Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

Hi everyone!

First off, 'If it appears as though you are on a high horse, it is because they are so low they have to look up that far to see you.....'



Second...

I'm doing better. I have decided to let this go as best as I can.

My fh is very sorry and embarrassed and knows he should have put a stop to what happened. At the same time, I know he was under a lot of stupid pressure and I know this woman was not an actual threat.

My father apologized for the fact that it hurt me, but refuses to apologize for it happening. He still sees nothing wrong with it and tells me I'm just being a baby.

Nonetheless, I am forgiving him. NOT for his sake, but for my own. I will let him walk me down the aisle.... I have yet to decide if I can stand the thought of dancing with him.

Point is...

Right now I am trying to put it out of my head. I am looking through photos, reminding myself how good fh is to me, reminding myself that this sort of thing would never, ever have happened in any other circumstance.

So if you want to help me, the best thing you can do for me right now is to keep me cheered up. I still want that magical moment when I walk down the aisle and see fh. I don't want to be thinking about anything else other than our love for each other.

I really, REALLY appreciate that so many of you were thinking of me!

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

OMG I feel so bad for you. My FH has a Bach. Party this weekend in AC. I have told him so many times that I don't want him to be around that type of thing. He has asked me why I don't want him to be around it and I told him it's because of all of the horror stories that he has told me before, when his friends have gone to bach parties. It is so disgusting that now the 'innocent' stripper at a bachelor party is no longer, now some strippers have sex with anyone that pays...which is a prostitute dressing up as a stripper. I feel so bad for you, I would just keep imagining my FH with a strippers nipple in his mouth. I have asked my FH so many times why people do things like that right before the holiest day of their marriage. I would prob. still marry my FH and not put it off just because I paid so much money...I know that sounds bad but this sort of thing would royally piss me off and I don't get over things too easily. My thoughts are with you because this should be your happiest time when everything is already planned. The part about your father bragging about it makes me feel sick. Please let us know how you are doing!!

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

Good Luck!

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

I am so glad things are better for you. I wish you the very best and a wonderful wedding.

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

Good for you, Violet! You'll have a beautiful wedding and I'm sure when you first see your FH that day, all you'll be able to think of is how much you love each other.

Far from being a baby, I think you're handling this in a very mature way and being a big enough person to forgive those who have hurt you.

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

Just read your last post! Glad that you are doing better!!! Just look forward to the wedding and the honeymoon...and I too would have done the same with my father . It's better to forgive than have it all bottled up. Good luck with all of the last minute planning!!

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

'So if you want to help me, the best thing you can do for me right now is to keep me cheered up. I still want that magical moment when I walk down the aisle and see fh. I don't want to be thinking about anything else other than our love for each other. '

You'll have the feeling, no matter what!!! I promise you!!!!!

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

I would be very upset if my FI did any of that and I am so sorry you had to go through this But I am so happy that you found it in your heart to forgive them. You are a very strong person

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

Your wedding will still be what you always dreamed...as will your honeymoon....Have a great time and enjoy it, let your mind only worry about wedding things! The way it should be!

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

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Posted by anne_nyc
As for you dad, I would be furious as well that he was part of it. Not having him walk you down the aisle though is pretty huge thing that could cause a permenant riff. Do you think you will ever forgive him? If so, think about maybe putting aside your hurt feelings for that day and working it out after the wedding.

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IMO what he did to his daughter is appalling. unless there is some valid 'excuse' (i.e. he has dementia and knows not what he does) i think it's very appropriate that she does not walk with him down the aisle. to me what he did to her is such a sign of disrespect, if it happened to me, i honestly don't think i would ever speak to my father again.

i personally wouldn't call these actions 'cheating', IMO they are just trashy things to do.

violetfairy, you are in a really tough situation. FH did come clean and feels uncomfortable about it, so there is hope as he has a conscience. i would be forced to disassociate myself from my family and MAYBE salvage something with FH. i would have to most likely call it off, or at a minimum postpone...

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

Violet - I truly do admire your strength. I think you're absolutely right to feel the way you do and I for one love that you are looking through photos and such. You'll feel that excitement - the butterflies in your stomach when you walk down the aisle - it'll be magical.

No one is perfect - that's something I think we're all reminded of each day (I know I am reminded constantly). But to forgive makes you a better person.


So how are the finals plans and details coming along? How was the dress?

