Re: I believe the wedding has been called off :(

I'm sorry to hear that Amy. Just be happy the reception you were planning was called off and not the wedding completely. its more important that the 2 of you work on ur relationship...u'll still get married

Good Luck

Re: I believe the wedding has been called off :(

Sorry to be a little negative here, but I speak from some experience. I think Shamrock touched on an important point...

I think you really need to sit down with FH and hash EVERYTHING out....

Why is what he wants so much more important than what you want (the big beautiful wedding)?

I feel like he is being selfish and inconsiderate and I think you need to wonder about him as a result.

Maybe there is more to it....but it needs to be discussed further!

FH and I broke up for 2 months prior to getting engaged. I was in law school before that and he felt neglected for 3 years and never said anything!!! So finally he broke things off without ever explaining that he had all of those emotions built up for so long.

When we did get back together we talked about EVERYTHING and our relationship has been wonderful ever since.

I feel like your FH is holding whatever it is he is feeling inside and he needs to explain himself to you and also be considerate of you and what you want....

I would rather get everything out in the open now then down the line...

JMO....

Re: I believe the wedding has been called off :(

So sorry to hear this. I agree with those who said you should talk everything out and see if there is room for compromise. It is so important that both of you be on the same page and feel that your needs are both being met. If not, you or your FI could end up with a lot of resentment. I think that if after talking both of you want a lakeside wedding, then do it. It sounds wonderful! But both of you have to be open and honest about what you really want. In the end, you have to be happy with your decision. You have no reason to feel embarassed at all. Best of of luck!!

Re: I believe the wedding has been called off :(

So sorry, to hear this

Keep in mind though that things have a way of working themselves out (for the better)

Good luck!

Re: I believe the wedding has been called off :(

Re: I believe the wedding has been called off :(

I agree with what Katrina said, but I also see shamrock's point.

I think you both should discuss this further. You moving in with him THEN having a wedding may be his way of postponing your wedding without actually coming out and saying so. Just make sure you don't move in and then the wedding plans cease all together.....and you become a comon law wife...I have seen this happen before.
Not trying to scare you, just trying to cover all the bases here. I think you need to find out the true REASON behind all this. It's one thing to say he doesn't want a large wedding and wants you to move in first, but you need to know why the sudden change.....especially after booking the hall and ordering the STD'S

Keep us posted on how it goes....

Re: I believe the wedding has been called off :(

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Posted by SomethingBlu

Amy - I am so sorry! I will keep you and your fi in my prayers, trust in God during this most difficult time, there is always tomorrow!

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Even if you don't get your huge wedding (which from your previous posts it sounded like you decided upon only because of pressure from both of your families, when what you both had agreed on originally was a small destination wedding), no one died--this is not the most difficult time you will encounter. It kind of sounds like from what you posted before like maybe you weren't clear to him about what matters most to you. Are you agreeing to everything he says for fear he might call it off? Are you afraid to say this is what you really want? To me, his point definitely makes sense, and I tend to be more rational and if I didn't have the $, I wouldn't have a huge wedding, but I know many people disagree. Was your first wedding a large affair or a smaller one too?

Re: I believe the wedding has been called off :(

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Posted by nov04LIbride

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Posted by SomethingBlu

Amy - I am so sorry! I will keep you and your fi in my prayers, trust in God during this most difficult time, there is always tomorrow!

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Even if you don't get your huge wedding (which from your previous posts it sounded like you decided upon only because of pressure from both of your families, when what you both had agreed on originally was a small destination wedding), no one died--this is not the most difficult time you will encounter. It kind of sounds like from what you posted before like maybe you weren't clear to him about what matters most to you. Are you agreeing to everything he says for fear he might call it off? Are you afraid to say this is what you really want? To me, his point definitely makes sense, and I tend to be more rational and if I didn't have the $, I wouldn't have a huge wedding, but I know many people disagree. Was your first wedding a large affair or a smaller one too?

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I agree that this is not the most difficult thing she may encounter, but right now, at this moment when the pain is raw and the emotions are open, it is the most difficult time for her. She obviously had plans for a 'fairytale' wedding - big gown and all, and while it's much better to discuss things now and figure out what to do, no one should say 'keep on, worst things can happen' because while that's true, it takes time to see that and not everyone is that strong. And I will continue to pray for both of them - May God bless you with clarity and may all the decisions you make be made with thought and proper planning.

I wish you the best!

Re: I believe the wedding has been called off :(

I'm sorry. Maybe you can still worki something out, get a smaller room at the JT, save money on other things. I really think something must have happenned or be going on for FH to just come home one night like that and say all of that when you've already gone through all of the planning. before you start planning another wedding, PLEASE find out what the root cause was that made him come home THAT day and say those things he's never said before, what was going on in his head. And why do you have to go along with exactly what HE wants? It's supposed to be a compromise, and he DID say he wanted you to be happy. If I were you I'd want to find out what changed, and what was going on inside his head. Good Luck

Re: I believe the wedding has been called off :(

Amy-I am so sorry to hear about this. I remember reading your posts at the beginning of the week and you sounded very stressed!

I wish you all the best!

Re: I believe the wedding has been called off :(

Amy I know everything will work out and thre is nothing to be ashamed of. The most important thing is that you will be spending your life with the person who makes you the happiest regardless of where you get married.

