Re: I may not be posting for awhile...i'll let you know what happens.**UPDATED**(A LITTLE LONG)

Im so sorry to hear what has gone on. Im sorry you had to go through this. I am happy to see wedding back on. I havent been on so much my self so i am little delayed. It is great that you two were able to communicate and work things out. SO THE WEDDING of the YEAR is back on. lol CONGRATS good luck. thanks for everything

Re: I may not be posting for awhile...i'll let you know what happens.**UPDATED**(A LITTLE LONG)

I have been thinking about you all day... and I am so happy that things worked out.

I am glad that you discussed it calmly at dinner and ya see... it all worked out!

I AM TRULY SO HAPPY FOR YOU, GOOD LUCK!

Mwah!

Re: I may not be posting for awhile...i'll let you know what happens.**UPDATED**(A LITTLE LONG)

I was wondering how things were turning out??! I'm glad you're back

Re: I may not be posting for awhile...i'll let you know what happens.**UPDATED**(A LITTLE LONG)

So happy for you Nic,

Re: I may not be posting for awhile...i'll let you know what happens.**UPDATED**(A LITTLE LONG)

I'm glad things are working out for ya Nic!

Re: I may not be posting for awhile...i'll let you know what happens.**UPDATED**(A LITTLE LONG)

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Posted by JIFFY

To make this short- I may not be posting for a while. There may not be a wedding. This FMIL stuff is really hitting the fan and it's either me or her. Last night we had a huge discussion which turned into an argument. We called the wedding off. An hour later had another discussion and it was back on. I don't feel comfortable with that. I think we just put a band aid on it without really dealing with the issue. So tonight i'm pulling the band aid off and you know how much that hurts.

The problem is that FMIL has mental problems. For real and everyone has delt with it thier entire life. I'm sorry, mental or not, that is no excuse for her behavior and her not respecting boundaries. Lets put it this way- FH needs to stick with me on decisions we will make. If he is unwilling then I am leaving. I'm not going to deal with her antics for the rest of my life.

Everyone have a great day and I will be in touch with you all. Thank you for your support and all your help. I will let you know either tonight, tomorrow, or in a couple of days what happens.

Nic

**UPDATE**

First I want to thank everyone for all the posts, FM's and emails I received. While FH was out for a bit I read all the posts. What I decided to do was to make dinner and have that 'mother' discussion. (Most of you know that I don't cook ) There was a lot of tention between us for most of the day. So the dinner kind of eased that a little. After we ate we sat at the table for about 3 to 4 hours discussing lots of things.

The most important thing that I wanted to address was him saying that I act like a biatch to his mother. I told him all the things she says and does behind his back to me when he is not around. When he's there she is all.....I love you, I love Nicole my FDIL. blah blah blah! But as soon as he leaves I get the digs. Then to back that up with some proof I told him the towel story. Before I tell you that story I just want you to know that we bought his mothers house. The house he grew up in. That too is also a long story but she manipulates everyone into doing what she wants.

When FMIL owned the house she would fold and hang three little towels on the towlbar next to the toilet. I don't do that. I hang them on three little hooks across the room. I do this bc everytime someone washes thier hands and drips on the toilet seat I don't know if it is water or pee so I have to spray it down and wipe it off. If no towels are there then i know someone missed and I need to wipe the seat. When she comes here she hangs the towels back on the bar. I walk into the bathroom and i'm like...no f-ing way. So I put them back where I had them. I go in there later on and they are folded back on the bar. She had done this since May. He told me he noticed that. So proving that I wasn't just being a disgruntled fiance who is jealous of living in the mothers old house. THIS IS NOT HER HOUSE! it's OUR house.

I told him that I come first to him and he comes first to me. WE are each others family now. Just like when our parents got married and started thier family- we are now each other's family and everyone else comes second. When we have children we still come first and the children come second. The best way to show the children you love them is to love your spouse. I told him the importance of sticking together on issues. I seriously do not want children bc of this woman. She is manipulative, self centered, self absorbed, and she def sticks her nose in where it dosen't belong.

