Re: 1/9/2003 QOTD What are the main reasons for divorce.

Natasha you know the saying, you can do bad by yuhself!!!

Re: 1/9/2003 QOTD What are the main reasons for divorce.

I was a little hesitant to ask it b/c I know many of us are newlyweds and we are on our high of life and we do not want to think negatively or of the what ifs. This is life tho' and I wanted to hear where other people stood on this. When I noticed that no one was posting a QOTD I said you know what let me just go ahead and ask it.

Re: 1/9/2003 QOTD What are the main reasons for divorce.

right back at 'cha, Shamma

Re: 1/9/2003 QOTD What are the main reasons for divorce.

To all you wonderful ladies...

I truly thank you all for your kind words. I truly believe that my situation made me a much stronger person. It wasn't easy, but I made it through and am so thankful for all I have today. Meeting my FI was so unexpected, I had swore off any kind of relationship and was willing to be alone and ok with it, but I am so happy that I gave love another chance. I couldn't ask for a better man. He is truly wonderful and my soul mate.

I wish you all the best in your marriages and a life of love!!!! You are very special ladies!!!
I look forward to meeting you all at the GTG.
Many to you all!!!!!!

Re: 1/9/2003 QOTD What are the main reasons for divorce.

.!

Re: 1/9/2003 QOTD What are the main reasons for divorce.

Thanks ss2002 and I'm also happy that you found your love!!!! All the best to you!!

Re: 1/9/2003 QOTD What are the main reasons for divorce.

shamma, thanks for posting this topic and to all who replied with their own real-life stories....that is a difficult thing to do...in some ways this type of topic is the most important on the board...not to downplay the whole planning process, but 'getting married and the actual wedding day' are nothing compared to 'staying married' (so i've been told)....sometimes i remind myself to always put as much effort into the marriage as i did for planning the wedding!

Re: 1/9/2003 QOTD What are the main reasons for divorce.

the 50% divorce rate is a bit deceiving...

it is true, but it you have to take in to consider that some people have multiple marriages and divorces...

so yes it is 1 out of every 2 marriages...it is not 1 out of every 2 people...

Re: 1/9/2003 QOTD What are the main reasons for divorce.

Erica makes a very good point about the divorce rate. I primarily practice in the are of family law, which means I spent a great deal of time getting people divorced and I have clients in their 30s who have been divorced three times

I also agree with Michelle that many divorces result from a lack of commitment to marriage itself. Adultery is a major factor in the majority of the cases I work on, but I also find that lack of maturity is a big player. I have seen many people who are immature beyond their years. It causes the break-up and makes the fall-out quite ugly.

I have also noticed a trend - if you get married in a courthouse then you are headed for trouble. I think engagements offer everyone a time to really prepare for the marriage ceremony and marriage itself. If you decide to get married, run to the courthouse and do it, you probably haven't thought about it enough.

And, if you or your partner are nuts, you'll probably end up divorced. When people ask me how I can get married after working in this field, I tell them that I am not marrying a crazy person and that makes a world of difference

Re: 1/9/2003 QOTD What are the main reasons for divorce.

Nanjoe, youre an amazing person.

For what you went through so young, and pulled through it, stronger than before.
For being able to get along with your ex husband for the sake of your daughter, that is VERY VERY big of you..AND for getting along with his wife.
Everything you have written about...

You truly are a strong role model and beautiful mother figure to your daughter. She will grow up and appreciate all this when she is old enough to understand it all..

God Bless you and thanks for sharing such a personal story. It really does make a difference hearing from someone who has been there, and not just from those of us that have 'what if' opinions to throw out there, that may or may not be realistic...

BIG HUGS TO YOU !
Youre the 'LIW' gal of the day !

(hey, can we start that ??? LOL - we're always looking for a new spin on these boards !)
I nominate Nanjoe !!

Re: 1/9/2003 QOTD What are the main reasons for divorce.

I second it Anna.

Re: 1/9/2003 QOTD What are the main reasons for divorce.

Anna... Thank you for you very kind words. You actually brought tears to my eyes. To hear such comforting words from a person who I have never met, really touches me. Thank you!!!

Thanks for the nomination also!! Very sweet of you and Shamma!! Many to you!!!

Re: 1/9/2003 QOTD What are the main reasons for divorce.

bumping for LisaT

Re: 1/9/2003 QOTD What are the main reasons for divorce.

thanks Shamma - this is a powerful thread.

I don't think I can say what would cause me personally to get a divorce. Its just not something I can even imagine right now. Both Al and I made this committment knowing there wasn't going to be an easy way out. Divorce isn't very common in our families.

I could say infidelity or abuse (very valid reasons), but I can't imagine Al ever lifting a finger to me except in a loving way. And he's not the cheating type. I've been with those and I can see the difference. He's much too loyal and not aggressive. I have realistic expectations - I know we'll hit stumbling blocks down the road, but I don't think its anything we couldn't work out.

I've watched the ups and downs of my parents marriage over the last 35 years. And there were some tough times where they almost didn't make it, but they did and they're happier than I've ever seen them. Thats something I carry with me to know that if there are difficult times, we can pull through and come out better for it.

So I guess I don't know what the main reason would be for us and I hope to never find out.

Re: 1/9/2003 QOTD What are the main reasons for divorce.

I think couples divorce because of infidelity,lack of communication or taking advantage of the other or money problems.Of course there are probably millions of other things that could go wrong but those are some that I thought of right away.I think marriage should be a partnership and nobody should be taking anyone else for granted.

Re: 1/9/2003 QOTD What are the main reasons for divorce.

Shamma - great subject!

I think all of the reasons you ladies are bringing up are very valid. I have another one to add to the list - family interference. A disruptive family force within the marriage can destroy it to the core, just like substance abuse, physical abuse or infidelity. It breaks down the trust within a marriage in the exact same way.

I can't say in my own situation that the threat of divorce was brought on by any other factor BUT the continual abuse by (and interference of) my inlaws. I've contacted a lawyer to start proceedings on two occasions due to it. Thankfully, we both didn't want to walk away from the marriage and decided to stick it out and work things through.

Re: 1/9/2003 QOTD What are the main reasons for divorce.

Shamee - I remember past posts of yours about the troubles with your MIL. I'm glad to hear you and your DH are working through it together

Re: 1/9/2003 QOTD What are the main reasons for divorce.

Shamee, long time no see. I am so happy you and your hubby are committed to sticking with your vows and your marriage. PS one of my hubby's best quote is that if you want your marriage to last you must move far away as possible from interferance. I wish you and your hubby all the best.

Re: 1/9/2003 QOTD What are the main reasons for divorce.

Just thought of another:sometimes people go nuts!

Re: 1/9/2003 QOTD What are the main reasons for divorce.

Yes interference is a big one as well. I must agree. I have a friend that is going through a separation. They have only been married a year. My SIL was like they need to move out and get their own place. The coupled lived in his parents house. I think the first year of marriage already has its adjustments and interference can just really ruin things.