Sending lots of hugs your way!

Re: I believe the wedding has been called off :(

Amy, first there is absolutely nothing to be embarassed about. Second I think you and FH really need to get everything out in the open. Obviously, your FH has different dreams than you and I am sure you can both find some middle ground. It sounds like he had this bottled up for a while. Like some of the other girls have said...The wedding is one day. You have found a great guy who loves you and your son and that bond between the both of you should be a priority. I'd also like to say I love the idea of a lakeside wedding. I'm sure everything will work out wishing you all the best and a lot of

Re: I believe the wedding has been called off :(

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Posted by neesiepie

I agree with what Katrina said, but I also see shamrock's point.

I think you both should discuss this further. You moving in with him THEN having a wedding may be his way of postponing your wedding without actually coming out and saying so. Just make sure you don't move in and then the wedding plans cease all together.....and you become a comon law wife...I have seen this happen before.
Not trying to scare you, just trying to cover all the bases here. I think you need to find out the true REASON behind all this. It's one thing to say he doesn't want a large wedding and wants you to move in first, but you need to know why the sudden change.....especially after booking the hall and ordering the STD'S

Keep us posted on how it goes....

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First, I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this. I completely agree with neesiepie. Why is he so insistent on moving in together first? Why is this just coming up now?? Is he possibly getting a little freaked out by the fact that the wedding plans are taking on a life of their own?

It doesn't sound to me like money and an expensive wedding are the only issues at play here. I sense doubt and hesitation in his actions, particularly the wanting to move in together first, after you both had already agreed to live with your respective parents. It's almost like he wants a 'trial-run' first. Not that all people who LTBM are up to this, but in this case, it seems to be a potential hidden issue.

I think you guys SHOULD postpone the wedding *planning* for now. That is to say -- don't book anything else, don't plan anything else until you both TALK TALK TALK and communicate what is really going on here. But I wouldn't take your deposit back from JT just yet... but don't send them anymore money either. It appears that there other things affecting his decisions under the surface. It may be some simple insecurities or marriage fears. Whatever the case... I think more communication is needed here before you move in together or change your wedding plans.

Good luck and I wish you the best!

Re: I believe the wedding has been called off :(

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Posted by JimmysBride

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Posted by neesiepie

I agree with what Katrina said, but I also see shamrock's point.

I think you both should discuss this further. You moving in with him THEN having a wedding may be his way of postponing your wedding without actually coming out and saying so. Just make sure you don't move in and then the wedding plans cease all together.....and you become a comon law wife...I have seen this happen before.
Not trying to scare you, just trying to cover all the bases here. I think you need to find out the true REASON behind all this. It's one thing to say he doesn't want a large wedding and wants you to move in first, but you need to know why the sudden change.....especially after booking the hall and ordering the STD'S

Keep us posted on how it goes....

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First, I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this. I completely agree with neesiepie. Why is he so insistent on moving in together first? Why is this just coming up now?? Is he possibly getting a little freaked out by the fact that the wedding plans are taking on a life of their own?

It doesn't sound to me like money and an expensive wedding are the only issues at play here. I sense doubt and hesitation in his actions, particularly the wanting to move in together first, after you both had already agreed to live with your respective parents. It's almost like he wants a 'trial-run' first. Not that all people who LTBM are up to this, but in this case, it seems to be a potential hidden issue.

I think you guys SHOULD postpone the wedding *planning* for now. That is to say -- don't book anything else, don't plan anything else until you both TALK TALK TALK and communicate what is really going on here. But I wouldn't take your deposit back from JT just yet... but don't send them anymore money either. It appears that there other things affecting his decisions under the surface. It may be some simple insecurities or marriage fears. Whatever the case... I think more communication is needed here before you move in together or change your wedding plans.

Good luck and I wish you the best!

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I agree Amy. My first thought was why does he HAVE to live with you right now. I mean I live with my FH, so I don't think there is anything wrong with it, but I'm concerned because you two have agreed to live together (or so you thought). How do you feel about moving in with him? Is this something that you can handle right now with everything else that is going on? Moving in with someone is a big step, not only do you see the person all the time, but you have to get used to each others habits. FH and I have been living together for 2 years and we still are figuring out how to co-exist in our apartment together.

If you still wanted to have the wedding at JT maybe you can cut back on other things. There's always a way to find less expensive vendors. Please think about this all the way through and talk to hime before finalizing your plans.

Rai
PS: There is no reason to be embarrassed. You know how many people wished they could get married lakeside? You wedding will still be a big celebration of love with your family and friends.

Re: I believe the wedding has been called off :(

Re: I believe the wedding has been called off :(

I am so sorry

Re: I believe the wedding has been called off :(

I am so sorry to read about the change in plans. Remember the most important is that two of you are married and you are planning to start a life together. The location is not important it's the people.

Re: I believe the wedding has been called off :(

I just wanted yo say I was really sorry...

Re: I believe the wedding has been called off :(

I'm really sorry, and I hope the two of you work things out...

Re: I believe the wedding has been called off :(

Amy-I'm so sorry that you are upset but I'm sure that things will work out for the best-the most important thing is you and your love for Anthony-everything else is just details it doesn't matter where you marry the man of your dreams just as long you marry him. Best of luck