Re: I am soooo mad at FH!!! Thanksgiving family issues

We have always spent the holidays with our own family's just to keep it easy, When we are married it will be a different story. We are going to alternate holidays, which works out well

Re: I am soooo mad at FH!!! Thanksgiving family issues

I'm so sorry Your FH should really know how important this is to you and should give in and spend Thanksgiving with your family. But if he's not willing, that I would go without him. He shouldn't have his way every time. Let him know how much this is hurting you.

Re: I am soooo mad at FH!!! Thanksgiving family issues

I totally know what you mean!! I see FH family ALLLL the time.. he has a ton of cousins and they celebrate EVERY single birthday! So there is constantly a birthday party to go to with his fam. So I told him now that the holidays are around, I am keeping my traditions and going with my family & he can just go with his. I don't get to see my family nearly as much as we see his so i don't feel like I should have to go there just because it is a holiday. Once we're married, we may have to make sacrifices w/ each other's family.. but since we're just engaged now, we're keeping our own traditions. Good luck with your situation... I would leave it that you will just be with your family and if he wants to come then he can, if not, oh well.

Re: I am soooo mad at FH!!! Thanksgiving family issues

We have split every holiday since we first started going out.

Re: I am soooo mad at FH!!! Thanksgiving family issues

I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND!!!
I have spent every holiday for the past 4 years with FHs family...and they get upset when we want to do something different! Like nervous breakdown upset
I would split up-you go with your family and he can go with his, especially if this is a rare occasion for your family to all be together-either he will realize that it is important to you or he will choose not to go

Re: I am soooo mad at FH!!! Thanksgiving family issues

That's terrible! My FI's family lives in Connecticut, so we can't split the day at each house, but I know what you mean when they don't want to give in about holidays! Good luck!

Re: I am soooo mad at FH!!! Thanksgiving family issues

I'm sorry you're upset and I'm sorry about what FH said to you - nothing justifies that. But, I don't see how you spending Christmas with his family has anything at all to do with Thanksgiving. Does he say 'since we're spending Passover with your family, we should do Mother's Day at mine'? Probably not. I just don't see the correllation. You guys are going to have to work through this - you'll have holidays every year for the rest of your life. If you don't agree on some sort of a compromise, it could lead to some really big problems.

Since you're not yet married, I'd split up this year. Each of you do what you want to do. Next year, however, you will have to decide how to handle this. However often you may see one side of the family on a regular day is irrelevant when it comes to a holiday, especially one as big as Thanksgiving.

Be happy that you guys only 'share' this one holiday! Most couples are of the same religion and go through this several times a year.

Re: I am soooo mad at FH!!! Thanksgiving family issues

whether there are 8 people or 28 people, that is still his family and still important to him. I understand that you want to be with your grandma for desert, so why don't you guys have dinner with your family, stay for grandma's cake then go eat desert at his families house?

Re: I am soooo mad at FH!!! Thanksgiving family issues

In the past, DH and i have mildy argued over holidays-where we'll be, how much time to spend at each place.

In the end...it is about total compromise. He needs to bend for you...the comment about putting his family before you...well....YOU will be his family soon!! You should be the foremost concern of his. Doesn't mean he has to NOT see his family or give up holidays but there are ways to work it out. You should without a doubt see your family...try to talk to him again and if he's adamant about being stuck in his way, then you do need to have a serious talk. Remember...it isn't likely to change as the years go on. Do what makes you happy.

Re: I am soooo mad at FH!!! Thanksgiving family issues

Re: I am soooo mad at FH!!! Thanksgiving family issues

Truthfully, you should go to your families and he should go to his.

I may get attacked for this but Me & FH didnt do joint holiday thing for the first 6 years of our relationship. I want to spend the holidays w/ my family and he with his so it was never a big deal. Enjoy the holidays where you will be happiest. We just caught up with each other at the end of the night. It works beautifully. Its only a couple of hrs apart and we've got our whole lives.

