MY WEDDING, IT MOST CERTAINLY BECOMES MY BUSINESS!

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Does anyone else really know the man or his wife at the wedding? If he is just going to a wedding where she is the only one there that even knows hes married or that they are more than just friends.

Re: FMIL WANTS TO BRING A MARRIED MAN as a GUEST TO OUR WEDDING

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Posted by EmberLynn

Look I think what she is doing isn't nesscary right, BUT it really none of our businesses what she is doing with that married man. I hate to say it but its true. We also don't the cirumstances of his marriage. I've met older couples who remain married for religious reason, their children, money etc.. but they do each have private lovers respectfully not flanting it to the other. Granted this may not be something looked up upon, but it might be whats best for their family. Who are we all to judge. Talk to your FH and descide what you shoujld do. But I would leave it alone.

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I see your point in theory. However, her FMIL and this man are essentially making a mockery of marriage and wedding vows by carrying on while he is married, which is bad enough. To carry on in this way at her own son's wedding is just completely wrong IMO. While maybe people shouldn't pass judgement on her (although that would be pretty hard to do), they also don't have to be slapped in the face with it either, which is what bringing him to the wedding would do.

Princess, I would absolutely positively tell her that you do not feel that this is an appropriate venue for their relationship to become public. And if she gets mad, tell her to go scratch. This is not something that should be negotiable.

Re: FMIL WANTS TO BRING A MARRIED MAN as a GUEST TO OUR WEDDING

To knowingly bring a married man to share in a celebration of marriage nullifies the sanctity of marriage and is, in my opinion, wrong.

Re: FMIL WANTS TO BRING A MARRIED MAN as a GUEST TO OUR WEDDING

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Posted by Goldi1021

To knowingly bring a married man to share in a celebration of marriage nullifies the sanctity of marriage and is, in my opinion, wrong.

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this and the post above it sums it up for me!

Re: FMIL WANTS TO BRING A MARRIED MAN as a GUEST TO OUR WEDDING

is the man separated from his wife?

Re: FMIL WANTS TO BRING A MARRIED MAN as a GUEST TO OUR WEDDING

Oh Heck no! I'm sorry your FMIL is putting you in such a horrible position! Is there anyone else, another family member or friend, who could speak to her on your behalf? Does FMIL have any sisters or brothers who could intervene for you? If not, you will have to decide to either confront her yourself or turn the other cheek. Do you think you would regret it later on if you didn't say anything and let her bring him? Or do you think you would regret it later on if you confronted her? Only you will know what is right for you to do.

Re: FMIL WANTS TO BRING A MARRIED MAN as a GUEST TO OUR WEDDING

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Posted by EmberLynn

Look I think what she is doing isn't nesscary right, BUT it really none of our businesses what she is doing with that married man. I hate to say it but its true. We also don't the cirumstances of his marriage. I've met older couples who remain married for religious reason, their children, money etc.. but they do each have private lovers respectfully not flanting it to the other. Granted this may not be something looked up upon, but it might be whats best for their family. Who are we all to judge. Talk to your FH and descide what you shoujld do. But I would leave it alone.

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I have to say i agree with this post.
I also agree with other posters that its wrong of her to 'flaunt' her relationship with this man at her sons wedding as it does make a mockery of the vows you and your FH will be making that day.
BUT - you have to remember that this woman will be your FMIL for the rest of your life and that ultimately, the day is about you and your FH, not anyone else's relationships. If you guys feel that it would cause too many problems with your FMIL if you bring it up to her, then i would leave it alone. Perhaps you can tell her that you don't agree with her bringing him, but i don't think you can tell her that she absolutely can't bring him. As long as she knows your point of view, you've done your part.
And like another poster said, if you dont know this mans relationship with his wife, or anything else about him for that matter - it really is none of your business. Yes, its horrible for her to be carrying on an affair and want to bring him - but who are we all to judge? Unless you're in her shoes, or his - i'd leave it alone.

JMO of course as i know this is a touchy subject. But i think you're better off leaving it alone and concentrating on the love you and FH have for each other and what an amazing day you're going to have. You can always ignore her for the day.

Re: FMIL WANTS TO BRING A MARRIED MAN as a GUEST TO OUR WEDDING

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Posted by 12-3Princess

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Posted by CaCRmr

Would she bring him as a DATE? If she's just friends with him I don't see it as a problem. If this makes you uncomfortable then of course you have to let her know that.

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YES as a date!!! I spoke to FSIL about this and she says she is 100% convinced they are more than just friends but FMIL will not admit that to me I'm sure... I don't know if it is my place to say something???

What would I say?

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Is your FH's father in the picture at all? Is this man separated from his wife? If the answer to that second question is no, I'd be freaking out as well! It's your wedding so I would say something if it makes you uncomfortable. What does your FH say?

Re: FMIL WANTS TO BRING A MARRIED MAN as a GUEST TO OUR WEDDING

I just read the rest of the posts. In your position, I would give her the choice of either having another date come with her or not being there at all. I wouldn't want ANYONE, regardless of who they are, to ruin my wedding. JMHO.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you!!!

Re: FMIL WANTS TO BRING A MARRIED MAN as a GUEST TO OUR WEDDING

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Posted by craigshunny

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Posted by 12-3Princess

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Posted by CaCRmr

Would she bring him as a DATE? If she's just friends with him I don't see it as a problem. If this makes you uncomfortable then of course you have to let her know that.

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YES as a date!!! I spoke to FSIL about this and she says she is 100% convinced they are more than just friends but FMIL will not admit that to me I'm sure... I don't know if it is my place to say something???

What would I say?

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Is your FH's father in the picture at all? Is this man separated from his wife? If the answer to that second question is no, I'd be freaking out as well! It's your wedding so I would say something if it makes you uncomfortable. What does your FH say?

