Re: I believe the wedding has been called off :(

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Posted by amy&anthony

Well, my FH came in last night, I didnt even get a kiss and he laid down in bed next to me to go to sleep.... I asked him what was wrong as he spilled his guts... He said that I told you I wanted to move in together first... I didnt want to spend so much on a wedding etc!!

Ummm hello... where was I when he was telling me these things.. I think he was thinking them but never told me.. I thought we decided to live with our parents to have a nice wedding and then move out. His exact words were I want what you want, I want you to be happy.. I know you want a big wedding of your dreams.. bla bla bla...

So anyway... After a long discussion.. I may be giving up my deposit at the JT and we will move in together 3/1 and end up having a smaller wedding somewhere upstate by my lake house :(

I am totally sad.. but I kind of agree about the $$, Im embarrassed b/c the WHOLE world knows the date and the place already.... I just bought a WHOLE BUNCH of save the dates YESTERDAY!! :( SO sad :(

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Planning a wedding in this area is very stressful and expensive. Based on your prior posts, it seems like the pressure was getting to him for a while.

I think we (brides and some grooms on this site) tend to get caught up in the planning so much so that we don't realize nobody really cares if the linens are white and the dress is ivory. Nobody cares if there are 3 entree options versus 12. Plus, it can all be unnerving when the costs are tallied. I am not from NY and thought a wedding budget of $15K for 150 guests would be for a super elegant, elaborate affair. Boy did I get an eye opener!!!

As another poster noted, you are not losing your FH. He is just not prepared to spend a huge sum on a traditional Long Island wedding. And you know what, that's TOTALLY OKAY. Forget about what everyone knows. There is no reason to be embarrassed at all. At the end of the day no matter if you have a lakeside ceremony upstate or a ceremony/reception at Jericho Terrace, you will still be married to a man who adores you and your son.

As for your deposit, maybe you can get some of it back if the date rebooks? The save the dates are another issue since they are personalized with your names.

Re: I believe the wedding has been called off :(

Amy - I'm sorry that the wedding you were hoping for isn't going to pan out. But, the most important thing is that you and FH are getting married. While it's great to have these big parties to celebrate, keeping your eye on what is essential is key and this is one of the times you're going to have to really concentrate on that.

Re: I believe the wedding has been called off :(

i Am sorry to hear that. I am sure that everything will be okay. It will all work out for the best

Re: I believe the wedding has been called off :(

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Posted by kdrainey

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Posted by amy&anthony

Well, my FH came in last night, I didnt even get a kiss and he laid down in bed next to me to go to sleep.... I asked him what was wrong as he spilled his guts... He said that I told you I wanted to move in together first... I didnt want to spend so much on a wedding etc!!

Ummm hello... where was I when he was telling me these things.. I think he was thinking them but never told me.. I thought we decided to live with our parents to have a nice wedding and then move out. His exact words were I want what you want, I want you to be happy.. I know you want a big wedding of your dreams.. bla bla bla...

So anyway... After a long discussion.. I may be giving up my deposit at the JT and we will move in together 3/1 and end up having a smaller wedding somewhere upstate by my lake house :(

I am totally sad.. but I kind of agree about the $$, Im embarrassed b/c the WHOLE world knows the date and the place already.... I just bought a WHOLE BUNCH of save the dates YESTERDAY!! :( SO sad :(

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Planning a wedding in this area is very stressful and expensive. Based on your prior posts, it seems like the pressure was getting to him for a while.

I think we (brides and some grooms on this site) tend to get caught up in the planning so much so that we don't realize nobody really cares if the linens are white and the dress is ivory. Nobody cares if there are 3 entree options versus 12. Plus, it can all be unnerving when the costs are tallied. I am not from NY and thought a wedding budget of $15K for 150 guests would be for a super elegant, elaborate affair. Boy did I get an eye opener!!!

As another poster noted, you are not losing your FH. He is just not prepared to spend a huge sum on a traditional Long Island wedding. And you know what, that's TOTALLY OKAY. Forget about what everyone knows. There is no reason to be embarrassed at all. At the end of the day no matter if you have a lakeside ceremony upstate or a ceremony/reception at Jericho Terrace, you will still be married to a man who adores you and your son.

As for your deposit, maybe you can get some of it back if the date rebooks? The save the dates are another issue since they are personalized with your names.

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Amy - I am so sorry! I will keep you and your fi in my prayers, trust in God during this most difficult time, there is always tomorrow!