JMO

Re: I am soooo mad at FH!!! Thanksgiving family issues

I have been dealing with the same crap every yr and every holiday! His family ruins them all, they all endup in a family feud till 4 am! they play guilt trips on him and tell him he CANT go, he has been getting better though since i opened my mouth, but it is still stressfull when they pull their guilt trips cause i never know what he will decide in the end! his mom called my house 3 times in the hr he came to visit my family on xmas and the last call he just up and left.. Funny part is his family does their stuff in the evening and mine earlier in the day, but they still have to have him there ALL day!!! ( can not stand FMIL!!!!) Your FH needs to realize you have a family too! I would stand my ground before it continues! I learned that lesson the hard way! let him leave after dinner if he wants but stay with your family! Compromise and tell him next yr is all his family maybe??

Best of luck with that, it ***** going through those changes

Re: I am soooo mad at FH!!! Thanksgiving family issues

we are spliting up in thanksgiving this year- I see jake all the time and I never see my family - so no big deal-

for christmas I am hoping that his parents will come to our house- they have a small family and we have a larger one- so I feel like it's easier that way
( and we will have just gotten back from our HM)

Re: I am soooo mad at FH!!! Thanksgiving family issues

If he refuses to go - GO WITHOUT HIM - You're not his wife yet -
This is first year DH and I will spend holidays exclusively together w/ either family -
I would have dinner w/ my family and desert w/ his -or vice versa. Or one of us would come later on or something like that - I NEVER missed a holidy w/ my own family ........until this year b/c NOW we're married.

Re: I am soooo mad at FH!!! Thanksgiving family issues

this sounds like me and fh...for right now we can get away with the whole, i eat w/my family and you eat at yours, at least until next year. and every year, his mom asks, are you eating here? i tell her no and she gets upset, but won't tell me. whatever. if you need to be with your family on thanksgiving, he needs to respect that. its one day, he wil just have to deal

Re: I am soooo mad at FH!!! Thanksgiving family issues

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Posted by Marisa M

If he refuses to go - GO WITHOUT HIM - You're not his wife yet -
This is first year DH and I will spend holidays exclusively together w/ either family -
I would have dinner w/ my family and desert w/ his -or vice versa. Or one of us would come later on or something like that - I NEVER missed a holidy w/ my own family ........until this year b/c NOW we're married.

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I agree completely...DH and I haven't spend our holidays w/each other in the 6 years we've been together. We will have to though this year b/c now we're married.
If he can't understand how important this is to you than you should absolutely go to your family's without him!!!

Re: I am soooo mad at FH!!! Thanksgiving family issues

I think dinner at one and and dessert at the other is the best thing to do.

This is a no win holiday. It's important to him and important to you. Not worth fighting about, best bet is to just split dinner and dessert.

i think it's best not to bring religion into this by saying you are spending Christmas with his family.
You being with his family on Christmas has nothing to do with Thanksgiving. I'm sure FH spends the Jewish holidays with your family.

If this was my son I'd tell him to go and have a nice time. As long as his parents are not going to be alone I don't see the big deal.
Maybe you can talk to his mom. Explain to her that after your married this will be the only holiday that you will have to split and starting this year you will do your family and next year his or you can stay with your family and he could stay with his.

Re: I am soooo mad at FH!!! Thanksgiving family issues

If splitting the day isn't an option... then I would definitely try to get across to him how important this is to you and how its only fair because of Christmas.

He should really compromise... that's what a marriage is!!!

Re: I am soooo mad at FH!!! Thanksgiving family issues

You need to agree that Thanksgiving you spend with your family and X-mas with his. It works out perfect that your family doesn't celebrate X-mas. But, I can also understand that he would want to see his family. Either way this is going to be a fight every year. So I would try to work it out.

Re: I am soooo mad at FH!!! Thanksgiving family issues

What to say that hasn't been said already?

Last year, my FH's mom made such a fuss that we didn't spend all of Easter with her that I told him from then on I was spending the holidays with my family and he with his. I'm *so* dreading next year. The thing is that I've got two older brothers and I've seen my mother be the bigger person for every family holiday. . . . I'm her only daughter, my FMIL acts like I don't even have a family.

Its hard. I don't know what to tell you other than to give you some

Its going to have to change when you guys get married, just as it will for mine. I told my FH that I was buying a notebook and keeping score.