I agreed to be more hospitable and nicer if he will implement some rules and boundaries with her..together. She does not understand the concept of boundaries. Pretend you are dealing with a 5 year old child in an adults body. That is what it is like. So here are my 'rules'.
- She is never to come into the bedroom anymore. Ever! It is off limits. If she knock on the door and dosen't get an answer then she needs to walk away. Not keep pounding on the door. When my head pounds the only thing I can do is lay down.
- She in not to expect to stay here every time she comes into town. (which is every other weekend) And our house is not a congregating area. If she wants to see her sons then do it in thier apartment.
-She is never to be in the house unsupervised or alone with his stepdad. She snoops through my stuff and leaves the door wide open when I have continually told her to close it bc of the cat. I don't want the cat out. One day she left the screen door wide open and left. I found the cat hiding in the corner. (after I was hysterical crying and tearing the house apart looking for her)
- She is not to call here every day, 3-5 times a day. Once a week is sufficient unless there is a death.

I told FH that I didn't think that was alot to ask for and he agreed with me on every point. He said that if we had bought a different house that things would probably be different. She hates the dining room. (it's in my album) But too bad bc she dosen't live here.

Now the only thing that has to be done is the actual doing of those things. I'm scared. I really am. I know that someone had said that I am incensitive but in actuality I am highly sensitive to myself, people, and thier feelings. If I wasn't I couldn't read cards or be a medium. But don't mistake my not putting up with cr@p for insensitivity. There is a huge difference and I know that if I let this woman continue doing what she is doing then she is going to keep doing it and the harder it will be to break. It's either now or never. I do understand her mental problems. Believe me when I tell you I do but that is no excuse for being selfish. I really can't begin to tell you the horrible things this woman has said about people she loves. To the point where I have to tell her that she needs to stop bc it's inappropriate.

So, the wedding is back on with a clear understanding between me and Greg that it's the two of us and we stick together. There will come a day when the only people we will have is each other.

Thanks again girls for letting me vent and for all your responses. I read each one of them very carefully and did take all your advice into consideration. I think this had to happen in order for us to deal with the situation. I know that no one will come between us as long as we stick together!

MUAHHHH!!!!! and to all!!!! XOXOXO Nic

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I'm happy that everything is fix and that you guys are still on for the wedding. I wish you guys the best i know how it is to have a mother in law in your business. I put up rules too but they didn't work. I don't want my fiancee to stop talking to her or see her when ever i want becuase it doesn't work. With time they get tired of that and it can turn around and bite you in the ... If you demand so much from him. His feelings will change little by little becuase he will feel sad that he is restricted to doing something he has always been around for all his life. That is my opinion and my testimony.

Re: I may not be posting for awhile...i'll let you know what happens.**UPDATED**(A LITTLE LONG)

wow- good for you standing up for yourself! and I'm glad Greg is behind you.... you are right when you say that you are each other's family. just give the 'rules' some time to set in .... it might be hard, there may be more arguments, he might feel torn in the middle- but you'll be okay.. just think- everything after this will seem like cake!!

so glad to hear about the wedding be back on!!

Re: I may not be posting for awhile...i'll let you know what happens.**UPDATED**(A LITTLE LONG)

Nic...

I don't know you yet but I just read your entire post and let me first say that I am sorry that you are going through this during what should be one of the happiest times of your life... your engagement!!
From what you wrote it seems like you are handeling things well.. My only advice to you is to do what you have to do to handel the situation, and then to make sure you take the time to spend time with your FH and enjoy your engagement... Don't let it pass you by without enjoying it... You deserve to enjoy every day of your engagement and go into your wedding day stress free...

Good luck with everything!!!

Re: I may not be posting for awhile...i'll let you know what happens.**UPDATED**(A LITTLE LONG)

I hope it all works out, I think all the rules you set are good, I just hope that they can be enforced....

ETA: I think that your dining room looks MUCH MUCH MUCH BETTER!!!!!!!!!1

Re: I may not be posting for awhile...i'll let you know what happens.**UPDATED**(A LITTLE LONG)

I am so glad you guys talked and everything worked out. You did it the right way and I am so happy you are back on good terms.

Re: I may not be posting for awhile...i'll let you know what happens.**UPDATED**(A LITTLE LONG)

First of all.. I missed this WHOLE thing yesterday. I am glad that Greg and you hit some solid ground and I really hope that he is able to implement the ground rules that you both have set.

GOOD LUCK!

Re: I may not be posting for awhile...i'll let you know what happens.**UPDATED**(A LITTLE LONG)

Hi Nic,

I am sooo sorry you were/have to go through all this ~ Your FMIL sounds like my mother... Hang in there kiddo things will get better ~ stick to your rules! They sound as if you stick to them things will go a lot smoother! Good Luck and I will be praying for you that everything works out possitively!