I completely agree with Katrina on all points...do not be embarrased, you have no one to live up to or make happy but yourself, your son and your FH. Don't believe the hype - do what's best for you!

And yes, we are here for you should you need to vent, scream or chat.

Wishing you all the best!

Re: I believe the wedding has been called off :(

I'm hope everything works out for the best.

Re: I believe the wedding has been called off :(

Well, look at it that you are still going to get married and you will have a lot more money left over. I know you must be devestated, but just remember that you love each other and should do what is best for you.

Re: I believe the wedding has been called off :(

Sorry to hear that you are upset!

On the bright side you still have each other, and at least you are getting married and starting a wonderful life together!

Re: I believe the wedding has been called off :(

So sorry Amy, but I would not be embarrassed at all, your FH sounds like he has a good head on his shoulders, and wedding stress is definately not for everybody..my DH had me down size the wedding right in the mist of my planning, and I am so glad we did. It is a wonderful night, but it is just one night..you have your whole life ahead of you to look forward to great times with your FH. Another wedding, another review...I think you switching it up to a lake wedding will give us all something to look foward to the planning process and your creative juices flowing. Chin up and happy planning!!

Re: I believe the wedding has been called off :(

I am soo sorry.
I understand how you feel. But everything happends for a reason, Maybe the smaller wedding will be everything you imagined and more.
It could be worse he could have said forget the wedding all together.
Good luck with everything.

Re: I believe the wedding has been called off :(

I am so sorry that it didn't work out the way you wanted it to.... but the important thing is that you are still together and will still be married....trust me, when it's all said and done - it's one day - marriage is for a lifetime. Being together is what counts Don't worry about what other people are thinking - it will be a blip on their radar and then they will forget about it.

Re: I believe the wedding has been called off :(

i'm so sorry this happened to you but you know what... smaller weddings are so much more intimate and better. i had 280 people at my wedding and it was chaos! i knew maybe 60 of the guests. it's too overwhelming. i love the lake venue! your pictures will come out so great! it'll be so much better you'll see.

Re: I believe the wedding has been called off :(

I am sorry to hear that! I am sure it will all work out in the end

Re: I believe the wedding has been called off :(

I'm so sorry. I'm sure your wedding will be wonderful no matter where it is. Best of luck to you!

Re: I believe the wedding has been called off :(

I am so sorry to hear that I wish you two the best. And no matter what decsion you make at least you will stll be marrying the man you love.

Re: I believe the wedding has been called off :(

Re: I believe the wedding has been called off :(

I'm so sorry that you wont be having the wedding of your dreams. But you are still marrying the man that you love.

Re: I believe the wedding has been called off :(

Im so sorry. On the bright side though a wedding by the lake sounds beautiful. Dont be embarassed either there's no need. We did it and put the wedding back to 2007 and everyone was real supportive.

Re: I believe the wedding has been called off :(

Hi Amy, I wish you and your FH all the best! There is nothing wrong with foregoing all the big plans and the $$ for a smaller intimate wedding. Katrina was so right....we get caught up in so many things as brides, and maybe a smaller affair will simply celebrate the love you have for each other! That's what a wedding's all about anyway!
Best of luck to you both!

Re: I believe the wedding has been called off :(

I am so sorry you are going through this.

I really truly understand what you are going through...The stress of the wedding really gets to me sometimes and as hard and sad as it is to say sometimes I have had the urge to just give up and call off the wedding just to go back to the days of no fighting and less stress and living together happily. My FH is my best friend and I could never picture my life without him and I know he feels the same but this wedding has sort of taken on a life of its own. We fight a lot when the pressures of more money, more appointments, and more details to be discussed come into play but we work through them and I never thought I would say this, but we both come out better for it. This trying time has helped us more than anything to really get to know eachother and learn how to better handle things that arise. We have never been closer beacuase of all those wedding related fights and I truly believe you will be the same.

See if there is any room for discussion. See if perhaps there is a meeting ground between you. Just realize you are so much stronger together as a team and when both of you are happy. It is much easier said than done but you will find your way. If not now then later at your lakeside wedding.

Re: I believe the wedding has been called off :(

Aww chin up! The wedding might have been called off, but it seems to me that your FH is focuing on the important part - the relationship. There is no harm in canceling the 'big wedding' and having something more intimate , it will be equally beautifu. And its a great sign that your FH feels as though he wants to be sure of everything and focus on the three of you by living together first - to me that is a very positive sign

Wishing you the best of luck.. and remember that its not the 'wedding' that is important, its the relationship .. The family you will have with you, your son and your fiancee is what truly matters