Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

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Posted by 2009wedding

I AM NOT CHANGING MY DATE!!!!

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And neither should your cousin have to.

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

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Posted by missliss

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Posted by 2009wedding

I AM NOT CHANGING MY DATE!!!!

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And neither should she.

Can I ask how old you and your FH are?

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I didn't think she *should* but if getting married first was very important to her it's an option. Along with talking to the cousin (about how she feels generally, and possibly switching the cousin's date if that is an option), and family members (to make sure they will come to both, or at least hers).

In the end the only date she has control over changing is her own. Hopefully this can be worked out without either side having to change their date.

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

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Posted by bluegreen08

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Posted by missliss

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Posted by 2009wedding

I AM NOT CHANGING MY DATE!!!!

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And neither should she.

Can I ask how old you and your FH are?

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I didn't think she *should* but if getting married first was very important to her it's an option. Along with talking to the cousin (about how she feels generally, and possibly switching her date if it's that important to her), and family members (to make sure they will come to both).

In the end the only date she has control over changing is her own. Hopefully this can be worked out without either side having to change their date.

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I meant I don't think her cousin should either. I think I just typed wrong She is adamant about not changing her date but feels her cousin should change hers and I don't think that's right. She doesn't 'own' a certain time period in which to exclusively hold her wedding. I don't know, just my opinion.

I don't really think there's anything that has to be worked out other than moving on and planning her own wedding.

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

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Posted by 2009wedding

I AM NOT CHANGING MY DATE!!!!

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then dont' change it.

when you have a long engagement---be prepared for lots of drama. ppl have a longer time to give you trouble.

as for your cousin--it sux...but it is what it is. theres no point in getting all worked up about it if theres nothing you can do. to try and have someone 'talk her out' of her date -- well that might be a bit much. ppl who want to go to your wedding WILL go--its that simple. don't get upset over the idea of 'what if they can't go to both' its not worth the effort. just plan your day and thats it.

as for your dad--saying he won't go--call the bluff. ppl tend to try and bully you with your guest list for the wedding. if someone says 'well if you don't invite so-and-so i'm not going' or 'if uncle bob comes i'm not going'....that is extremely selfish, rude and beyond controlling. NO ONE tells me who i can and can not have at an event that my DH and i were paying for. when someone says somethign like that to you, just say 'well i'm sorry you feel that way...but this isn't your choice...its ours. if you don't want to attend, you will be missed' done deal..case closed

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

All the important people will be at your wedding. The ones you truly care about and truly care about you will be there so dont stress at all.

Some people are crazy just because you get engaged one year doesn'tmean no one else can I cant believe your family made you feel unwelcome at there engagement party because you got engaged ***k them seriously

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

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Posted by 2009wedding

My mother talked to my grandfather since my cousin lives upstairs from my grandparents and thought maybe he could talk them out of Oct 2008. My Grandfather said Jamie has been obsessed with weddings since she was a child and Melinda(me) hasn't. I felt like I do everything for my grandparetns and this is what I get. My cousin doesn't even pay them the rent the she is suppose to pay them instead she uses her rent money for tattoos and whatever other crap she buys. Then I told my parents I am not inviting certain people to our wedding and my Dad answered with then I am not going to your wedding if you do not invite everyone. I was very hurt by that. Things just keep getting worse. Now I do not know what to do. I was thinking about calling up my cousin and talking to her.

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I understand that you are upset, but this is HER wedding! I H IGHLY doubt she's doing this on purpose. Do you REALLY, honestly, truly believe other people should have to plan their weddings around YOUR date?

She has no obligation to plan her wedding around yours, and it's not her fault that you chose a long engagement. That doesn't mean she, too, has to choose a long engagement. Maybe she's always dreamed of an October wedding. The fact that you have a date for early 2009 doesn't mean that she should have to delay her life plans for an entire year. She's not having her wedding the week or even the month (or two months) before yours. I don't see the big deal. The people who care about you will be at your wedding no matter what -- and if they can't make it for any reason, then you'll still have a wonderful day regardless. It's not about the WEDDING, it's about the MARRIAGE. The wedding is one - ONE - day in the rest of your lives, and it's over quickly. Don't create unnecessary family drama over it.

I would never call her up to talk about it. It's her wedding - be happy for her, as you want her to be for you. I'm shocked that you involved your parents and your grandparents in this, too.