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My FH's father and mother are divorced from each other. His father is bringing his girlfriend (she's not married OF COURSE)...
FH is horrified by his mom bringing a married guy and wants to tell her not to, we're just afraid to cause major drama two weeks before our wedding now... We dno't know what to do.

thanks for your support everyone!

Re: FMIL WANTS TO BRING A MARRIED MAN as a GUEST TO OUR WEDDING

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Posted by suzybilly819

is the man separated from his wife?

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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Re: FMIL WANTS TO BRING A MARRIED MAN as a GUEST TO OUR WEDDING

I know this is upsetting you but it's not like this man will be wearing a banner that says 'I'm an adulter'

Didn't you just mention that FMIL has been so helpful and caring with the wedding prep that she will be included in some toast You cannot tell her that she has to leave her boyfriend at home when her ex husband will be there with a date. She will probably feel like an idiot to come alone.

You can mention that you recently learned that her boyfriend is married and you would prefer it not be mentioned at your wedding (or that she not bring him) but I doubt either will go over well. She is a grown woman that has raised at least one child. If she wants to see a married man - that really is her business.

Nobody will know or care that this guy is married. They are coming to celebrate your marriage.

Re: FMIL WANTS TO BRING A MARRIED MAN as a GUEST TO OUR WEDDING

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Posted by eogara

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Posted by EmberLynn

Look I think what she is doing isn't nesscary right, BUT it really none of our businesses what she is doing with that married man. I hate to say it but its true. We also don't the cirumstances of his marriage. I've met older couples who remain married for religious reason, their children, money etc.. but they do each have private lovers respectfully not flanting it to the other. Granted this may not be something looked up upon, but it might be whats best for their family. Who are we all to judge. Talk to your FH and descide what you shoujld do. But I would leave it alone.

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I see your point in theory. However, her FMIL and this man are essentially making a mockery of marriage and wedding vows by carrying on while he is married, which is bad enough. To carry on in this way at her own son's wedding is just completely wrong IMO. While maybe people shouldn't pass judgement on her (although that would be pretty hard to do), they also don't have to be slapped in the face with it either, which is what bringing him to the wedding would do.

Princess, I would absolutely positively tell her that you do not feel that this is an appropriate venue for their relationship to become public. And if she gets mad, tell her to go scratch. This is not something that should be negotiable.

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THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL!

Re: FMIL WANTS TO BRING A MARRIED MAN as a GUEST TO OUR WEDDING

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Posted by Goldi1021

To knowingly bring a married man to share in a celebration of marriage nullifies the sanctity of marriage and is, in my opinion, wrong.

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I completely agree.

Look, maybe I'm taking a hard line here, but you FMIL needs to grow up and get a clue. What she does behind closed doors is her buisness, but this isn't closed doors. This is her *son's* wedding, and *your* wedding, and a very public event.

If it were me, I'd tell her that either she brings someone else, or I'd make sure that the photographer took lots of pictures of her and her paramour- and send them to this guys wife. Call it blackmail if you like. I think your FMIL is being a brat by insisting she bring an innapropriate guest. This day isn't about her. She should s*ck it up that she doesn't have a date. She's had plenty of time to find one. Why does it have to be a married man?

Don't put up with this. You don't have to agree with her lifestyle, true, but you shouldn't have to deal with it in front of your face on your wedding day. There's a time and a place for eveything.

I wouldn't put up with it for a second. It makes a mockery out of marriage- the very thing you're trying to celebrate.

THE NERVE!

Re: FMIL WANTS TO BRING A MARRIED MAN as a GUEST TO OUR WEDDING

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Posted by Beth1210

that is so wrong for so many reasons

and not apportipate even as freinds in my opinion!

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I agree. I think you should talk to FSIL, and FH, since they're her children, and have them explain how rude, and inappropriate it would be. To be honest w/ you she should know better. That same vow thet you and her son are going to make she and he are breaking by coming together. I know my mother wouldn't allow my father to come to any formal event w/ another woman. If it doesn't work w/ FH, or FSIL I would say something myself. Thats just something that I would not allow at my wedding, especially coming from my FMIL
What kind of example is she setting!

Re: FMIL WANTS TO BRING A MARRIED MAN as a GUEST TO OUR WEDDING

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Posted by 12-3Princess

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Posted by eogara

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Posted by EmberLynn

Look I think what she is doing isn't nesscary right, BUT it really none of our businesses what she is doing with that married man. I hate to say it but its true. We also don't the cirumstances of his marriage. I've met older couples who remain married for religious reason, their children, money etc.. but they do each have private lovers respectfully not flanting it to the other. Granted this may not be something looked up upon, but it might be whats best for their family. Who are we all to judge. Talk to your FH and descide what you shoujld do. But I would leave it alone.

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I see your point in theory. However, her FMIL and this man are essentially making a mockery of marriage and wedding vows by carrying on while he is married, which is bad enough. To carry on in this way at her own son's wedding is just completely wrong IMO. While maybe people shouldn't pass judgement on her (although that would be pretty hard to do), they also don't have to be slapped in the face with it either, which is what bringing him to the wedding would do.

Princess, I would absolutely positively tell her that you do not feel that this is an appropriate venue for their relationship to become public. And if she gets mad, tell her to go scratch. This is not something that should be negotiable.

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THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL!

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I understand, but realise she is going to be your mother-in-law for as long as she lives. Again talk to your FH and try to figure out what you should do. Explain how you feel, but just like we all have trouble with family, FIL's, friends, BP etc... you have this headache. Remember no matter who she brings, its your marriage and no elses. But first talk to your FH, before you do anything else.