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

Wow, this has been an intense emotional post. I hope that everything works out for the best. I think you have the right attitude in handling this. I also think that you and your Future Husband should lock yourselves in a room or go somewhere private and just talk about this situation and what you expect from each other moving forward and express any hurt feelings or thoughts that are in your head now, Understand each other, forgive each other, and from this moment on Respect each other. Put this horrible situation past you and leave it there, do not let all the other nonsense, your father, cousing, guy friends etc. get in between what you both feel for each other and moving forward, do not hold anything against your Fiance if you are willing to forgive him now - don't bring it and keep throwing it in his face, it seems that he is obviously very upset about this too.
I really hope that you guys have a wonderful wedding day and YES, Keep positive, think about all the good things - thats why you are marrying each other!!

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

Violet -

I just wanted to wish you the best of luck and we'll do our best to keep you smiling

IMO you have the right attitude and your wedding day will be wonderful.

And now that Violet's made her decision I don't think there should be any more posts about postponing, etc.

Let's just support Violet!!

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

I think you are absolutely doing the right thing. Yes, many of the things posted are true, the actions that were taken, were not in good taste, but although it seems horrible, they are not that uncommon for bachelor parties. I spoke to a bunch of guy friends about this topic and they said that these are the types of things that can happen, (only we are not supposed to know/think about it. ) Hate to say it, but it is a guy thing (not all of course) and they definitely do get pressure from the other guys and feel stupid to speak up for themselves. Lame, but true! Anyway, I wish you the best and definitely try your best to move on, holding on to the thoughts of it will only cause problems. You will have a great wedding and keep up the positive outlook!

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

Violet,

You're wedding is going to be gorgeous! I'm so glad to hear you've taken the high road and a positive attitude! The bottom line is you and your soon-to-be-husband love each other immensely... just the way it should be! Have a wonderful wedding day - enjoy every minute! Cherish each other!

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

I'm sorry you had to deal with this violetfairy!

For those that believe that this was ok for him to do because a bachelor party is for that purpose to get it out of his system, I disagree.

Our pastor, during our counseling, said that the bachelor/bachelorette party is a sort of 'letting go, saying goodbye' to single life. Even if you are single (as in not married) this behavior is unacceptable...it's degrading and I don't think you are being a baby over this. I'm glad to know that your FH admitted openly to it all. You are being the better person than your cousin & father by letting it go and dealing with it in a mature manner by settling it with your FH. I'd be just as upset if it were me.

I would not have had a problem had my DH had a stripper or gone to a club (I've gone to clubs with him!) but that's not what he wanted and his GM obliged. His 'stripper' was blow up doll with a tee shirt that all his friends signed and he had to carry it around with him into all the bars that night.

As far as your DH not standing up for himself....shame on him, but in my opinion, male friends (especially when drunk) can be so coniving and degrading and humiliating to get what the want to see....they got their jollies not from the stripper, but from manipulating your FH into what they wanted to him to do. I wouldn't call them friends in my book. Friends would have stopped if they saw that he was that uncomfortable or knew that it wasn't his character.

Your wedding day will be absolutely beautiful! You'll have the perfect weather and all will go smoothly. After you enjoy your HM, you and your husband wil lcome home and figure out how to deal with the realtionships you 2 have with those involved, but that's later. Enjoy what you have coming forth NOW...your weding day.

Your husband to be is an honest man and loyal....that's a diamond in the rough. Too many men would partake and then lie about it....he didn't. Be proud that you two are that open and honest with each other because that is the foundation of a good marriage.

God Bless and Best Wishes for your wedding

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

Thinking of you and wishing you well!!

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

if it helps you...my father was invited to my BIL's bachelor party DINNER (with BIL's father) the DINNER!!! but my father decided to go along with everyone to the strip club...

thank goodness my BIL took an extra 30 mins to get there and my DH was there...DH had to fight off all the stripper whores that were going after my father (I guess b/c the old men are the ones that have the money?) - telling the bartenders to water down my alcoholic father's drinks and then finally when my BIL showed up DH got my father out of there...


my sister, mother and I were MORTIFIED!!! Fathers should not do these types of things



I would think really hard about the dance situation - my father (an alcoholic) was so plastered at my wedding he didn't 1. hear that he was being called for the dance 2. REAKED so bad that I couldn't bare being next to him for the entire song 3. remembers very litte and had to ask my sister the next day if he made a fool of himself...(thank goodness it was only my mom, sister and me that knew he was sh!tfaced)

I hate thinking about the dance...i hate seeing pictures of it...and I fast forward the video...I was so upset right after one of our GM had to keep me from crying while DH was dancing with his mom...

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

I am glad you are doing better!

Re: WHAT IS CHEATING? Bachelor party question for all! EDITED... Explanation on page 2!

A positive attitude is the best thing for you right now. I'm glad the initial shock is over and you are doing better. You will have a wonderful wedding - nothing can ruin it for you.