I'm sorry to sound harsh, but move on. This isn't the end of the world... I would not create such family drama about this. You'll see once your married how unimportant this really is in the grand scheme of things.

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

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Posted by Kara and Todd

I understand that you are upset, but this is HER wedding! I H IGHLY doubt she's doing this on purpose. Do you REALLY, honestly, truly believe other people should have to plan their weddings around YOUR date?

She has no obligation to plan her wedding around yours, and it's not her fault that you chose a long engagement. That doesn't mean she, too, has to choose a long engagement. Maybe she's always dreamed of an October wedding. The fact that you have a date for early 2009 doesn't mean that she should have to delay her life plans for an entire year. She's not having her wedding the week or even the month (or two months) before yours. I don't see the big deal. The people who care about you will be at your wedding no matter what -- and if they can't make it for any reason, then you'll still have a wonderful day regardless. It's not about the WEDDING, it's about the MARRIAGE. The wedding is one - ONE - day in the rest of your lives, and it's over quickly. Don't create unnecessary family drama over it.

I would never call her up to talk about it. It's her wedding - be happy for her, as you want her to be for you. I'm shocked that you involved your parents and your grandparents in this, too.

I'm sorry to sound harsh, but move on. This isn't the end of the world... I would not create such family drama about this. You'll see once your married how unimportant this really is in the grand scheme of things.

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Well put - I agree 100%

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

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Posted by MJDoc12

as for your dad--saying he won't go--call the bluff. ppl tend to try and bully you with your guest list for the wedding. if someone says 'well if you don't invite so-and-so i'm not going' or 'if uncle bob comes i'm not going'....that is extremely selfish, rude and beyond controlling. NO ONE tells me who i can and can not have at an event that my DH and i were paying for. when someone says somethign like that to you, just say 'well i'm sorry you feel that way...but this isn't your choice...its ours. if you don't want to attend, you will be missed' done deal..case closed

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Very well put, as well

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

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Posted by Kara and Todd

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Posted by 2009wedding

My mother talked to my grandfather since my cousin lives upstairs from my grandparents and thought maybe he could talk them out of Oct 2008. My Grandfather said Jamie has been obsessed with weddings since she was a child and Melinda(me) hasn't. I felt like I do everything for my grandparetns and this is what I get. My cousin doesn't even pay them the rent the she is suppose to pay them instead she uses her rent money for tattoos and whatever other crap she buys. Then I told my parents I am not inviting certain people to our wedding and my Dad answered with then I am not going to your wedding if you do not invite everyone. I was very hurt by that. Things just keep getting worse. Now I do not know what to do. I was thinking about calling up my cousin and talking to her.

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I understand that you are upset, but this is HER wedding! I H IGHLY doubt she's doing this on purpose. Do you REALLY, honestly, truly believe other people should have to plan their weddings around YOUR date?

She has no obligation to plan her wedding around yours, and it's not her fault that you chose a long engagement. That doesn't mean she, too, has to choose a long engagement. Maybe she's always dreamed of an October wedding. The fact that you have a date for early 2009 doesn't mean that she should have to delay her life plans for an entire year. She's not having her wedding the week or even the month (or two months) before yours. I don't see the big deal. The people who care about you will be at your wedding no matter what -- and if they can't make it for any reason, then you'll still have a wonderful day regardless. It's not about the WEDDING, it's about the MARRIAGE. The wedding is one - ONE - day in the rest of your lives, and it's over quickly. Don't create unnecessary family drama over it.

I would never call her up to talk about it. It's her wedding - be happy for her, as you want her to be for you. I'm shocked that you involved your parents and your grandparents in this, too.

I'm sorry to sound harsh, but move on. This isn't the end of the world... I would not create such family drama about this. You'll see once your married how unimportant this really is in the grand scheme of things.

