Re: Inviting people to the church only?

I know what you mean about including your family and friends first. God knows I would do the same thing too. I know because my friend was in that same situation, and people were talking about her left and right. People might just get a little offended.

Re: Inviting people to the church only?

I have friends, mainly sorority sisters and old co-workers of mine that asked if it was okay to come to the church, and I said - absolutely, and I would be honored. I'm going to spread the word via 'mouth' rather than sending out invitations.

Re: Inviting people to the church only?

---

Posted by ML110

i understand what you mean... i got married in june- i had worked for one school year at a school, and i was close to my coworkers, but not close enough to invite them to reception and pay all that $$$.... a few of them had asked if they could come to the ceremony, and i had a few extra invites, so i handed them each an invite without a reception card one mornign at work, and said ' i would love if you could make it to the ceremony'. this was only about a week or so before the wedding... they were all really excited to see what the invites looked like, and to officially be ' invited' to the ceremony, instead of feeling like they invited themselves. i jsut did it in a casual, informal way- i wasn't super close with them, so none of them were offended at all, in fact like i said, they were excited, and most of them ended up coming.

---

I think that's a great idea!! Either that or by word of mouth I think would be the best way to invite people.

Re: Inviting people to the church only?

I understand where you are coming from.

I wish I had the option of inviting some people to the ceremony and not the reception - but since they are in the same location and immediately following eachother... now THAT would be rude. I can just imagine someone having to usher them all out!

I think a separate, less formal invite for those ceremony-only-guests would be appropriate.

Re: Inviting people to the church only?

I personally would not be offended if I was only invited to the church and not the reception if I had no relation to the Bride/Groom. If it was a cousin/close friend, I would definitely be offended and probably not bother to attend at all.

I say give ceremony invites and leave out the reception card, since these ppl are not relatives/dear friends of you and your FH.

Re: Inviting people to the church only?

actually, when i was looking up my 'Shakespearean theme' I read that the church typically reads the 'crying of the bans' for three weeks prior to the ceremony during mass.

historically this was so if anyone had a problem with either family, it could be brought to light and settled before the wedding.

I could have my priest 'announce' it as a church event, and then let people come on their own..and no one should feel bad.

then again, then they will figure out that they weren't invited at all!

Re: Inviting people to the church only?

I have to say...my honest opinion...that I would never invite a guest to the ceremony only, even if there were some sort of a tea to follow....

It is better to not invite someone at all rather than a half way invitation...your intentions are good-but think about the people who would receive a ceremony only invite. They would wonder 'hmmm why is it ok to be at the church but not the reception'. I would think this if it happened to me....all or nothing! Thats my opinion.

Re: Inviting people to the church only?

---

Posted by JessicaM.

then again, then they will figure out that they weren't invited at all!

---

your never going to please all of the people all of the time - no matter what you do. So please yourself and fh and do what you both feel is right.

ETA - I just re-read this and it almost seems dirty!

Re: Inviting people to the church only?

Jess, I just wanted to add this:

I would not be offended if you invited me to the Church Only - actually, I was planning on coming - invitation or not!

Re: Inviting people to the church only?

---

Posted by ChristineAE

Jess, I just wanted to add this:

I would not be offended if you invited me to the Church Only - actually, I was planning on coming - invitation or not!

---

Thank you Christine...you know where I stand on that one.

Re: Inviting people to the church only?

---

Posted by itslaurie.

---

Posted by JessicaM.

then again, then they will figure out that they weren't invited at all!

---

your never going to please all of the people all of the time - no matter what you do. So please yourself and fh and do what you both feel is right.

ETA - I just re-read this and it almost seems dirty!

---

that's my kind of post!

thanks though. that is a very good point.

Re: Inviting people to the church only?

I dont think i would send them an invite without a reception card, but maybe a verbal invite or a separate like , for lack of a better word, flyer inviting people to the church is fine

At my school when there is a wedding they post a computer printout in the main office inviting the faculty to attend the ceremony and the info and those who want to go, go

Re: Inviting people to the church only?

I just had to add this: (JUST MY HONEST OPINION)

WHAT IS GOING ON????????????????????

I might be alone in this but, when did folks start FOCUSING on the reception and not on the ceremony? Isn't that what's at hand here? Isn't that the more important aspect of the entire thing?

I would personally be more HONORED to be invited to a ceremony than a party. I'm not religious or anything, but that's when the vows take place - and personally, that's more intimate than it gets in my book. For a couple to share something like that is more important than some free food, music, and dancing.

Wow. I'm just shocked how 'etiquette' dictates and rules, losing all focus on what is actually more important.

ETA: spelling - still think I missed some though

Re: Inviting people to the church only?

---

Posted by ChristineAE

Jess, I just wanted to add this:

I would not be offended if you invited me to the Church Only - actually, I was planning on coming - invitation or not!

---

Me too! But you knew that already!

In my opinion, I would be honored to be invited to a couple's ceremony only. I have gone to a few ceremonies only and not the reception. Never once did it bother me.

Re: Inviting people to the church only?

If people who are not invited to the reception would like to go to the ceremony, then they will ask you for the information. I do not think there is a need to send invitations or even initiate the invitation.

Re: Inviting people to the church only?

Jess-I know you're going to do whats right for you but here is another idea on how to spread the word...you know those Sunday Mass pamphlets...have them print an announcement of your wedding ceremony the Sunday before...that way all the holy people will know!

Re: Inviting people to the church only?

Jess: I totally hear what you are trying to do & I think if that is what you & FH want then do it..YOUR DAY...YOUR WAY!

But this topic makes me think of another question: What about the people who respond 'NO' but then come to church??? That has annoyed me at other people's weddings. It makes me wonder why they couldn't come to the reception.

NOT trying to hijack your post, but it makes me wonder.

Re: Inviting people to the church only?

---

Posted by JessicaM.

thanks for answering everyone.

I am not really a stickler for 'etiquette' myself. I like to do what is right for those around me, and to me etiquette does not always equal the right thing, especially since the 'rules' are very generic.

that being said, no, I am not completely comfortable with only inviting people to the church, but I am less comfortable excluding them entirely....

what is more of a slight, to invite them only to the church or not inviting them at all?

also, the people I am thinking of do not have a major connection to me or fh...they are mostly just people affiliated with our church and that know his family through the church. other than that, they don't really socialize.


thanks again.

---

I don't know if this helps, but i have been asked way in advance by congregation members to please inform them of my ceremony time.

I will be putting it in the monthly messenger that gets mailed to the congregation and also in one or two weekly messengers that you get when you attend the mass. Maybe you can do something like that? Then you don't have to worry about 'forgetting' someone or getting their addresses or handing invites to people. hope it helps and i thinkyour intentions are great

Re: Inviting people to the church only?

---

Posted by tracy2246

If that is what you want do have happen..then go for it. That would be nice to have something set up after...but JMO I think that some people may feel 'slighted' only being asked to see you at the ceremony and not attend the reception.

---

I agree. I think they may be hurt if they are not invited to the reception. And to be honest, I have never heard of doing this. Good luck with whatever you decide though

Re: Inviting people to the church only?

---

Posted by ChristineAE

I just had to add this: (JUST MY HONEST OPINION)

WHAT IS GOING ON????????????????????

---

it is a neverending conflict...

how people WOULD feel vs. how they SHOULD feel