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I agree 100%

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

I didn't get my family involved my family got themselves involved get it straight before you throw stones. Thank you to all the wonderful ladies that helpped me out and were very understanding and to all you that were nasty and bit my head off about this I do not care what you think. I am hurt and very upset with my family right now and I am allowed to feel how I feel no one controls my feelings.Sorry if it was a bit harash

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

I'm sending you FM

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

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Posted by 2009wedding

I didn't get my family involved my family got themselves involved get it straight before you throw stones. Thank you to all the wonderful ladies that helpped me out and were very understanding and to all you that were nasty and bit my head off about this I do not care what you think. I am hurt and very upset with my family right now and I am allowed to feel how I feel no one controls my feelings.Sorry if it was a bit harash

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no one threw stones at you. you posted something and ppl just told you things you didn't want to hear....but don't take it that ppl are trying to crucify you. but you have to understand how the post comes off---the internet is tough because you can't tell how someone is SAYING something because its all in type---the way your post reads...it looks as if you think that YOU have the right to say that she shouldn't be allowed to marry before you...that is why some girls responded in a 'you gotta get over it--the world doesn't revolve around you'

its all about context -- and that is how the context of your words seemed.....apologies if responses are hurtful for you...but i think some ladies were just trying to put it into perspective for you.

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

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Posted by 2009wedding

I didn't get my family involved my family got themselves involved get it straight before you throw stones.

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I was unaware that I needed to read your mind.

Your feelings are always valid and are what they are... but my point is this: You have 2 choices now. You can keep creating drama out of this and cause even more rifts in your family -- oh, and not to mention ruin what should otherwise be a really nice, fun, loving time for you and your FH - OR you can just let go, move on with your wedding plans, be happy for your cousin, and stop wasting time trying to get your cousin to change her wedding plans because of your wedding.

You have every right to be upset, but what many of us are telling you is that this is NOT the end of the world and NOT worth causing so much drama over. Being engaged lasts only a short time - this is a special time that's not worth filling with anger, jealousy, and so much tension. You'll regret making a huge stink about this later on, when the wedding planning dust settles.

But... You're not listening to anyone who doesn't say exactly what you want to hear, so I'll stop wasting my proverbial breath.

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

I am listening to what everyone is saying so people are just nasty about giving advice. The other ladies have been very sweet, helpful, understanding, caring and honest. Thank you for your advice too next time please do not be so nasty about it people can be hurt by how you say things. Thank you again ladies for all your help

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

All these people are stealing your thunder I would be mad too.
First someone had to go and die 2 weeks before your party so no one could come to your engagment party then your cousin has to go and have a year long enagement in the race down the aisle. I'm sorry all this is happening to you. You better hope nobody has a baby before January 2009 nothing can steal thunder like a baby.

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

WOW this post is way beyond control here...
When we come on this site and ask questions and opinions we are all asking for honesty...and that is what we get, honest answers wether you want to hear them or not. If you dont want to hear what people have to say then dont post about something, talk to your friends who will be on your side and tell you what you want to hear. We are all honest people looking for honest opinions and willing to give honest answers...and thats the way it should be...

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

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Posted by 2009wedding

I am listening to what everyone is saying so people are just nasty about giving advice. The other ladies have been very sweet, helpful, understanding, caring and honest. Thank you for your advice too next time please do not be so nasty about it people can be hurt by how you say things. Thank you again ladies for all your help

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No you're not listening to what everyone is saying. You're listening to the ppl that agree with you. Basically what you're looking for is to vent and have everyone agree with how you feel. This is the real world, not everyone is always going to agree with you. If ppl disagree they are automatically nasty? I disagreed with you but was not nasty. I told you that you should move on and focus on your own wedding. That is not nasty, that is good, sound advice and you should take it to heart. You should focus all of the emotion on your and your husband and your wedding, no one else's.

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

hmmmm i'd say that the net-net is you can spend your engagment creating excitement - with everyone saying, 'i CAN'T WAIT for your wedding!!!
OR
creating drama, where they say, 'I can't wait for your wedding to be OVER.'

Its your choice but I think it will be an AWFULLY long year for you, your FH, and both of your families if you feel this way this early in the game, and dont to anything to stop the negativity snowball now...

You will absolutely find support and compassion here, but as others have said when we ask for opinions here, WE GET 'EM!!! I wouldn't want anyone to 'edit' themselves, sometimes we need a little 'tough love' thrown our way... (well at least i do for sure!).

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

I am listening to everyone and what they have to say about all of this. I am very greatful to everyone for helpping me. Thank you ladies for all being very helpful. All of the advice you ladies gave me helpped me thank you. You all are great.

Re: Vent.......That wasn't even the first thing that has happend since we got engaged(ADDED MORE)****UPDATE****

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Posted by 2009wedding

I am listening to everyone and what they have to say about all of this. I am very greatful to everyone for helpping me. Thank you ladies for all being very helpful. All of the advice you ladies gave me helpped me thank you. You all are great.

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Glad I could help